Guest Post: Survivor Cagayan – Super Spencer to the Rescue!
Gidget Von La Rue kindly keeps on sending in these awesome guest posts:
Previously on Survivor – most awesome Tribal Council ever, that’s what! In the wise words of legend Boston Rob – the minute someone starts boasting that ‘they are ruling the game’ – vote their ass off. Thus Sarah the cop was sent packing and Spencer who was in Sarah’s alliance commented behind Cass ‘Cass, no chance of winning Survivor’. Cass said something back and let’s face it who cares because she’s an idiot. A flipping idiot – literally!
Spencer has it out with Cass when they get back to camp as L.J stands there looking hot. Cass now has to suck up to her NEW alliance but rest assured she’s gone to the bottom of her new alliance. Spencer now says the most spot on thing ever said on Survivor: “Cass from day ONE has played like a frigging idiot’.
The next morning everyone is doing stuff except for the young beautiful young lady with the drop dead gorgeous body – what a surprise! So turns out Tit’s McGee is being lazy because back home she doesn’t even have to wipe her own ass and that really pisses off hatchet face, sorry I mean Cass. Cass plays dobber dobber pants on fire then refers to Tit’s (far away from where anyone can hear her) as an ‘old dog’. Meoowwww. Oh I mean ‘woof’.
First challenge is for reward which is a shameless promotion of Outback Steakhouse. I have no doubt it’s a LOT cheaper in America than it is in Penrith because the food at Outback Steakhouse Penrith is about as pricey as going to Neil Perry’s Rock Pool (maybe MORE expensive) And can I just say – s’mores suck ass, right up there with Mac & Cheese for pointless flavourless food. *vent over*
I take your s’mores and raise you a Vienetta! Take that America.
So the challenge is a kind of ‘run over balance beam, get a heavy box, go up a wall, work out a puzzle’ business. Strangely everyone gets across the balance beam aside from Woo who is STILL wearing those silly toe shoe sock things. It’s a very close race between the two randomly picked teams but my husband-to-be L.J works out the puzzle quicker because he’s all smart and stuff. Now seriously watch Tasha during this whole thing. She not only trips over because she’s taken on the ghost of J’Tia, but she literally does nothing! So Orange win and get to go to tropical Island Outback Steakhouse where the first thing they get served is a…salad? Fuck that. Bring on the damn steak and potato covered in butter!
Back at camp the LOSERS start planning, while Cass labels herself as a ‘free agent’. If the rest of them were smart they would all get together, put alliances aside and say ‘well this Cass bitch is an unreliable wild card – lets boot her off and get a fresh start’ – but nooooooo.
Meanwhile back at Outback Steakhouse turns out Spencer has not been brought up correctly thus doesn’t discover the clue in his napkin to the special immunity idol (that turns out not being special at all) until the end of his meal. Of course L.J sitting next to him would have discovered the clue before the first food was put in front of him because he was raised correctly and puts his napkin on his lap like a cultured chap. Strangely no one sees Spencer quickly put the paper clue from his napkin into his pocket which I found amazing but after all that food they are probably all in a food coma.
When the stuffed contestants return to camp Woo quickly works out that there was probably a clue for the immunity idol at the reward so the minute it stops raining, Spencer dashes off with Woo in hot pursuit. What occurs next is beyond entertaining and really should be sped up a bit with Benny Hill music playing. Actually I’m going to do that because it’s funny.
I bet Mozart wish HE had written Yakety Saks! (see note at end of article)
Basically Spencer is searching but it’s near water so has to remove his shoes and socks (who the hell wears socks on a tropical island aside from British tourists??) as well as his pants THAT HAVE THE CLUE IN THEM! When Woo rocks up Spencer panics and leaves, but forgets his pants which Woo picks up – thus clue falls out and Woo swipes it and does a runner! The most entertaining part is Woo’s piece to camera describing himself as a ‘ninja stealth mode’ etc. Woo arrives back at camp – tells everyone so of course everyone scarpers and starts looking. Even Tits! Tony does say a very funny line: “You know it’s bad when Morgan, the girl you don’t know if she’s a pillow or a person because she does nothing, you know it’s serious when SHE’S up looking for the idol” Booyah Tony. So everyone is scampering to find this idol. Tasha is using a pole to stick in holes so how would she know if she’s discovered the idol? You have to use your damn hands! Suddenly everyone leaves aside from Spencer and Cass (god knows why?) Spencer makes peace with Cass and while doing so he finds the idol. Cass doesn’t see and Spencer gets it. Nice move. That was fun. In an interview with Jeff Probst he brings up a very good ‘filming’ point. As he said ‘it was chaos as we had several camera crews following each person and contestants running everywhere, yet you never see one cameraman or sound person. I’m amazed we pulled that off’. True dat.
Yooo hooo, I see you!
So it’s immunity challenge where it’s one of those ‘just stand and do something really uncomfortable for a really long time’. Usually it’s the older broads who take this out (for some reason) but they are pretty much first out with Cass out in 2 seconds into the challenge. Jeff cannot hide his contempt for her. Of course Jeff is all ‘oh you poor thing’ when the two pretty hot girls lose it, but when Woo does he’s all ‘toughen up, you’ve been through worse’ etc. Yes, I notice EVERYTHING! So it’s down to Tasha and Spencer (1 and a half hours like that!) I honestly would have put my money on Tasha winning this as Spencer is shaky as hell but Tasha loses it and Spencer wins ANOTHER immunity. This kid is killing it.
Back at camp everyone is scrambling and there is a definite two sides. Now that Cass has flipped she’s in with the bigger numbers so Spencer tries to get Cass to come back to them. I have no doubt Cass thought about it, seeing she’s a ‘free agent’ and shit. I still find it amusing she thinks she’s running the game. How cute. She even brings up how she is ‘tops’ in a courtroom. I’d love to see that. Is it a kindergarten court?
At Tribal Council, Sarah the first member of the jury is brought in. Surprise she is smiling. Usually the jury members walk in with stink face because they are SO bitter they got fucked over and voted off. Jeff grills Tit’s McGee about why she’s so lazy and Tit’s basically says ‘ugly people are losers, I’m hot so I’m special’ (in so many words). Welp turns out Tits is out. Cass doesn’t swing, sticks to her new alliance and we get to see Tits McGee’s awesome toushie gently wobble away with her flame snubbed out. Now really Spencer should have given his hidden immunity idol to Tits. Ok she’s useless but he needs to keep the numbers and he was already safe. Tony would have gone home and well, Cass would have swung back to Spencer’s alliance. But he doesn’t so Morgan ‘Tits’ goes home. Now I would think Spencer might be in trouble but according to the preview of next week Tony’s alliance all start to turn on each other due to Tony being a paranoid mental nutcase. Can’t wait!
“Yakety Sax” is a pop-jazz instrumental music composition composed by James Q. “Spider” Rich and Homer “Boots” Randolph III and popularized by saxophonist Randolph in his 1963 recording. Benny Hill did not write it.