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Guest Post: Survivor Philippines – Episode 2: Malcolm really wants milkshakes with his cookies

JStar is back with the guest post for Survivor –

Episode 2:  Malcolm really wants milkshakes with his cookies

Warning.  This episode has been entitled “Don’t be blinded by the headlights” by the makers.  It contains frequent sexy shots of Angie’s and RC’s cleavage along with schoolyard humour that would bring a smile to Peter Slipper’s face.  Readers are advised to exercise strong juvenile sensibilities when reading the recap.

 

Previously during a visit to the Old Testament Bible Studies classes hosted by Coach earlier this year, Dimples was shocked to find out that he (of the smooth forehead and freshly ironed khakis) was snubbed for best host of a reality-TV program at this year’s Emmys, a category he has dominated since its inception.  Apparently the Emmys voters were left a bit underwhelmed with how One World finished after a promising start.  An emergency meeting of the all-knowing one (aka uber-producer Mark Burnett) was quickly convened and the blame was laid squarely on the viewers’ discontent with how an incredibly bitchy gay, a transvestite older man that wore women’s panties on his head, a group of washed-up Spice Girls, and a Moe Man could somehow find a way to decimate all the testosterone that was the male tribe.  To fix this, Mark Burnett took inspiration from the Old Testament to revert back to basics – that for this season a returning older male player is deemed worthy enough to have YET another shot at a million dollars by leading his respective tribe to victory.  Ofcourse in order to ensure the game remains “unpredictable” for the viewers, all contestants were contractually obliged to abide to Rule 85, Subsection a, Paragraph 5 of the Survivor Manual which clearly states that a returning player cannot be voted out within the first episode.  Being a gap-toothed, wide-eyed, hillbilly, Zane was naturally illiterate and therefore unaware of this rule and was blindsided in the first vote.

 

Night Three and the sad Matsing Blue Tribe has just returned from Tribal Council.  Russell is proving what a bad actor he is when he tells his tribe he was scared he was about to be voted out first.  [Cue canned laughter from the audience.]  Russell says that he made the mistake of being the leader dictator and he will relinquish that title now and let someone else step up and flame out in the same manner he did.  It is getting so cold at night and poor, young Angie (who has a very perky disposition) is afraid of the sounds of thunder that the editors threw in as a post-production sound effects to heighten the real sense of danger for the audience.  Angie knows, as a former Miss Teen Utah, the dangers of appearing on camera with fripples.  So to remedy this medical condition, she asks Malcolm (young long-haired dude with abs AND a strategic mind) if she could cuddle with him tonight.  Malcolm, being the chivalrous gentleman he is, obliges.  Malcolm later confesses that when he first saw Angie was in his tribe, he had to remind himself he is here to play a game for a million dollars and NOT be “booty-blinded.”  So we see how Malcolm’s strategy involves him snuggling with Angie, giggling, and caressing each other (but not kissing as that would involve being “booty-blinded”) for the sake of keeping each other warm and strong for the upcoming immunity challenge three days later.  Knowing that two young and unmarried individuals engaging in a showmance on television would outrage the sensibilities of any bible-basher, Roxy is deliberately woken up by the off-camera producer when he throws a bucket of cold water in her face.  Disgusted by the canoodling that was happening next to her, she says in her confessional that Malcolm has literally fallen in Angie’s booby-trap.  [Given that Roxy is intelligent and articulate, I can rest assured that at least some Americans do understand the concept of irony].  Roxy knows that in a tribe, particularly one that is down to five, a pair is an extremely dangerous thing and Malcolm and Angie need a one way trip to Splitsville soon.

 

Upon return from the short-intro break, we are magically transported to the Tandang Yellow Tribe.  It is the morning of Day 4 and the weather is overcast and windy.  Because RC loves to give her candid confessionals to the male cameramen whilst wearing either her yellow bra or her cheetah-inspired bikini, she is allowed to have the most amount of screen time for this tribe.  She explains that whilst Lisa and she were working out whether the rice managed to remain dry overnight, RC discovered the clue left in the rice bag regarding the hidden immunity idol.  The minute Lisa leaves, RC makes a dash to grab the clue and tells an approaching Abi-Maria to meet her at the well.  There, they both read Dimples’s confusing poem about Friday and how yesterday was Thursday and tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterwards.  All they know is that the idol is somewhere in camp right under their noses.

 

RC then explains how she hoped the sharing of the clue will solidify her alliance with Abi-Maria as she trusts her the most.  [Girl, Rule Number 6!  Never tell the camera you trust [insert name here] the most as you are bound to be burnt later on!].  Sure enough, we hear Abi-Maria’s confessional where she says that she felt RC only shared the clue with her as she just happened to walk up to her as Lisa was leaving.  Abi-Maria is not quite sold on the level of trust between the two.  To prove this point, the producers engage in some editing trickery as suddenly RC and Abi-Maria are in their bathing suits which displeases none of the cameramen who engage in more sexy shots to fill out the episode quota.  Further the editors insert some “suspicious and lurking” music in the background.  We now see Abi-Maria bathing in the ocean as RC is tendering to Daddy Michael who has hurt himself yet again – [seriously, the non-qualified medic, Ramona, should just being a permanent member of this tribe so to save Michael from himself].  Abi-Maria approaches the two of them and asks what is going on.  Instead of stating the obvious, Michael switches the conversation to say that he felt rain and they should take the washing down.  This makes Abi-Maria really suspicious as she thinks RC has made a sub-alliance with Michael to screw her down the track.

 

Normally that would be the end of things – we would be moved on to the next tribe but Abi-Maria is turning out to be reality-TV gold.  She doesn’t like to digest thoughts in her head.  She prefers to regurgitate things out in the open for everyone to see.  She confronts RC at the first opportunity and tells her that she doesn’t like how she and Mike run off in the bushes together.  RC says that Michael is like her second-daddy and Abi-Maria shouldn’t be so high and mighty as she runs off in the bushes to shake her hips at Pete – [cue sexy shots of a shirtless Pete flashing his abs whilst cutting branches with the machete that has been confiscated from Michael as part of Michael’s WorkCover safety plan devised by Dimples].  Abi-Maria retorts that she doesn’t change conversations with Pete when RC approaches and it is obvious she does that to her when she catches Michael and RC talking together.  Wiggle Hips goes on a rant to RC telling her that “she is her friend but if she Fs her big time, she is dead.”  RC later comments that she is now concerned about having an alliance with Wiggle Hips due to how volatile she can become at a shake of her behind.

 

Over at the Kalabaw Red Tribe, Jeff explains that after making his millions for seventeen years as a professional baseballer, he has the mental fortitude and patience to win this game.  The fact that it is raining today buys some time for his injured knee to heal a bit more.  The whole tribe is waiting under the shelter apparently listening to stories about how Dawson and Katie eschewed the memo from the producers of wearing red.  Dawson is decked out in hot fluoro pink whilst Katie, being a former Miss Delaware, is modelling the latest looks for summer which is fun summery floral prints.  Penner isn’t too happy that everyone is sitting around the shelter as he knows the hidden immunity idol is somewhere there and he needs ten minutes to turn the camp inside out and blame a mini-typhoon for the mess.

 

Luckily for Penner, the rain is making everyone miserable (including Carter as he has been rendered mute for this episode.  So far in Survivor, he has had two words to say).  Everyone wants to camp out under the awning in the nearby cave.  Penner says he just wants to go for a swim.  The moment everyone leaves with rice in hand, he proceeds to turn the shelter inside-out.  He crawls under the shelter, dig frantically about, upturns some coconuts, and do everything possible to find that trail of cigarette butts that always lead to the immunity idol.  Alas, the rain has been so persistent that it washed away all signs of the trail.  Back at the cave awning, we see Jeff struggling to make fire with no flint, kerosene, and a blowtorch.  So he, Dawson, and Dana agree to go back to the camp to collect more supplies.  They catch Penner acting suspiciously but he extracts himself by making some lame excuse about how the rain washed one of his contact lens away and he was busy trying to find his glasses whilst half-blind.  This tribe is too trusting as they accept this excuse.  Penner needs time to cool down and he dips himself into the ocean.  He knows his tribe wants to vote him out first and he needs to find that idol.  It is imperative as Penner has never before found a hidden immunity idol, much less won individual immunity.  Then he has a light-bulb moment.  Up till now, Penner had been threatening to sue the producers for making anti-Semitic references in Dimples’s sonnet about how the idol can be found “right under your nose.”  Penner said that if he had opened the clue where he found it, the basket for the rice would have been right under his nose.  The lid for the basket was a wooden blocked-shaped handle carved with an image of a bull with a prominent nose – (clearly more anti-Semitic references).  He runs back and using the machete to chisel away at the handle, he realised that it is indeed the hidden immunity idol.  Penner is overwhelmed with emotions but being Jewish he always has to look at the glass half-empty as per the rules written in the Survivor Manual by Woody Allen.  He knows that the hidden immunity idol doesn’t guarantee a place in the final three and he hopes not to get carried away like past contestants who thought they would cruise to the finish line (cough, cough James in Survivor: China who had TWO hidden immunity idols and failed to use any of them).

 

Early morning of Day 5 and Roxy awakes to more cuddling between Malcolm and Angie.  She knows that if the tribe loses again, it will be a choice between her and Angie.  She needs to plant the seed to break these two.  She tells Russell to look over to Malgie and he sees the cuddling in full force.  As a returning player, he knows that where you sleep in Survivor is telling about the relationships you make in this game.  He knows that Angie has a “boob thing going on that is popping up all over the place” [cue sneaky shots of Angie’s cleavage whilst Malcolm is edited to look like he is leaning in to have a perve whilst he pours coconut water into the spare coconut Angie seems to always have holding in her hand].  Russell doesn’t blame Malcolm for wanting “a little slap and tickle” but like Roxy, he is not keen on him having his “bang on this tribe.”  With Russell keen on getting rid of Angie at the next opportunity, this plan can only work if Denise is on board.  Problem for Russell and Roxy is that they are unaware of a secret alliance between Denise and Malcolm that was sealed in an elaborate, hug, jig, and palm-tickle routine in Episode 1.  Roxy tells Denise that if it reaches that point where the vote is between her and Malgie, she will always be the odd person out.  Denise sees the merits in Roxy’s argument but she has an alliance with Malcolm.  And if Angie and her coconuts brings Malcolm a little comfort at night when it is cold and wet, who is Denise to play spoil sport and break them up?  As a sex therapist, it is her professional duty to facilitate showmances on this show.  Malcolm (proving why he should never have been dismissed by such judgmental recappers in previewing the season’s contestants) senses the strange vibe in camp this morning.  He correctly deduces that people have noticed him and Angie coupling up and thus painting huge targets on his and Angie’s chests (I mean back, sorry!).

 

Over at the Tandang Yellow Tribe, we see a shot of a tiny praying mantis trying to shelter from the rain.  Oh here we go again.  Not a subtle welcome to the bible-bashing portion of the episode featuring Lisa with backup from cotton-wool Michael.  Abi-Maria is moaning that she is hungry.  Lisa, being the clear outsider, can’t handle being couped up with strangers who don’t care about her so she gets up and walks away from the shelter.  RC and her Pussycats (plus the silent Artis who has refused to parade around in his orange y-fronts and thus being punished by not getting any screen time) believe Lisa is out looking for the idol as she knows she is the first to go.  RC and Abi-Maria complain that Lisa is not making enough effort to connect with them so she has to be sneaky and look for the idol.  We cut over to see Lisa sitting on the edge of the water well having a little cry to herself.  Lisa explains she is introverted by nature and isn’t comfortable with strangers, particularly those she felt has marginalised her.  She realises she is on the outside and is struggling to cope as she cannot confide with anyone.  Realising that maybe lobbying the producers via social media to be cast on the show may not be a good thing because playing the game is so much easily said than done.  Back to the remaining members of the tribe under the shelter, we hear another inappropriate joke from Pete suggesting Lisa should be put out of her misery at the first opportunity like an escaping dog.  Thus everyone is in agreement with RC’s suggestion to vote Lisa out first.

 

Since Penner has already found the idol at Kalabaw, there is nothing of importance to show on that tribe.  Everything there must be hunky-dory because we don’t even get a chance to see Katie struggle with future Miss America questions (here’s a hint Katie, the answer is “world peace”) or even hear Carter utter words on camera.  We cut to Day 6 and it looks like it has rained the past 24 hours.  Oh, oh, another shot of a praying mantis.  Looks like we have now reached the bible-bashing portion of the episode for the Matsing tribe.  Malcolm quickly recaps that it has been raining non-stop in case the viewers hadn’t noticed how muddy everything was.  Everyone is cold and miserable but Russell is trying to tend to the fire, Angie is on coconut-watch duties, and Denise and Malcolm are trying to reinforce the shelter.  But Malcolm is not happy that Roxy is not doing anything.  But Roxy isn’t doing nothing.  She is having a mini-breakdown because as per the stereotypical gender-specific rules of Survivor outlined in my past two recaps, only female contestants are allowed to breakdown at every major or minor incident.  Male contestants are only allowed to breakdown during the family reunion portion of the season.

 

Roxy thought she would be strong and able to draw faith from her religion as she is a seminary student.  However the constant rain, wind, and cold has broken her down.  She is openly crying around the fire.  Because Russell is not the leader and doesn’t want that role, he takes it upon himself to ask her to articulate her thoughts and not to hold them in.  Roxy only shares her emotions in her confessional explaining that being away from her family, friends, and church has been difficult and she (like Lisa) doesn’t have anyone to confide with on her tribe.  (Bet she’s hoping a merge will precede the upcoming immunity challenge).  But wouldn’t you know it?  Mother Nature (Whoops!  What an evil Pagan thing for me to say) I meant, God, has heard Roxy’s prayers and sunshine suddenly springs forth.  Everyone is so happy on Matsing that he/she immediately strips into his/her bathers.  Cue more sexy shots of Angie in her bikini.  Roxy lies on the edge of the water and prays outloud for thanks to God for bringing forth the sunshine.  Being a seminary student and versed in the stories of the Old Testament, Roxy then reverts into tongues in telling the story of how God got pissed at humans daring to show their arrogance in building an observational platform on their 69-storey Tower of Babel in order to view him in all his glory.  This freaks Russell and Denise out as they know that if they suddenly find themselves speaking in different languages, they wouldn’t be able to communicate during the upcoming immunity challenge.

 

Denise then says something shocking.  She dares announces on national television, to a predominantly American audience, that although she respects Roxy’s faith, she isn’t so religious herself.  Thousands of bible-bashers across the country immediately send hate-mail to the local television affiliates to burn this witch to the stake.  Denise explains that although praying obviously helps Roxy, she is not going to pray to God to get her through this game.  The only person who can get her to the end of this game is herself….and possibly Malcolm.  Treemail comes but apparently Dimples’s poem wasn’t up to scratch so we are all spared the creative writings of him for this episode at least.  Being the non-leader, Russell gives a pep talk to his tribe.  Denise later tells the audience that not once during Russell’s speech did she think of praying to God for help to win the challenge.  Instead, she was focussed on visualising on how she can help her tribe win.  [From somewhere in their loungerooms, Coach and Crazy Brandon Hantz throw their remote controllers towards their television sets].

 

Immunity challenge time and all the tribemates are greeted to Dimples wearing a bright royal-bluish shirt and khaki cargo shorts.  Dawson is sporting a new fluoro-pink top to continue her defiance against the producers.  No one on Kalabaw or Tandang are that surprised to see that Zane was voted out first given that Zane laid sprawled out on the beach in exhaustion after the first episode’s running leg.  It is a combined immunity and reward challenge with the tribe that finishes first winning immunity, a tarp, and pillows.  The tribe that finishes second also wins immunity and a tarp.  This is a land-based challenge that will involve four members of each tribe dragging a sled, in pairs, to retrieve three different sets of puzzle pieces.  When all three sets are retrieved, two members that ran will have to solve the three different puzzles.  The last member of the tribe will be the caller standing on a platform to assist in solving the puzzle.  Kalabaw decides to sit out Dawson for this leg (no surprise) but at Tandang, Wiggle Hips almost prevents Dimples from finishing his sentence before she volunteers to sit out.  Strategy talk time.  Who is going to be physically strong enough to run out twice on wet sand?  Over at Kalabaw, Jeff and a mute Carter volunteers to run twice.  At Tandang, Michael and Pete agree to run twice.  At Matsing, Russell is leading the discussion again as he is so not the leader.  Malcolm volunteers to run twice and suggests Angie as she said in the previous Tribal Council that she did track at high school and can run.  Also it will be good for Angie to show any producers looking to reboot Baywatch that Angie has what it takes to run on sand in her bikini in slow motion AND in a straight line.  But Angie doesn’t want to run twice.  Roxy takes one look at Russell and tells him that she is dehydrated from all that crying she did earlier today and hasn’t drunk enough water to replenish her fluids.  Given that Roxy saw Russell’s season of Survivor as part of her inflight research, she knows Russell wouldn’t want to see her pass out of dehydration and exhaustion on national television like him.  So you would think that Denise would be the obvious choice to run twice given that she is the strongest female competitor on the Matsing Tribe?  Or maybe getting Russell and Malcolm to run twice given that is what the other two tribes will be doing.  But oh, that’s right, Russell is still making the decisions despite not being the leader.  We cut to the commercial break.  What will Russell decide to maximise his tribe’s chance of winning?

 

Immunity challenge is about to start and it looks like Russell took into account nobody’s strengths and it will be him and Angie running twice and Denise has been relegated to calling duties.  The challenge starts and it is clear the other two tribes were wise in selecting the men to run first as both Kalabaw and Tandang are neck-to-neck.  Matsing has immediately fallen behind not helped by Russell thinking it wise to stack puzzle pieces on top of each other so that they can immediately topple over when they continue pulling the sled.  By the time the next pair runs out, Tandang (now with RC and Artis) are just in front of Kalabaw (now with Penner and Katie).  By the time Russell and an exhausted Angie is back, Tandang have reached the platform holding the second-set of its puzzle pieces.  But Malcolm is the star of this leg.  He and Roxy fly down the course but on the return leg, Malcolm took over the pulling of the reins with an exhausted Roxy having to push the sled.  By this time, Matsing actually caught up with the other two tribes.  By now, Kalabaw has the slight lead ahead of Tandang and Matsing.  Everyone is exhausted but like in the first leg, Kalabaw and Tandang open up a huge leg again over Matsing during the final run of this challenge.

 

Solving the puzzle for Kalabaw is Penner and Jeff.  At Tandang, RC (naturally) wants to solve it and she has teamed up with Pete who has disappointed all the mothers groups at home by keeping his shirt on for this challenge.  At Matsing, Russell (the non-leader) and Malcolm will be solving the puzzle.  Angie collapses on the ground exhausted after finishing her second run.  With Dana yelling instructions, Kalabaw finishes the first puzzle followed by Tandang.  Matsing does make up a lot of time and it too finishes the first puzzle shortly afterwards.  Kalabaw takes a stumble with the second puzzle by inexplicably refusing to listen to Dana thereby allowing a very calm Lisa to direct Tandang to the lead in solving the second puzzle.  Denise is proving to be a great caller as she directed Matsing into second spot.  Kalabaw is the only tribe not working on the final puzzle.  It then clicks to Penner to start listening to Dana and she immediately sets him straight and both Penner and Jeff solve the puzzle and move onto the last one.  At this stage, Tandang has the lead but both Matsing and Kalabaw are close behind.  As Tandang closes to victory, we actually get to hear Artis who is screaming suggestions from the sidelines.  Pete and GC solve the puzzle first and win immunity for the tribe.  It is neck-and-neck for second place.  Dana is screaming to the point of going hoarse.  Both tribes are cheating by looking over at Tandang’s completed puzzle.  How do I know they were cheating?  You can hear Tarzan from his loungeroom screaming “cheaters!”  But by mere seconds, Jeff manages to steal second base place by pushing down the final puzzle piece ahead of Russell.  Cheers of jubilation at Kalabaw.  Russell proceeds to smash the final puzzle piece into the ground.  He looks pissed and upset.  After sending away the two victorious tribes, Dimples asks Russell what was wrong.  He vents that he is frustrated with members of his tribe saying they can’t do certain things.  The other tribes shouldn’t be able to beat them but are due to the poor mentality of his tribemates.  Everyone looks uncomfortable, particularly Roxy and Angie who know Russell is directing his spiel at them.  If Russell had the brains to make him and Malcolm run twice and Denise do the other running leg, Matsing would not be going to Tribal Council tonight.  The tactics of this challenge was decided by Russell and he only has himself to blame.

 

Back at camp, Russell immediately apologises for his venting as he knows he doesn’t want to be targeted again at this upcoming Tribal Council.  Being a former Miss Teen Utah winner, Angie tries to look at the half-full scenario that they were close today.  But Denise reminds her that their prize for being close is Tribal Council.  Russell knows Roxy will be targeted today for how she pulled a lame excuse at not wanting to run twice.  Russell isn’t exactly fair to Angie because although she didn’t want to run twice, she still did it.  Russell knows that he has to keep Roxy around because she is his ally.  She always lets him know what is happening at camp when he is not around to witness it.  Plus with Malcolm and Angie together, if Roxy goes home tonight, Russell knows he is next.

 

Knowing that her head is on the chopping block, Roxy vents to Russell whilst bathing in the beach.  Although Malcolm and Angie aren’t within earshot, they can hear Roxy yelling at the top of her voice about the merits of sending Angie home over her.  Roxy bitches that Angie doesn’t bring anything but boobs to the table (which apparently is a bad thing and the cameramen should stop taking sneaky cleavage shots of Angie….NOT!).  Coming from a military background, Roxy explains that is why companies don’t like fraternisation.  It spoils the group.  Angie has to go home to prevent Malgie voting as a block for future tribal councils.  Malcolm correctly guesses that Roxy will most likely call out the sleeping situation between him and Angie at Tribal.  Malcolm knows that he shouldn’t be cuddling with Angie but he is only “flesh and blood.”  His neck is sore from sleeping on bamboo logs and who can blame him for wanting a firm pillow to rest his head on at night.  He is worried now that “cuddle-gate” will be his downfall given how persistent Roxy’s scrambling has been this afternoon.

 

We see a quick shot of the ubiquitous snake getting ready to strike again.  Oh, oh for Malcolm as we see Russell bitching to Denise about how he is now deaf in one ear after the non-religious rants of Roxy.  Russell points out that Angie is playing the sweet, innocent, buxom girl role but like the snake the viewers saw, she is deadly.  Denise agrees with Russell that keeping Angie is dangerous because of cuddle-gate.  She is caught in the middle.  She doesn’t really trust Roxy but on the otherhand, has she given Malcolm too much credit with being able to strategise whilst his libido is in play?  She tells Russell that she hopes that Malcolm won’t be blinded by the headlights in this game.  [And on behalf of the producers, Denise wins the best juvenile description of Angie’s breasts for this episode as her quote is honoured for this episode’s title].  Denise is the swing vote and she is hoping that the choice she makes tonight is the best one for her.

 

Tribal Council time and yet another shot of the Tribal Council snake slithering around.  I’m starting to think this is snake is just a special effects shot inserted post-production.  By the extremely angry and tense look on Roxy’s face, she knows she is going home tonight.  She is trying her best not to turn to her right and smack Malcolm, who is sitting next to her, in the mouth.  [This is despite Bully Spice’s best encouragement watching from home].  Eagle-eyed viewers may remember that in the full-intro screened in the first episode, every member of the Matsing Tribe was shown competing in a water-based challenge, except for Zane and Roxy.  Our young bible-basher is toast tonight.

 

Dimples has now changed into his green shirt and cargo pants combination with thongs.  He means business when he wears those thongs.  Dimples starts of by asking Russell the obvious about his outburst at the end of the challenge.  Denise voiced that although she felt Russell’s outburst was accusatory, she understood his frustrations given how close they were to not being at Tribal Council tonight.  After catching Roxy rolling her eyes at Denise’s response, Dimples asks her to finish the following sentence: “If there is one thing I could change about this tribe, it would be….”.  Roxy, knowing she is going home tonight is prepared to accept Dimples’s rope and go out in a blaze of glory.  She says that she would change the tribe’s obsession with being workhorses at camp instead of saving some energy for the challenges.  Knowing that comment was directed at her, Denise respectfully disagrees as she says getting wood for the fire is important to maintaining a strong tribe for the challenges.  Roxy just rolls her eyes.  She knows she is so gone after the vote.  [Although I am loving Denise, Roxy makes a very valid point and I don’t think Denise can see that.  In a tribe of 5/6, unlike previous seasons where you have 10 people on the tribe, you need to be smart in using one’s limited energy whilst constantly hungry.  Working too hard at camp will impact on the tribe’s energy levels at a challenge when you have limited people in the first place].

 

Dimples moves on to Angie and asks her to finish that same question but adds a caveat.  Knowing she is a former Miss Teen Utah, Dimples bans Angie from answering with “world peace.”  So what is Angie’s pearl of wisdom going to be to change that “one thing” on the tribe (besides voting out Roxy)?  Angie thinks long and hard (but not too long as it would cause wrinkles)….”That this tribe could have…..cookies?”  Angie’s response virtually knocks Malcolm down to the ground in fits of laughter.  Russell and the usually poker-faced Denise are stunned by the response.  Roxy is flabbergasted but also seething to think that she is going to be voted out ahead of Angie, particularly now after this answer?!  WTF!!!  Even Dimples is left shocked….I’m assuming he is shocked because after all that botox, he tends to only have one expression on his face these days.  He asks Malcolm for his thoughts.  Malcolm is trying to be nice and say that he can “understand this response after having stomach rumblings” but Dimples is not having a bar of this.  Still pissed off at being snubbed for an Emmy nomination, he pulls Malcolm up for being “nice” with his response rather than honest, given that there is one million dollars on the line.  Malcolm admits it is not the best response he has heard but as per the stereotypical sexist rules of Survivor, he understands that this game is harder for the girls and there has been a lot of emotions recently.  How patronising.  Dimples returns to Russell to ask if the cookies response was part of the wider frustration that he felt at the end of the challenge.  Russell agrees and then starts castigating Angie for not giving everything at the challenge.  [Um Russell, let’s be fair.  She did run twice even though she didn’t want to, unlike Roxy or Denise].

 

There’s a slight pause at Tribal Council and the off-camera producers appear to re-touch Dimples’s make-up and to remind him to talk about cuddle-gate.  So upon the resumption of Tribal Council, Dimples throws it out to Roxy (surprise, surprise) about the friendships she is seeing being formed on the tribe.  Being a very articulate woman, Roxy just throws Malgie under the bus by outing cuddle-gate.  She says that the relationship is beyond just an alliance.  Possibly romantic.  Both Angie and Malcolm are rolling their eyes but remain conspicuously quiet.  Malcolm glances over at Dimples and immediately folds proving that he will be a very bad witness under any cross-examination.  Malcolm says the cuddling is for the benefit of “mutual warmth” and not romantic.  Because he and Angie are the only ones snuggling together, he understands why it stands out but the cuddling and caressing and giggling is plutonic because Angie is like a “little sister” to him…..a very well-developed younger sister.  Not prepared to let Malcolm off that easily given that she is about to shown the door, Roxy sarcastically mutters “creepy”.  Dimples gets her to clarify and she says that she would find it creepy to cuddle up with her brother the way those two have been.  Roxy is pissed off that Malcolm is not being honest with the reasons why he cuddles with the one person who would most likely be offered a million dollars to pose for Playboy after this season.  Roxy explains that the cuddling bothered her immediately because she felt it was a booby trap.  This illicit glares from Angie who is angry that people always judge her on her boobs and not her charity work in raising money for breast augmentation surgery for deprived girls in Third World countries.  A little cat-fight ensues between a very sarcastic Roxy and a testy Angie about how Angie shouldn’t apologise for being cold at night (like she is the only one) and that she would cuddle with Roxy but they hate each other.  At least they are united on this one common ground.

 

Tribal Councils featuring contestants who are frustrated that they are about to be voted out are always the best.  It is now really tense tonight.  Russell just adds to the tension by saying that relationships are the tightest of alliances.  This is obviously directed at Denise who looks very uncomfortable.  Dimples tries to coax a reaction out of Angie about how the mere suspicion of a relationship can get someone voted off but she is too angry to give him a reaction beyond shrugging her shoulders.  This gets Dimples fired up as he starts clapping his hands loudly and telling Angie to “Wake-up and get real!”  [Geez, being snubbed for an Emmy nomination must really hurt as Dimples is quite aggressive tonight!]  Everyone is shocked at Dimples’s visible annoyance.  Dimples tells Malcolm that he has been tarred by the same brush and to get him to explain himself.  Although Malcolm is looking at Dimples, his response is aimed towards Russell and Denise.  Malcolm says he hopes that his alliance will accept that his relationship with Angie is innocent and really, all he wants is just a glass of milkshake with those cookies.  It shouldn’t be twisted into something more sinister like a tribe-controlling alliance.  But Roxy is not done throwing Malgie under the bus.  She wants to reverse over them over and over again.  She tells Dimples that a pair in this tribe is very dangerous and even if there is a small chance that there is more than just an alliance between Malcolm and Angie, then good luck to the rest (i.e. Denise and Russell) if they choose her over Roxy in tonight’s vote.  [Verbal Smackdown count: Malcolm 0.  Angie 0.  Roxy 1].

 

With nothing more to say, Dimples tells them it is time to vote.  Malcolm is first and mutters sarcastically that Roxy’s smackdown tonight “was fun.”  We don’t see his vote but we know it is for Roxy.  Time for Roxy to vote and it is for Angie.  Roxy tells her that she has to call a spade a spade.  She can pretend it is something else but “God bless you and shut up!”  [Miaow, miaow].  Angie’s turn to vote and she votes for Roxy telling her that she can’t stand her and won’t miss her at all.  [Miaow, miaow].  We don’t see Russell’s or Denise’s vote.  Judging by how absolutely tense Roxy is, I think she is expecting four votes against her tonight as she probably figured Russell has not been able to swing Denise around.

 

The votes are tallied and ofcourse no one on this tribe has found the hidden immunity idol because they are just too dysfunctional.  Votes are read out.  Roxy (Angie’s vote), Angie (Roxy’s vote), Roxy (rolls her eyes knowing she is doomed), and the second person voted out of this game is…..Roxy.  She lets out the biggest grin knowing she just lit a bomb in this tribe at Tribal Council.  She looks visibly relieved to get her torch snuffed out by Dimples.  As she makes her walk of shame, Angie gives her the stink-eye and Malcolm sarcastically gives her a wave goodbye.  In her Final Words, Roxy is philosophical with being voted out if Russell and Denise thought it was in the best interest of his and her respective game.  The audience is shown that it was in fact unanimous in voting out Roxy.  Dimples tries to reassure the remaining four that tomorrow is another day, almost dropping hints at a possible merge.

 

So who will be voted out next?  We get a snippet of next week’s episode where the striking snake makes yet another appearance.  And ofcourse Michael injures himself again.  So was the right person voted out?  Will Malcolm be allowed to sample some milkshakes tonight after Tribal?  What is Angie’s favourite cookie?  Will Artis be allowed to say anything to the camera next time?  Will Carter be allowed to speak at all?  Will Dawson reveal a new neon-coloured pink item of clothing at the next challenge?  Will Matsing actually get it together and win a challenge?  Stay tuned for the next exciting adventure of Survivor: The Philippines have snakes!

 

6 comments

1 Izobel2 { 10.26.12 at 12:01 am }

Well it’s taken me almost 90 mins to read this-between beauty and the geek-but it’s been well worth it! Love the last paragraph. Much better season than last year, so far. Loved the comment re Coach & Mr Hantz!
Thanks JStar u make watching Survivor so much more interesting than it already is!

2 A.P { 10.26.12 at 9:53 am }

I was a bit surprised Roxy was voted out instead of Angie because I thought the “couple would have been broken up”. Angie showed how dumb she was by saying they should have had cookies? Sounds crazy!
Roxy might have added a bit more interest by being a bit different with her praying and stuff.
They seemed to concentrate more on this tribe so its hard to get to know the others just yet. I think I prefer two tribes only.

3 JStar { 10.26.12 at 12:32 pm }

@A.P – I think the only reason why there is such a focus on the Matsing tribe is because it keeps on losing. The multi-tribe concept doesn’t bother me if Unfortunately, it is hard to see how it can turn things around. Roxy was different and articulate but Angie always had two other compelling reasons for her to be kept around over Roxy. And Angie isn’t dumb. She knows so much about world peace, Miley Cyrus, Justin Bieber, and how to walk in a staight line in heels. She is multi-skilled!

@Izobel2 – Imagine reading the previous post between Beauty & The Geek Australia? That would have taken you 3 hours to complete!

4 Sioux Denim { 10.26.12 at 1:04 pm }

Great epic reading again JStar!

I was disappointed Roxy went home – agree AP its best to break up these couples….

Really enjoying this season so far – there are some real likeable characters just hope we see more of them soon – hopefully Matsing get up and win next week and we can see the dynamaics of the other teams.

5 Calliegirl { 10.26.12 at 7:35 pm }

Love, love, love your recaps JStar. I was laughing out loud. Keep up the great work. Loving this Season of Survivor. I always say I will tape it and watch it the next day, but finish up watching it live as I cannot bear to wait.

6 daisy { 11.21.12 at 10:58 pm }

Matt and Denise will get targetted later for being nice. No one will want to sit next to them at the end.