Guest Post: The Biggest Loser Kicks Off Taking On An Entire Town
After a technical malfunction on my end BDD came to my rescue at late notice to do The Biggest Loser recap for the first episode of Season NINE. It sounds like it was an entertaining episode.
Over to BDD:
Hayley Lewis announces that this year will be a very, very different season of Biggest Loser because “an entire town” has been targeted for $hine’s sport.
In the promos leading up to last night, Michelle Bridges reckons we’ll be seeing one of Australia’s “most obese towns” hammered into shape. It’s a small rural city, even the most cursory research will tell you.
The people of Ararat like getting hammered,but not with exercise. They’ve heard it all~”Arafat”, “Fatarat”. Shannan and Commando are on a train to the cellulite city, cursing the population for “living on take away food” and drinking too much. If the Commando and Shannan were the real deal, they’d be jogging to Ararat but they’re taking cheap shots from the train, convinced
that “this town needs us”.
The trainers on the train reckon there’s a problem with portion sizes in Ararat. Dead set? At this point, the producers have cherry picked some of the biggest arses in “Arserat”(tm) being dragged down the main street` for our viewing pleasure. Supermarket trolleys loaded to the gunwhales with junk food. Commando remarks on the “drinking culture” in pubs~ as if there’s going to be a “chess culture’ in there, right? Commando and Shannan could be starting to go bald,just quietly.
The Mayor of Ararat hasn’t got any answers but acknowledges the bleeding obvious about the literal shape the place is in. The Mayor’s at least got his weight under control, which is a minor miracle in this place.
Commando and Shannan have called for at town meeting at 9am, foolishly omitting to include a crowd pleasing sausage sizzle to get a few bums on seats.
What looked like a potential flop becomes a stampede of pumped townfolk bearing down on the Town Hall. The Commando and Shannan medicine show brags how they’ve been responsible for shedding 6 tonnes from “everyday Australians” Dr Swan is produced in an awful mustard coloured suit,informing the crowd that they spend 19 million per annum on take away food. A whole load of lard is released from a truck to show the people what their monthly fat consumption is in real time. I suspect most of the rubbery statistics of Dr Swan have been pulled from fat air to suit the occasion.
We’re about forty minutes into the show when the first contestant starts crying,one of the oldest tricks in the Biggest Loser book. Cue the tragic incidental piano and violin library music. Never been in love. No confidence.
Missing out. Couldn’t have babies because of my weight.Shannan says he can’t decide who to choose to go to the 24 strong boot camp.
We meet Cam, the local Woolworths manager, who’s a mover and shaker in his own right. He’s like the Clive Palmer of Ararat. His appalling tartan “running” shorts are easily the biggest fashion faux pas of the night.
The town drunk, Craig 34 is given a pass to boot camp, as is Cal ,an AFL footy player who drinks heaps and is sensitive to the obesity based taunts of barrackers at matches. Try the Chess or debating club. He rolls out a Biggest Loser favourite~ he’s “doing it for the kids”
So 24 boot camp passes have been handed out. One contestant remarks that a lot of them know each other. Commando tries to pour cold water on the trip to The Grampians warning that it will be all “blood,sweat and tears”. I don’t mind listening to them, let’s do it. We see a preview of him braying to the boot campers to “get on your guts and go!”
First challenge in boot camp is to climb Mt William, highest peak in Grampians ,said Shannan,talking it up for all it’s worth. 20% incline. What it is is a gently ascending bitumen road to the top of said place. There are more tears and struggles on the way and several contestants collapse. The boys at the local council won’t be happy about having to go out and fill in those hazardous dents in the bitumen, I reckon.
Gary, a fifty something year old reaches the top first and goes back to help his wife. The contestants come in like Brown’s cows to thunderous applause as Commando bleats that it’s not about winning but “about digging deep and giving your all”.
Commando’s rope challenge is next as he reckons this will isolate the weakest links in the chain of Losers.. The incentive of winning one of 14 Biggest Loser T shirts is used as a carrot for the contestants. They have to do
squats while holding the rope above their heads. Don’t mind the methane.
Cal the footy player makes it with his “good attitude”. The town drunk and Shaza from the steel factory are through. Woolworths Cam is made to jump through hoops to earn his Tshirt. He spent a lot of time puffed out on the deck but will be a big character in the show, I think.
Katrina gets through but her gallant husband’s climb to first on Mt William was all in vain. He should have tanked and cried was his fatal flaw.
Fourteen contestants are through, we haven’t met all of them yet. A few of them know each other and the mood seems quite friendly.How long before the age old motivators of greed ,jealousy and revenge spoil the party?
First weigh- in and family and friends tomorrow night. More tears in store. Is it wrong to laugh when the contestants cry and fall over?
88% of people in Ararat were born in Australia. Gold
discovered by Chinese miners there in 1850’s. Prior to
the European settlement of Australia, Ararat was
inhabited by the Tjapwurong Indigenous Australian
Biggest Loser screens tonight on 10 at 7.30 pm