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My Kitchen Rules – David puts the D Into Douche

David puts the “D” into douche. Instead of focusing on cooking he was too busy swilling red wine and kneading bread that was surplus to requirements.

Also it was a bit of a worry how bad his maths was considering he is a bank manager. How hard is half a cup of sugar to four passionfruits to work out.  The question was probably in last years Grade 3 Naplan test.

David is perfect management material and most of us will have worked with someone like him. He has managed to bullshit his way into a position and then talks the talk but is fairly incompetent. He was doing his mantra to camera “It is all under control” and not even realising until the dinner had totally stuffed up that there was a problem. At least like some managers he did not try and blame someone else. Though Corinne did say “She thought she had let him down”.

The Queensland couple David and his “trophy wife” Corinne and they were doing a seafood based menu because Corinne according to David is the “seafood queen”.

Jess from Western Australia nailed it when she intimated David is so pussy whipped that he sees Corinne’s skills through rose coloured glasses. Also did I hear correctly that Corrine is David’s fourth wife? He seems to have a lot of money so hopefully he did not screw the other three over in the divorce settlements.

David has an ego and it is related to his wife, his job and his wealth. He must think he is quite the catch and Channel Seven were risking a loss of ratings with people changing channels after the scene showing David with an open linen shirt showing the viewing his hairy tattooed chest in all its glory.

At least Corinne thinks he is a catch as she revealed she does not like being away from him and they were more touchy feely then NSW couple Uel and Shannelle.

It was hilarious when the teams arrived and after gasping at the view then stood around the table as there were no chairs to sit on. Even David looked stunned before asking the guests to come and get their own. He seemed to think this was OK. They also anointed Felix as the drinks person. The teams bitched about this but to be fair in other instant restaurants I have seen them pour their own drinks.

Their menu was crayfish stack for entree and the seafood queen was getting confused about the timing of cooking the cray at they were raw when they were first taken out.

David in prep time was seen just kneading the bread thinking they had plenty of time to do the main.  Props to Corinne she making the lime mayonnaise and cutting up the avocado for the Crayfish Stack entree. The problem with the stack it was just two layers the avocado and the seafood with a red capsicum garnish on top. 

David kept on giving off the whole everything is under control vibe but when the judges arrived he called Manu Pete, and Pete Manu. Pete thought it was stress however it was probably the booze he was knocking back in the kitchen.

Manu was underwhelmed by the entree and said they had not done enough and there needed to be something crispy in there.Pete said a little bit plain.

Jess was thinking it was all hilarious and saying it was more a pancake rather then a stack. It looked like something out of the 1980’s Woman’s Weekly Dinner Party cookbook.

After entree the evening started unravelling more. He just started making the pasta dough with Corinne telling him ten times it needs to be rested in the fridge for 30 minutes even though it only takes three minutes to cook.

After an hour Manu came into the kitchen where he was told it would be another hour. The seafood queen had to be shown by David how to get the meat out of the crab.

Uel told the judges that “sometimes the secret ingredient is hunger and maybe that is what he is trying to do”. The pasta was a disaster as it was falling apart and it clumped as soon as it hit the water. To be fair the crab sauce did look delicious. Then there was the bread already buttered on the side of the plate. The bread would have been better to go with the entree. At one stage David wondered whether to serve the bread and Corinne said they need it as they will be starving.

Pete said he was expecting something sensational however he got inconsistent pasta and it was clumped. Also he said there was too much pasta not enough crab. Manu said you spent to much time wanting to impress with the bread when he should have been focussing on the pasta.

David deluded as ever said the only thing that let them down was the pasta, not quite getting that was meant to be the hero of the dish!

Jess and Felix from Western Australia said as far as food goes it was not what we wanted but as competition it was exactly what we wanted as they knew they had  a better chance of getting in the next round.  Uel and Shannelle’s smiles got brighter as the meal went on knowing their shabby score might not be the shabbiest.

The meringue for the Eton Mess had not been cooked in the prep time so again they were behind  as it had to be cooked and cooled. David was making the passionfruit sauce and could not quite get the concept of half a cup of sugar and water to four passionfruit. He was thinking this meant if there is 14 passionfruit you needed seven cups of sugar and water. It was watery and sickly sweet. Lucky for them there was a passionfruit vine next door.

However they did not even leave the seeds in the sauce so it looked like orange juice on meringue and cream topped with spun sugar. Too sweet and no fruit on it. What were they thinking?

Pete was trying not laugh when he saw it. 

The scores as expected were ordinary:

WA – 5

SA – 5

Tas – 4

NSW – 4

Vic  – 3

The judges were generous considering what was plated up. Manu gave a five for entree, four for main, and four for dessert  and Pete gave a five for entree, and four for main, three for dessert.

Grand total score of 46 and they are on the bottom of the scoreboard and at risk of going home. There is a part of me that hopes they stay as they are great TV.

My Kitchen Rules on SEVEN Sunday to Wednesday nights.


1 Esmeralda { 02.11.14 at 1:15 pm }

I think the whole show is scripted. Not one personality is real. Corinne may not be the prettiest ‘trophy’ but she sure is smart. He is pretty lucky to have her but really can’t see what she sees in him. She could do better.