Gidgit Von La Rue is keeping this blog going at the moment with her House Rules posts. Over to Gidgit:
So before Sharknado hits Brisbane (oh if only) we get to see Danielle and Ben’s home. It previously was built by the owner and it’s a mish mash of rooms and wood panels. The outside of it is even worse – but that comes later once the first team are booted (crossing every finger it’s Brian and Karine) Joh rocks in to say ‘yep this is the place you lot are doing – get to it’ and the house rules are revealed! To me there should be house rules – two lists – what TO do, and what to NEVER do in a million years! Not only that the shows steps things up with letting Danielle and Ben pick an ‘inspirational item’ for each room and I like this. Reno Rumble do it and I think helps lead the renovators on what style to take things – well that and google images.
Boofhead Brian and Karina are in the tent this week and kinda pissed they did not show us them suffering in it on the night of the storm! Carolyn Burns McTwitter told me they did indeed stay in the tent – but pics or it didn’t happen. Danielle and Ben have a mortgage over $400,000 and WHAT? And you bought that?? Jesus christ. Danielle is an artist and wants an art studio which is not that hard to achieve with so many rooms! Her style (because it’s not his, lets face it) is eclectic hip funky retro preppy etc etc. God the outside of the house is hideous! Matt is scared what they are going to find and turns out it’s the entire bug population of the Amazon jungle is living in the walls. I’ll get to that later. Ben admits they bought the worst house on the best street but dude – it’s Brisbane! (kidding Queenslanders) Oh ok the reward for winning last week is buying the inspirational items. I missed that.
Off trot Ben and Danielle and the teams check out their 70’s Swedish porn house. It’s not like any ski chalet I’ve stayed in and a log cabin house has LOGS – so Swedish porn it is! For the first time (in my shady terrible memory) it’s a two story home and upstairs is like a Swedish sauna. God I watched WAY too much Eurovision this past weekend. Matt picks up straight away they have termites and bingo – give that man a point. Why don’t they record this show in winter? Do everyone a favour! Corrine and Bronik discover Danielle is an artist and to be honest I preferred her pop wall art over her scenic art. The house is huge so it’s going to be a big week and no doubt Brian acting like a prick. Bronik and Corrine get entry, laundry and guest bedroom. Master bedroom, butler entry, halls and back entrance – Steve & Tiana, living room and bathroom for Cassie and Matt, kitchen, stairs and art studio for Brian and Karina and finally Ryan and Marlee get upstairs, ensuite, dressing room and downstairs dining room!
Tip – ALL the teams cannot stand Brian and Karina and join the club! So house rules time (I promise). The rules are as follows:
- Style our house preppy eclectic (don’t worry I had too google image it as well)
- Deliver us a mix of old and new one off pieces
- Make out entry quiet but showy
- Retain a hint of ski chalet in the living room
- Give us (in other words Danielle) a dressing room to die for
They may have also wanted to say they both HATE HATE HATE red!
So time to tag the keep items and Brian being the generous person he is tags ALL Danielle’s art so no other team can use it. What a doll. Cassie the crier and Matt are off to Masters to pick bathroom stuff. Day 2 and bring on the dramas. Time for teams to see their ‘gifts’ from Danielle…and Ben. I like all of the things Danielle picked and she obviously loves the artist Frida Kahlo! ‘House space’ fight time! This is always not fun. Everyone wants as much space as possible and with Brian in the mix it all gets messy. Already ‘stair-gate’ begins because the original stairs were not up to code and it messes up Ryan and Karlee’s floor plan! To be honest not sure why an ensuite is being put upstairs? Bit of a confusing design. Tip Marlee and all women – men listen to strangers over us! It’s part of their weird make-up. Tiana manages to ‘wrangle’ Ryan re the dressing room and Steve and Tiana also have to work with Brian and Karina and god help them!
Haha – Ben and Danielle are sent to a wooden holiday house like their own house – nice one producers! Demo time and demo is fun – get into Tiana you princess. Your dad works his ass off. Turns out the removing of walls etc lead to bug central! Tiana “bugs, they crawl’ – yep, they are not performing Swan Lake honey! It’s boiling hot, bugs everywhere – and THAT is why I live in the beautiful cold freezing Blue Mountains! Why is there just ONE master copy of the plans? Oh that’s right – to cause drama. He’s got bored talking to Ryan so goes to Steve to say a microwave needs to go somewhere – ummm, it does not have to be ON the counter! Mine is underneath next to my kitchen draws! Lovely – tucked away! Brian and Karina go shopping for the kitchen and bee-line in on a retro looking red and black stove – cross to Danielle & Ben saying they HATE red – especially red with black! Bam! Go for deep green in the retro stove. Oh actually it’s Brian and Karina – yeah go with red.
In rocks Carolyn Burns McSafetyHat to help out the teams and she really does have good ideas – hell, she’s a professional designer! STORM WARNING! Site is shut down, it’s all going to be like the movie Twister – run for your lives! Oh, all good -a bit of wind, heavy rain and some hail. We get that every second day up here! But turns out storm = SHOPPING! Woot! Tiles first and I’d be in heaven! Oh and Preppy eclectic does not mean every bright colour in the world! Ryan & Marlee are off to do some dining room shopping and yet another awesome shop! Show more shopping show so I can live through you! Day four, the storm is now sunshine and demo continues. Hey remember that made rush you all have last day – maybe start doing that NOW!
Brian makes some lame ass kind of ‘peace offering’ to Marlee by giving her a copy of the stair plans and wow – so big of you – dickhead. Cassie is freaking out…AGAIN! This girl really does not handle pressure or decisions very well at all. She’s always a mess! Brian and Karina have smudged soot over their faces ala Tim & Anastasia style ‘look, we are working’. Carolyn Burns McIdeas rocks in to give advice about the art studio they have to do! It needs a sink! Bronik & Corrine are off shopping at an AWESOME antique store. Bronik is finding pretty naff stuff while Corrine is rocking in a 70’s sex chair! Next up is Brian being Brian and rather than working on their OTHER areas – starts cutting down the stairs with Marlee, Ryan, trades and camera crew stuck upstairs now needing to them to all abseil down the outside of the house to get down? Karina did try to stop him in the most meek pathetic way rather than stepping in, slapping him and screaming ‘put that fucking jig saw down or you’ll be sleeping on the road capish?’ I kind of think she has no problem with how he behaves! Eh, water finds it’s own level.
Great thing is Brian asks Bronik for more space…guess what…SHUT DOWN BRIAN! As Bronik wisely says “if they were nice people who help out – I would have given it to him – he’s not!” Good for you Bronik. Join now the Bronik Fan Club by applying underneath this review. Just type ‘Member of Bronik fan Club’ and lets show him some support for standing up to dick head Brian.
See you tomorrow night folks! Don’t forget the wonderful River Cottage Australia on Foxtel Lifestyle Tuesday night – new season. And do not miss The Hotel Inspector if you have Foxtel. Alex Polizzi is my other girl crush other than Danielle!
May 26, 2015 14 Comments
Thank you Ms Gidgit Von La Rue for another sterling recap. Over to you:
Recap of the week of teams working in Western Sydney and girls crying, Brian being a delusional asshole and everyone running around like chooks without heads. Maybe a bit of ‘panic’ at the beginning of the renovation rather than last 2 hours of the renovation might have helped complete areas properly? Now Tiana is newly engaged/or married – so does not live in the family home anymore. Steve lives there with his new partner, 23 year old son Andrew and 5 yr old son Rory.
Brian & Karina have Steve & his partners bedroom and are truly making a right mess of it. It’s unfinished and what they have done sucks balls. They really did not have that much to do really compared to other teams. The single toilet they did was too small (even though designer Carolyn Burns McNecklace warned them it was too small) & they didn’t have to do much in there as professional tiler and plumber would have done all the work! So really all they had to do was the home owners bedroom and they fudged that up big time.
In comes Joh Griggs looking very retro glamorous and is kind of stunned at the amount of work they all need to complete and I don’t blame her. Cassie and Matt are doing Rory’s superhero bedroom and any 5 yr old would love it! Ok maybe not a girl. Ryan is getting the shits with Marlee for being out all day so Marlee cries. God these girls cry a lot. Man up…well woman up. Love it or hate it, Bronik and Corrine’s bathroom art splatter painting is certainly…red! Turns out the art was more important than towel racks in a bathroom! Woopsie.
Danielle is obsessed with bloody LED lights and glad she just used them in Andrews bedroom and not all over their other area which is the lounge room. Carolyn Burns McShocked is, well, shocked at Brian & Karina’s unfinished horrible main bedroom. Brian is beyond stubborn as usual and his wife isn’t much better. So some teams get finished, others don’t and it’s back to House Rules headquarters for the judges Wendy and Joe to wipe their designer eyes over the Sydney renovation. I’m expecting a lot of ‘well it’s just not finished’ being said A LOT and it is. Now remember they all had SEVEN days to do this. And not just on their own, they have the use to trades. I know it’s hard but really no excuse. Each team is not doing the entire house! (I can hear some of you saying “Oh I bet you couldn’t do any better” – agreed! That’s why I do not apply for these shows!!! I’m not nuts!)
First areas judged are Ryan and Marlee’s and Ryan has made Marlee cry about three times this week so still less crying than Cassie! They have the kitchen, the hall and the entry. The kitchen is huge, lots of storage and the judges find it hard to fault. They DO find fault with the hallway and entry which are unfinished (drink). Oh and Bally poster/artwork in a renovation show (drink). Up next is Bronik and Corrine’s areas of the main bathroom and dining room. They took a big risk with their artwork ‘shot in the head’ painting for the bathroom but the judges love it. Wendy loves the square table because it’s like a round table as there is no ‘head’ of the table. Ah not too many people do have those long ass tables you see in historic grand homes with Posh Dosh sitting at the head being served on by a servant – as far as I know. They love the bathroom and miss a few issues including no towel rack! Guess they had rose coloured glasses on due to that Aunt Flo painting?
Cassie and Matt have the laundry and 5 yr old’s bedroom and DRINK – ‘unfinished laundry’! I do also think all the teams took the whole ‘red, black and white’ WAY to literally! Rory’s superhero bedroom is cool and I disagree with their comments about the bunk bed. Bet Rory will have buddies staying over plus I doubt a 5 yr old is going to say ‘hmmm, just too cluttered with AWESOME SUPERHERO STUFF!’ Asshat Brian and Karina are next with their tiny weeny toilet with stupid light/clock monstrosity and horrible unfinished main bedroom. As someone said on twitter, I don’t feel sorry for Brian & Karina – it’s lovely Steve & his partner who have to sleep in there. I feel for them! The main bedroom is not just VERY unfinished but it’s badly designed with no taste or class. It’s bloody horrible. It’s really like Brian and Karina just phoned this week in – on their delusional no taste phone. Danielle and Ben have nailed Andrews bedroom and not just that pretty sure Danielle has not cried yet so you go girl! She’s a hard worker too so I’ll forgive she does not like shopping (weirdo). They have also nailed the lounge room with huge black leather lounge big enough for everyone in the family to sit on and what happened to Steve’s aquarium? Poor fish gone to – well, sleep with the fishes?
Time for judges scores and god damn Brian is completely delusional. Beautiful Joh welcomes the judges and the scores are: Team Tassie, Cassie & Matt = 13, Team SA, Ryan & Marlee = 12, Team QLD, Ben & Danielle = 13 (bit harsh). Team Vic next, Corrine and Bronik = 15 and finally Team WA, Boofhead & wench (sorry I mean Brian and Karina) = tent city (7). Hahaha. Now to watch Steve & his family check out their newly renovated house! This should be good. God Steve is a lovely man. I’m so glad he’s found a new partner. (Bet her and Tiana don’t get on!) Rory is STOKED with his superhero room of course. “Dad, this is the best room ever” Take THAT judges! They HATE Brian’s stupid clock/light tacky crap – can’t blame them. Then Steve finds his bedroom and is appalled! Poor guy’s partner said “I want the old room back” OUCH! 23 yr old Andrew LOVES his room so the only people in the family that got the shit room was poor Steve & his partner. They do love the new bathroom but no towel rack, Tiana HATES the art & Steve would have preferred the outcut thing with a mirror in the shower, not the bath (guessing so he can shave). Steve is SO appreciative and it’s touching. Ok – now score time from Steve & Tiana! Ryan & Marlee get 7, Cassie & Matt get 7, Bronik & Corrine receive a 6 (they didn’t love the bathroom as much as the judges it turns out!) Brian & Karina now & a well deserved 3 (be funnier if it was a minus 2!) and now Ben & Danielle who lets face it pretty much the only couple that finished their areas – so they get a 9! Woot!
Leaders are Ben & Danielle and bottom are Karina & Brian – welcome to tent city! This week is Ben & Danielle’s house in Qld in the worst weather ever and again – welcome to tent city Brian & Karina! See you tomorrow night folks! Also congrates to Guy Sebastian coming fifth at Eurovision! Great performance.
May 25, 2015 21 Comments
Thanks to Pablo Newton-Farley and his weekly series of interviews with reality TV contestants we get to find where they are up to. And you can hear him on mornings on Spirit Radio in the Pilbara region of WA.
May 23, 2015 11 Comments
May 22, 2015 44 Comments
Georgia, John, Jarrod, Amy and Fiona were duking it out for survival on Masterchef courtesy of John completely cocking it up for the blue team in the previous challenge.
Tonight they had to make five plates, four for the judges and one for themselves as they would be sitting at the tasting table with the judges. They had 75 minutes to make it.
John was making Chicken Roulade and he was having problems tying them up. And Marco told him they were tied badly and that the pan was not heated evenly. but even after he put it into the oven his roulades were undercooked. He plated up one piece each and Marco told him it was his best effort yet after tasting it.
Georgia was making Panko and Sesame Prawns and after a test run on her prawns which she over cooked it she then turned off the oil. Cue drama as she to waited for it to heat up again. However the judges loved her prawns and Marco said it was the best thing he had eaten in the Masterchef kitchen all week.
Jarrod was making Mexican Gazpacho with croquettes. It all looked good until he slipped and knocked over his croquettes and they shattered all over the floor. Now there was one croquette each but that was the least of his problems. He did not put vinegar in his Gazpacho and Marco criticised him for poaching the fish then pureeing it saying that was all unnecessary and the texture was bad.
Amy was safe from the outset as we barely saw her all episode. Her drama was whether she would be able to make 25 quail tortellini’s in 75 minutes. She did but then had to make a quick sauce which she was criticised for but the pasta was very good.
Fiona’s pies were under cooked and the pastry was mess. But the filling was good.
And this is what saved her from elimination, with Jarrod being told his time was over.
May 22, 2015 230 Comments