Guest Post: House Rules And The QLD House Begins
And it is Queensland turn to have their house renovated. Lucky for us Annajjj has it covered. Here is her recap:
In the suburb of Nundah, Brisbane tonight and we’re at Seamy’s house which is apparently built in a flood zone. They have a mortgage of $300K, are newly engaged and Amy is a personal trainer. Sean is a professional smiler.
The other teams arrive in tropical QLD, home of insects, cane toads and if the promos are to be believed, vicious possums. Jo keeps the wildlife theme going with panda eyeliner and Seamy hand over their keys and big white grins try unsuccessfully to hide their nervousness. Parting words: Understated rather than overstated but don’t play safe. In a world where everything is taken literally, this conflicting statement baffles the other contestants.
Have fun they call out as they leave. They don’t want bling or multiple feature walls Seamy told the car cam. The actual contestants should be told this stuff.
Jane has made a big decision not to go arty farty this time which begs the question; does anyone ever deliberately go arty farty? We haven’t seen the House Rules yet but if Go Arty Farty is listed I’ll be surprised.
Entering the house and it seems Seamy are big on those cheesy motivational cut outs. So a bit arty farty then. Jemma gets in a dig about Barry’s mother on national TV which means the next family BBQ is going to be awkward. Chris promises to bring the aggro to this reno. You’re not convincing anyone Chrissy.
The house is pretty run down and has an underneath laundry which scares even Michelle. Upstairs the boys discover motivational scribbles on the walls (and there is a scribbled Positive Positive Positive Team Shammy but they’ve spelt it wrong). I’d need more than motivational quotes to be Seamy-cheerful in this place. Chemical assistance maybe?
Zone allocation and Jemma and Barry Jnr choose the master bedroom and ensuite. Study, bathroom, hallway for Leighton and Reese and lounge, laundry and exercise area for Team Plinth and is that like their fourth laundry now? Who decides these zone allocations? Michelle and Kel get the kitchen, meals and back deck so finally a decent sized zone where they may be able to make an impact. Lastly the boys get the entry, spare bedroom and front porch area.
House Rules are revealed and everyone groans. Cheese arrives and confusion abounds. We want heritage charm, modern country, clean lines, industrial kitchen, rustic warmth, including wall panelling and fretwork arches, all crammed into one small weatherboard home. Finally make it warm, welcoming and above all, positive. Remove all the negatives from the walls please.
Time to pick through Seamy’s stuff and decide what to keep. Barry is distracted by a fitness magazine and I’m distracted by the giant pimple on the end of Barry’s nose. Fifty Shades of Grey in the bookcase, turf that and Barry saves or possibly steals the Kama Sutra book. Grace Removals® arrive.
Before anyone can start a guy called Chester turns up and he looks vaguely familiar. He tells contestants they have to stand around and wait while the house is raised by professionals. This part looked more dramatic in the previews and why did they have to wait until the clock started to do this bit? Good to see Jane hasn’t let popular opinion stop her from channelling Heidi.
Team Plinth move into the tent. Jane does that disturbing little banjo duel from Deliverance and threatens to throw griddles on the fire. Is Tassie suggesting QLD is full of inbreds?
Next morning and Team Plinth are looking rough. Other teams arrive and access to the house is via something called a scissor lift. You learn something every week. Reese is planning their design and she’s found a Homeart® catalogue so their area is pretty much sorted. The boys are scouting the neighbourhood taking photos of the houses and for some reason they both take a picture of the same house.
The first zone wars erupt as Michelle and Kel go head to head with Barry and Jemma on the size of their respective rooms. The Barry/Kel bromance forged last episode is still going strong but Jemma is not impressed with the final decision. Barry gets a bit heated and swears at Jemma and is he joking or not? Kel looks shocked.
Back from the Panadol® break and Barry and Jemma have a fight while Kel and Michelle watch on in delight. They’ve just realised Barry and Jemma are mini-mes.
Demolition starts and the younger guys are in their element. Hammers are swung around and muscles flex and ripple as the walls are brought down. Meanwhile all the females apart from Chris set off to the shops. Michelle arrives at a shop and what no mood board? We only got one then it was abandoned just when I was hoping to get more mileage. Reese has a mud map which is not as effective as a mood board. Wall Tile shop and Reese is going country antique and Jemma goes modern with a country twist and not since Tassie have we had such a broad and conflicting set of rules.
Kel establishes a drop zone and the idea is that no one walks into the drop zone while he is shoving furniture out of the window. Oh Plinth sorry did we forget to tell you about the drop zone? In the wall cavity Barry finds an old negative. Cue positive jokes. Elsewhere in the wall cavity they discover a possum and Barry goes into meltdown. Possums are his Kryptonite. The possum runs through the house and Superbarry shrieks in fright and climbs on a tool box for safety. Kel tells Chris that possums are actually drop bears and they’ll rip your eyes out and feast on your entrails. Chris readjusts his safety glasses more firmly and Superbaz faints.
Back from the break and we find out Plinth is a possum whisperer. We have a scene of Plinth, hand on hip, entering the house with his possum catching kit and it’s hardly contrived at all. Jane gets all hot and bothered by this unexpected manly side to her husband and someone’s air mattress is getting a work out tonight.
Work continues. Leighton is throwing everything into this reno but he’s as rough as guts and has wrecked some of the weatherboard. Jane goes shopping for exercise equipment at Elite® and we’re starting to see why she was allocated this area. She chooses stuff based on purely on pretty colours and hey Jane I’ve got a cute sparkly bridge you’re gonna love. Reese brings her tiles back for Leighton’s approval and Leighton pauses, frowns, then remembers Couples Camp and yes. He supportingly loves her choice. Kiss.
Jane and Plinth haven’t made inroads into their underneath area or their living room. They have measured a few times, chosen colourful kettlebells and relocated wildlife though so the day wasn’t a total waste. Next the boys go shopping and it is clear even at this stage that the boys are planning to cram every bit of fretwork, arch features and panelling into this place that they possibly can.
At Masters® with Kel and Michelle and still no mood board. We revisit Rule 3 and Seamy think they want a stainless steel kitchen with maybe a bit of timber to create a rustic touch and Michelle and Kel think they have nailed the brief. Viewers aren’t reassured.
Back at the house we get a few shots of people wandering around in the rafters without any sort of harness or safety gear so Kel must still be offsite. Nick is getting annoyed with everyone leaving rubbish in his zone so Jemma and her tiny green shorts are sent in to distract him. Meanwhile Leighton releases some pent up fury on the bathroom floor. Outside to Jane and Plinth and they tell us their motto is “You’re never in front, it’s just a matter of how far behind you are” which isn’t as catchy as Positive Positive Positive! but probably more appropriate and quite a lot less annoying.
Tonight the show was crammed full of product placement and advertising or possibly I’m just noticing it more. Tomorrow the boys play possum with Barry and it’s not all fun and games as Leighton and Plinth go head to head over room size.