Guest Post: House Rules – And Things Are Heating Up
Another hilarious House Rules post by Annajjj. Over to her:
Last episode before reveal and it’s 38 degrees in Melbourne. This must have been filmed a while back since it was about half that there today.
Although camping in the heat is preferable to camping in Tasmania it’s not without issues. Our clothes are all over the place Jemma tells us, and Barry Jnr put my top on this morning thinking it was his. Barry grins sheepishly at camera and tries for an expression that says yes it was a genuine mistake.
The other teams turn up for work but two people are missing. We are given a few seconds to imagine Reese flying home to change the locks on their house, before we see her driving and its ok she has just gone to source building materials. She arrives back on site and is greeted by Leighton. They have been together two years and apparently drive each other insane and bonkers. It’s not supposed to be that hard Reese. Plus you managed to dump Ryan Phillipe so this guy should be easy
Jane is the other no show. She has hurt her back and can’t work today; she has to stay in bed and eat chocolate. Plinth is concerned about having to work alone. She’s a good back up says Plinth. Except not now.
Kel sympathises. He knows exactly how that feels as his back went in Perth, the subtext being he simply took some Panadol® and a teaspoon of concrete and got on with things. He offers to give Plinth a hand later on if he has some time. He appears to have time now but is busy chatting with the other teams.
More Michelle hollering for Kel. She won’t let him help Plinth and points out it’s a competition.
Homeowners Chris and Nick have moved off the couch and are now sitting outside drinking beer and trying to appear relaxed. Final house rule is take some risks. We don’t want a basic plain house adds Chris. Don’t worry Chris, log wall art and leopard skins are coming your way.
Speaking of horrible we get another look at the fireplace and Barry is well pleased with his work. He reckons he will quit if they don’t win this one.
Outside Michelle and Kel try to work out the tile pattern and I’m calling it now – they will be one of the 10’s from Joe. I think this tiny laundry is going to look pretty amazing.
Seamy are aiming to make the kitchen bold and there is no mention of the missing kitchen order. Meanwhile L&R are doing their den and Reese wants to confirm their paint colours; a flat burgundy for the ceiling with an aqua gloss trim. It will be interesting to see if that works.
Jane takes herself to hospital and the good news is the damage is not permanent. A couple of days rest and some Panadol® and she will be fine.
Boys have moved back inside to the couch and they tell us again that they don’t think the teams will be stupid enough to interpret No White as meaning they don’t want white ceilings. Cos you know, that would be stupid.
Seamy’s missing kitchen arrives and even while stressing over it these two are so pleasant and forgiving. Can anyone be that nice all the time? Doesn’t it get exhausting? They never go berserk and punch walls and kick stray animals or anything.
Reese arrives back from picking paint and Leighton gives her a quick hug. They are getting on today so that’s a relief for everyone.
Still Janeless, Plinth rises to the challenge of unpacking their orders. Another red cord jobbie says Plinth and oh god has Jane ordered these light fittings in bulk? Maybe the designer is a friend. Jane is the backbone of the family says Plinth but clearly not a very strong back bone.
Sean is a day behind due to the kitchen being unexpectedly cancelled and now he finds out his wall is crooked. What are you going to do asks Amy and Sean thinks about it. Small meltdown, stomp off and find a cat to kick? Done.
Barry reveals his feature wall fireplace and seriously? If this room scores the 10 from Joe I’m going out the window with Jane. Plinth and Kel inspect the lounge room and Kel quickly adds No feature fireplace to his list of House Rules.
The grate is in and Plinth is grateful. More dad jokes. Great.
Leighton has disturbing news – he witnessed a car crash on the way to the shops. He’s pretty shaken and has learned a valuable life lesson about the important things in life which don’t include riling up your girlfriend.
Next day and Jane has turned up at the house to try and milk some sympathy from the rest of the contestants. She’s here to supervise Plinth which is pretty much what she has been doing all along except now she has a pained expression to go with it. She goes shopping and WTF is that a gigantic cock out the front? Please please please buy it Jane. It will definitely fit with ‘Take Risks’ and you could hang Chris’s leopard skin dressing gown off it.
Back at the house Plinth says the two words which strike horror into the heart of Kel: Wallpaper. Muriel. Kel, who barely survived the living nightmare that is hanging wallpaper, tries desperately to discourage him and his earlier offer to help out is apparently revoked.
McCrave-Burger turns up wearing a red pop of colour to find fault with Jemma and Barry Jnr who are celebrating bizarre hat day and here’s where we get the complications of this program’s idea. Leighton’s bulkhead in part of the hallway is affecting the look of Jemma and Barrys entrance and McCrave advises Barry to think about ways he could minimise the impact. Barry obediently starts thinking. His solution is to highlight the bulkhead by cladding it with a mirror.
Kel wants to make a point to Michelle. Even though she numbered the tiles wrong he was able to figure things out. So there.
Boys are still sitting on the couch stressing about their house. It’s been a long week.
Jane wants to help Plinth but frankly the best thing she could do is go and change out of those orange leggings. She gets upset at this suggestion and turns to Michelle for comfort. Michelle has done 6 months of a fashion design TAFE course so she is fully qualified to offer advice. Leggings are not pants Jane.
Leighton is painting the ceiling dark pink. It looks horrible but at least it isn’t white. Teams take shifts working through the night. As usual Plinth takes both shifts for his team.
The next morning and Leighton is still being nice to Reese and although the cynical among us are wondering how long this will last, most viewers are just glad to see an end to the fighting.
Look at me orders Jane in her best Kath Day-Knight but poor Plinth’s eyes are hanging out of his head with exhaustion so he can’t focus on anything except robotic painting. Did you hear anything I just said? No. Do you still love me? No.
Sean is removing the tape edging and it pulls off the paint. He tries to salvage it but one of his tradesmen comes over and pulls off a great effing sheet of it. Amy stayed up all night to paint and she rightly loses the plot over this and goes off to find her own cat.
Preview of the house reveal and we see quite a lot of the finished house including the dressing gown hanging in Chris’s room. Will Plinth reign triumphant over wallpaper? We have to wait until Monday to find out.
*No animals were harmed in the writing of this blog and the author does not condone kicking cats. Husbands are fair game though.
House Rules on SEVEN, Monday to Thursday at 7.30pm.