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Guest Post: Survivor Cagayan – “I’ve Got Something In My Front Pocket For You”

Another cracker recap from Gidget:

So last episode we are reminded that Alexis cried like a baby without its bottle when she was booted. Sharp move!  Her tribe return to camp where they discuss her crying and Bullfrog throws himself to his tribe like Kim Kardashion at a paparazzi camera. (I did not spell Kim’s last name correctly because firstly I can’t stand her or her family, thus I could not be bothered looking her name up!)

KK crying

Oh don’t cry Kim. No one cares. Curl up somewhere and – yeah you know what to do.

Now Appari have the upper hand with six- compared to five. Spencer from the original Brains tribe is all up in this own shit. He’s stoked and suddenly the remainder of brains tribe feel pretty damn solid. For now anyway…

Sarah the cop straight off starts making sure they are all solid and joined at the hip and blood brothers etc etc. In fact all of Appari are making sure none of them swap if merge happens. Well if anyone watched last week we all KNOW merge was happening. By the way – I hate Cass. Have done since her nerdy stupid ass ‘save J’Tia over a big strong man’ on her team!  And now Cass throws the ‘I don’t trust you’ to Sarah – genius. Actually tonight’s show made me feel I was bi polar. I had no idea if that person was doing the right thing and that other person was doing the wrong thing. Am I right?

yeah bitch

Yep, thought so.

So back at Solana, they are whinging about the heat – where as they were whinging about the rain three days ago. Bunch of whingers! Go play early Survivor where you got sweet F.A, no food, no comfort – nada. Back then it was HARD. Australia, Africa. This lot are a bunch of sooks. Just watch Naked and Afraid. Makes these people look like they are staying at the Four Seasons in New York!

real survivor

“Those Survivor brats are pussies’ ‘Yeah tell me about it!’

So the merge happens as everyone expected. Really all they are looking forward to is food, even though I’ve been corrected in them catching seafood. Turns out the show just doesn’t show it. Well if that is true – why are they so hungry? I could live on seafood for a year! (Then I’d probably want KFC or a cheeseburger!)

cheeseburger

‘Oh hello you naughty minx, where have you been hiding you cheeky little…nom nom nom)

So turns out not only do they all get food and booze (I’d be hitting the booze like Oliver Reed on a bender), they get a clue for a ‘super’ immunity idol with ‘powers’. Well if it’s Aquaman powers – eh! Just have a sleep in I guess. Tony ‘I’m not a cop, actually I am a cop’ is all excited about it and flexes his 40 year old muscles. Did you miss that? I’m sure you did as I just made it up as the show is pretty dull at this moment. Also the smoke monster from Lost shows up. Yep.

Spencer says to camera ‘I was on the worst tribe, I was at the bottom, I am amazed I’m still here’. Turns out he’s the smartest guy on the show (aside from L.J who can do no wrong).

5v45B8U

Oh boo, did you hurt yourself? Let me kiss it better.

So ‘merge’ to Trish means yoga sessions and of course it’s only the girls doing it because yoga is gay. Yeah biatch! If I want to stretch and work my body I’ll go to a swingers party!  Meanwhile Tony and L.J (my darling) chat around the fire being all ‘I’m a man, yep I’m a man too – fuck we are both men’ type of way. Bit like a backyard get together BBQ in an Australian backyard – but without the beer or dull conversation.  L.J says he wants to go spear fishing as he’s watching Tit’s McGee bend and stretch and he’s about to ‘Benny Hill’ it around the island! In fact Tit’s ‘tits’ are so big she cannot get her head to the ground – but I’m sure she can get her head into other spots! Yeah ok she has an awesome body. Fuck her. I’m allowed to be bitter, I’m over 40 and have veins.

smoking chick

Only those few people that have seen this excellent comedy will get the joke. The rest of you – sorry!

Now Tony knows his side only has 5,  where as the other side have 6! He must fix this so he addresses Sarah by not letting her talk what so ever and just barking orders at her like some Nazi (without the cool uniform) Oh don’t get all uptight. They had rocking uniforms.

I STILL think Woo is going to win this, but that aside, Tony feels he needs to get Sarah on side and even though Sarah had a HUGE fall out with Cass from original brains tribe, she still won’t cross over. Welp turns out that was a mega mistake given away by the show that they show Sarah CONSTANTLY during this episode of her saying ‘I’m in the best spot, I’m leading this game, I’m ruling it’. GONER! The show needs to edit it a bit better. Way back when legend Boston Rob was playing the MINUTE anyone said ‘I’m the decider, I’m the most important person etc’ – welp Boston Rob just got everyone to vote them out. Genius. Brilliant. Best player of the game ever! And turns out he was pretty spot on. Sarah the cop gets all antsy with Cass. Cass gets pissed off (to be fair Sarah’s idea was correct – get rid of the strong athletic men now, keep the weak) but for some ‘out of the sky’ reason Cass now has a HUGE problem with Trish!? Where did that come from? Did the spirit of dreadlocks drift over to Cass? Plus turns out Sarah’s idea of booting Woo was spot on as he wins the next immunity idol and is safe!

woo

‘I’ll  kung foo my way into winning this whole thing – even though that’s kind of racist’.

So Sarah and Cass get into a scragg fight and instantly hate each other. Sarah gets all big headed and thinks she’s ruling the game. Obviously she has not watched prior seasons when the person that is all ‘I own this game, I’m the deciding vote’ mostly gets voted off instantly. Ship of fools, island of morons! Not sure what Cass’s deal is either? For a lawyer she’s pretty stupid and paranoid. Turns out in America you don’t have to be able to spell your own name to be a nuclear engineer or a lawyer! Awesome! I’d be a supreme court fucking judge if I grew up in USA it turns out!

cute baby

Ok I’ve aged badly, but I can put your arse in jail for life m** f***!

Tony and L.J are keeping their immunity idols close to their lovely beefy chests – oh I need some relief like stat. In a way I think if Tony had done the whole ‘look Sarah, I have an immunity idol – we are all going to vote for you if you do not join us – and if I think you will vote someone else off from my tribe, I’ll give it to them – so your call honey’ well she might have played ball but probably not. She’s a stubborn little minx who still thinks she’s running this whole shabang. (that word needs to be used more often these days!).

By now Cass and Sarah the cop are at logger heads and you just know it’s all going to end badly. But on the bright side – awesome fucking elimination round! Oh lordy! Sorry, getting ahead of myself. (it’s sooooooooooooo good).

I’m honestly watching this not sure who is the biggest moron. Cass wants to punch Sarah, Sarah thinks she’s all that, L.J is just sexy as hell – it’s chaos! If Sarah had just gone straight to Trish after Cass wanted Trish gone, and said ‘hey no lips, yeah Cass wants you gone’  I don’t then think what happened in this show would have happened. But damn these people are thick. Tasha actually says the smartest thing of the whole show ‘let’s forget this and all get together and keep tight’ but nerdy Cass gets all paranoid and geeky. Brains tribe? Really?  I’m starting to really hate Cass, and kind of siding with Sarah (big mistake). But let’s not forget they are merged now so anyone ‘booted’ is on the jury who DECIDES WHO WINS! Season after season people forget this. Before merge, hell feed them to the sharks or use their bodies for fire wood, but AFTER the merge, just remember these people that are booted are bitter, very bitter. The less you have done to them, and the more you have played the game, the more they will vote for you. Lie all you like before merge, but after you need to rethink your game! Not that I’m a fan of the show or anything!

I’m no reality show nerd! How dare you!

So next is immunity challenge. Gah it’s a swimming challenge – I think. There is water. Where is J’Tia? But alas turns out it’s one of those standing on small stuff until your feet cramp up and fall off challenge. I KNOW for a fact I’d be out straight off because 1. It’s hard 2. It’s boring. Life is too short to do this crap and I’d be playing ‘the game’ socially so I’d be in that lovely water after Jeff says ‘everyone take your positions’. Straight off Colonel and I said ‘guys out first’. Only because guys have bigger feet and more body mass and chicks have smaller feet. But turns out once to the top of the balance thingie – two guys left! Well smack my arse and call me Betty!

100

Go Betty! 100? Go for it!

So once they hit ‘surfer’ type balance it’s only Tony and Woo left. Obviously both have surfed before. They have this balance down! Tony caves, Woo wins (he’s winning this whole thing, I’m telling you) and smug team literally now have 3 immunity idols. Pretty sure they are all safe. Oh wait – they are – booyah!

Random shot of bats for no reason what so ever – ok – fine – I guess.

The fact the show shows Sarah so much saying ‘I’m it, I’m the one, I’m solid, I’m awesome’ instantly shows she’s a goner – and yeah she is! There is a lot of back and forth, but the build up to the immunity is so nuts I was rolling my eyes so much they are stuck in the ‘looking at a bird’ position thus cannot see what I’m typing. Trouble is Sarah got way too cocky. As Han Solo said to Luke – ‘Don’t get cocky kid.’ Not that I’ve seen Star Wars 100 times or anything!

Twin peaks kyle

‘Hi Diane – yes she’s doing Star Wars references. Things are not looking good’

So Sarah gets SO cocky she thinks she’s sitting pretty. She should have gone with Tony – but eh, in a perfect world?! So Trish, the kind of useless skinny old chick actually makes a move and approaches Cass who is already kind of pissed at Sarah – ok really pissed. Doesn’t take much for brain tribe Cass to swing to the other side (remind me again what her profession is?) and Trish finally makes a big move other than just being damn annoying to dreadlocks hairdresser idiot and having a folding chair stomach.

Can I just say now, after watching every single episode of Survivor – this season is up there for sure. No favourites, no return players. Just old fashioned Survivor and it works.

At Tribal, well – it’s all on like Donkey Kong. Two men with hidden immunity idols, Sarah thinking she’s safe as houses – L.J is questioned by Jeff and says some pretty dumb stuff but he’s hot so all is forgiven. Shallow? Me? Bah! But that aside – this is one of the best tribal’s ever. I found myself clapping! Like, literally clapping.

Booyah! Tony admits he has an immunity idol. Spencer questions him. Tony yanks it out and threatens it’s not just for him, but for his whole team! This shit is getting real. Instantly the opposite team including Spencer is literally yelling ‘the other one, the other one’. Now I thought the ‘other one’ was L.J, as HE probably did! After voting, Tony wants his immunity idol validated by Jeff. He then GIVES IT to L.J – thinking he is the ‘other one’ – then wammo – L.J pulls out his immunity idol and gives it to Tony! This shit is getting crazy up in here!  But turns out the ‘other one’ is Jeffra – not L.J. Jeffra is on the verge of tears – and I’m on the verge of tears for such an AWESOME GOD DAMN VOTE OFF! THIS is why I watch this show! Last week first crying at elimination – tonight first applause at who was booted!

 

Tony used his idol for L.J – L.J used his idol for Tony – Jeff was all ‘awesome, huge ratings’ and Sarah ‘I rule this game, I’m in control, I’m god’ is gone! Funniest thing is her final speech when she says ‘I’m not sure why Cass voted for me?’. Is she mental? Has she been taking drugs?? Does she not remember the three and maybe more arguments she had with Cass???? Well you are gone now Sarah you f*ck up! Key to winning this game – keep your damn mouth shut until needed. End of the day who CARES what you do or get rid of people before merge. You’ll probably never see them again until reunion. But AFTER merge, yeah be smart. People are bitter resentful pieces of crap. Trust me, I’ve worked with them! Play the game, be fair – ah fuck. There is not right way to do it. Boston Rob didn’t win his first season and he was awesome. Also been a few shit undeserving winners as well! There is no right way I guess which makes this show one of the best on TV!

marriage

Aside from Colonel and I getting married – which was fucking awesome!

Follow me on twitter – I dare you: @GidgitVonLarue

 

34 comments

1 emp { 04.04.14 at 12:01 pm }

Pretty amazing Tribal right there. Sarah really annoyed me from day 1 where she and Tony kept going about COPS R US and all the crap so I don’t mind she left.

But Kass is the biggest idiot of them all, screwing over your alliance (who were top 3 out of a 6 man majority) just because she didn’t like someone. Short sighted and a sure fire way of making sure you get 0 votes at final TC assuming she makes it to the end – and she might because everyone knows that (most likely) the jury hates her.

Brilliant Tribal council I just wished that jefra left just so Tony and LJ would stfu. VERIFY MY IDOL JEFF

2 emp { 04.04.14 at 12:04 pm }

The best players of the game know how to handle people – how to vote people off but still get them to vote for you in the end. Kass doesnt know any of that shit so I say take her to the end as a goat

3 daisy { 04.04.14 at 12:15 pm }

Yay, Sarah gone. What an idiot.

And Kass, saying, “Crap for brains”. Couldn’t she see the other girl was only placating her. Talk about not using your head Kass. But I am happy stupid Sarah is gone and hope Tony goes soon.
I haven’t had a chance to read your recap yet Gidget because I’m with family atm, but thanks for including the snap of your adorable granny, and the adorable JB, JL, TJ or whatever. He realy is gorgeous.

I can’t wait to read your take on Tony holding court and playing the big man, crowing at tribal. Cock a doodle do, little rooster.

4 daisy { 04.04.14 at 12:19 pm }

As for the Benny Hill reference, if LJ feels the need to slap little bald guy on the head while chasing Morgan, he can use Tony.

5 Bruiser Brody { 04.04.14 at 12:27 pm }

(my wife hates Kingpin :))

Why was Woo allowed to wear shoes? seems about 100 x advantage!

6 emp { 04.04.14 at 1:15 pm }

daisy, don’t be hating on tony haha- i admit i used to not like watching him but now he is great entertainment.

@5 jeff tweeted that they had the choice of wearing shoes, up to them

7 Rosie { 04.04.14 at 1:24 pm }

What a wonderfully entertaining Tribal Council! Even Mr R, who professes to loathe all things about reality shows but has an amazing knowledge of their inner workings, was amused to see the exchange of the HIIs and was as happy as I was to see the end of silly Sarah.

And Kass! My sister is a lawyer, and has long held that many in her professional are absolute fuckwits. I can’t quite decide whether they will vote her out next, or try to keep her around until the end as the goat. Spencer was sounding angry enough to tip her overboard straight away, so maybe she’d better get herself on an immunity run. *titter*

Thanks for another brilliant recap, Gidgit!

8 Gidgitvonlarue { 04.04.14 at 1:30 pm }

Bruiser – yes my partner noticed Woo in toe shoes as well. I do wonder if that helped although to be fair, everyone stayed on until the top then it was really a balance trial thus why they all fell off. Not sure if the shoe thingies helped or not.

9 Gidgitvonlarue { 04.04.14 at 1:32 pm }

…and thanks everyone. Sorry the recap was quite flat. Was not feeling 100% and hard to be amusing when sicky poo’s!

10 q { 04.04.14 at 1:54 pm }

woo having toe shoes slightly unfair, but the producers allowed it, and plus he’s a surfer as well, so that would’ve helped with the balancing. Look forward to seeing what happens next, have no favourites so far

11 Reality Raver { 04.04.14 at 2:14 pm }

Gidget – I thought it was great.

But have to say I think Vytas from last season is hotter then LJ. But I am feeling the love for Woo. Kass thinks she is smarter then she is.

12 daisy { 04.04.14 at 2:30 pm }

Emp, can I love/hate the bald little crowing rooster.
I must say, he beats other Survivor villains, eg Colton.

13 PollyB { 04.04.14 at 3:24 pm }

Kass is an idiot!

14 Rosie { 04.04.14 at 3:34 pm }

Ew, Daisy, why’d’ya hafda spoil my day by saying the “C” word? 😀

And RR, I have to agree with Gidgit, LJ is pretty cute. Okay, supremely gorgeous. Vytas was cute, but turned out to be such a dick that it made his looks irrelevant – IMHO anyway.

15 daisy { 04.04.14 at 4:09 pm }

Vytas is a ‘na’ from me. Lucky we all like different ones.

16 Sioux Denim { 04.04.14 at 4:53 pm }

LJ for the hotness factor for me?

Man, i so wish they caught on to the other one, the other one….would have been a better ending…either way Sarah would have been gone.

Roll on next week!

17 daisy { 04.04.14 at 5:06 pm }

Sarah, will realise what a sap she was letting Tony play her when she watches. It will be interesting to hear her at the final.
Kass is an idiot for letting her emotions play her.
LJ is gorgeous and Spencer is likeable. He’s still there because of those around him shooting themselves in the foot.
Tony’s excitement might be his undoing.

18 Hi { 04.04.14 at 5:34 pm }

I love woo..that’s it. :)

19 daisy { 04.04.14 at 6:35 pm }

Yes, Woo lovers, I noticed last night, he’s not too shabby.

20 daisy { 04.04.14 at 6:42 pm }

OK Gidget, finally left the family and can now savour your recap.
No, not the Four Seasons, but at least Gilligan’s Island with all it’s trimmings.

Did anyone see the interview with the US woman with the curlers in her hair on the today show talking about the cold winter. I am sure you could find a spot for her in your photo line up.
I will google her.

21 daisy { 04.04.14 at 8:56 pm }

This might have happened and we didn’t see it, but when Cass was all “Boo Hoo, how come she’s being nice to Sarah and not to me?”, why didn’t Tash just tell Cass she was just placating Sarah while she had the balance of power. Cass was very childish in her reaction to Sarah. It will be easy to pick Cass off now. Except that they will probably rather target someone strong, athletic and strategic. Cass is none of these.

22 Juz { 04.04.14 at 10:27 pm }

Kass’s decision seemed so illogical (a case of the J’tia-itis?) it made me wonder if something more happened that got edited out. The scrambling for the idols next week is going to be fun to watch – I bet Tony finds at least one, hopefully two. He’s great TV – no doubt will be asked to return in the future. Poor Spencer – just when things were going his way. Trish is doing surprisingly well, first targeting Cliff and then swaying Kass. Woo better win every challenge from now on, as he’s such an obvious threat.

23 Carole { 04.05.14 at 9:29 am }

Another great re-cap, you cracked me up. Well if Tony makes it to the final 3 I hope he doesn’t expect Sarah to vote for him, he’s done his dash with her.

Dalton Ross, who does the recaps for EW has told Probst & the guy who comes up with the challenges many times that it is not fair for men when they have to stand on those things because their body weight is much more & they have bigger feet. It’s his pet peeve. They seem to have listened as when they did this challenge a few years ago Andrea & Brenda were the last 2 standing, there was a strip down the middle and this time there wasn’t.

24 daisy { 04.05.14 at 10:56 am }

Carole, perhaps he will still try to do the boys in blue number on her. He might say he went tropo working under cover on the other team. Or that he is planning on donating all of his winnings to blue light disco.

25 Gidgitvonlarue { 04.05.14 at 5:53 pm }

Seeing so many of us like Woo – I think we should all be known as the Wooers!

26 daisy { 04.05.14 at 6:33 pm }

Or the Woo-Hooers.

27 daisy { 04.05.14 at 6:37 pm }

Gidget, your name isn’t really Svetlana is it? Your wedding photo looks like one of my neighbours’ Russian brides.

They were all called Svetlana.

28 Juz { 04.05.14 at 9:14 pm }

I’m sure at one point Tony called him Wooie – so cute.

29 Juz { 04.10.14 at 9:16 pm }

Another awesome episode – loving Tony’s one liners and Woo’s ninja moves.

30 Andrea { 04.10.14 at 9:40 pm }

This series is very stategic, they are all playing the game well.
The right one found the idol tonight.

31 Juz { 04.10.14 at 9:57 pm }

Agreed, Andrea – hopefully some cool strategising ahead as a result. How funny was Tony describing Morgan’s laziness: you can’t tell if she’s a pillow or a person.

32 daisy { 04.11.14 at 12:02 am }

After tonight, I don’t like Woo. He was too smug, and I know this is a dirty game but I don’t like what he did.
My favs are now: Spencer, Tash, Jerm, and LJ. I much prefer the hero winners anyday. Can Kass get through without trust and if she does, is anyone on the jury going to want to vote for her?

33 daisy { 04.11.14 at 12:07 am }

BTW, it’s the people who enable the beautiful people who are the idiots. The beautiful people would do their own work if the idiots weren’t grovelling to let some of their reflected glory shine on them. It takes two to play let the beautiful person do nothing game.

34 football { 09.03.14 at 3:28 am }

It will truly allow you to access to the most up to the
minute scores of all playing teams. It is Tennessee’s Rocky Top, Florida’s Old Ball Coach, and of
course the Gator Chomp and the mighty Tim Tebow.
So besides the fact that both sports are being played with 11
players on the field, the similarity ends here.