Hell’s Kitchen – Danielle whatever-her-name-is and the other two
We’re down to three chefs: Linda, Ade and Danielle and the previews are promising quite the Danielle meltdown. It seems her journey has taken her from meek to minx as she mouths off at Marco.
Before we get to tonight’s action and the next victim of the public vote, Claudia wants us to revisit the ditching of Niomi. Once again we see the four celebs lined up holding hands and Danielle interviews that the feeling was worse than being at the sacking table. Ade didn’t find it so bad; mostly, he explains, because there’s some sort of quantity theory of nervousness and Danielle was hogging it all. She looks as though she’s going to pass out when she’s saved first – apparently she was convinced that she was going to go. Ade’s reaction to his “save” was a holler and pretend disappointment, as he went to the back of the kitchen with a pantomime glum face and “shit”. In his interview he reveals that he doesn’t really remember the moment, he was just trying not to cry. Awww. As Claudia announces that Niomi was going, the others do look genuinely shocked. Danielle says that she believed Niomi would win. Anyway, enough recapping the recap…
The morning after Niomi’s departure, the celebs are in their kitchen, listening to Danielle read Marco’s letter. Their challenge for the day is to create their own dish for the Hell’s Kitchen menu. They are to come up with a starter or a main and they have 45 minutes to have a crack at getting their dish on the menu. As the contestants work on their dishes to a rather soporific soundtrack, Marco is watching from his office. He qualifies the outcome of the contest – if even the best dish is not worthy of the menu, it won’t be included. Nick joins Marco to watch the competition. And falls off his chair. Marco doesn’t laugh nearly enough at that.
Linda’s doing a starter, based on one of John Wayne’s recipes. Apparently he was a friend of her ex-husband. It’s a crab dip and not so much the Duke’s handiwork, as that of his wife, Pilar. Still, name dropping of that calibre should take her places. Except that when Nick asks Marco what it is she’s making, Marco’s response is “a brick”.
Ade’s mulling over the difference between special and good, and elects to go with good. It’s a salmon dish he’s done many times before and is “steamed in it’s own lemony marinaty juiciness”.
Niomi is still there. Huh? She’s making a pumpkin soup that was taught to her by her gran. I’m guessing that grans get as much Marco-love as kids do, so perhaps Ade had better start thinking of an old person to link his salmon to. Marco likes the look of Niomi’s dish: “It’s authentic, innit?”
Danielle is preparing sea bass with roasted tomatoes, spinach and aioli, which she messes up (again). Linda’s helping out and adds pretty much a whole bottle of oil. Marco and Nick giggle at this because the oil is going to thicken, rather than thin, Danielle’s dressing. What japes! And more fun for our spectators comes when Ade’s salmon sticks and he burns his hand trying to get it off the foil.
Here comes Marco for judging. Danielle’s is the first dish to be judged and it looks very plain. She uses “rustic” as a synonym for boring, which is a nice try, but way off the mark. Marco eats off his sharp knife once more. Linda reveals her crab dip and Marco finds it very nice. Ade says that his dish is not good, but Marco thinks it’s fine. Niomi’s is “usually” pumpkin soup but she explains that this is butternut squash soup. She gets in the Granadian Gran connection and Marco deems it worthy of the HK menu. Perhaps the public would have voted differently had they seen this part of her performance. God knows why she was judged without this. She chooses to name it after her nan – Marco gives her a copy of the menu and she’s really chuffed.
Claudia’s out on the floor with a guy from the Fun Loving Criminals and he wants to vote for Ade, being a die-hard Young Ones fan. Diner Melanie – who is a celeb of some sort, too – is also going to vote for Ade from his Vyvyan days. Bless.
Who is Marco Pierre White? According to Claudia, “he’s an enigma, wrapped in a mystery, wrapped in bacon”. Mmm, bacon… Queen’s “It’s a Kind of Magic” provides the soundtrack for the “who is Marco” clip package. We get “wizard”,”complex” and “irresistable” from Linda, “magnetic personality”, “sexy” and “cult” from Ade, “captivating” and “crazy” from Danielle, and a series of aphorisms and strange facial expressions from Marco. “It’s a full time job, 24/7, being myself.”
For some reason, our celebs now have to face another challenge: to create a dessert for tonight’s service. Ade makes Eton Mess, Danielle tries a trifle and Linda makes a meringue stack. Come judging time, it seems that Linda doesn’t know what “pudding” means. What she’s created does seem to fit the bill, but shouldn’t she have clarified that? “Sometimes, as strange as this sounds, I don’t know what you guys mean when you speak English.” Marco tastes a bit of her dessert and asks “what’s it called?” which… she doesn’t understand. Danielle and Ade can’t stop laughing as she repeats in a confused tone “whassa cold?”.
Danielle presents a “very alcoholic” trifle to Marco, and he makes approving sounds over Ade’s mess, too. He likes them all, but it’s between Danielle and Ade (so, not “all”, really) and it goes to Danielle. She now has to make ten. Ten? Marco asks Danielle what she wants to call it. “Oooh, I dunno. I don’t even like trifle.” “Well, why don’t you call it ‘I don’t even like trifle’ prepared by Danielle whatever-her-surname-is” suggests Marco as he stalks off. She cracks the shits and we see her out the back, telling Ade about the exchange that has her so riled. His reaction? “That’s unkind”. He puts Marco’s rudeness down to being a straight-talkin’ Yorkshireman. Well, it gives him an excuse to bust out a Yorkshire accent, anyway.
It’s time for the celebs’ party politicals and we start with Danielle. Claudia points out that getting on her high horse about Marco’s ignorance of her surname was odd, given that he doesn’t even know her first name. He calls her “Daniel”. Anyway, she wants to stay.
Ade also wants to stay, and I see a clip that must have come from an episode I missed. Ade, in charge of the pass, calls out an order and adds “and it’s for Jim Davidson, so you can fuck it up if you want”. He should stay just for that. He describes himself as the “fish bitch” and does a rather good “Linda, Linda, Linda I want my CRAB!” Marco impression.
Linda really wants to win as she’s a hard worker. She cries that she’ll still be grateful, even if she doesn’t win.
Claudia introduces another clip package, this one is on the theme of “knackered”. Scintillating viewing, watching exhausted people lurch around a kitchen, yawning and drinking coffee. Marco notes that when Linda is tired, she’s still working hard. Ade prepares the same table twice and then Marco calls some more orders and I’m not surprised that people screw up. Marco’s description of Danielle as “lacklustre” is apt. Linda tries to fire her up by burning her, but it really doesn’t seem to work.
An eccentric looking couple – one of whom is apparently Lord Bath – approach the pass. Marco tells them he has gulls eggs for them. At least, he tells his lordship about the eggs, but the old guy seems to be as deaf as a post and his companion has to bellow it in his ear. He smiles and nods vacantly.
What were some of the dining celebs’ highlights? Marco winding Jean-Christophe Novelli up about Linda’s age; Marco eating from his knife; the celebs all confronting Jody; Marco giving Jody a second chance (and Jody wasting it); Bruce Grobelaar quitting for his wife; Nick falling over; the diner complaining that he was given too much asparagus… ah, good times!
Gorillaz signals the end of service and a post-mortem of the Danielle dummy spit. Marco is laughing at her for sulking about her name and she tells him that it was his manner, not his ignorance of her name, that pissed her off. As Marco seems about to brush that off, Ade steps in to clarify that Danielle felt “belittled”.
Nick comes in with comments from the diners. Boring – it’s all “comments of support”. Danielle’s desserts scored 8/10 as did the starters and mains. Marco notes that they are getting better: “too many cooks spoil the broth”.
It’s vote time. “One of you two will have to leave,” announces Claudia. “One of you three?” Ade corrects. “One of you three will have to leave,” announces Claudia. The first person who is safe is… Linda! Facing Linda in the final will be… Ade!
Is Danielle gutted not making it through? “Not really… I’m just chuffed to get to this point.” Highlights package: squealing at eels, cuddling lambs, waiting tables, jumping every time Marco spoke… The biggest thing she’ll take away is all the stuff she’s learned about herself. She tips Linda for the win and we’ll find out what sort of tipster she is next week!
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