Rachel Zoe – just don’t turn around
Previously on the Rachel Zoe project: air quotes, tears, mini-meltdowns, overconfidence, under confidence, glasses, contacts and moleskin inserts to protect the delicate skin of Anne Hathaway (who clearly deserves her skin protected far more than, say, a mole does).
Rachel and staff go through the Oscars press and are cooing over the A+s that Anne’s getting until Rachel spots this in the NY Post: “pin-thin stylist… flipping out”. Cross promotion? No, nasty journalists! she fumes. Taylor tries to get a Zen thing happening but the set of RZs jaw and the tip-tap of her fingers tells us that she’s not going to let this go in a hurry.
In fact, she gets Rodger on the phone to vent. He tries to talk her away from the edge: “Just forget it, otherwise they win” he counsels. “They” being the “blogs” and other people who don’t know the truth. The truth!
Hair and make-up gurus Byron and Tracey have scored a coup – Rachel is hosting their salon opening and Nicole’s coming! We get a little bit of a tease about Rachel’s falling out with Nicole, but no real gossip. Taylor’s decision to be wear a leopard cocktail dress is apparently more interesting. We cut to Taylor, who confirms her dress choice and advises Brad to wear something slutty.
Rachel needs a new outfit for the party, so she heads to A Little Vintage to try to deal with the Rodger-imposed spending freeze. “I think a freeze? Is a little bit drastic. I think Rodger and I can compromise.” To Rachel, compromise means five things instead of twenty things. It doesn’t mean actually talking to Rodger to negotiate.
Parke, Rachel’s manager, phones regarding a Marie Claire story on fashion on a budget. They want Rachel to model for it. She looks as though she’s being told she’s going to be offered as a live sacrifice, but agrees to give it a try. Fashion on a budget – somebody had better tell her what that means.
Back to the party planning and Brad uses the word LOVE for Mary Kate Olsen at least half a dozen times in the one sentence. He appears to be sincere. Surely not?
Rachel’s on her monogrammed laptop auto-googling for bad news. She commits a basic PR fail by repeating all the sordid allegations that have been made about her in the past: starving clients, dealing drugs… well, you can google for the rest of it. Rodger’s trying to be patient but struggling to find a way to offer constructive help. He advises her to get a thick skin and sensibly points out that there is a lot of good with the bad. And then he sets the kitchen on fire. Just when he shows a spark of intelligence, he falls apart over a hot pocket.
It’s the Marie Claire shoot and Rachel is petrified. She loves creating the look, but not modelling it. Naturally she turns to Brad for support. Well, not just Brad. She has Adir for hair and Byron make-up; Brad’s there for the pose-striking. Rachel decides that she’s not only going to be the model, but the art director as well. She offers a slack-jawed response to Brad’s suggestion that she ties her hair back. Brad’s trying to style her, but both model and stylist acknowledge that it’s Rachel in control.
Taylor’s in the studio with Jordan working out the returns from the Oscars and she uses air quotes to describe Brad’s role on the Marie Claire shoot. In a neat edit, we cut to Brad who is explaining to the Marie Claire staffer that he is stylist on the shoot in name only. As an added bonus, we get to see pics of Rachel at college, pre-colourist and make-up artists.
Rodger is lunching with Jessica, a web consultant. He says he’s been sitting on the sidelines hoping that “it will get done”, that it would “take care of itself”, but that it hasn’t. “It” is Rachel’s media strategy, I think. Now it’s time for him to take the reins and manage the “digital team”. Oh, and to recruit a digital team.
Back at the shoot, Rachel has agreed to the hair back and is posing awkwardly in a green garden setting. Brad’s nervous – apparently it’s not going well. Rachel feels as though she’s having an “internal heart attack” – is there any other kind? – and Brad is settling into his role as shoot jester. She starts to feel the love from her posse of gay men, and tries a sexy look which is really just an aggressive underbite. While she changes into a baggy brown dress, Brad grabs a blonde wig and clowns around doing a Taylor impersonation. Sure, it cheers Rachel up, but then he MMSs it to Taylor who predictably cracks the shits.
The shoot is over, but the day’s work isn’t: Natalia-the-supermodel needs a dress for a party. Brad abandons his true love, MK, and leaps head=first into warbling his infatuation with Natalia who is “all the woman I want to be”. They squeeze her into a shiny silver dress and enormous heels and she is a pretty good sport, showing Brad some “French Vogue” poses to mess around with.
Brad wants to chat with Taylor about his outfit for the party, but Taylor has decided she doesn’t want to go. “I don’t like interacting with people” she says. Why does she wonder why she’s always stuck in the studio with clothes? “Taylor! That’s why you’re called bailer!” cries Brad.
Rachel’s being made up and doesn’t know what she’s going to wear to the party yet. She’s thinking red, chiffon, low-cut, Halston but it worried that the tabs will write about how skinny her chest is. Joey uses the “if you change your behaviour the terrorists have won” psychology and it seems to work better from him than when Rodger tried it earlier.
Brad was super-excited about his outfit for the party, but is less enthusiastic when he realises that Rachel’s outfit of choice will look very matchy – a red dress to go with his red blazer. Impersonating the Claus couple wasn’t his aim for the evening. He leaves Rachel to dress while he tries to style Rodger. “I would describe Rodger’s style as… straight. It doesn’t matter what Rodger wears, since people just talk about his hair.” In a good way, apparently.
Taylor is still coming/not coming/coming and the others are trying to maintain an interest in her fickleness.
Rachel comes out in a shapeless sack but Brad advises her not to wear it since she’s been getting so much – ahem – stick over her size. She then tries the red dress and the guys all acclaim it… until she turns around and shows her bony back. So it’s a no. “And now I’m stressed and late, stressed and late.” Brad calls out that he’s had a text from Marisa and the press are asking where she is. He’s not even joking. She finally emerges in a shiny, sleeveless number and looks pretty good.
They arrive at the party. Brad’s having fun and Rachel comments that he “enjoys after work parties more than he enjoys work”. That’s worthy of observation? Doesn’t everyone enjoy parties more than work?
“Nicky Hilton, Jordana Brewster, Tori Spelling, Lisa Rinna… who else do you need at your party?” Is that a rhetorical question, Brad, because here’s an answer you might not have been anticipating: Nicole Ritchie. How is this a surprise? It was only mentioned 40 minutes ago. Anyway, at least now there’s somebody at the party who’s skinnier than Rachel.
1 Hot Stylist, 3 Hot Trends – the Marie Claire issue is out and both Rachel and Rodger are happy with the spread. Rachel, the woman with her own TV show, says she’s never going to be comfortable seeing pictures of herself in magazines and I echo her statement: “Whatever”.
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