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Blind Item: A Famous TV Show Chef Farted On All His Staff

Hopefully this will remain an only in America story…..

A chef from the Food Network Channel has anonymously admitted that he has farted on all of his staff and appears to be quite proud for achieving this feat.

US website Jezabel has the story and you do have to wonder if it is true. Maybe any readers who are chefs will be able to confirm whether this is the type of behaviour you get in professional kitchens!

Jezabel writes:

A Food Network chef, who describes himself as “somewhat famous,” allegedly posted a rant&rave on Craigslist to share a delightful personal victory more than four years in the making: since January 21st, 2008, he has been engaged in the project of farting on everyone of his kitchen employees. Audibly and sensorially passing wind.

This supposed chef has farted on his bread guy, his pasta guy, his sous chef, and all of his dishwashers. He has done this in alphabetical order by name (first name or last name, Type-A OCD famous chef-man? Inquiring minds need to know!). Let us tell this story from the beginning, oh yes, let’s:

lets get back to the first fart, the maiden fart, the perfect fart.

It was hot as hell in the kitchen that night, sometimes I like to turn off the air conditioning to give my staff a bit of a stir, it makes their blood flow, their tempers flash, but for some reason, their discomfort turns out better quality food.

So with all the air off, there is no air flow in our downstairs kitchen, and its small and cramped and really really fucking hot, even in january.

We have our plates in the warmer under our pass, so i was helping my hot apps guy plate a new fungi misti when it happened.

He had the pan in his right hand, and we both reached to bend over to get the hot plate, i got there first, so he inhaled the entire hot air load that i let roar out of my pants.

It was bold, loud, and completely unapologetic.

This experience was so wonderful, so enlightening, so personally fulfilling, that Mr. Semi-Famous Chef decided to fart on the rest of his kitchen. One by one. And on January 2, he finally made it through the list! During the course of his project, he developed an entire taxonomy of farts:

because I think it took them out of whatever musical they thought they were living in, and made them alive, made them smell, made them want to throw up for a valid reason.

I think all farts should have a color assigned to them, because you know when that one fart comes out and lingers in the air and wont leave, I mean its obvious that is a green fart. Everyone should know this by now, its even documented in cartoons.

A red fart is a spicy one, probably incurred by some type of spicy ethnic food with a great amount of chilis and onions.

A yellow fart, well these are worse on the farter, than they are on the fartee.

These are sick farts, the ones that are on the verge of being sharts. Just imagine the fart that comes after downing like gallon of vodka, eating like 5 gyros on st. marks, then bagging a hooker named natasha, who acts like she is from russia, but you know just know she fucking grew up in Hackensack.

This is never good, especially in the kitchen, so if I think I have a yellow in tow, I clamp my hole shut and run to the nearest bathroom to unleash the fury.

Unless, of course I am at home, then what the hell, I let it rip and see what happens. New underwear are only like 5 feet away, so lets see what happens, life is a journey.

Mr. Totally A Chef You’ve Heard Of describes himself as “definitely known in and around NYC,” and brags that he has “had several specials on foodnetwork [sic]” and a restaurant in the Meatpacking District. “You probably know me if you like food and eating in manhattan.” He promises to tell the story of each of the 37 farts one by one, over the next 37 days, on Craigslist.

So who is this dude?  [Obvious caveat about how this Craigslist post could be a total fake.]

I am kind of hoping this story is bollocks.

22 comments

1 Rosie { 01.04.13 at 9:35 am }

Huh. I just happen to be halfway through Anthony Bourdain’s “Kitchen Confidential” and from the behind the scenes shenanigans he describes there, a chef farting on all his staff sounds very believable, much as I’d like to hope it isn’t true.

2 Georgie { 01.04.13 at 9:46 am }

What a little charmer. I bet his/her favourite home cooking style is the dutch oven.

On the other hole, I can’t believe it’s taken four years to achieve this. The scuzz needs to eat more baked beans or better still, chick peas. I wonder what the staff turnover in his kitchen is?

3 brain dead dave { 01.04.13 at 9:48 am }

It makes me proud to know that Australia has establishments that strip away the tinsel and hot air described above and actually serve raw sewage ie that hotel in Coogee.

The above yarn actually strengthens my resolve to not eat out unless under extreme duress. I saw plenty in my first job in a restaurant….and I can’t unsee it ,unfortunately.

4 A.P { 01.04.13 at 10:24 am }

If its true its pretty disgusting, wouldn’t want to eat there!
Years ago my husband used to be in pest control and one chinese restuarant he visited to spray for cockroaches etc there was an old chinese man peeling onions while sitting on a toilet with the door wide open for all the world to see!

5 brain dead dave { 01.04.13 at 10:27 am }

This is gas-tronomy in it’s most primitive form.

No point telling this chef to blow it out his/her ar$e.

Dutch oven, Georgie. You’re on fire.

6 brain dead dave { 01.04.13 at 10:47 am }

Yes, there was a fish and chip shop in a mid north SA city where the owner would regularly sit on the dunny while slicing up the day’s chips. He was immortalized in a bush ballad, actually.

And they say men can’t multi task.

7 JaniceG { 01.04.13 at 10:48 am }

David Victor, Staff Editor for Social Media at The New York Times, doubts it on Twitter: “Now @Gawker picked up chef story. First one is in 2008 but it’s “3 months in the making.” How is no one noticing that?”

8 A.P { 01.04.13 at 2:50 pm }

Scratch the onions @4, hubby just told me it was prawns which is probably worse!
I suppose he was trying to do two jobs at once.

9 Daisy { 01.04.13 at 3:15 pm }

I thought you might have to be careful peeling prawns with your pants down.

10 Georgie { 01.04.13 at 3:25 pm }

Speaking of hot kitchens, I hope you’ve found somewhere to chill out bdd? The club would be good because you can watch the cricket while you relax with a cool drink in the air-con. Predicted 47° in Tarcoola SA and Birdsville today.

11 brain dead dave { 01.04.13 at 4:36 pm }

I’m dying here, Georgie. It’s hotter than Jowlsy’s armpits.

12 Carole { 01.04.13 at 4:43 pm }

I really hope it isn’t true, what a disgusting pig if it is. And I really hope he lives alone. I agree with Georgie, I wonder what the turnover of staff is.

13 Daisy { 01.04.13 at 6:11 pm }

All of you in the heat waves and bushfire zones, STAY COOL and STAY SAFE.

14 Georgie { 01.04.13 at 9:57 pm }

Lol bdd, glad to see you can maintain your sense of humour under such extreme conditions – hang in there.

15 Gabby { 01.04.13 at 10:39 pm }

Good luck with the heat waves and bush fires. Take it easy..

16 brain dead dave { 01.05.13 at 1:52 am }

You should see the billboards popping up on Adelaide bus stops in the last day or so.

Lifesize photo of MPW and Jowl$y with “Cravat Meets Cleaver” caption.

I’d have gone for “Lardar$e Meets Loony”, personally.

17 Georgie { 01.05.13 at 2:04 am }

Humpty meets Ham – egg and bacon.

18 brain dead dave { 01.05.13 at 2:10 am }

Jowl Meets Scowl.

19 Stacey { 01.05.13 at 2:22 am }

Surely this is not serious! Who farts on their employees!

20 Georgie { 01.05.13 at 2:22 am }

Glutton meets Gastronome.

21 brain dead dave { 01.05.13 at 2:49 am }

Bargear$e meets Badar$e.

Hi Stacey. It’s a tough question.The answer is blowing in the wind.

22 brain dead dave { 01.05.13 at 3:04 am }

Or should I say blowing out the wind?