Guest Post By BDD: My Kitchens Rules – The Final Finals
Thanks to BDD for taking the time to do the recap it is much appreciated and thanks to Georgie for helping him.
Over to BDD and Georgie:
We begin at MKR Headquarters with Dan remarking on the “electric atmosphere” in the MKR kitchen. Really?. The series has dragged on for so long now that many audience members probably could use a good jab with a cattle prod to wake them up. The finalists are busy congratulating themselves before Manu delivers the news that competitors are coming back into the competion- one of the oldest tricks in the reality tv book.
Manu brays that “Ze competition is habout to be turned on hits ‘ead!” to make the old trick sound new.
The Tassie boys are back, packing tales of explosions and self destruction in Komback Kitchen.If you took Tassie Pops’ words at face value Komback Kitchen is worse than hard labour in a Siberian salt mine. Pops says they wanted to learn as much as they could in Komback Kitchen cos it’ll help with the radio career, right?
The “entitled ” contestants self congratulating soon turns into the intruder resentment we’ve become familiar with on The Biggest Loser, Big Brother, etc
Manu steps up and tells the contestants that their brief is to create an Anus Bush..Sixty minutes gice…. He warns the contestants that tonight , they’ll have to use all their abilities ,craftsmanship and talents. Don’t expect an avalanche there, folks.
The Bondi boys go for Seared Scallops with some caramelised Chorizo, pickled apple and lime mayo. “Surf and Turf”. Whatever. Jake and Elle choose Goat’s Cheese with a Beetroot Stack and some Balsamic gel The Beetroot will match Elle’s hair a treat.. Dan and Steph plonk for Seared Beef with some salt and pepper Bone marrow and beetroot. Sam and Chris try to blow their trumpets with some Tuna Tartare Cornets,avocado and wasabi mousse. Pops decrees that Tassie will go for Sesame Prawns with Green mango and Cucumber salad.
There’s an ad break. Can’t get away from Shannan Ponton pimping Osteo Krill.
Back at MKR Headquarters now, we find Manu praising Tassie Pops and Son for being “Sorganised “.Elle ups the grammar stakes by bleating- “One of us teams could be going home”. She’s dirty about Tassie coming back because her and Jake have worked so hard. Various team members gibber about the need for “perfection” and ‘nailing it”. This isn’t the audience’s fiirst rodeo , producers. We know that a crap piece of undercooked fish will get you through to these “Finals”
Pops is struggling to keep his fingers out of the Tassie team’s sauce. Sam and Chris are starting to stress out about the their tuilles stuffing up. Just another night in MKR kitchen. I’m worried for Jake and Elle, chucking flower petals on their Anus Bush. Manu cut crook about this a few months ago , now it looks like he couldn’t give a rat’s claqeur. We see Pops getting shirty with poor Matt,who is clearly the brains of the outfit.
Pete informs us that the secret of the Anus Bush is to focus all the skills into one little mouthful. Some of the contestants give the impression they are cooking for Blue Whales , looking at the size of their creations.
It’s time to judge the Anus Bushes.
Jake and Elle’s is “perfect” , Manu reckons. Best looking dish ever on MKR says Pete. Lots of elements fighting on the Bondi Boys plate , according to Pete. The apples wee crap, too. They nearly “tuke ma ‘ead off” said Manu. Manu thinks Tassie Pops and son learned a lot in Komback Kitchen but Pete shitcans the rice. Dan’sand Steph get accolades for their dish bold,delicious and exquisite. Sam and Chris’s tuna gets canned for not being dressed enough.
In spite of the fighting elements on the Bondi Boys plate and the appalling apples, they’re safe. The smell of rat is overpowering at this point in proceedings.
The Tassie Boys and Sam and Chris are sent to a sudden death “kook-hoff”. Ninety minutes to make your signature deesh, gice.
Sam and Chris go for Biff Sheiks wiz ze Pumkin and Spinach Ravioli wiz ze baby carrots. It looks more nutritious than the Tassie boys offering, but what do I know?.
The Tassie tilt is Chocolate Pecan Meringue Cake with coffee dates and vanilla sour cream. Pops tells his son that, “You’re the boss” . Heard that one before, Pops. He then proceeds to ride his son hard about checking his stuff in the oven.. Why do watch this show? To quote Chrissie Amphlett, ” I must have been desperate” I’m glad Australian Story is repeated on Saturday arvo.
Pete and Manu try and act interested by speculating about the Biff Sheiks and the pressure cooker time. Manu’s worried about Chris vagueing out and not working fast enough.
“Gice, you should be plaiting up ,now” ,brays Manu. The guest judges are frogmarched out to do their stuff once more. I’ve waited all night to perve at Liz Egan.
Sam and Chris are first to face the muzak.
Team Tassie get:
Tassie Pops and Son get the chocolates 49 to 44. Komback Kitchen made them invincible. Crawling up Colin’s arse did them no harm, either.
The layout for the semi finals tomorrow’ is
Jake and Elle v Tassie Pops and Son
Dan and Steph v Bondi Boys.
Many thanks to Georgie for doing this recap with me and straightening me out on the “Amuse Bouche”