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Guest Post By BDD: My Kitchens Rules – The Final Finals

Thanks to BDD for taking the time to do the recap it is much appreciated and thanks to Georgie for helping him.

Over to BDD and Georgie:

We begin at MKR Headquarters with Dan remarking on the “electric atmosphere” in the MKR kitchen. Really?. The series has dragged on for so long now that many audience members probably could use a good jab with a cattle prod to wake them up. The finalists are busy congratulating themselves before Manu delivers the news that competitors are coming back into the competion- one of the oldest tricks in the reality tv book.

Manu brays that “Ze competition is habout to be turned on hits ‘ead!” to make the old trick sound new.

The Tassie boys are back, packing tales of explosions and self destruction in Komback Kitchen.If you took Tassie Pops’ words at face value Komback Kitchen is worse than hard labour in a Siberian salt mine. Pops says they wanted to learn as much as they could in Komback Kitchen cos it’ll help with the radio career, right?

The “entitled ” contestants self congratulating soon turns into the intruder resentment we’ve become familiar with on The Biggest Loser, Big Brother, etc

Manu steps up and tells the contestants that their brief is to create an Anus Bush..Sixty minutes gice…. He warns the contestants that tonight , they’ll have to use all their abilities ,craftsmanship and talents. Don’t expect an avalanche there, folks.

The Bondi boys go for Seared Scallops with some caramelised Chorizo, pickled apple and lime mayo. “Surf and Turf”. Whatever. Jake and Elle choose Goat’s Cheese with a Beetroot Stack and some Balsamic gel The Beetroot will match Elle’s hair a treat.. Dan and Steph plonk for Seared Beef with some salt and pepper Bone marrow and beetroot. Sam and Chris try to blow their trumpets with some Tuna Tartare Cornets,avocado and wasabi mousse. Pops decrees that Tassie will go for Sesame Prawns with Green mango and Cucumber salad.

There’s an ad break. Can’t get away from Shannan Ponton pimping Osteo Krill.

Back at MKR Headquarters now, we find Manu praising Tassie Pops and Son for being “Sorganised “.Elle ups the grammar stakes by bleating- “One of us teams could be going home”. She’s dirty about Tassie coming back because her and Jake have worked so hard. Various team members gibber about the need for “perfection” and ‘nailing it”. This isn’t the audience’s fiirst rodeo , producers. We know that a crap piece of undercooked fish will get you through to these “Finals”

Pops is struggling to keep his fingers out of the Tassie team’s sauce. Sam and Chris are starting to stress out about the their tuilles stuffing up. Just another night in MKR kitchen. I’m worried for Jake and Elle, chucking flower petals on their Anus Bush. Manu cut crook about this a few months ago , now it looks like he couldn’t give a rat’s claqeur. We see Pops getting shirty with poor Matt,who is clearly the brains of the outfit.

Pete informs us that the secret of the Anus Bush is to focus all the skills into one little mouthful. Some of the contestants give the impression they are cooking for Blue Whales , looking at the size of their creations.

It’s time to judge the Anus Bushes.

Jake and Elle’s is “perfect” , Manu reckons. Best looking dish ever on MKR says Pete. Lots of elements fighting on the Bondi Boys plate , according to Pete. The apples wee crap, too. They nearly “tuke ma ‘ead off” said Manu. Manu thinks Tassie Pops and son learned a lot in Komback Kitchen but Pete shitcans the rice. Dan’sand Steph get accolades for their dish bold,delicious and exquisite. Sam and Chris’s tuna gets canned for not being dressed enough.

In spite of the fighting elements on the Bondi Boys plate and the appalling apples, they’re safe. The smell of rat is overpowering at this point in proceedings.

The Tassie Boys and Sam and Chris are sent to a sudden death “kook-hoff”. Ninety minutes to make your signature deesh, gice.

Sam and Chris go for Biff Sheiks wiz ze Pumkin and Spinach Ravioli wiz ze baby carrots. It looks more nutritious than the Tassie boys offering, but what do I know?.

The Tassie tilt is Chocolate Pecan Meringue Cake with coffee dates and vanilla sour cream. Pops tells his son that, “You’re the boss” . Heard that one before, Pops. He then proceeds to ride his son hard about checking his stuff in the oven.. Why do watch this show? To quote Chrissie Amphlett, ” I must have been desperate” I’m glad Australian Story is repeated on Saturday arvo.

Pete and Manu try and act interested by speculating about the Biff Sheiks and the pressure cooker time. Manu’s worried about Chris vagueing out and not working fast enough.

“Gice, you should be plaiting up ,now” ,brays Manu. The guest judges are frogmarched out to do their stuff once more. I’ve waited all night to perve at Liz Egan.

Sam and Chris are first to face the muzak.

Guy 7
Liz 8
Colin 7
Manu -Huit
Pete 7

Team Tassie get:

Guy 8
Karen 8
Liz 9
Colin 8
Manu- Huit
Pete 8

Tassie Pops and Son get the chocolates 49 to 44. Komback Kitchen made them invincible. Crawling up Colin’s arse did them no harm, either.

The layout for the semi finals tomorrow’ is

Jake and Elle v Tassie Pops and Son

Dan and Steph v Bondi Boys.

Many thanks to Georgie for doing this recap with me and straightening me out on the “Amuse Bouche”


1 Techhater { 04.23.13 at 11:58 pm }

Stacey The funny thing about State Of Origin is we never bothered that much when we were in NSW. But they do take it quite seriously here. Probably due more to the social aspect than anything else. Any excuse for a party.

2 nanaliz { 04.24.13 at 12:14 am }

Its funny here at the top of the mountain, we can hear noise from down low and on origin nights you suddenly here a great cheer, or expletives depending on who has scored. Even if we weren’t watching we would still know the score. I think the neighbours must have had a laugh the other night when A&S got booted. I let out a yell,Tony had nodded off and nearly fell out of his chair,but they must have heard me.

3 layla { 04.24.13 at 12:44 am }

A.P@136 It just comes across as extremely wankerish and bogan behaviour. I hope someday they realize how ridiculous they sound to the rest of the country, who quite frankly couldn’t give two hoots where they’re from.

Going by the previous years, two male teams have lost the grand finale so whether Mick and Matt will win tomorrow and make it through grand final only time will tell. It would be nice to see an all male team win. They started their radio jobs after MKR wrapped up and none of the teams know who won so they’re not gonna knock back an opportunity like that just “incase” they might win MKR.

Dan and Steph have made the grand finale and they really haven’t done much promotion with ch7 or anything. It’s been all Jake and Elle, Bondi Boys, Chris and Sam, and some Mick and Matt.

Jake and Elle plan to release a cook book and an ice-cream range so we don’t know whether that means they’ve gotten through to the final either.

Mick and Matt have improved. Matt’s desserts are amazing and I’ll be shocked if he whips up a dud tomorrow night. Their prawn thing they made last night looked great. Just silly Pete being anal about the rice so the Bondi Boys would be safe.

Just like tonight, it will be a tough call. One thing I have learnt is not to listen to what the judges say when they’re at the table because they’ll say the complete opposite when giving the scores. Pete and Manu seem to like both Jake and Elle, and Mick and Matt equally so hopefully no biased judging either.

4 Brainless Dave { 04.24.13 at 9:51 am }

Ha ha ha – how ridiculous do some of you genius armchair experts look now? “Bah, it’s rigged, the Bondi boys will be in the final and win…”. I just wish I was even half as smart as some of you think you are.

5 Tyrion Lannister { 04.24.13 at 10:03 am }

Does anyone know how I can contact Elle so that I can make her my concubine?

Elle equals Shae with jugs, so she can polish my sword anytime she wants.

Since I had to strangle Shae after catching her shagging my dad, Lord Tywin, I’ve been a little lonely you see.

Sure, I could see the girls at Littlefinger’s house of carnal delights, but despite the rumors we Lannisters don’t actually shit that amount of gold.

Winter is Coming. And the nights are getting pretty damn cold without a nubile young woman warming the sheets.

Oh, I promise not to share her with Bronn.

6 daisy { 04.24.13 at 10:24 am }

SoTH 149 They can only do 10 push-ups and have to start again?
TL@155 You may have to get in line. I think there is a queue.
Thanks AP we’re off to Gangga Island Resort today. Woolf is hanging out for some skin-diving. He’s going with Woolf, pronounced Woolif.

7 Georgie { 04.24.13 at 10:44 am }

#154 – “I just wish I was even half as smart as some of you think you are.”

Everyone needs a goal, so hang in there and keep working toward it.

8 brain dead dave { 04.24.13 at 10:59 am }

I made no such forecast, “Brainless Dave”. Fail for you, as usual.

You need some help coming up with an original screen name. Good luck with that.

9 cuisinaire { 04.24.13 at 11:41 am }

Stacey #150, you’re obviously too young to remember but State of Origin games were also played for Aussie Rules in the southern states. in the first game in 1977, WA annihilated the Vics (just to demonstrate where the talent was at that time).

10 layla { 04.24.13 at 11:49 am }

I thought that was BDD for a second at @154 but quickly re-read the user name. Fail for you indeed mister – I sit on a boucy exercise ball in my office, not an armchair. 😉

11 Don Draper { 04.24.13 at 12:00 pm }

” I sit on a boucy exercise ball in my office, not an armchair.”

In my office, ladies sit on the lap.
Whether it’s bouncing or not depends on busy we are.
Any of you ladies ready for some dictation?

12 Don Draper { 04.24.13 at 12:00 pm }

” I sit on a boucy exercise ball in my office, not an armchair.”

In my office, ladies sit on the lap.
Whether it’s bouncing or not depends on how busy we are.
Any of you ladies ready for some dictation?

13 Stacey { 04.24.13 at 2:05 pm }

Cuisinair: Born in 1990 so yeh maybe a bit late.

14 daisy { 04.25.13 at 9:04 am }

Very Benny Hill of you. Lucky for you, you are in such naughty company because I think the office lap dance has been outlawed. LOL