Celebrity Apprentice – Episode One – The Carwash
Five minutes in to Celebrity Apprentice Australia and I find myself agreeing with Pauline Hanson about the name of the girls team. They had decided to use the name Bouris Babe’s which comedian Julia Morris had jokingly suggested, and the others had backed it in. However Pauline Hanson quite rightly was opposed to it saying “I am not a babe, and I am not Bouris’s babe”.
How freaking demeaning. Also how can women in business be taken seriously if they are basically saying they are a guy’s chattel.
You also wonder if Pauline purposely mangles the english language, if polling has told her that mispronouncing the english language will help her resonitate with the Australian public.
Earlier Lisa Curry had shot down Polly’s suggestion of a team name Caritas, which she explains meant charity in latin. Lisa said “if you have to explain it don’t use it” which is quite a useful piece of advice. I think Lisa might be the dark horse of this competition, however she should try and show some personality as boring can get you fired as well.
Tonight was the first episode of Celebrity Apprentice Australia and the twelve contestants were split into teams by gender – it was the males versus the females. The challenge was simple the team that made the most money at the car wash wins. It was a cracker first episode.
Jesinta Campbell volunteered to be project manager of the girls team Bouris’s Babes and she had a rather direct management style and considering she was half the age of most of the team it did not sit well with them.
Meanwhile over on the mens teams which was called Team Unity it was anything but. Jason Coleman was getting exasperated with team leader Max Markson for not listening. Max seems a bit nuts, and also narcissitic, having said that he did not top Warwick Capper’s egotistical statement who thinks he is one of he biggest personalities in Australia and in the world. Anyone in Australia under the age of thirty must be wondering who the hell Warwick is. In fact some wit on twitter was wondering who the effeminate porn star was.
Max decided price wise he was going for big bucks, whereas Pauline thought the price needed to be reasonable as people were struggling. Not in the Eastern Suburbs they are not. Pauline is canny she will be setting herself to try and further her political career. Step one make a statement about the aussie battler.
Jesinta wanted to give her customers a old Hollywood glamourous experience, and Max just wanted their money.
At the girls carwash in Bondi my car was the first one in. Yes the green 1996 Toyota is mine, blogging is a lucrative business….
Unfortunately Pauline did not get to see my No Tea Party sticker on the back of my car. Also I spotted who missed the cobweb on one of my side mirrors. I am looking at you Julia Morris….. But I forgive her because she is making me laugh.
For awhile at the girls carwash it was a dead zone until Russel Crowe tweeted, whilst it was pumping with corporate types at Team Unity. However Max was not being a much of a leader and Warwick Capper was not doing much at all. Clearly he thinks just being fabulous is enough. So much bitching from Jason Coleman, Didier Cohen, Wendell Sailor and Shane Crawford.
Also they were frustrated when it all started to slow down that Max was not interested in the low end customers. Jason Coleman made a really valid point that even if they were just getting $25 a customer, that is money a charity could use.
Also they made the fatal mistake of being too slow and a peeved off customer drove off, and that was their biggest mistake…..
Meanwhile back at the girls Jesinta had got into her bikini and growled at the paparazzi and said “I am not here for photos” but she was quite happy to have tv camera’s film her in it.
But she was not the only one of Bouris’s Babes to show some flesh. The guy in the car that had ditched the guys carwash rocked up and he was Aussie Bums CEO. He had a major fan moment when he saw Pauline Hanson and offered up $50,000 if he washed her car whilst wearing his Aussie Bum underwear. After prevaricating she said yes and lucky for her she recently had had a bikini wax.
They also threw in $10,000 for Deni Hines to sing the national anthem.
David Oldfield a former party colleague of Pauline’s, had rocked up earlier but had left before these shenanigans started. Though rumour has it he has seen Pauline in her knickers before.
At the end of the carwash the girls were getting tetchy with their project manager Jesinta due to her tyrannical leadership style.
It was time for the boardroom.
A new person to the panel is Deborah Thomas, the Women’s Weekly, Editor-in-Chief and she is an improvement over Mark Bouris’s botoxed personal assistant. But this might be because she was scathing of the Bouris Babe name as was Mark Bouris.
When Jesinta was question about the bikini wearing said she thought it was approrpriate to strip down to her bikini to wash a car. However she said she would not do it if it was a restaurant challenge. So hopefully Hooters are not sponsoring an episode. However also they way she was sitting in the board room was more sexy then professional.
However Jesinta did not need to worry as her team mates were not gunning at her they were all to busy throwing Polly under a bus for having no contacts. Lucky for Polly the girls team won.
The Aussie Bum guy cash had given them the win. Max did not look happy as he knows his head is on the chopping block. It will be interesting to see him duck and weave out of this tomorrow night. Who do you think should be fired from Team Unity?