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Celebrity Apprentice Australia – An Good Warm Up Episode

The first episode of Celebrity Apprentice Australia was like the warm up for what is to come for the following episodes. We can see there is going to be conflict between Dicko and Ben Dark, and also Tania Zaetta with what looks like everyone.

For someone with a chequered career she does appear to have very healthy self esteem.

“Did you know I did Baywatch?” she said again and again. She probably needed to keep reminding everyone  of this as it was the last time she appeared on an Australian TV screen.

Fortunately for her David Hasselhoff is extremely diplomatic and said  “it was a long time ago and we didn’t really work that much together so I don’t really know Tania”.

Though to be fair to Tania she was not the only one of the so called celebs who thought their profile was higher then it was.

Jason Akermanis said “As famous as I am around Australia… ” Newsflash I had barely heard of him and definitely would not recognise him in the street.

The first challenge was to Pamper Pooches or dogs, and they had to do their prep in doggie day care. In fact I did not think it was a great advertisement for doggie daycare as the dogs just ran around in a room with a cement floor and that was where they had to toilet as well. No wonder when the girls team walked in it stank.

The guys team was made up of The Hoff, Dicko, Ben Dark, Vince Sorrenti, Jason Akermanis and Nathan Joliffe. The girls team was Patty Newton, Marion Grasby, Fiona O’Loughlin, Charlotte Dawson, Lauryn Eagle, and Tania Zaetta.

Marion thought that Dicko was one of the bigger egos on the show, clearly she has not met Ben Dark before.

Also Nathan thought Dicko was the backstabber of the group.

The twist was the guys had to pick the girl team captain, and vice versa. The girls picked The Hoff thinking because he is such a celebrity he would be too distracted by people coming up to him to be able to manage properly.

The guys team picked Tania Zaetta to be project manager and she took the job very seriously indeed.

The girls after a heated debate called themselves Team Fortune. Charlotte Dawson must have downloaded a latin app onto her ipad as she was coming out with some names with gravitas, however the only problem no one knew what they meant.

Team Platinum  was the guys team name, and Dicko said it worked for them as it reminded them of a lap dancing bar.

Now let’s talk about The Hoff. He was very impressive and is clearly taking his role on the show seriously. He is not just dialling it in, however he was on the show doing a lot of PR. He was everywhere, on the phone, swimming at Bondi, and considering he only flew in the day prior his energy did not flag. Also props have to be given for the Hoff Dog phrase.

On the day of the challenge, the guys team charged $500 for  a wash, and the girls charged $100 but these challenges are all about the corporate donations most of the time not what happens on the ground.

The girls were getting a lot of dogs to wash in fact Patti Newton was working like a dog apparently she ended up scrubbing thirty dogs.

Lauryn Eagle was running around in a bikini which personally I think is a tad demeaning and unnecessary but she did have a rocking body.

Fiona was struggling her only donation fell through and then she went across to the guys team to try and negotiate  a quarter of their earnings as that is what she thought how much they had the advantage of having The Hoff. They obviously declined to negotiate on this issue.

Considering there is that saying never to work with children or animals, there was very little drama from the dogs. The main dramatics came from Charlotte Dawson when she had to pick up a dog poop, other then that there was no leg humping or dog biting.

In the boardroom it was revealed Tania and Dicko raised the most money individually which was over $45000 each.

Also in the board room Mark Bouris was joined by his son Dane Bouris, and Deborah Thomas. Now Dane at this stage is showing he is no Ivanka Trump or even Donald Jr, however it was his first episode so he would have been feeling nervous.

Mark Bouris was determined to stir up trouble and asked what Charlotte thought of Tania Zaetta. She said  she thought she was going to be all show no go, but she was extraordinary. Most of the other team mates agreed.

Well except for Lauryn who  said “I don’t really work well under the conditions under a person who is controlling and domineering”. Which is interesting considering there were rumours her ex-boyfriend was exactly like that.

Fiona admitted she put all her eggs in the one basket and once she got one donation she went on washing dogs, however it did not come through and she was now vulnerable.

The guys team were asked whether they relied on The Hoff was being too much of a celeb and not project managing. Dicko defended the guys team strategy and said “If Elvis comes and joins the band you don’t give him a tambourine and stick him up the back.”

And as The Hoff said he may not have the corporate connections here but “use me, use me, use me”.

Nathan Joliffe surprising brought in the biggest single donation out of all contestants it was Zhu Shoes and his former girlfriend, Erin McNaught was there as well. To get the money the guys had to put on heels, but as a publicity stunt it did not match the Pauline Hanson in underpants one that was the first challenge of the previous series of Celebrity Apprentice.

Unfortunately for the girls they raised $88287 to the guys  $143,362 which meant The Hoff gave $231,649 to the Starlight Foundation. His work here is done…

Back in the board room it was revealed Charlotte raised $5500, Marion raised $2000, Fiona raised $325, Tania raised$49,000, Patti $17,000, and Lauryn raised $14,000.

The other issue that was discussed was the price point of their dog wash. It was an issue the girls were charging $400 less than the guys. Marion defended it by saying they had not wanted to make it prohibitive, however as Dicko said as they were watching it via TV that was exactly the point of it.

Tania brought in Lauryn and Fiona back into the boardroom with her and Fiona was fired. Mark Bouris really had no other choice.


1 brain dead dave { 04.19.12 at 12:20 am }

Fair go, Dicko. If Elvis comes to join the band you give him hamburgers and heaps of drugs.

2 Georgie { 04.19.12 at 12:34 am }

I know Lauryn Eagle is into boxing but she shouldn’t wear lippy while she gets smacked in the mouth.

3 brain dead dave { 04.19.12 at 12:39 am }

Some new Hoffisms for Team Platinum;
– F***ed Hoff
– Pi$$ed Hoff
– Hoff With The Pixies
– Hoff His Face
– Hoff Licence

How long before The Hoff and Dicko break into Mr Bouris’ liquor cabinet?

Tah for recap, RR. Only caught last half hour.

4 Georgie { 04.19.12 at 12:51 am }

Lmao bdd, that’s very good mate. And there’s:
Bake Hoff
Blast Hoff
Toss Hoff
Hoff the Planet
Hoff Load

I wonder who Mark Bouris impregnated to come up with such an ordinary looking son. Maybe he’s adopted.

5 brain dead dave { 04.19.12 at 1:01 am }

Day Hoff
Night Hoff
Weekend Hoff
Strip Hoff
Blow Hoff

I can’t believe that is Mr Bouris’ son. Is that a Greek geek or is that geek Greek?

6 Georgie { 04.19.12 at 1:07 am }

Switch Hoff
Way Hoff
Far Hoff
Get Hoff
Cast Hoff
Hoff Beam

Maybe mum is that dorky looking Deborah bird.

7 brain dead dave { 04.19.12 at 1:24 am }

You’ve got me Hoff The Bit with those. The Hoff would be proud Hoff us.

I should be Hoff to bed but lucky I’m staying up late to watch the Pro Bull Riding on One. I love seeing them thar cowboys getting bucked Hoff and stomped on. Them dudes is crazier than The Hoff.

8 Georgie { 04.19.12 at 1:30 am }

Wow I might have to get Hupp – I didn’t know the rodeo was on. I LOVE the bull riding and haven’t seen it on the program for ages.

9 brain dead dave { 04.19.12 at 1:36 am }

It’ll be on in Hoff an hour for you on One if I’m not mistaken.

Some of them bulls have got thicker necks than Matt Pre$ton.

10 Georgie { 04.19.12 at 1:43 am }

You’re right again, I’ll make a cup of Hoff chocolate and settle in. That dillberry iFish fellow is on now.

Maybe they should name one of their bulls Jowlsy.

11 brain dead dave { 04.19.12 at 2:07 am }

The bulls have great names. It’d probably be easier if the bulls ride Jowlsy.

I’m happier to see the bulls jumping around with a redneck on their backs than disrespected and served up undercooked on a Ma$terchef ammunity challenge.

12 Georgie { 04.19.12 at 2:14 am }

Spoiler Alert –

There’s a bull called Buck Hoff!

I remember a guy who used to slap his own face before the Shute opened too.

13 brain dead dave { 04.19.12 at 2:26 am }

Nice work, Georgie. The Hoff made a few bucks tonight, in fact. OK,I’m going to make a cup of Hoffee and get salivating for these buckers. Thanks for the laughs. See you tomorrow.

Oh yeah, he’d be one of the brain surgeons that refuses to wear a helmet. Oh ,Cowboy Stadium in Texas here I come.

14 SaintsDeano { 04.19.12 at 6:41 am }

Interestingly, if the guys accepted Fiona’s cheeky proposal of giving 25% to the girls, the girls would have won. $124k to $107k.

15 SaintsDeano { 04.19.12 at 6:48 am }

Fiona would get a job with the labor party. Super Tax on the successful and redistribute the wealth to those who don’t deserve it.

16 Chunks { 04.19.12 at 10:54 am }

OMG Charlotte Dawson is reality TV gold. Her gay footballer dig at Akker was hilarious. She really doesn’t pull any punches. I can’t tell if Tania and her are playing it up or if they’re actually going to end up killing each other. Either way I don’t want to miss this series.

RR, I can’t believe you don’t have a post up about ol’ Shaky Hands and his coiff winning Cleo Bachelor of the Year.

17 Georgie { 04.19.12 at 2:29 pm }

I really enjoyed the first episode last night and am looking forward to the egos and antics to come. I was a bit disappointed that Fiona was the first casualty. I think she would have given us the the best ongoing observations, much like Julia did last year.

What I found really bizarre in the meeting with Mr Bouris at the beginning of the show, was the line-up of collagenated lips on the ladies bench. I think Fiona was the only original. Why can’t these ‘intelligent’ women see how stupid their vanity makes them look. Like their lips arrive five minutes before their bodies.

18 Chunks { 04.19.12 at 4:41 pm }

Fake is the new real Georgie

19 littlepetal { 04.19.12 at 4:44 pm }

I could sense the tension between some of ladies and waiting for the fireworks to start!!! I think Marion will be out of her depth here.

20 brain dead dave { 04.19.12 at 4:47 pm }

I hope you enjoyed the stills of Asteroid and Bushwhacker last night, Georgie. There really was a bull called Buck Hoff, too.

It’s going to take Lydia and Margie to pull the ladies apart on Celeb Apprentice when the $hit hits the fan. Mr Bourar$e won’t be up for it.

21 Stacey { 04.19.12 at 5:22 pm }

I have been waiting so long for this show to start and to see a blow up between Tania and Charlotte. Lauren is annoying me already, but that should make for good TV. Suprised Patti only brought in $17,000, maybe they should have had her out front?
And Tania getting Charlotte to cut her pants into shorts was sooo desperate, and then going to yell at Lauren for being in a bikini like wtf? What a hypocrite… they needed to use everyone to their strengths!
As for the Hoff, well… enough said lol! Sad to see Fiona go first, her ongoing commentaries would’ve been gold. Should’ve been bloody Marion, couldn’t stand her on Masterchef, can’t stand her now.

22 Georgie { 04.19.12 at 5:47 pm }

I sure did bdd – that was excellent and well worth an hour of lost sleep, thank you.

Chunks – you’re right and it’s really sad. I wonder if silicon, collagen and Botox are inflammable – will make for some interesting cremations in years to come!

23 Brendan { 04.19.12 at 5:52 pm }

I was at the filming and it’s so interesting the way they pull it together and create a show. Actually being there it didn’t seem like much was going on at all, although it was interesting getting to see the cameramen and producers run around and prepare for the “set ups” (Fiona confronting The Hoff etc).
Also, Tania was on Kyle and Jackie O this morning and mentioned she and Charlotte have been friends for 20 years and that Charlotte had mentioned to her that they should play up the drama because thats what makes a good show. Tania didn’t want to play along with the dramatics but Charlotte went ahead anyway – Tania said Charlotte basically produced the entire show, haha. She said she’s going over to Charlotte’s place this weekend, so can’t be too bad!

24 Andrea { 04.19.12 at 6:26 pm }

I really don’t know how they can expect the average person to pay $500 for a dog wash or even $100 so I don’t get how they make so much money. It must all be from corporate sponsers I suppose. I agree with you RR, that doggie day care didn’t look very good with all the dogs running around in a concrete enclosure and doing their business everywhere, it would turn me off leaving my dog there! Mind you, my dog thinks shes human and is spoilt rotten so she would have a heart attack if I left her there!

25 Stacey { 04.19.12 at 8:25 pm }

Andrea – totally agree. My dog would bite someone haha. I suppose some people would just turn up and pay the money maybe get their face on tv? Not sure. I wouldn’t pay it.

What a huge mistake for the girls picking the Hoff for their opposing teams project manager.