Guest Post: House Rules and The Vic House Is Revealed
Sorry for delay in getting this guest post, I had to go offline today. Thanks again to Annajjj and over to her:
House reveal time and again we are promised it is the best one yet. The boys appeared on Sunrise this morning to spruik the show and at the end of the interview Kochie says perhaps there will be ceiling mirrors and ok what is with this middle-aged male obsession with ceiling mirrors? Honestly if you could see what I see…..
It feels like we have seen the previews of Nick and Chris’s house reveal about a thousand times so hopefully this episode will live up to the hype. First part of the program is the last minute rush to complete the zones and this bit seems even more hurried than usual. Amy has to paint again but why is she painting white?
Michelle and Kel’s zone is roughly the size of a milk crate but they are still tapping into the panic of the last few hours. A giant turns up to plumb in the washing machine and warns them not to touch him. First proper look at the laundry and bathroom and hmmm not so sure after all. Tiles are pretty cool but probably not worth a score of 10.
Over to the largest zone and in Nick’s room Reese and Leighton have gone aftermath of the Red Wedding on the door jambs and ceiling. It’s not quite as violent looking as Matt and Kim’s panic room but I’d have trouble sleeping in there.
Shots of Nick and Chris packing up to come home. The boys go all Jessie and Biswa and promise there will be scores of 1 and 0 if they aren’t impressed.
Plinth is still working madly in the bedroom and he’s starting to get a bit fed up with the family backbone. He has to do everything and lift everything by himself while she is helping by making calls to see if she can get someone to actually help him.
Jemma goes off to pick up furniture, takes a wrong turn on the Hume highway and the music suggests she ends up in Arnhem land somewhere.
Heading back to Kel and the laundry and there is a last minute problem which someone manages to discover even without the help of McCrave-Burger. Hot weather has warped the doors and they have turned into bananas Kel tells us. Several times. Doors are bananas. It’s a good line Kel you should use it a bit more.
Jane begins the short descent into madness. She gets stressed by the noise of other people working and snaps at her long suffering husband before going to time out in the car. It’s good to see her making a valuable contribution to this reno; we’ve had the blood from Barry, sweat from Plinth and finally tears from Jane.
Potential kitchen disaster but Leighton advises removing the top to fit in the dishwasher. Aw Leighton you’re a good bloke hey? Plinth now attempts to wallpaper and Kel starts shaking violently.
One hour to go.
Jemma turns up with furniture and much nicer couches than Tassie got. Superman music for Sean running back and forth and getting hot and maybe…no no topless shot dammit.
Jo turns up for her blink and you’ll miss it appearance, which is still 20 seconds more than Chester got this week, and there are 10 seconds left on the clock gice®.
Plinth seems to have mastered the wallpapering, he’s slapping it on bottom to top and it’s actually going well. Jane gives him a hard time about the shower rail and honestly Jane just bugger off; he’s done the whole goddam reno on his own, just go and hang your dressing gown or something. Even Plinth is losing patience as she continues to flap about. We’ve got a minute left he tells her. Just do something. Something other than whinge at me preferably.
Horn blows. Time is up.
Wow amazing kitchen. Lots of hugs all around and Plinth demonstrates the key to his successful marriage by apologising to Jane. Kel pays homage to Plinth’s masterful wallpapering.
Experts Joe and Wendy (nice jacket Wends) arrive and first up it’s the entrance and lounge room. They like the feature fireplace and Joe thinks it’s a gutsy move to go from floor to ceiling. Everyone else thinks it’s a gutsy move to wear those pants in public Joe.
Kitchen, dining and family rooms look amazing. 10 maybe? Laundry is neat and the bathroom is great too. Snazzy says Joe but thinks the tiles are a bit feminine because real men don’t like sparkles. High-waisted pink jeans on the other hand… Next the bit we’ve been waiting for, Nick’s bedroom is moody and dark and murky and Joe thinks he might die in his sleep here. Den is sleek but to Joe it looks dead. Clearly Joe has a death fixation this week.
Moving on to Chris’s room, first the ‘before’ shot, and if Chris is watching this tonight betcha he is wishing he’d removed that box of tissues from his single bedside table before allowing cameras in. This room gets a small unenthusiastic wow from Joe. Ensuite is surprisingly good although judges think the sink is a bit small and the mirror is out of place and what absolutely no comment on the leopard skin hanging next to the mirror? I’ve been waiting five days and then nothing? Plinth appears to have put his foot down about the red cord jobbie light fitting as there is no sign of it.
Pink and blue theme going on back at headquarters and dammit when will Channel 7 stop stealing ideas from Masterchef? Scores from the judges.
Michelle and Steve – 5 and 7
Plinth and Jane get 6 and 7
Reese and Leighton – 5 and 4
10 is still up for grabs……
Seamy – 9 and wait for it yes! 10 and a mean little death glare from Jemma.
Barry Jnr and Jemma- 10 and 10 so wow. Perfect score.
After the break we get the boy’s reactions.
Nick and Chris jog up the steps, open the door and then huge grins all around. They are stoked with the lounge and don’t seem inclined to go any further. They test the seating and admire the fireplace and really seem reluctant to leave this room. Quick cutaway to Barry Jnr admiring his own work as they move into the hallway. Next the kitchen, they love it but Nick thinks the black will show up fingerprints and be a nightmare to clean. The perma-smiles are wiped off Seamy. Dining table is great and big tv gets a score although the big couch is possibly a bit close to the screen. Fair call. Laundry is fine but really must be the least interesting room to a couple of young bachelors. Boys love the sparkly shower tiles so there Joe. Nick tests out the shower but sadly for Kel we don’t get Nick taking advantage of the floor to ceiling mirror to admire his masculine form.
Nick’s room and he says he is stoked with the colours. They like the hallway bar and den is fine but they try out the foldout bed and it’s too hard to figure out so there will be marks deducted for that.
Into Chris’s room and massive props to Plinth for getting all that finished. Plinth’s voiceover tells us Chris is a slick guy and they went with that sort of ethic…does he almost say ethnic? Ensuite is good but Nick criticises the floating vanity and again no comment on the animal skin hanging conspicuously from the wall.
Boy’s scores and comments. Overall they are pretty happy.
J&P: Chris loved his bedroom and bathroom was a knockout. They get a 7.
M&K: Loved the tiles in laundry but Nick didn’t fit in the shower so a score of 4 which is a bit sad. Michelle blinks back tears.
L&R: Loved his bedroom and loved the bar but struggled with the sofa bed in the den so their score is a 5.
Pretty shitty scores for such an amazing makeover. Not cool boys.
Seamy – score a miserly 6.
J&B: The zone was amazing and they loved the feature wall. Score of 8 which seems fairer since they both really liked it.
Leighton and Reese come last but in a stunning twist their house is up next and although producers could still send them off camping for the week, their spot at Couples Counselling is already booked. They get to choose who will take their place and really the boys should go in after those pathetic scores but they choose Michelle and Kel. The reason they couldn’t choose Jane and Plinth even though no one likes Jane, is because she has a bad back. So Kel that’s what Panadol® and HTFU gets you.
We are off to bdd territory next and we are promised Little House Big Ideas but possibly Little house of horrors as more mistakes are made, some teams run out of options and someone or something pushes Kel to breaking point.