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Survivor Caramoan – Episode One – The Cast Is Full Of Hotties and Crazies

Survivor Caramoan kicked off last night on GO Channel, this season it is ten fans versus ten favourites, that is returning players. Go here for the full list of the cast of who is back.

In the first episode there are a groups emerging, in the fans it is the cool kids, and in the favourites tribe they crazies.

Here are a few thoughts on the first episode:

  • It was expected that Special Agent Phil would get into his underpants at some stage it was just a shock that it was in the first ten minutes of the episode;
  • Phil is like the Manuel (of Fawlty Towers), he is a bumbling special agent. He was plotting and scheming saying he was going to just stay in the background and do it, but he forgot to put his ego undercover and he basically told Erik that he had now choice but to join his alliance;
  • Cochran relieved when it was his time to go head to head in the first challenge he won but it was Francesa who brought it home. Still a win is a win for him;
  • Cochran self depreciating humour regarding his sunburn, he also revealed this time his strategy was not to be a softc**k;
  • In the reward challenge it was not a negative thing that Malcolm lost his shorts but why the pixelation. Malcolm has an advantage  in the favourite tribe as the other nine have not seen him play so don’t know his strategy, however it won’t take them long to realise why he was brought back;
  • Brandon Hantz is back and it looks like he goes a bit postal next week, but already he is turning on Andrea, an attractive intelligent female. Hope he does not start stalking her like he did the lingerie football player in his original season;
  • In the fans tribe Eddie and Hope were making a cool kid alliance  Reynold and Allie. But like the cool kids at school there does not appear to be a lot of neurones, sure they have a four person alliance, but they are in a tribe of ten they better work out the maths quickly to survive.
  • Favourites were the first to tribal council, and it was between Andrea and Francesca. Francesa unfortunately suffered the ignominy of being the first person eliminated again. On the bright side she will have created a Survivor record.

21 comments

1 emp { 02.15.13 at 11:21 pm }

none of the fans seemed to know who malcolm was, which is good for him i think. i also noticed no major screen time from him or brenda which must mean good things for those two!

when fran said something about eating a rock if she got voted off first at TC again, i knew she was a goner.

2 Carole { 02.16.13 at 9:28 am }

Yeah, the censors in charge of the blurry bits had their work cut out for them trying to keep up with Malcolm and blurring his arse when his shorts came down. The Yanks are so prudish. Don’t think we’d be so precious about that if it was an Australian show.

I follow Probst and Rove on Twitter, and he was live tweeting as it aired in the US. He said he had friends over and was watching with them, next thing Rove Tweets that he is at Probst’s house, so it appears he was one of the friends. I know they both went on each other’s shows last year, so they must have hit it off. But Probst’s talk show has been cancelled. Unfortunately I also found out that Francesca got voted out before it aired here. I follow Russell too, and he was going absolutely crazy over Andrea, calling her all sorts of names which can’t be repeated here.

3 JStar { 02.16.13 at 9:53 am }

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Back up a second. Is this show still on? :)

4 A.P { 02.16.13 at 10:14 am }

JStar, where have you been?
You have been sadly missed, I hope you will be following the latest Survivor and commenting, it should be a good one!
I felt a bit sorry for Francesca being the first one booted off again and I see Phillips in his undies again! At least they look like a new pair thank god.

5 JStar { 02.16.13 at 10:29 am }

Where am I? Did Abi-Maria win last season? Is Dimples still hosting this show? Survivor fast-tracked a few hours after airing in America by Channel 9? Have I stepped back in time to 2001?

6 A.P { 02.16.13 at 12:17 pm }

I think we are all in the Twilight Zone JStar!

7 JStar { 02.16.13 at 12:59 pm }

Nobody tell me what happened last season. I’m still in 2012 mode!!! Did Blair win? Where did the last eight weeks go? Have to watch the repeat of the season opener this afternoon. When did Corrine become a favourite? Does Phillip not have any other coloured pairs of underpants in his wardrobe collection? Why is this season NOT being slow tracked by Channel 9? I cannot come to grips with these inconsistencies. Back in the loony bin I go now.

8 Carole { 02.16.13 at 1:55 pm }

Welcome back JStar, you have been missed. Yeah a lot has happened in your absence. Did you miss the finale a couple of weeks back? Phillip decided to keep the trend of wearing his pink undies, it’s his ‘thing’. But thank God he got new ones.

9 Sioux Denim { 02.16.13 at 1:56 pm }

Welcome back JStar……
I was wondering also about Corrine, was she really a favourite?
Agree emp, not showing Malcolm and Brenda hopefully means they stay around for a while.

10 Izobel2 { 02.16.13 at 1:59 pm }

Cochran!!! Oh how I missed u! At least I know where you’ve been, getting burnt feet… I always knew you’d b back! And go Cochran to win this season too!

Poor old Fransisqua. How annoyed would u be, she must feel very unloved! And yay Dawn is back. Mr Tangerine now Fuschia really doesn’t make much sense does he. If I was on there I’d b doing a boston rob & taking him with me to the end.

And I wouldn’t b snogging anyone this early on, it’s a surefire way to get u booted off!
So happy its back on, and I can check the US sites for a change!

11 Daisy { 02.16.13 at 2:51 pm }

Oh Izobel2 Would you be able to stand Phillip that long?
Also I think he hates women. He probably has had too many issues with them in life. I think his comfort zone is with a strong male whom he sees as his equal.
If he ends up being put with the ‘beautiful people in a merge, he will come totally unglued.

12 Jason { 02.16.13 at 3:11 pm }

Americans love to pixelate even a hint of butt crack – let alone a whole butt (or front). I remember in one of the other seasons, some guy’s pants must have been hanging a bit too low in the front and it copped the pixel circle! The editors must have had a hard job editing that first challenge to ensure no wet look undies were shown as well as having to pixelate anything else!

13 Daisy { 02.16.13 at 4:27 pm }

Phil could sure use some pixilation.

I’d love that job. I might pixilate a few heads too.

14 A.P { 02.16.13 at 5:29 pm }

Cochrane can’t possibly be Jstar otherwise he’d be there now wouldn’t he?
Have you been on another planet Jstar other wise you would have known what’s been going on while you have been M.I.A!
I think you are teasing us you devil you!

15 chasingvegas { 02.16.13 at 7:39 pm }

emp, none of them know who Malcolm is as the seasons are filmed back to back, 2 seasons per year. Jeff does a daytime talkshow for the rest of the year, which unfortunately just got axed! So Malcolm was only back from the Philippines for 2 weeks before returning for this season. In fact at the time of filming this season, the philippines season was being aired. So he doesn’t even know who won last season!!

16 JStar { 02.16.13 at 9:16 pm }

Everyone thanks for the welcome back. Hmm…It seems I was gone for at least 6 weeks with apparently no access to the internet. I still have nightmares of fuchsia y-fronts though. 😉

Lesson Number 1. When your anti-virus warns you not to continue with clicking on the download even though you really, really, really want to watch the latest episode of a US show (instead of waiting 3 months later for it to air in Oz) you should really heed the anti-virus warning. So no computer for a couple of weeks which was really unfortunate as it doubled as my television as well. And when everything was repaired and my precious hard-drive restored, it was tennis time. I unfortunately made a fool of myself for the two weeks at the tennis. Can be seen on a YouTube clip (just look for the redheaded guy with the sweater vest and sunburn) on the Australian Open TV channel. Got photos taken by the UK press as I dressed up for some matches. (RR has a photo I sent her. Warning. They weren’t pretty). And when all that was over, I have to admit that I enjoyed NOT being wired up to the world and connected to the internet. Until the start of this week, I haven’t been checking my e-mails or watching any television or surfing the net – not even at work. It was quite liberating having all this quiet time to myself. I was so disconnected to the world that I didn’t even know there had been floods in Queensland and that an election date was set down! And I haven’t seen the last five episodes of last season which I will slowly catch up with in due course. Last thing I remember was that Angry Artis was blindsided and then I woke up and it was 2013 and apparently a new season of Survivor started! Everyone please be quiet. I know Stoner Carter won last season right?

17 A.P { 02.16.13 at 9:53 pm }

JStar, you’ve just proven that it is possible to exist in this world without a computer and tv.
I don’t know how you managed without finishing off your Survivor recaps, didn’t you have any inklings at all as to what was happening?
I survived the Qld floods you will be relieved to know and as for the election date set down, maybe you should disconnect yourself again and wake up when its all over!

18 JStar { 02.17.13 at 1:31 am }

@A.P – firstly I am glad that you survived the floods. All the family and friends okay? Home okay as well?

As for the election date, I was about to ask to be cryogenically frozen for the next seven months (using the same crypt that keeps Dimples so young and fresh every season) but I have some SERIOUS Survivor catching up to do! Did you know Lance Armstrong admitted to doping on Oprah? I just found out! And when did MKR morph into a bad pantomime act….oh wait….that started last season.

Taped the opening episode of this new season of Survivor and will watch later this morning (at a reasonable time). I’ll have to post comments back here later. I hope everyone kept a look out for the spider/praying mantis/snake metaphors hidden somewhere within the credits and/or first ten minutes? I fear I may not be able to limit my comments to a mere 100 words after being spoilt last year! 😛

19 Reality Raver { 02.17.13 at 8:32 am }

JStar – Please don’t back hold back on your thoughts they are always good.

By the way I am interviewing Francesca on Wednesday morning so if you have any questions.

20 Carole { 02.17.13 at 9:16 am }

Thanks for the explanation JStar. Well you’re better than me. I went to my friends place on the Sunshine Coast for 2 weeks and don’t one of those fancy phones with internet access, so it was no internet for 2 weeks for me. It drove me crazy. Then during the storms I lost power for 24 hrs. Not having my TV and computer for 1 whole day and night drove me batty, don’t know how those poor people coped who went days or weeks without power. Looking forward to your input on the latest season. Do you recap The Amazing Race too? It is starting on 7mate next Sunday, a week after the US.

21 JStar { 02.17.13 at 5:49 pm }

It is 2001 and millions of Australians rush home from school/work/parents’ playgroups to turn on the television to watch the latest episode of Colby, Tina, and Jerri do battle in a fast-tracked episode at the SCARY Australian Outback. It was a simpler time. Consumers were thrilled to consign to the dustbins their slow 28k modems for the sleeker and faster 56k. Blogging was becoming a rage whereby anyone could post boring stories about one’s life for everyone else to read. Tom Cruise was in the midst of a messy breakup with Nicole Kidman. Much has changed since those innocent times. We entered a decade of a “War on Terror”, Britney Spears lost her marbles, Twitter has universally proven that most people are indeed boring with their 160 characters or less tweets, the NBN is being rolled out around the country to guarantee every household instant porn in HD at a click of a mouse button, and Tom Cruise is only just getting over evil Katie’s attempts to destroy his beloved Scientology. And ofcourse, after years of treating the Australian fans shabbily by Channel 9, someone clearly spiked the water in the programmer’s department as Survivor is now being once again fast-tracked to Australia, via GO!, within hours of airing in the States. That’s right. No more stumbling upon spoiler sites anymore! No more accidentally downloading viruses when viewing the latest episode of Survivor on one’s computer! This is indeed a momentous moment for Australian reality television fans.

Jumping upon the recycled bandwagon, the producers decided to revive the Fans vs Favourites theme of Season 16 (which is often voted as one of the best seasons ever aired due to the record number of blindsides, showmances, and dumb moves). But in a “twist” for this Season, almost all of the favourites the producers wanted did not return their calls. So we are left with a bunch of WTF moments when the cast is finally revealed to the public. Dimples, trying to salvage a PR nightmare, has promised that this season is one of the best of all time. [Thanks Kanye, but you said the same thing about Nicaragua, One World, Guatemala, and Redemption Island]. Dimples is promising major meltdowns (um…Brandon Hantz anyone?], an impromptu Tribal Council, major backstabbing, and he even hints at yet another medical evacuation (or two). Feeling a bit underwhelmed still? Well how about throwing some soap-opera elements into the mix. As most of you know, a lot of the Survivor alumnus get together frequently. Since most of the contestants are recruited in Greater L.A. and N.Y, the parties are frequent. Deep friendships are made. And when those bonds are broken, the tears, cussing, and temper tantrums are hellish! Who could forget Boston Rob’s chilling betrayal of his friends (and surrogate parents) Kathy and Lex in All Stars? To this day, I’m pretty sure Lex still has nothing to do with Rob. Or Parvati stabbing Ozzy in the back in Micronesia? Ozzy said the friendship was repaired at the reunion but it was a lie. Parvati went on the record in Heroes vs Villains by calling Ozzy “a big baby” and the Survivor she least respected and Ozzy confided to Coach (in South Pacific: Endless Prayers) as to why he didn’t do Heroes vs Villains as he was left such an emotional wreck after being betrayed in Micronesia. Really, the only time alumnus gathered to play together on Survivor without having lifelong friendships destroyed was ironically on Heroes vs Villains. Russell – (whom none of them had seen play as he had only just finished playing in Samoa 10 days earlier) – pretty much terrorised all the players with his dominating gameplay to the point where it was felt that the story arc of Jerri and Colby reconciling wasn’t deemed important enough to show.

Thanks to Facebook and Twitter, some of the contestants have been sending snarky and bitchy comments since this new season finished filming sometime in July 2012. In fact, even before news leaked about Brenda having been asked to return for this season, she had been sending bitchy posts and tweets about Andrea. The soap opera element continues. Hook, Line, Sinker! So who are these returnees? Well, read on to find out as the great Tarzan said, “The Game is Afoot!”

Soaring in the majestic clouds, we get a helicopter’s view of the Caramoan Islands. Dimples (having had only a two-week break to schedule his botox injections, collagen implants, cargo shirts/shorts shopping on Rodeo Drive, and eyebrow arching exercises with Phil Keoghan) interrupts the scenery to explain that the Caramoan Islands is a stunning paradise within a dangerous wilderness. Cue recycled shots from Survivor Philippines of Abi-Maria hitting Skupin on the head with a coconut (amongst other recycled shots of whales, lizards, and birds). Dimples, naturally, leaves out that the Caramoan Islands was the same setting as last season. The only difference is that this season filmed during the start of the dry season so expect to see a super-sized sexy-shots quotient filled out by the blondes in bikinis!

Knowing that a super-sized 90 minute episode is not long enough to run through the fans in this introduction, the producers quickly give a scan and pan of the 10 fans for this season. We see Matt, a 38 year-old Rupert wannabe, albeit with a much more impressive beard. He knows he will struggle to make it to Day 39 without his precious beard curler iron and wax. Shamar is a 27 year-old African-American Iraq War Veteran who will not help himself and be the leader of this group. Laura tells the camera she is a strategist because she has blonde hair and looks like she has not had three meals a day for the last eight years. We know she is smart because she announced that Michael (a 44 year-old event planner) has to be a strategist because he wears glasses. Oh Laura. Smart AND observant! But let’s get to the good part of the introduction. The…cough….cough…Favourites! Drum roll please! We have……

1. Malcolm from Survivor: The Facts of Life. Definitely a favourite and like Russell in Heroes vs Villains, no one has seen his gameplay given that he agreed to film this season just two weeks from returning back home after Survivor Philippines ended. And like Russell, he will not have the opportunity to see where his gameplay went wrong the first time around. [Interesting to note that when commenting on Malcolm’s gameplay during the last season, Erik described Malcolm as “over-rated.” Hmm….guess they weren’t BFFs this season.]

2. Cochran from Survivor: Endless Prayers. One of this blog’s favourites. A true superfan of the show that ended up being cast and then making a super dumb move on flipping on his tribe at the merge. The only person that could outhip a Bondi Hipster by wearing a sweater vest in 30 degree plus weather. And he makes stories about sperm and pooping sound funnier than they should be.

3. Dawn from Survivor: Endless Prayers. Is she a favourite? Maybe amongst those that still value manners, politeness, and courtesy. I guess those traits stood heads and shoulders above the usual bitchiness and backstabbing for the producers to invite her back.

4. Brenda from Nicaragua: Boy Did This Season Suck! Parvati 2.0 but without the awareness. A favourite? Well, I guess the producers couldn’t ask Chase since he is trying hard to be a Nashville star, or Fabio as he wasted his million on PlayStation games and bongs. They also could not ask back Sash after his (supposed) controversial offer to split the prizemoney with Jane in order to secure her vote at the Final Tribal Council.

5. Erik from Micronesia. A great choice for the whole “Circle of Life” metaphor. A fan originally and now a favourite. Should have won last time if not for an ill-timed sex education lesson from the Black Widow Brigade. Memo to Erik. Beware of coconuts. Will always be remembered for making the dumbest move in Survivor….EVER….by giving up immunity at the Final 5!

6. Brandon from Survivor: Endless Prayers. Since Shambo wouldn’t return the producers’ calls, Brandon fills the crazy quotient required in all recent seasons of Survivor, plus extending the pimping of the Hantz name on national television for another 15 minutes. I wonder if Brenda or Andrea will dare tempt Hantz into more impure thoughts by sexily gathering firewood or drinking parasite-infested water from the well in their skimpiest bikinis. Is he a favourite? Hell no! Just psychologically disturbed thus making him brilliant reality-tv trainwreck vision.

7. And speaking of Andrea, she is back after playing on Survivor: Let’s rig the game so Boston Rob can win on his 4th attempt! Favourite? Can anyone remember what she did the first time around besides realising on Day 6 that she wasn’t in Boston Rob’s circle of trust but not doing anything about it? Well, I guess since Matt refused to return, she must have been the next best thing.

8. Corrine from Survivor: Gabon. The only Survivor contestant to publicly complain that her edit on television was misleading as it did not make her look bitchy enough. She will always be remembered as the person who said the most spiteful thing at any Final Jury Questions Tribal Council (and that includes the great Sue Hawk). Who could forget her telling Suzie to remove her vocal cords for a million dollars and then telling Sugar that her crying over her recently deceased father would be more genuine if she took a bottle of anti-depressants first? Favourite? In a pantomime “Boo Hiss” manner, maybe.

9. And then there’s Special Agent Phillip from Survivor: Boston Rob Won. Favourite? See Brandon Hantz above. Phillip completes the crazy quotient with Brandon. Who could forget his constant bending over in his fuchsia y-fronts, plus insisting that he is being guided by the spirit of his Native American grandfather? And also thinking he was the instigator of the controlling alliance with Boston Rob. He is a psychiatrist’s wet dream. Still, out of all those asked to be back, he is the only one that made it to the Final Tribal Council and he placed second.

10. And finally……we have Franquesca….Franny….er…I mean Francesca from Survivor: The Boston Rob Tea Party. Who? For the first time ever, a first-time boot was asked back. How many times did she have to sleep with Mark Burnett to be invited back? Besides her fight with Phillip, did she do anything memorable to warrant the Favourite tag? Probably a nice and intelligent person in real life. Favourite? Hell no!

As we head into the introduction, there are a raft of clues of how I suspect this game will be played out this season. Firstly we hear from Andrea observing that those that were asked back made big mistakes in the game the first time around. This is the time to correct those mistakes. I suspect then that Andrea will be playing a lot more aggressively this time around to correct her passive gameplay from the last time. Expect a lot of backstabbing from her. May explain why Brenda posted a few snarky tweets about Andrea last year. Next, we hear Dimples explaining that the fans need to learn the game fast or will be quickly voted out. A sneaky shot of Julia is shown. Don’t be surprised if she is one of the first three voted out of the game. And when we do see the introduction, there is a picture of a crocodile inserted between Cochran and Dawn. Given that Cochran has form in backstabbing people, I’m going to predict that Dawn will not be the sweet Mormon mother of 6 kids she was the first time around. Expect her to be backstabbing and ruthless as she bites the hand that feeds her. And what gives with both Malcolm’s and Brenda’s introduction shots? They both look like they are auditioning for a Pantene commercial!