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Guest Post By BDD: Dinner Date – Juicy Lucy

It’s Dinner Date UK once more but after the mauling my senses suffered during X factor, I’m hopeful this won’t be too bad.

Tonight’s belle is Lucy,a 28 yo petite brunette. She’s a muso and piano teacher. She describes herself as a romantic at heart who likes a gentleman. She laments the death of chivalry. Foodwise,she loves fish.

There’s a firefighter,a gofing nut,a sales exec, an art director and lastly a recruitment exec for Lucy to choose from. No soccer hooligans please,we’re British. They seem like a pretty inoffensive looking bunch,probably made docile by watching Neighbours for too many years.

Lucy chooses Jamaican Donovan,33,the golfing nut Jimmy 25 and Chris 30 who looks uncannily like that beige-ass singer from Coldplay.

First date -Donovan.

The crew cutted Jamaican firefighter palns to land Lucy with a goat curry- he doesn’t know but Lucy has almost choked on goat before. Donovan’s blender craps itself and he’s desperately trying to grind up some carrot with a plastic spatula. he’s also worried about the goat being too tough because he didn’t know the age of the goat.

The real goat here is Donovan himself,who upon meeting Lucy,calls her ‘Lisa”. Then he guesses her age incorrectly by nominating her 30.

Regular viewers of Dinner Date will know that Donovan has already ruined his chances with these two faux pas.

But Lucy is a gracious,fun guest and the evening soldiers on. She loves the soup ,which is pumpkin without the carrots. Pretty soon they’re into a singing duet of Endless Love. They’d probably get through to the final 12 in X factor. They have a warm hug.

Donovan’s a smooth talker. The goat “could have been more tender’ (It was as tough and dry as a dead dog’s ar$e) he says to her. No worries anyway, Lucy thinks it’s delicious.He owns up to gets away with a shop bought Jamaican ginger cake for sweets.

Lucy says Donovan is a gentleman .There’s a lot hugs as she leaves and Donovan scores her a perfect.three stars

Second Date -Jimmy

Jimmy ‘s had two glasses of rose preparing his meal. Entree is baked brie filo parcels with cranberry. A cod rissotto main and beries and choc are down the track.

Jimmy’s house looks a bit strange with not much in the way of wall a hangings ,paintings etc..He could use a look at The Renovators and get some vision. Lucy thinks Jimmy’s a gentleman.He did lift out her chair for her to sit,so did Donovan. A gentleman is someone who gets out of the bathtub to pee.(Olde Yorkshire figure of speech)

The cheese parcels are a fail because Jimmy’s burned them and a lot of cheese has oozed out of the parcels. Then he leaves Lucy for ages by herself while he stuffs around with the risotto. She’s got nothing to do but give the champers a real caning…which she does .

It’s large or as Matt Preston would say”generous” serving of risotto. Lucy loves it, Hopefully it’ll soak up some of the champers splashing around in her gut. Now she’s teaching Jimmy some salsa dance moves.

The frozen berries are served in a warm,white chocalte sauce. Lucy’s knocked out and starts talking French. She admits she got too drunk but had a lovely evening says he was sexy and had good muscles.

Jimmy rates Lucy 3 stars for personality and 2 for looks, which I thought was a little mean of him. Lucy’s a little quirky but has been an excellent guest.

Third date -Chris 30 Art Director.

He’s the Coldplay dude ,planning spicy mussels, homemade “rustic’ pizza and a chocolate fondant dessert.

Chris hasn’t practiced choc fondant in advance and he’s soon up shit creek and has to phone a know it all mate. He’s off to the shop to try and get some more sugar. He’s having problems with the dough for the “rustic” home made pizza,too but Chris is still optimistic.

Lucy’s on her way,hungover with more booze and a photo of herself as a gift for Chris. On meeting,she thinks Chris is nice but that his clothes are a bit tight.

Lucy’s up for some more warbling and let’s her pipes rip with a tilt at Nessum Dorma. Chris says he like it. Lucy’s in the loungeroom ,sitting on the floor ,getting more loaded. She thinks he called her “Suzi”,which I think he did but made he made up some BS excuse about his accent.

Chris has burned the home made”rustic’ pizza but it still looks alright and by this time legless Lucy reckons it’s “delicious”. The sweets are an anlikely triumph after the earlier problems.

Chris reckons he fancies her and scores her three stars. Lucy concludes that it’s been fun and in a way was open to seeing all of them again. Loose Lucy. Of course, still she did have criticisms of the guys. She didn’t like Donovan guessing her age and getting it wrong.

The “chewy’ goat presents problems for a lady to eat with dignity. Donovan wasn’t a good singer,finally. Jimmy left her on her own too long, she says. He definitely did.

Lucy chooses Chris because they laughed a lot,had lot in common and were both “a bit scatty”.

The lucky couple went out to dinner together but we are glumly informed that the two are”still single’ and ‘yet to set another date”. That’s how it rolls on Dinner Date.

7 comments

1 Reality Raver { 09.28.11 at 2:56 pm }

I think Farmer Wants A Wife has a better success rate then Dinner Date. Also BDD I saw a show on Lifestyle You called Baggage With Jerry Springer. A dating show where people reveal their “baggage” before they go on the date. Sounds craptastic, going to tape to watch.

2 Culinary Boner { 09.28.11 at 4:21 pm }

another funny read bdd.
even dexter the robot from Perfect Snatch seems to have a better record at love matching then this show, both UK and Aust
Does Beauty and the Geek have a better hook-up record?
Didn’t see this, so didn’t see Coldplay dude, but based on your description sounds like a typically insipid white middle class pom anti-bloke – so perhaps Coldplay should sign him. Maybe the UK show needs some soccer hooligans, or barmy army foot soldiers in the Hedge Hay mould?

3 Izobel2 { 09.28.11 at 4:22 pm }

RR I’ve seen a bit of Craptastic Jerry Springer Baggage! I haven’t actually seen anyone actually go through with an actual date yet though! BDD – how crappy was the photo of Lucy that she gave out, and what’s with the weird fish present? She was one zany chick. And a bit of an alco I reckon! I see it’s not on next week, what are you going to recap now?

4 brain dead dave { 09.28.11 at 5:27 pm }

Yep, it’s a pathetic record for both Dinner Date Oz and UK. Farmer Wants A Wife and Beauty and The Geek would have a better hook up record,RR and Boner.

Maybe Jeremy Paul the Wallaby got lucky but it’d be a big call. A wallaby eats roots and leaves.

For mine Jerry Springer has always been at the cutting edge of exploitative reality TV. First ep of Jerry I saw , I thought it was a parody on some comedy show. Baggage sounds like gold.

On Larry and Kylie yesterday there was a survey of the most common lies told by online daters.
Males lie about 1 their height 2 their income(they’ll inflate it)
Females 1 dress size 2 their income (they’ll downplay it so the bloke doesn’t feel too bad.)

I didn’t get a good look at Lucy’s photo ,Izobel 2. Flat out like a lizard taking notes. Thanks. The blue fish was pretty kitsch. He’ll be reminded that Lucy drank like a fish.

5 davsimp { 09.30.11 at 10:51 pm }

BDD, do you reckon aussie dinner date got the arse coz Manu was so awful, which is why we are now being bombarded with the UK lot? He only presented a handful before it got canned didnt he?

6 brain dead dave { 10.05.11 at 6:56 pm }

Merci pour le blog mais au contraire mon ami davsimp zat was ze full sisson of le Dinner Date Oz. Zere will be anozzer sisson next year.

RR did some research and posted that there will be another season of Oz Dinner Date next year. Apparently the show rated well in the 9.30 timeslot so technically it didn’t get the arse. Manu’s stocks have remained relatively unscathed. I doubt UK audiences would take to Manu, however. C’est la vie.

7 charlie { 09.08.13 at 9:11 am }

I no it was a while ago but jimmy ,lucys 2nd date could have my number any day. Really sweet lad she made wrong choice.