Guest Post: The Bachelor – Last Three Girls
GidgetVonLaRue has been religiously watching The Bachelor and kindly offered a recap of the penultimate episode. Over to Gidget:
Wednesday night we saw the final three girls battle their dignity to win topless waiter bachelor Tim’s heart – or at least the lame ring he was supposedly designing. So they are saying he is a chiropractor now, but I have my doubts as he has handled every woman like they are grubs on a stick. Let us not forget the very first episode where a buffet of hot young kind of desperate women rolled out of a car and first caught his attention. He looked at them not like a guy sizing them up for some loving, but as a guy thinking ‘I hope my hair still looks awesome and they think I’m gorgeous. Plus the fame…oh the fame…I’ll be so famous’.
Now many of you that read Reality Ravers blog right now are thinking ‘who the hell is this clown?’, so let me explain. I’m Gidget Von Larue and I follow Emma – so there it is. Now buckle your seatbelts kids. There will be no red rose given out here. You might get a daisy – if you are lucky!
So Wednesday night started with a recap of Tim meeting the girl’s families. Seems Anna’s dad had enjoyed a few vino’s over dinner, but still made Tim nervous as Anna’s dad was really smart ‘n stuff! Let’s face it, all this expertise Tim has in all these areas the shows is bullcrap. And furthermore, squeezing the teet of a cow is something Tim is probably quite good at naturally – according to all the women he has previously slept with that are coming out of the wood work. Also turns out Anna’s dad is not just a lawyer, he’s with the mafia ‘I know where you live’. Jesus, he may as well just say I know where your nanna’s retirement home is and I know how to turn off the machine keeping her alive!’ No wonder this poor girl has never had a boyfriend!
So finally after filling a few minutes of recap, tonight show starts. Hoorah! Dani is gone (or as I called her Billie Piper) If you don’t know who that is – look up Dr Who tarts. She wasn’t too upset. She got to final four and probably enough fame to get a spread in Zoo magazine so hoorah for her – I guess.
They continue to put Tim in fast cars and expensive boats to make out he’s some secret classy millionaire James Bond – but remember girls – he’s a topless stripper in a bar for old broads who are bored with their husbands and hens parties. First time he’s driven a car with a value over $55,000 was in this show!
So he begins with claiming he’s ‘so excited to spend this week with Ali, Rochelle and Anna’ when secretly he’s thinking ‘I’ll be able to get my top off on one of these dates – surely’. Now by this stage – 2 minutes into the show – Tim saying ‘I could be spending the rest of my life with one of these women’ is rubbing me up the wrong way so bad I want to reach through the TV screen and make him fat! We all know it’s a TV show, he’s a model/actor/man whore and at the end of the show this couple will not even go on a date let alone get engaged and marry. So drop the bullshit Tim. You are a terrible actor thus why the only media you have done prior to this is a Lifestyle channel commercial where you take off your top and flex your pec’s.
(Emma can install the Lifestyle video here of Tim as a fireman)
So Tim is now telling us about the “overnight dates where we get to spend the whole day and night together’ but turns out he spends the day and HALF the night together as he suddenly found morals under his bed and does not sleep with ANY of the three women. Must have wanted to race back to his own room and look up pictures of himself!
So first ‘non sex’ date is with Ali. They delight in showing Ali making the show’s first night attempted kiss on Tim, and Tim rejecting her like she’s a piece of poop on his shoe. And her story goes downhill from there. Poor Ali is keen for love. More than keen, she’s mental for love – for Tim – for SOMEONE TO HOLD HER TIGHT! For such a pretty girl she’s really sadly gone on this show to warn any further suitors to run the other way. Ali is a keen girl on Tim – enough so that last episode she exploded the “I love you” (with no response from Dim Tim) then didn’t take the hint and continued it like an explosion of desperation. ‘She just hurt her leg in Broome and she’s still here’. Yes Tim, Ali would ‘be here’ if she was hacked to pieces with a chainsaw buddy. It’s not you, it’s just an available guy on a TV show. Don’t think even now she won’t feel the same for the next poor sod that wins her heart in one second.
So Ali actually awakes to reality and admits it was ‘kind of’ embarrassing to say she loves him when he didn’t return it while waiting in some bar for Tim to show up in his rental car. About time, but does that stop her – oh no! She’s like a robot becoming self-aware then suddenly the creator gets the machine back to its soul objective – love Tim, no matter what. Funny how she’s impressed with ‘his’ Porsche when it’s rented by the show, but bless, she’s so delusional. Then they drove into the Blue Mountains (we really must get that fence up) and oh, look – apples. Absolutely not set up at all aside from the fact there was a picnic SET UP for them. I also love how Tim makes out he got up early and made the cucumber sandwiches himself. I did notice Tim never went around to open her door? I don’t care if you are a Princess or crazy Ali – gentlemen open a ladies door on a date (eh not when we are married or living together – stuff that s**t) Can I just say when I was Ali’s age and not quite as hot as her – I had men desiring me. Men had to fight for my affections – not the other way around. I was never desperate, I was just happy! My mum did something right!
So hands up who is buying Ali’s book on ‘Recipes for a Perfect Marriage’? Yeah, didn’t think so. I’m not sure I want to cook up ‘Stalking Stew’ anytime soon.
Ok I’ll skip to next date: Rochelle. So Rochelle has a wall, and that ‘wall’ seems to be when Tim found out she competed in beauty pageants even though he’s a male model? Tim did not like that. How dare she keep secrets from me even though I’m bull crapping about being a chiropractor! The bitch! But he’s willing to break down that wall even though she went quiet at her family dinner. How dare she be quiet as her father was talking?! What a snake! Was Timmy not getting enough compliments about how gorgeous and awesome he is? Oh pooky. So they take a hired boat to a remote beach around Sydney Harbour and eat nothing, but then put unknown notes into plastic bottles that are not allowed to pollute Sydney Harbour – but hey, it’s the bachelor, he can do what he wants! Turns out his note in his bottle was discovered on Watson’s Bay Beach:
Bless. So he also doesn’t root Rochelle – keeping his high morals above ground and moves onto Anna – the one we ALL guessed is going to be his pick. Anna is smart, savvy, attractive and has terrible choices in lipstick. Maybe her boozy dad picks her lipstick – who knows!? So now Dim Tim is pushing Anna to show him she loves him – pushing her to compliment him and desire him like some desperate fame & attention ho. Anna, being quite on the ball, tells Tim ‘You don’t also pick me, I pick you – if I don’t want that rose I can walk out that door’. She instantly became awesome to me… and I hope if he DOES pick her, she drops him then and there, tells him he’s a dick, throws the crappy badly designed ring in his face and walks off saying ‘I can do a lot better than you, douche bag’.
So one more episode to go! I hope to see you all next week – Wednesday night – for the AMAZING reveal of who Tim picks. I have feeling none of us will be surprised.