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Guest Post: Dinner Date – Watch Me Wallabies Feed Mate

Quite frankly I think the reason Dinner Date has gone prime time is because of Brain Dead Dave’s recaps, and again he has written another beauty.

Over to you Brain Dead Dave:

Flamin’ hell, I’m forced to endure five minutes or so of Home And Away before “New-Dinner Date Australia” goes prime time.

Manu introduces himself( Hi I’m Manu Feel-ill) recites the cooking your way into someone’s heart philosophy of the show.

Jeremy Paul is 33 and is described as a Wallaby superstar. 72 Tests before retiring in 2007. Now he runs a small string of cafes and restaurants with a business partner in Canberra. He tells us he’s been married before and has a couple of kids but has not been on a single date for three years.

Jeremy chooses three women to meet after perusing the five menus offered.

First Date

Katie is first up, a 32 yr old blonde says she likes confidence in a man but if he’s been married before with kids-no good.

She looks great and looks well prepared with an entree of prawns with garlic,lamb cutlets on a sweet potato mash for main and a strawberry mousse with winterberries for sweets.

As Jeremy prepares for his date we see him struggling to iron his shirt then announcing thet he’s more nervous than he would be in front of 80,00 people. When he arrives bottle of plonk in hand to Katie’s place he offers to help.

Katie thinks he’s very good looking seems impressed with his running restaurants. When Jeremy confesses that he’s been married before ,Katie tells him that she’s been married too in some kind of strange ceremony in Zambia to a bloke she never saw again.

Katie’s happy to continue ,she says, in spite of his marriage history.

Meantime jeremy’s loving the entree and praises the aoli(sic?).”Done to perfection.”

We hear some Barry White crooning in the background,suggesting that things are going very well.

As main course approaches ,we see Katie stressing out about the lamb cutlets being too rare. Jeremy attempts to reassure her that he “loves” lamb like  that but Kate’s smart enough to see him blushing over the dish.

Jeremy seems to have an inexhaustible suppy of adjectives to praise the cutlets. I don’t think she believed him.

The strawberry mousse is another winner and Jeremy proclaims it “absolutely delicious”. However there is trouble in paradise.

At the conclusion of the meal, Katie wants to kick back and relax. She gets out her guitar and begins describing the evening in song.

Jeremy’s not amused, but describes Katie’s behaviour as “very brave’ but inappropriate on a first date. He subtly suggests she’s not very competent.

Fair go,she’s cooked for you, had a few drinks and the guitar was in tune, you dead$hit She should perhaps get blind and take a dump in a hotel foyer like a touring Wallaby.

 

Jeremy decides to leave quickly and Katie is offended by this. She scores him 6/10.

Manu is non plussed by the guitar antics, too and he poses “What was she thinking?’ as we go  to an ad break.

Second Date

Jeremy’s next date is Jessica a nice looking 30’sh brunette who’s been divorced for 14 months. She looks for humour and intellect in a guy…these aren’t Jeremy’s strong suits at all.

Jeremy’s at home watching the Wallabies on TV, worrying that if they lose he’ll be in a bad mood for the date.Meantime Jessica has prepared a rocket and red lentil soup for entree.Main is pan fried pork loin chops with sweet potato fries. Her dessert will be some lime tarts -she’s even done a test batch earlier in the arvo.

Jessica’s nervous .She’s never been on a blind date before -or a disastrous one either. Why risk all that and go on this show?

Jessica thinks that he’s good looking but really she’s not into sport but her interest is rekindled when Jeremy announces he runs 8 cafes and 2 restaurants.She’s into cultural experiences.

Jeremy notices that she’s really nervous and she’s concerned that he’s choking on a piece of chilli in the entree. Jeremy remains stoutly complimentary.

When they both reveal they’ve been married before, Jessica is a lot more relaxed and as the pork is served she asks Jeremy what he looks for in a woman. He gives quite a non descript answer. He seems about as deep as one of the teaspoons in his cafes. Might as well go out on the balcony and look at the fireworks on Sydney Harbour.

Jessica wants to show that she’s into culture and they’re off to historic Elizabeth house.Jessica’s “tipsy” she says and shows him around before leaving him at the fire while she goes to prepare sweets. Oops ,she’s packed the practice batch instead of the finely tweaked tarts but that’s no problem because Jeremy declares them beautiful and magnificent. She likes that he’s gone for seconds.

Jessica gives Jeremy 8/10 and wouldn’t mind seeing him again.

Manu’s back going off about the tarts…did he say “lamb” tarts or”lame” tarts?

Third Date

Louise is 30 yr old (bottle?)blonde in real estate .She’s been single for two years and suggests that her biological clock is telling her to find someone soon. She likes confidence in a man.

For an entree Louise has gone the salmon roulade.Main will be a roast beef wrapped in proscuitto. How Ma$tercheffy of you. Sweets will be a chocolate pudding with a spicy chilli syrup.

Jeremy says he has high expectations of the date based on Louise’s  menu. He seems really knocked out when they meet because he loves tall blondes and he says she’s so lovely.( the first two were better imo).

Louse’s first impressions are “Wow” even though she’s never heard of him. (Neither have I…he’s just a bloke with a thick neck on a dating show to me.) He says that’s okay. They both grew up in Brisbane and she loves kids ,so his previous marriage is no concern.

Jeremy rates the salmon roulade for the skills it took to make.The compliments flow on it’s divine appearance and fabulous taste. However, when Louise asks whether he’d move from Canberra to be in a relationship he doesn’t know where to look. That’s probably a”no “,Louise. Jeremy says it’s hard to say what he’s looking for.

Louse is flirting big time,telling him he’s so good looking she can’t concentrate on the food but he loves the beef and sweet potato mash,which he claims is cooked perfectly. The touching and flirting continues.

Louise seems a little shattered that Jeremy says the only way to a man’s heart is through his stomach as she seems keen to explore other ways.

As usual,Jeremy fairly gushes with compliments about the sweets. Louise is rating Jeremy an 8 or 9 and would love to see him again. Jeremy really “liked her getting him involved’ and the flirting and pawing.

Manu returns ,telling us that Jeremy has a “toff” decion to make. Not really, Jeremy plonks for the bottle blonde Louse that looks like she’ll put out.

Jeremy takes flowers and a card to the two women he didn’t go for.(Idiot)

Jeremy rocks up at Louise’s and tells her about her good looks helping her get the chocolates and they’re off for a potentially dirty weekend at Palm Beach.

Louise is coy and says she won’t kiss and tell about Palm island.

Manu returns to gladly inform us that yes,this time a couple are keen to catch up again.he signs off with:

“When zere is luff ,zere are no boundaries”

I’m finding it hard to believe that this show is prime time.

Thank you all for the comments last week.

5 comments

1 seepi { 08.26.11 at 5:42 pm }

I’d hvae picked the brunette, but he seemed to really like the liveliness of number 3 – and he seemed a little stodgey – perhaps he needs someone to liven him up.

Odd that he lives in Canberra but has to date in sydney for the show. And also wierd that his kids live in Brisbane but he is in Canberra with his restaurants. He seemed nice enough, but a little dullish.

The women all seemed nice, but I did think the guitar session was a bit much. I thought the blondes both looked older, but i think they had just gone hard with the makeup.

2 RarelySeen { 08.26.11 at 8:17 pm }

I’m dismayed to think that even mocked-up reality tv has to have its fair share of celebrities in it. A Wallaby? Please! Why not a dancer from ze Australian Ballet or Ben Quilty’s neighbour. The Wallaby was a wannabe celeb. Neh.

3 Wurstsemmel { 08.28.11 at 4:36 pm }

Who needs to bother watching this show when we have the recaps here? All you need to know courtesy of BDD and no exaggerated, outageous French accent (I think Manu has been watching way too much of the Python’s Holy Grail).

4 Culinary Boner { 08.29.11 at 9:25 am }

C’mon Manu’s autocue writers! Wurstsemmel’s laid down the challenge. Zee if you sneak the following into Manu’s narration: ” ‘er mother was a ‘amster and ‘er father smelt of elderberries.”

5 gary cahill { 04.27.14 at 1:07 pm }

What the hell was Jez doing! such a misogynist all he cares about are breasts and steak. call him a wallabee legend? more like a WANNABE legend. seriously, he just said the same thing every date – really disappointing to see a complete lack of charisma.