for those who have reality tv as their guilty pleasure

Kim and Matt are so incompetent they should be on House Rules with Jane and Plino from Tasmania. Earlier this week we had the bodgy insulation job and tonight it looked like the ghost of Pro Hart was haunting their guest bed room. Sure you can be a big fan of Jackson Pollock but splattering paint over a wall, carpet and a bed spread just looked like technicolour vomit. The only positive thing about it was it made Neale Whittaker speechless for 0.5 seconds. Expect it not to be there auction day. Matt was not happy when he heard the reviews from the judges. How judge Darren Palmer gave it a seven out of ten the same as he gave Madi and Jarrod’s and Lysandra and Alissa’s was a mystery. Maybe he had an acid flashback just looking at it and that was why he was so generous with his scores.  Shaynna Blaze and Neale scored it what it was worth a four out of ten each.

As Shaynna Blaze said “I would never buy a house  with only half of it carpeted”. Yep half concrete flooring and half carpet. Though it turns out Shaynna would buy a house with an ensuite with no door. Also one of the judges muttered they had cut half their market out by doing their room like this. I would have thought 99% of people would have been turned off by it.

Matt and Kim scored 15 for their room and it was the lowest of the five. Thankfully this series they have gotten rid of the chumps award but really they just about deserved to wear a dunces hat.

This was the contestants first room and sure it was only a guest room and bathroom but for apartments that are meant to be high end there was little that was deluxe about the bedrooms. All the bathrooms were fine but the bedrooms were all pretty ordinary and Bec and George probably deserved the win even though they have been helped by five hundred of their cousins.

Trixie was upset that Johnno and her missed out by half a point. The judges loved their painted wooden tiles. Neal had never seen anything like it done before and making the door higher was a clever touch.  They fell down on not having a door on their en-suite. Seriously have they learnt nothing from previous seasons on The Block. 

Shaynna revealed she did not have one on her en-suite so did not have a problem with it. However I am on Team Darren and Neale on this one and agree with Darren who said you need one for visual and acoustic privacy.

Madi and Jarrod’s room had an industrial feel which apparently is on the way out. Neale did not think it feels fresh and thought by auction time it might be dated. However they did liked the bathroom.

The judges really liked Bec and George’s styling as they kept it simple. They were not as enthused about the bathroom as Neale thought the sink was too hard and too angular but he did like the tiles.

There was a lot going on in Alisa and Lysandra’s. The judges did like the lights, but hated the eleven cushions. Apparently any more than five is over kill. See reality TV is educational.  However they did like their bathroom.    

The winner was Bec and George with 22 points beating out Trixie and Johnno by half a point.

However unfortunately for them their winning room won’t be remembered as most will remember Matt and Kim’s which quite possibly be the worst room ever renovated on The Block! 

What did you think of the rooms?

The Block on NINE week nights at 7.00pm.

Photo from The Block Official Website

It is not news that SEVEN must be worried about the ratings that House Rules received this week. It has got good reviews however they just can’t seem to get the eye balls on the screen.

Their strategy this weekend is to replay the first three episodes to see if they can get some viewers to tune into the important reveal episode on Monday night.  The first episode was repeated last night at 8.30pm, the second episode will be at 2pm today (Saturday) and the third episode at 11.00am Sunday.

House Rules sees a house renovated in one week and in the end the winner will receive not only a renovated house but also their mortgage paid off. No small prize considering some of the contestants will have $500,000 plus mortgages.

The show is fine as renovations shows go the pace is fast and their are some mini-dramas. Maybe one of the issues is that out of the the teams there are not a lot that the viewer can warm to. This might change as we get to know them better and learn more about them.

The American Idol finale will be on tonight and Kree Harrison and Candice Glover will be singing it out for the title. Also it will be the last time that Randy “the dawg” Jackson sits at the judges table.

In fact considering the ratings in the US we may not see Nicky Minaj, Mariah Carey or Keith Urban again.

American Idol Final on TEN at 8.30pm.

Got a condition that is a bit weird and a bit gross well there might be a reality TV show that might be able to fix it for you as Foxtel has announced a local version of Embarrassing Bodies.

The will be hosted by UK host of Embarrassing Bodies Dr Christian Jessen. He also appears on the successful series Embarrassing Illnesses and Supersize Vs Superskinny, trained in general medicine, infectious disease, travel medicine and sexual health/HIV, graduating from University College London in 2000.

If you want to know more about him here is a good interview with him from The Independent.

He will join Foxtel’s expert team of GPs as they dispel myths and break down the taboos surrounding these blush-inducing conditions.

“I’m very much looking forward to once more pulling on the rubber gloves and having a good delve down under!” Dr Christian Jessen said today.

Hannah Barnes, Foxtel’s Head of Programming and Commissions – LifeStyle Group, said: “Embarrassing Bodies is one of LifeStyle YOU’s most successful properties, so it is a huge win for Foxtel not only to have secured the rights to a local version, but also to have Dr Christian involved in this new production.”

EMBARRASSING BODIES DOWN UNDER will be produced by Shine Australia exclusively for Foxtel’s LifeStyle YOU channel, with production on the series to commence next month. 

The series will give an intimate insight into both the sufferer’s treatment and their attempts to cope with the emotional and psychological impact of their illnesses.

If you would like an appointment with the EMBARRASSING BODIES DOWN UNDER doctors head to www.Lifestyle.com.au/embarrassingbodies.

Back for the third episode of House Rules and first up a quick reminder of everything that we saw 23 hours ago including a flash back to Michelle yelling for her husband and was anyone else reminded of Throw Momma From The Train’s momma calling for Owen?

Teams arrive at the house and we get another reminder of the challenge the teams face and that the house has been divided into zones and each team gets a zone. Judging will be done by judges and the owners.

Cue oboe music as we cross to Jane and Plinth struggling with their bathroom and Plinth shows us how he dries himself in hotel bathrooms. Looks ineffective to me but whatever.

Nick and Chris’s team are struggling with clichés and Chris and his spanner in the works has put them one step behind the eight ball. They have to get their kitchen installed today or they will be in serious trouble.

Michelle and Steve know a thing or two about DIY and Michelle suggests she has heaps of spac filler for the big gaps. Michelle inspects the quality of Steve’s work and is unimpressed. Steve reminds us that they hold the Battler’s title and as a result they should win.

Amy and Sean up their cute factor to 15+ in matching singlets. And is that…yes it is…Amy has a black eye which she explains came as a result of walking into Sean’s hammer. We’ll assume this happened off screen or possibly last night at the motel and Sean’s hammer is a euphemism for ah…tool?

Minds firmly out of the gutter and off we go to Masters to watch Amy struggle with architraves. She calls for help and is this a new cool way of using the phone that I was unaware of?

Leighton says we need a plinth for the tilers but he’s busy working on the bathroom so Leighton will have to make do with someone else. Hi girlfriend Reese Witherspoon offers to help him but the best thing she can do is go away so he can get things done.

Disaster in the kitchen as the fridge is smack bang against the pantry. Chris KNEW this would be the case but for some reason kept quiet about it until now possibly so he could say I told you so to his brother. Ah brotherly love.

In one of those bizarre twists that producers come up with to stir up trouble keep things interesting, the teams are told they now have to book their tradies time using the same weird paper roster system that art students employ in their attempts to organise their group houses. This works just about as effectively as there are two pens handed out (read grabbed) by the two closest teams leaving everyone else to stand around and bitch as all the good spots are taken. Control freak Jane rushes in to book every tradie for every minute while husband Plinth stands by looking awkward. Nick has a little bitch to camera about the selfishness of the other teams.

Momma Michelle has a discussion with the designer and wow is she really that tall or is that camera angle? Momma tells her that it’s almost like the real world with real clients to work for. The fact that she is working with four future clients seems to have escaped her notice.

Small meltdown from Amy and Sean wins Caring Sensitive Husband of the Year by blaming everything on himself.

Caroline McCrave-Burger shows up again with her annoying hair to point out the major rookies mistake Nick and Chris have made in designing the pantry door to face the fridge door. Not sure how they can fix that but it’s nice of her to point out that they’ve made a huge mistake. Nick is in a positive frame of mind though. He thinks they won’t get judged harshly on the fridge placement since there are heaps of other mistakes for the owners to focus on.

Reese is sent off to shop to get her out of the way. Reese gets excited as finally she can give up sharpening pencils or posing as wardrobe side walls and provide some real value to their team. Unfortunately she is limited in what she can buy as Leighton has very firm ideas on bamboo. I have very firm ideas on bamboo and Leighton right now too.

People are exhausted and start falling asleep all over the worksite.

Next day and Leighton waves a saw at Reece’s head while ordering her to find mushroom mould. That’s a thing? Cute couple Seamy exchange a kiss.

Now my favourite line of the episode. Requisite hunky tradie explains that “just because it’s called self-levelling concrete doesn’t mean it levels itself”. Brilliant! Chris does another I told you so.

Steve aka OHS Kel is annoyed that he can’t paint due to all the dust. Perhaps they could ask Jane to vacuum it up again. Side note – I did wonder what the Tassie couple thought when they saw the footage from the second episode showing the two of them declaring they are not idiots interspersed with footage of Jane industriously vacuuming the bathroom while the machine spewed dust from the back.

Speaking of Jane, she is unleashing her creativity in true Mia Michaels style which means ignoring what everyone else likes and going with her own genius. She has found a small black coffee mug and threads it with some red wool to create the world’s smallest stupidest light fitting. No one can work out how to hang it but Mia Michaels thinks it looks industrial or edgy or something so it stays.

Michelle shopping now and has found very New York style chandelier for Jemma. She tortures a poor shop assistant by doing an interpretive dance of walking down a hallway.

Homeowners Jemma and her husband, Barry DuBois Jnr appear briefly on camera again to remind us who they are and that they are apprehensive about what might be happening to their house as there are very old people with very old tastes renovating it but let’s face it they have a 1970’s house built on a sand pit so they really can’t be expecting much worse.

Michelle describes her vision for the bedroom to Kel – bed, bedside tables…Kel wants a mirror on the ceiling and pretends he is only joking and right now I’m really wishing Jemma and Barry Jnr were flies on the wall.

Kitchen floor looks good. Beauty room looks good. Hall looks like a bomb site.

OHS Kel is sprawled out in the living room in Child’s pose having a stretch. Thankfully we are spared Downward Dog. He advises us that one of the disadvantages of being older than the other contestants is that they aren’t as young and flexible. Cheers for that.  Loving wife Michelle shows up to give him a wedgie which promptly destroys Kel’s tranquillity and the appetites of anyone having a late dinner.

Jane secures her position as most irritating contestant by wandering around removing people’s water bottles. Then its bed time for her while everyone else prepares for an all-nighter painting and assembling flat packs. There is some pretty sloppy painting going on.

Ad break and we are reminded that Celebrity Belly Flop is still screening and has anyone seen an episode of this ever?

The cold light of day reveals all the mistakes the exhausted teams made the previous night. Well everyone but Jane who is bouncing about loudly wishing Plinth a very 48^th birthday. Plinth who has aged 15 years in the last three days brushes her off. You’ll pay for that later mate.

Hall cupboard drama and Seamy threaten to have a melt-down but instead rally and decide to split up and keep working.

Kels lounge has turned up – well he thinks it is their lounge. Um who else’s would it be? Jane and Plinth’s bathroom lounge?

Leighton has a hissy fit at poor Reese who continues to grin bravely to camera. Ok I know he is tired but lay off your girlfriend mate.

And we end on a dramatic note as the back of Seamy’s hall cupboard has gone missing. Personally I smell sabotage. Has Chris stolen it so he can tell them I told you so when it turns up? Has Kel stolen it to provide a backing for his creepy ceiling mirror? Has Jane taken it to turn it into an abstract coffee table/bathroom mat?

We have to wait until next week to find out.