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Guest Post: Dinner Date – “It’s Okay-Hedge Hay Is A Rooved Almond”

By popular demand Brain Dead Dave is back with the latest recap of Dinner Date and the show and the recap is hilarious:

Two weeks since Dinner Dolt has gone around and I’m salivating,wondering if it’s as bad as I remember. It doesn’t help that the show starts five minutes late but wait here’s Manu garbling that the quest of Dinner Dolt is to :

“See if it’s pussy bowl to kook your way into someone’s art ” (See if it’s possible to cook your way into someone’s heart.)

The rules are so simple a gorilla could understand- which is presumably how tonight’s male contestant “Hedge Hay”,Manu informs us(AJ) found his way onto the show. Hedge Hay is about thirty, “in transport” (trucky) loves beer and footy..Has a heart of gold,apparently.Wants a filly to go under his arm to complement the racehorse interest he has. Hedge Hay reckons a “chicky babe” would top it all nicely and of course,he wants kids.His creative outlet is being a DJ /shock jock on community radio.

He chooses three out of five available menus and prepares to meet the women that have stumped them up. He’s probably gutted that pie and chips isn’t there but as we”ll find out Hedge Hay isn’t exactly forthcoming with his true feelings.

Nicki is the first of Hedge Hay’s dates. She’s blagged one of Maria Venuti’s animal print tops to showcase her ample cleavage.Big hair,.lipstick and mega white teeth. She likes Hedge Hay’s eyes but laments that he’s a shortass, adding that burping on a first date would be a big turnoff.

Nicki’s a professional entertainer ,a dancer. This is where Hedge Hay blows it and enquires if that extends to “pole dancing”. Oh,no…alll that effort on the candles and pillows gone to hell. She used to be a cheerleader for the Roosters,too.It can only get better.

Hedge Hay than drops real clanger about women (I think) that ends with the word”ar$ehole”. It’s not received terribly well.

She brings out some heart shaped food on a bed of cous cous. Hedge Hay was suspicious but concludes that he likes it. He lies about the strawbwerries that have been soaking in vinegar for ages and compliments her.

For the kicker, Nicki’s going to give Hedge Hay a sample belly dance when really, he should have been wearing a drink or two by now. But no,Hedge Hay perves his brains out and let’s out with an oafish “Do you have to?’ when Nikki’ informs him that she’s off to get her clothes back on.

Even though Nicki admits to being an are$ehole magnet in the past, she’s had enough and wind things up as quickly as possible. She scores hedge Hay 5 out of 10.

Manu comes back after an ad break. He’s looking more comfortable this week and has a wry smile on his face. He tells us ” Hedge Hay is a rooved almond” (Trans- AJ is a rough diamond) in a masterful piece of sugar coating.

Second date _Michelle

Not to be denied, Hedge Hay heads off in his car to the tune of Rose Tattoo’s Bad Boy For Love. We see him getting out,twirling a bottle of booze gunslinger style to meet Michelle,the country girl who’s gone to a lot of trouble getting produce from the family farm to make a lamb roast for Hedge Hay.

Michelle’s a fetching brunette. She’s been single for three years and this is her first blind date. Doh. The dinner looks great-lamb roast and an apple and raspberry pie. She’s into beer and footy and Hedge Hay goes for that. He tells us that he’s been caught perving at Michelle a couple of times and that she’s got a great arse but he’s still pretty hopeful.

Hedge Hay offers to help in the kitchen,knowing that he’ll be knocked back. He makes an appalling aside about stoking the mantelpiece. Woops,maybe Michelle didn’t get that one. We hear Bill Idol’s Hot In The City .

There’s some small talk at dinner but Hedge Hay is so busy eating he’s unaware of his sickening display of finger licking,knife licking and wiping plates with fingers.God bless the producers for recapping the footage for our benefit. It seems like Michelle is a great gal on a losing streak.Unbelievably ,she scores Hedge hay 7 out of 10 and even even contemplated seeing him again. Hedge Hay drags his arse out into the night,probably over the limit.

There’s an ad break and we see Manu some more …but not too much. He makes sure he mentions the elephant in the room – Hedge Hay’s appalling eating etiquette.

Third Date- Erin

Erin is a thirty something florist. She like footy and sitting on the lounge. Hedge Hay thinks that because she’s stumping up prawns,.proscuitto wrapped roo and a lamington cake, it’s going to be a big Aussie night and he’s moronically chanting Oi Oi Oi on the way.

However, things in Erin’s kitchen aren’t exactly going swimmingly. The food’s not ready. She’s forgotten to turn the oven on. When she has both the roo and lamington cake are in the oven at the same time. Even I know that’s a bad marriage of alaments.

Erin goes for Hedge Hay’s spiky Advanced Hair style. Erin reveals that she normally goes for bad guys and she hope this time is diifferent. Sorry,chicky babe. While Erin ‘s in the kitchen ,Hedge Hay starts rooting through her fridge,looking for beer.

What an ingrate for not bringing his own beer. I’m speechless. Hedge Hay continues to drop hints about beer until he gets one. He complains about starving as well. He makes some uncultured remarks about oyster and then lies about the kangaroo saying it was “different’,when he hated it. The lamington cake was a flop as poor Erin forgot the coconut icing. .

Hedge Hay’s other faux pas is to call Erin -Michelle and is in major damage contol when he lies to Erin about the food-“it’s absolutely beautiful -just like you.”

Amazingly,Erin scores Hedge Hay 7/10 “with potential’ and now it’s decision time for Hedge Hay. He goes for the slimmest blonde Erin who cooked the worst food.

We see Erin and Hedge Hay sitting forlonly at a deserted resort somewhere in the Daintree

Doesn’t look like they got it on but who knows?.

At the death ,Manu returns to dourly inform us that Hedge Hay and Erin have not seen each other since. Hedge Hay’s still searching for the Tigers/Rooster supporter of his dreams.

Thanks for the feedback last week ,fellow bloggers. Feel free to cover things I’ve missed.

 

22 comments

1 Paul { 08.10.11 at 2:14 pm }

Good recap BDD,

I said to a couple of fellow chauvinistic male twitterers at decision time, that I was sure he would go for the last one as she seemed the least fussed about putting out.

A horrible, horrible show that is so bad that its worth watching.

2 Reality Raver { 08.10.11 at 2:37 pm }

BDD thanks for the recap. AJ was a creep and hopefully by watching the episode he might work out why he is single.

Also agree with Paul, you just knew he was going to pick the blond, I think the Russian accent did it for him. Which is a positive thing as I suspect he is going to have to go on a Russian internet bride website to find a woman.

In the end I was glad he didn’t pick the lovely country girl – she dodged a bullet. I don’t know maybe there is a drought of blokes in the country as she thought his behaviour was fine. But then what is Farmer Wants A Wife about if there is a man shortage. She needs to apply for that show. I suspect there will be a few blokes contacting Seven today wanting to find her number.

Nicki was hilarious, but I don’t know why she got so insulted when he mentioned pole dancing, I was expecting nipple slip at any moment. And she was older than she said she was…

This show is awesome to watch after the renovation shows on.

3 davsimp { 08.10.11 at 2:43 pm }

Tuned in last night for the first time just to see what the fuss was about. Not sure if I could manage another episode, however I have said this before and kept tuning in.

WTF is with Manu? Is he playing up his accent or is he off his face?? He was not this difficult to understand during My Kitchen Rules or Dancing With the Stars. Speaking of MKR did anyone notice they played the theme song during one of the dates? Was the second or third one I think.

The blonde was playing up for the cameras. There is no way she would have forgotten to turn the oven on, surely. Why didn’t he choose the middle one? She forgave his appalling manners and they seemed to get on well. Hedge Hay was thinking wizzee wrong ‘ead.

4 Culinary Boner { 08.10.11 at 2:47 pm }

I didn’t get much past the Maria Venuti clad “dancer”, so thanks for filling the rest in bdd. Appears Hedge Hay was all class right to the end. The best part of this show – apart from the ‘Allo ‘Allo narrative provided by Manu – is the music. “Bad Boy for Love” had me chuckling and air guitaring at the same time. Just the sort of thing I want on a Tuesday night. But how the fuck can one be a Roosters and Tigers supporter at the same time? Does Hedge Hay like being hated that much? He sort of reminded my of one of the most apalling loser characters on a past season of The Farmer Wants a Wife. That WA farmer who lived with his mum and looked like a more tubby Shane Warne pre his Florian Thunderbird-Hurley incarnation. Can’t recall this guy’s name, but he clearly only wanted a wife as a full-service combo of mum (dosmetic duties, otherwise known as “woman’s work”) and the sheep in the back paddock (well, you know).

5 Anna { 08.10.11 at 3:20 pm }

DBB, you are in top form as always. Have missed your comments now that Monty blog no more.

Last night show left me speechless. The perving, the finger sucking the list goes on.

He said that he is one of 7 kids and parents got it right on #7, or some crap like that. Hell if he is the best that they’ve produced, hate to see what the other 6 are like.

Date #1,Maria Venuti’s wannabe, said that she is 31, hell if she is 31, then so am I! She hasn’t been in a relationship for 9 years? If she belly dances for them I wonder why….

The production crew did a fantastic job, showing AJ to be a neanderthal that he is

Date #3
With all his hints about the beer, she should have done a Ted Bullpit and told him to leave the money on the fridge

6 Confused { 08.10.11 at 3:27 pm }

I thought Jeremy Paul was going to be on Last night’s episode of Dinner Date?? Channel 7 has promo’d this on all the ads leading up to last night – then we get a completely different guy. Does anyone know what happened here???

7 Mia { 08.10.11 at 4:07 pm }

I’m still trying to unclench my face from the amount of cringing I did last night. AJ is such a slimy toad. Erin must have been very heavily medicated to spend an entire weekend with him.
I don’t know what’s going on with Manu’s accent. He sounds like he’s 3 sheets to the wind.

8 Pollywaffle { 08.10.11 at 4:29 pm }

Manu has demanded a case of cointreau per episode and thats just for the taxi ride to the studio. To shoot those episodes he is clearly hypnotised and brought back over the commercial breaks…. ” Non, non, non Manu, it was just a really bad dream”

9 brain dead dave { 08.10.11 at 4:37 pm }

Who would have thought Manu was a jus freak?

10 ange { 08.10.11 at 7:14 pm }

Aj was so gross. Licking his fingers & knife and running his fingers over the plate – disgusting! To me, it seemed as though he was just after one thing. I thought he would have picked Michelle – the fact that she still wanted to see him after his disgusting table manners is beyond me. I noticed at the end in print it said the last lady would never go on a blind date again! After meeting that sexist lout who could blame her? Thought the old belly-dancer might have gone for him but she obviously has a little taste somewhere. I don’t know if I could stomach another episode of that show.

11 Lebay { 08.10.11 at 7:37 pm }

I watched this with my daughter today, she looked at it for about 10 minutes and said ‘cooking AND dating! If they start painting a wall Im going to scream’. It was at that point I couldn’t watch one more second without my depend undergarments…. I dont think I will try this offering again.

12 Izobel2 { 08.10.11 at 10:15 pm }

Hey Boner I think the Warney guy from FWAW was called James. He was a shocker! Him and his dog and getting his 2 chicks to cook the barbie for him whilst he sat on his rear end.
Nice recap BDD. It took me a while to get the heading but I got it sorted. Hedge Hay was terrible. I bet the belly dancer was sooo hoping she didn’t have to do her dance, after setting up her romantic evening and then wishing he’d leave 5 mins after his arrival.

13 anonymice { 08.10.11 at 11:31 pm }

Great recap BDD! It was good to see that at the end of the show we found out if they saw each other again. Any one know how the other couple fared from 2 weeks ago? (“Italian stallion” and Miss “i’m really gonna pick a different guy this time (not)?”)

14 brain dead dave { 08.11.11 at 1:31 pm }

Thanks for your comments and thoughts everyone.

Unfortunately,Dinner Date will be screened again next week same time.

@Confused. I was expecting a different episode, too,with guitars etc. When I checked an online TV guide at ebroadcast on Tues arvo,the correct synopsis for last night(AJ’s debacle) was there.

My guess is that the producers have been shitting concrete about the longevity of the show and have shunted in a relatively good episode with a jaw dropping room clearer like Hedge Hay to get some ratings traction. ( Not that there’s much to beat in this timeslot.)

Can’t help with the Italian Stallions fortunes,sorry. He’s out there somewhere being traditional(making an ar$ehole out of himself)

15 Pollywaffle { 08.11.11 at 3:10 pm }

HedgeHay will be going on the Warnie Thunderbirds Diet once he cops a look at his carcass on the telly

16 brain dead dave { 08.11.11 at 3:31 pm }

Hedge Hay said his last relationship went for seven years. (He didn’t mention she died from exhaustion getting a beer out of the fridge for him).

Hedge Hay : “Actually my ex got a case of bad diarrhoea after we split up”
Maria Venuti: “Sounds awful!”
Hedge Hay: “Yeh, she didn’t know about it til she opened her briefcase at the business meeting in Singapore”

17 Culinary Boner { 08.11.11 at 3:32 pm }

One would have to hope that Hedge Hay has more luck with the gees gees than he does with the jiggy jiggy…but somehow I think not

18 brain dead dave { 08.11.11 at 3:47 pm }

Hedge Hay’s horse is bound to be a hayburner. You just know it.

19 RarelySeen { 08.12.11 at 9:44 am }

Thanks for the recap BDD, this is surely the best reality TV going at the moment. Hedge Hay is a little beauty of an ocker stereotype and I loved the Hungarian Belly Dancer wanting to be taking seriously dressed like that. Keep up the good work BDD, I will be tuned in same bat time, same bat channel next week.

20 Anonymous { 09.08.11 at 11:21 pm }

You people are all fuck wits and your website is as shit as all your comments, the ep with aj was by far the best and rated it’s head of. You tool squeezers must be so perfect you faceless cock suckers and you bdd wouldn’t know your arse from ya face dipshit. Grow a brain all of you ya pack of cocked up potato head nut bags.

21 brain dead dave { 02.26.14 at 11:40 am }

Oh, I missed this sophisticated contribution from Anonymous. Thanks for reading and good luck on your journey. You’ll need it..

22 PollyB { 02.26.14 at 11:59 am }

“cocked up potato head nut bags” – LMAO.