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Celebrity Apprentice – Episode One – The Carwash

Five minutes in to Celebrity Apprentice Australia and I find myself agreeing with Pauline Hanson about the name of the girls team. They had decided to use the name Bouris Babe’s which comedian Julia Morris had jokingly suggested, and the others had backed it in.  However Pauline Hanson quite rightly was opposed to it saying “I am not a babe, and I am not Bouris’s babe”.

How freaking demeaning. Also how can women in business be taken seriously if they are basically saying they are a guy’s chattel.

You also wonder if Pauline purposely mangles the english language, if polling has told her that mispronouncing the english language will help her resonitate with the Australian public.

Earlier Lisa Curry had shot down Polly’s suggestion of a team name Caritas, which she explains meant charity in latin. Lisa said “if you have to explain it don’t use it” which is quite a useful piece of advice. I think Lisa might be the dark horse of this competition, however she should try and show some personality as boring can get you fired as well.

Tonight was the first episode of Celebrity Apprentice Australia and the twelve contestants were split into teams by gender – it was the males versus the females. The challenge was simple the team that made the most money at the car wash wins. It was a cracker first episode.

Jesinta Campbell volunteered to be project manager of the girls team Bouris’s Babes and she had a rather direct management style and considering she was half the age of most of the team it did not sit well with them.

Meanwhile over on the mens teams which was called Team Unity it was anything but. Jason Coleman was getting exasperated with team leader Max Markson for not listening. Max seems a bit nuts, and also narcissitic, having said that he did not top Warwick Capper’s egotistical statement who thinks he is one of he biggest personalities in Australia and in the world. Anyone in Australia under the age of thirty must be wondering who the hell Warwick is. In fact some wit on twitter was wondering who the effeminate porn star was.

Max decided price wise he was going for big bucks, whereas Pauline thought the price needed to be reasonable as people were struggling. Not in the Eastern Suburbs they are not. Pauline is canny she will be setting herself to try and further her political career. Step one make a statement about the aussie battler.

Jesinta wanted to give her customers a old Hollywood glamourous experience, and Max just wanted their money.

At the girls carwash in Bondi my car was the first one in.  Yes the green 1996 Toyota is mine, blogging is a lucrative business….

Unfortunately Pauline did not get to see my No Tea Party sticker on the back of my car. Also I spotted who missed the cobweb on one of my side mirrors. I am looking at you Julia Morris….. But I forgive her because she is making me laugh.

For awhile at the girls carwash it was a dead zone until Russel Crowe tweeted, whilst it was pumping with corporate types at Team Unity. However Max was not being a much of a leader and Warwick Capper was not doing much at all. Clearly he thinks just being fabulous is enough. So much bitching from Jason Coleman, Didier Cohen, Wendell Sailor and Shane Crawford.

Also they were frustrated when it all started to slow down that Max was not interested in the low end customers. Jason Coleman made a really valid point that even if they were just getting $25 a customer, that is money a charity could use.

Also they made the fatal mistake of being too slow and a peeved off customer drove off, and that was their biggest mistake…..

Meanwhile back at the girls Jesinta had got into her bikini and growled at the paparazzi and said “I am not here for photos” but she was quite happy to have tv camera’s film her in it.

But she was not the only one of Bouris’s Babes to show some flesh. The guy in the car that had ditched the guys carwash rocked up and he was Aussie Bums CEO. He had a major fan moment when he saw Pauline Hanson and offered up $50,000 if he washed her car whilst wearing his Aussie Bum underwear. After prevaricating she said yes and lucky for her she recently had had a bikini wax.

They also threw in $10,000 for Deni Hines to sing the national anthem.

David Oldfield a former party colleague of Pauline’s,  had rocked up earlier but had left before these shenanigans started. Though rumour has it he has seen Pauline in her knickers before.

At the end of the carwash the girls were getting tetchy with their project manager Jesinta due to her tyrannical leadership style.

It was time for the boardroom.

A new person to the panel is Deborah Thomas, the Women’s Weekly, Editor-in-Chief and she is an improvement over Mark Bouris’s botoxed personal assistant. But this might be because she was scathing of the Bouris Babe name as was Mark Bouris.

When Jesinta was question about the bikini wearing said she thought it was approrpriate to strip down to her bikini to wash a car. However she said she would not do it if it was a restaurant challenge. So hopefully Hooters are not sponsoring an episode. However also they way she was sitting in the board room was more sexy then professional.

However Jesinta did not need to worry as her team mates were not gunning at her they were all to busy throwing Polly under a bus for having no contacts. Lucky for Polly the girls team won.

The Aussie Bum guy cash had given them the win. Max did not look happy as he knows his head is on the chopping block. It will be interesting to see him duck and weave out of this tomorrow night. Who do you think should be fired from Team Unity?


1 Block Fan { 10.24.11 at 11:07 pm }

Better than expected! Poor Polly – but she is bright and should at least make it through a few challenges despite getting a hard time from her team. Demi can be pretty nasty and comes across as a bit of a diva. Where was Lisa Curry? She was hardly shown. Shame the mens team imploded a bit with Max at the helm as some of them weren’t too bad. Is Caper for real or putting on his shallow vain act????? Surprisingly Pauline Hanson came across much better than I thought she would – don’t agree with her politics but admire her standing up against the stupid team name – that name was cringe worthy at best, yuck, how could grown women go for that? At least Polly made another suggestion for a name. Not sure about the length of the eps – fine to have a longer one tonight to start with – but two 1.5hrs a week and others a half an hour…I think 1.5hrs is to long. Will tune in again as long as the cringe factor stays at a manageable level.

2 Georgie { 10.24.11 at 11:22 pm }

It’s a wonder all these oversized egos can fit in one show. Getting rid of Max will make a lot more room.

3 Picnic { 10.25.11 at 5:50 am }

Demi Moore has always had a nasty mouth on her and really is only famous because of her mother, but she will be good value on this show – its off to a great start. I also wondered what Lisa Curry was doing? Julia is a crack up. That male model looks like a Thunderbird.

4 slippy { 10.25.11 at 6:44 am }

Unfortunatly, Max is good TV. He’s not going anywhere. And, It’s Deni, people, Deni. 😉 Julia was great. made me LOL more than a few times. All in all, a good start.

5 Dazza { 10.25.11 at 8:08 am }

Positive start. Max is just a massive tool. Was impressed with Zoolander’s work ethic. Max will probably take two strong team members into the boardroom for firing with him, even though Warwick Capper should go

6 Picnic { 10.25.11 at 8:10 am }

Slippy, LMFAO! just shows what a big star Deni is when we can’t get her name right. Agree Max is good TV, but Warrick will be too. I have a crush on Mr Bouris

7 TMC { 10.25.11 at 8:54 am }

Jow the hell will Max ever get any new clients? If I was one of his clients I would start looking somewhere else for representation. I suspect Ricky Nixon will be on the next version of this.

That Jesinta chick is quite hot

8 seepi { 10.25.11 at 8:59 am }

Great episode and the trick editing worked for once – I was sure the guys had won and poor pualine had stripped off for nothing. so much for all Max’s 100 thousand dollar clients – what happened to them? Or were they just getting 1000 a car.

His major mistake was slacking off at the end – it just looked bad to be doing nothing rather than wash cars for 40 dollars.

9 ooshiebab { 10.25.11 at 9:19 am }

I must have missed Demi Moore – though Deni Hines was definitely a bit of a bitch. Max Markson and Warwick Capper are both tools, and even though one of them should go, they will both make great tv. Hard to sack one of the other guys though when they did all the work. If Warwick and Max had deigned to lower themselves and wash a couple of cars, the guys team probably would have won. I absolutely cringed when the girls decided on that team name. What decade are we in sorry? At least Pauline Hanson spoke up about how ridiculous and derogatory it was

10 brandy { 10.25.11 at 9:38 am }

It wasn’t just that ole Poppy (I did love Deni for that one, and over and over) didn’t have contacts. She hung about just doing the receipts and let them do the work – she was a Capper with a good cover story. PLus that bit with the megaphone was cringeworthy. If Deni calls Pauline Mamma P one more time I think Pauline will clock her. It’s really offensive. That was a cracker of a first episode, I wanted the board room to follow, it was such fun. It went for an hour and fifteen, by the way, not an hour and a half.

11 Wurstsemmel { 10.25.11 at 10:31 am }

Lots of fun to be had. You have to hand it to Pauline for stripping off like that…good on her that she scored 50K over bikini babe Jessinta. Still, I doubt if she’ll be showing up in Zoo Weekly any time soon.

If I’d had the dough, I would have paid Deni Hines $20k NOT to sing. She really is nasty…..I don’t think she’s stupid so I’m not buying the ‘Poppy’ as a mind slip…seems more intentional to me….Talking of Polly, bit of a disappointment in that she seemed to quite ineffective…if you don’t have the contacts to pull in, at least be seen to roll your sleeves up and muck in….and thought the ‘4m viewers of the Block’ comment was interesting.

Lisa? Was she out having a chill with Warwick because hardly saw her at all. Seems like she might be superfluous to requirements though I’d keep her in just to get Deni out first.

Max Markson. How much credibility does this guy still have? Hoping he goes tonight before he self-destructs his business any further.

RR….were you wearing a heavy disguise in that car? I guess you didn’t bother to check out the other car wash……given MM’s refusal to deal with the Aussie public.

12 Mia { 10.25.11 at 10:50 am }

Had a LOL at (the totally up herself) Deni’s put down of Polly, saying she didn’t watch The Block, with Polly’s comeback of “that’s okay, 4 million other people did”. 😀
I’d put money on Deni having been an A-grade bully at school.

Mac Markson absolutely makes my skin crawl.

I felt a bit sorry for Jacinta. I thought she was attempting to be enthusiastic and motivational in the way she spoke to her team mates at the car wash, not throwing her weight around.

Julia Morris is hilarious. I hope she sticks around.

13 Wurstsemmel { 10.25.11 at 11:01 am }

Yep, agree totally Mia, the big hit for me is Julia Morris.

14 Reality Raver { 10.25.11 at 12:10 pm }

The show rated 1.32 million so good stuff.

Wursts – Actually hat was on because I had not done my hair, also had not expected to put car through wash, but as no one was there and it was only $50 well Lisa Curry upsold me to $60…. and it was for a charity REACH which I really like. I did go to the guys car wash but just watched, and Max was running around like a maniac, and Warwick was doing not much at all.

Mia and Wursts – I hope Julia gets to try out for BB host after this.

TMC – Agree, has Max Markson harmed his brand by going on the show. Maybe his clients know that he is like that. I don’t think Max if stupid.

15 Wurstsemmel { 10.25.11 at 12:32 pm }

Hey, RR, wouldn’t this be a taxable expense now :)

16 BlackType { 10.25.11 at 12:33 pm }

I like what you did there Picnic 😉
And RR, whats wrong with a 1996 car may i ask (says her in a 1974 car).
TMC, thats right, how will these performances go for future clients/employment?
RR i love you drove in for a wash and blow dry AND i have you recorded so im off to slow you down for a perve lol !
As for the show, the produces need to stop with the obvious one sided edit where “this team will definitely win” BS cos we know it dont work like that in telly.
Yes, i will keep watching cos i have reality telly pumping through my veins sad to say but hey, its all for CHARITY….right?

17 brain dead dave { 10.25.11 at 12:53 pm }

From the teasers Ch9 has been showing since late last night,it appears Max Markson will be taking the Big Dell and Capper into the boardroom tonight.

18 Reality Raver { 10.25.11 at 1:08 pm }

Black Type – you won’t see much. Nothing old with older cars – the advantage is you don’t have to worry about them if they get scraped or dirty. And no one ever wants to steal them.

BDD – Well taking Warwick in is a no brainer, but I wonder what his reasons are for Dell.

Wursts – yes tax deductable as it is a charity. You are right.

19 bella vita { 10.25.11 at 1:14 pm }

As someone who knows Max personally…I can concur the guy is a massive tool and not to be trusted with someone’s business or branding in any sense of the word.
He actually believes his own bull crap, and has done all this stuff for years PURELY because he wants to be a celebrity..not giving a crap about clients or people he rips off along the way.

Burn Max you vulture

20 PollyB { 10.25.11 at 1:29 pm }

I enjoyed this. I’d love to see that young cretin Hantz on Survivor dealing with Deni Hines. “Shake that money maker”, puh-lease! Wurst semmel – I’d pay her not to sing too!
Time to go, Max. I love a good fruit loop, but he is just too creepy. His attitude regarding the small $$’s wasn’t a good look either.
Good on Pauline, her politics is crap but she came across better than expected, especially rejecting the team name.
I’ve always liked Julia Morris, don’t like BB, but RR you are so right, she would be perfect for that.

21 davsimp { 10.25.11 at 4:07 pm }

I really got into this episode. What an eclectic collection of personalities. Looking forward to seeing more of them. Really want Pauline and Julia to stick around. Those two were gold!!

Was Dell the big dark guy? I hope he doesn’t get chosen by Mad Max to go into the boardroom. He was great!! Warwick was a tool, but obviously that can be filed in the “tell us something we already know” box.

22 brain dead dave { 10.25.11 at 4:29 pm }

Yep, that’s big Dell. (Wendell Sailor) I am only assuming that because he’s in the teaser for tonight saying, ” I didn’t bring it today” that he’s up for firing with Capper and Mad Max.

Surely Capper will be the one getting booted,if not Mad Max.

23 brain dead dave { 10.25.11 at 4:42 pm }

I was also surprised how easily Mad Max was punked on the phone by Shane Crawford and the fake donation.

24 Buzz { 10.25.11 at 5:20 pm }

Deni Hines was expelled from a Potts Point private girls school in her early teens for ‘promiscuous and antisocial’ behaviours. Met her once years ago and she was rude, crude and smelt like she hadn’t showered in a week. She’s has a rep as a grade-A cow for years both in the industry and out of it, and was clearly selected for bitch-potential rather than any celebrity or artistic status!

25 davsimp { 10.25.11 at 5:50 pm }

It has to be either Mad Max or “the effeminate porn star”
otherwise RIGGED!!!

26 brain dead dave { 10.25.11 at 6:01 pm }

Well it must have been tough for Deni watching her mother chew through four husbands.

I recall an episode of this show where Donald Trump took offence at associating the Trump name with sleaze hence it was understandable how the team name Bouris’ Babes bombed.

27 brain dead dave { 10.25.11 at 6:13 pm }

Maybe The Babarians would be a better name….or Bouris’ Bu$h Pigs………ah,Bouris’ Bitche$.

28 Wella { 10.25.11 at 7:12 pm }

OK I have to say it – Mr Bouris is a silver fox!!!!

29 TMC { 10.25.11 at 8:15 pm }

Buzz- I would love Polly or some one to say that to Denied Talent Hines

“You clearly were selected for bitch-potential rather than any celebrity or artistic status!”

30 Buzz { 10.25.11 at 9:30 pm }

TMC – I’d worry about Deni smacking Polly in the mouth, she’s got that vibe!
I missed last night’s ep, and only caught the last few minutes tonight. Thank god it was to see Wazza sobbing his way out. Tosser. Looking forward to the recap and comments.
This show seems to gather an extraordinary number of socio and/or psycho-paths in the one place. Wonder if the ‘normals’ can survive the upcoming tide of narcissistic toxic overload. Who are the ‘normals’ anyway?
BDD – bouris’ bush pigs made me lol

31 smauge { 10.25.11 at 9:38 pm }

Warwick “the Wiz” Capper is not as silly as he seems. He’s been making money from that schtick for as long as he’s been in the limelight. I have no doubt this show is rigged. I haven’t seen the firing yet but I’m going to guess Warwick survived? I hope so lol!
I usually hate Julia Morris’ stand up routines, but of stage she seems down to earth and as quick as a whip. Hope she stays on for a while too. Pauline and Deni PURLEEZE be fired soon!
RR – I looked for you and couldn’t see you! I might have to watch it again.

32 smauge { 10.25.11 at 9:59 pm }

Bugger! I couldn’t help myself and looked up the result on Facebook! I would have rathered Max Markson go for sure.

33 ange { 10.26.11 at 8:58 am }

Warwick was a complete douchebag – lazy, unattractive and slovenly – ugh. Pauline in the Aussie Bums was absolutely hysterical – she is definetly entainment. Demi came across as sour and the jury is still out about Max.

34 Meryl wasdell | Syr21 { 05.02.12 at 8:50 pm }

[…] Celebrity Apprentice – Episode One – The Carwash | reality ravingsOct 24, 2011 … Looking forward to seeing more of them. Really want Pauline and Julia to stick around. Those two were gold!! Was Dell the big dark guy? […]