Guest Post From Annajjj – House Rules And The Dust Is Flying
Back for the third episode of House Rules and first up a quick reminder of everything that we saw 23 hours ago including a flash back to Michelle yelling for her husband and was anyone else reminded of Throw Momma From The Train’s momma calling for Owen?
Teams arrive at the house and we get another reminder of the challenge the teams face and that the house has been divided into zones and each team gets a zone. Judging will be done by judges and the owners.
Cue oboe music as we cross to Jane and Plinth struggling with their bathroom and Plinth shows us how he dries himself in hotel bathrooms. Looks ineffective to me but whatever.
Nick and Chris’s team are struggling with clichés and Chris and his spanner in the works has put them one step behind the eight ball. They have to get their kitchen installed today or they will be in serious trouble.
Michelle and Steve know a thing or two about DIY and Michelle suggests she has heaps of spac filler for the big gaps. Michelle inspects the quality of Steve’s work and is unimpressed. Steve reminds us that they hold the Battler’s title and as a result they should win.
Amy and Sean up their cute factor to 15+ in matching singlets. And is that…yes it is…Amy has a black eye which she explains came as a result of walking into Sean’s hammer. We’ll assume this happened off screen or possibly last night at the motel and Sean’s hammer is a euphemism for ah…tool?
Minds firmly out of the gutter and off we go to Masters to watch Amy struggle with architraves. She calls for help and is this a new cool way of using the phone that I was unaware of?
Leighton says we need a plinth for the tilers but he’s busy working on the bathroom so Leighton will have to make do with someone else. Hi girlfriend Reese Witherspoon offers to help him but the best thing she can do is go away so he can get things done.
Disaster in the kitchen as the fridge is smack bang against the pantry. Chris KNEW this would be the case but for some reason kept quiet about it until now possibly so he could say I told you so to his brother. Ah brotherly love.
In one of those bizarre twists that producers come up with to stir up trouble keep things interesting, the teams are told they now have to book their tradies time using the same weird paper roster system that art students employ in their attempts to organise their group houses. This works just about as effectively as there are two pens handed out (read grabbed) by the two closest teams leaving everyone else to stand around and bitch as all the good spots are taken. Control freak Jane rushes in to book every tradie for every minute while husband Plinth stands by looking awkward. Nick has a little bitch to camera about the selfishness of the other teams.
Momma Michelle has a discussion with the designer and wow is she really that tall or is that camera angle? Momma tells her that it’s almost like the real world with real clients to work for. The fact that she is working with four future clients seems to have escaped her notice.
Small meltdown from Amy and Sean wins Caring Sensitive Husband of the Year by blaming everything on himself.
Caroline McCrave-Burger shows up again with her annoying hair to point out the major rookies mistake Nick and Chris have made in designing the pantry door to face the fridge door. Not sure how they can fix that but it’s nice of her to point out that they’ve made a huge mistake. Nick is in a positive frame of mind though. He thinks they won’t get judged harshly on the fridge placement since there are heaps of other mistakes for the owners to focus on.
Reese is sent off to shop to get her out of the way. Reese gets excited as finally she can give up sharpening pencils or posing as wardrobe side walls and provide some real value to their team. Unfortunately she is limited in what she can buy as Leighton has very firm ideas on bamboo. I have very firm ideas on bamboo and Leighton right now too.
People are exhausted and start falling asleep all over the worksite.
Next day and Leighton waves a saw at Reece’s head while ordering her to find mushroom mould. That’s a thing? Cute couple Seamy exchange a kiss.
Now my favourite line of the episode. Requisite hunky tradie explains that “just because it’s called self-levelling concrete doesn’t mean it levels itself”. Brilliant! Chris does another I told you so.
Steve aka OHS Kel is annoyed that he can’t paint due to all the dust. Perhaps they could ask Jane to vacuum it up again. Side note – I did wonder what the Tassie couple thought when they saw the footage from the second episode showing the two of them declaring they are not idiots interspersed with footage of Jane industriously vacuuming the bathroom while the machine spewed dust from the back.
Speaking of Jane, she is unleashing her creativity in true Mia Michaels style which means ignoring what everyone else likes and going with her own genius. She has found a small black coffee mug and threads it with some red wool to create the world’s smallest stupidest light fitting. No one can work out how to hang it but Mia Michaels thinks it looks industrial or edgy or something so it stays.
Michelle shopping now and has found very New York style chandelier for Jemma. She tortures a poor shop assistant by doing an interpretive dance of walking down a hallway.
Homeowners Jemma and her husband, Barry DuBois Jnr appear briefly on camera again to remind us who they are and that they are apprehensive about what might be happening to their house as there are very old people with very old tastes renovating it but let’s face it they have a 1970’s house built on a sand pit so they really can’t be expecting much worse.
Michelle describes her vision for the bedroom to Kel – bed, bedside tables…Kel wants a mirror on the ceiling and pretends he is only joking and right now I’m really wishing Jemma and Barry Jnr were flies on the wall.
Kitchen floor looks good. Beauty room looks good. Hall looks like a bomb site.
OHS Kel is sprawled out in the living room in Child’s pose having a stretch. Thankfully we are spared Downward Dog. He advises us that one of the disadvantages of being older than the other contestants is that they aren’t as young and flexible. Cheers for that. Loving wife Michelle shows up to give him a wedgie which promptly destroys Kel’s tranquillity and the appetites of anyone having a late dinner.
Jane secures her position as most irritating contestant by wandering around removing people’s water bottles. Then its bed time for her while everyone else prepares for an all-nighter painting and assembling flat packs. There is some pretty sloppy painting going on.
Ad break and we are reminded that Celebrity Belly Flop is still screening and has anyone seen an episode of this ever?
The cold light of day reveals all the mistakes the exhausted teams made the previous night. Well everyone but Jane who is bouncing about loudly wishing Plinth a very 48th birthday. Plinth who has aged 15 years in the last three days brushes her off. You’ll pay for that later mate.
Hall cupboard drama and Seamy threaten to have a melt-down but instead rally and decide to split up and keep working.
Kels lounge has turned up – well he thinks it is their lounge. Um who else’s would it be? Jane and Plinth’s bathroom lounge?
Leighton has a hissy fit at poor Reese who continues to grin bravely to camera. Ok I know he is tired but lay off your girlfriend mate.
And we end on a dramatic note as the back of Seamy’s hall cupboard has gone missing. Personally I smell sabotage. Has Chris stolen it so he can tell them I told you so when it turns up? Has Kel stolen it to provide a backing for his creepy ceiling mirror? Has Jane taken it to turn it into an abstract coffee table/bathroom mat?
We have to wait until next week to find out.