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Guest Post: House Rules Recap – NSW The First To Get Their House Renovated

Annajjj is back to cover House Rules. Yippee. And her first recap is a cracker:

We’re baaaaack! Welcome to the new season of House Rules where viewers are really hoping this program doesn’t go the way of the scripted (ruined) MKR.

We kick off with a few tantalising scenes of the drama coming up in the next few weeks and then suddenly we are at House Rules headquarters (??) where teams assemble briefly for a brief from Jo. Last season’s stylist has been sacked and Jo appears in a nice top and jacket to advise the new teams that the ultimate prize is to have their “entire mortgage paid off…….for good.” The ‘for good’ part seems a bit redundant as no one really expected to have to pay the money back after six months.

We get a quick look at the teams and frankly there’s not a whole lot of diversity this year, in fact several of the teams look very similar. Two teams of long haired blonde babes with olive skinned babe boyfriends, two older fair couples and two brunettes with matching smiley-faced husbands.

Jo announces the first team to have their house made over and it’s Candy and Ryan Gosling*

We get the first of the brief introductions to the teams and Candy and the Gosling tell us they don’t have a hope in hell of affording a reno; they can barely manage the mortgage repayments but really it’s a bit early to wheel out the sob stories as we’re still trying to work out who the hell is who. I suspect the Lloyd/Adam Lisa/Maddi thing will bring me undone in upcoming recaps.

Candy and Ryan head off on holiday while the remaining teams rush into their house to try and uncover the couple’s style. We get another cutaway, this time to Joanne and Warwick Capper who have moved to WA and are now calling themselves Carole and Russell. We watch them doing a bit of a workout where Russell drops forty kilos on to his chest much to Carole’s amusement then cut over to Mel and Bomber who think Candy and the Gos are probably a brand new couple. And Team Bomb would know, potkettleblack, having been together for only a few weeks themselves.

Time for zone allocation and house rules. The Cappers get the kitchen and dining room. Team Bomb get the bathroom and guest room, the Tassie couple, Brooke and Grant, get the master bedroom, ensuite and walk in robe. Adam and Lisa (I think) get the entry, study and family room and Maddi and Lloyd have (bizarrely) the living room, laundry and pantry.

How is this actually decided? Expect later seasons will have this decided by some sort of draw for the teams. Pull aprons out of a hat, knives out of each others backs etc…

Before we get to the house rules Jo points out the countdown clock and warns teams that “this is your worst enemy” but truthfully Caroline McCrave Burns is your worst enemy and she’ll be along shortly to point out your shortcomings and undermine your confidence.

Ad break and last year’s winners Carly and Leighton are pimping Subway and WTF is with Leighton’s hair? Clearly someone thinks Bert Newton’s toupee is a good look.

We’re back and House Rules are revealed:
> Style our home edgy and arty (god did these people learn nothing from last season?)
> Deliver one off pieces and graphic pieces
> Showcase the bath in the master suite
> Dish up Citrus and concrete in our kitchen
> Give Candy crazy colour in a fun laundry

Brooke and Grant tell us they have 7 very good little reasons for winning and we catch quick glimpses of Sneezy, Doc and Happy before we cut to the teams retiring for the night to the Adtura Hotel and in case you missed that we get another shot of the hotel sign. Adtura.

One third the way through and not a lot of reno yet.

1st proper day and demolition begins. Walls come down, carpet comes up and we are left in no doubt that the Cappers don’t like each other much. They’re also a bit stymied by the whole ‘citrus concrete’ rule. It’s yellow cement gice, how hard can that be? Meanwhile Maddi and Lloyd have a cunning winning strategy which is to refuse to engage anyone else in conversation. By doing this they hope to establish themselves as an unknown quantity, fly under the radar, be the underdogs. Either that or come across as complete weirdos.

Team Bomb have made a pact not to fight which is already being tested. Elsewhere Lisa fluffs around with tools and skirting boards and then manages to prise off a plank which falls on her head. According to her bio, Lisa graduated with honours and one of the years top grades, undertaking a double degree in commerce and business as well as being an accomplished sportswoman but she seems determined to cast herself in the role of resident House Rules ditz.

After a few action shots and a bit of blood we interrupt Candy and Ryan on holiday. These home owners eyeballed the competition for approximately 18 seconds at the start of the show but that was enough for them to decide Brooke and Grant don’t showcase themselves well and probably don’t have a compatible style with the kool kids. In other words Mr and Mrs McFrump are just not going to cut it. Harsh.

Back at the house demo continues and oh here we go, McCrave Burger and Chester! have shown up. McCrave, in monochrome and ignoring her own pop-of-color advice, trots over to question Maddi and Lloyd’s decision to forgo a television in favour of a piece of artwork the owners can sit and stare at each evening. McCrave suggests a fireplace and for once I agree with her. Chester and McCrave exit stage left.

The Cappers are getting hassled by their tradies, we get our first F-bomb and did anyone else notice George Columbaris sneaking on to set pretending to be a tradie? Meanwhile Team Bomb are stressing about their stupid wardrobe not fitting in their space and Mel sensibly suggests they remove the doors, sides, back and shelves. Back to the Cappers and how are they still married? Carole seems to actively hate her husband.

A bit of light relief as the boy babes try to teach their respective girl babes how to drive stick shift cars. Maddi gives up early in the piece so by default Adam takes out the My Girlfriend Rules title. Then back to the grumpy Cappers and if they are going to go the strops with each other every ten minutes this is going to get boring fast. Even Michelle gave Kel the odd bit of positive encouragement.

Lisa puts a bit more effort into establishing her ditziness, then back to Team Bomb getting cranky, more Capper strops, more demolition, then Bomber deciding the best solution for dealing with the wardrobe from hell is to bury it in the wall cavity.

Adam drives Lisa to the shops (are there no buses? Taxis?) and then in a stunning display of sexism we then get all the blokes staying at the house doing the heavy work while the girlies go shopping. Pfffft.

More demo, bedlam, Mel needs to pee but so does Bomber and she kindly offers to fetch him a bottle to wee in and he refuses and really it’s not the sort of thing you want your girlfriend of 8 months to do is it? Hold the bottle while you wee in it? Mind you these two were living together 90 days after meeting so who knows.

A quick stoush between Adam and Grant where Grant behaves like a dick and that’s it! We’re done. Any favourites emerging at this stage? Adam is a bit of a babe and I think Mel could be good fun. No one else is really shining at this early stage. It’s a bit boring so far but that’s possibly because we are still at the demolition stage. Once the rooms start coming together expect a bit more fun.

*thank you Georgie for pointing out Ryan is the dead spit of Ryan Gosling; I initially thought Shannon Ponton’s younger brother but babe you nailed it!


1 2ndhand { 05.01.14 at 10:17 am }

Great recap Annajjj.
However, I am confused about how a couple who only met less than a year ago, can have bought a house together – especially as Mel said they don’t spend that much time together. Also with Bomber as a ‘househusband’ and therefore obviously not with a paypacket – how did they get a mortgage for $380,000???
I fear this is a repeat of last year when houses were purchased specifically for the show (scripted? – noooo)

At least with the NSW house being in the Western Suburbs of Sydney, we wont have the farcical situaion we had last year when the people renovating a house in Bayview just “popped” over to Masters Hardware for some forgotten item, when they only had a couple of hours til deadline – and the ONLY Masters store in Sydney at that time was a 3 hour round trip away!

2 Colleen { 05.01.14 at 10:33 am }

OMG Leightons hair! Did the animal crawl off Manu through some red paint and land on Leighton? Distracted me from whatever the show was about.

Annajjj – great as always, welcome back I missed this!!!

I missed the beginning, what is the story with the orange wardrobe? Does it have to be incorporated as a house rule?

3 all happening { 05.01.14 at 10:55 am }

I remember last year the were all the same complaints and grumbles about various contestants at the beginning but those of us who stuck it out were won over by the show and competitors we thought we didn’t like, became favorites. Hopefully that will happen again. Great recap annnajjj, thanks.

4 brain dead dave { 05.01.14 at 11:29 am }

That’s right,Colleen. Candy and Ryan, particularly Ryan have an orange wardrobe fetish and Bomber’s hip to that, cos it’s not a House Rule but Bomber susses that it’s there for a reason. Remains to be seen whether the owners will appreciate it being cut in half, however..

Thanks annajjj.

5 ziii { 05.01.14 at 11:35 am }

Thanks for the recap Annajjj! Spot on and I had a good laugh.

I can’t tell the blonde girls apart either.

Not too sure on the laundry and pantry in the same room? I would want them separate. Plus the whole gym style? Sounds very weird. Maybe Caroline and Chester! can change their minds.

Mel kind of looks like Meschel LN

6 cam2 { 05.01.14 at 12:36 pm }

thanks for the recap!
last nights episode was okay, lacking a bit of punch. i didn’t see the first season, but everyone here seems to have loved it, so hopefully tonights episode will improve.
btw do a lot of ‘gym guys’ buy plastic bottles and fill them with (i’m guessing to be) protein powder? and then do you just throw them out after or reuse them? just curious is all!

7 Georgie { 05.01.14 at 1:27 pm }

Thanks for a great recap Annajjj and for the mention. Agree with your comments all happening and I’m not ready to give up on it after one ep. Like others, I do believe the auto/manuel schtick was unnecessary though. Nissan dual cabs come in automatic and would all be hired anyway. The Brady Bunch from Tassie didn’t get off to a good start with me either.

8 Gidgitvonlarue { 05.01.14 at 1:52 pm }

God damn that was an excellent recap. I’m going to have to step up my game!!! Very very funny and spot on!

9 Reality Raver { 05.01.14 at 2:02 pm }

Funny I like the Tassie team and I did not think I would except for them blathering about why they needed it for their 7 children. Does dad actually have his fulltime? Also thought Grant was showing more skills then I thought he would have.
I thought they just mucked straight into it. Whereas Adam was blathering around. Not sure about WA couple but it must be tough getting the kitchen first go.

10 Reality Raver { 05.01.14 at 2:02 pm }

And great recap and it was so nice to watch a show and not be typing.

11 CAM { 05.01.14 at 2:17 pm }

Annajjj is back! I haven’t been on this site for ages (not sure why)….but I came back because House Rules was made so much more enjoyable last year due to the fabulous recaps here. I agree that the show will pick up as we get to know the characters better. Can’t wait for another season, loved it last year.

12 Andrea { 05.01.14 at 2:27 pm }

Hopefully it will pick up as it goes on, just like last year. So far the contestants don’t seem to be as friendly towards each other either.
Candy and Ryan saying that they would judge harshly if they weren’t happy with the reno, but they admitted they had no money so you would think they would be grateful for any improvements.
Most of them seem to have some building/trade experiences this time.

Thanks Anajjj for the recaps.

13 Ma Chook { 05.01.14 at 2:53 pm }

Bloody hell was looking forward to HR. Don’t know whether I can stand another 12 weeks watching some useless tool who can’t remove a nail from a piece of wood, rip off a skirting board, drive a manual car and to top it all off they can’t event bloody well shop on their own and make a decision. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!! Over grumpy old men and women too – enough already.

14 Smythe { 05.01.14 at 3:26 pm }

The playground idea for the laundry room doesn’t seem fun. It just seems juvenile. Having a basketball hoop to throw laundry through and using fake grass under the washer/dryer is silly. Maybe Candy and Ryan would like it but hope that someone will talk the “playground designing couple” out of doing it.

As for the orange wardrobe, I believe Ryan and/or Candy stating that nobody better change that so wonder what their reaction will be after Bomber cuts it in half so that it will fit in the recessed area of the room.

Agree w/ Andrea #12 that this group not that friendly compared to last season’s group but maybe they will warm up to one another. Just seem a bit cutthroat at this point based on the comments a few of them have made.

15 Gabby { 05.01.14 at 3:49 pm }

Thanks Annajjj for the recap, I am lost with all the names, will probably learn by the end.
I agree that most of the couples look the same, and from the same demographic.
I also agree with all happening @ 3 have to give it a few shows to let it develop it’s groove and get to know everyone and hopefully it will settle in to the good show it was last year.

16 annajjj { 05.01.14 at 6:05 pm }

Thank you for the feedback, I’ve been away all day but just logged on now. Looking forward to tonight’s episode and I agree all happening, this show takes a while to warm up but hopefully we will get into it over the coming weeks.
I do feel at this early stage that last seasons contestants were a bit more interesting personality wise but I’m hoping to be proved wrong as we get further into the series. I had a bit of a soft spot for the first season’s contestants.
And yes good pick Andrea, seems a bit off to say you can’t afford renovations but you intend to judge your free renovation harshly!
I’m hoping I get the names straight, I tend to use nicknames to help me remember so if anyone has suggestions for the barbie and ken couples please sing out

17 Fiona { 05.01.14 at 7:40 pm }

OH I’m a bit late to the party!
HR is about to start here, better put the kettle on.
Thank you annajjj for the hilarious recap. I LOL quiet a few time while reading it.

18 Georgie { 05.01.14 at 8:06 pm }

I guess Russell should be known Warwick Gapper rather than Capper?

19 Georgie { 05.01.14 at 8:15 pm }

Mel reminds me a bit of Pink.

20 brain dead dave { 05.01.14 at 9:59 pm }

I’ve got exactly the same psychedelic skull T Shirt as Warwick Gapper. They are $ 10 at K mart. He reminds me a bit of Iggy Pop, too.

21 Georgie { 05.01.14 at 10:28 pm }

He is like Iggy Pop bdd, more than Warwick Gapper in fact.

22 Eliza { 05.02.14 at 1:36 am }

Entertaining recap, annajjj!

I am going to have to ignore you calling Ryan RG! I do kinda see it, but noooo the Gos is so much better!! I though Shannan from TBL at first too, so will stick with that so the real RG face doesn’t get destroyed in my mind. Taking this too seriously? Never!

Good call re Caroline being your worst nightmare! Cracked me up.

Not sure what’s going on there will Russell and his wife, she really does seem to hate the bloke.. makes me feel like I am watching a marriage fall apart on national TV.. awkward.. hopefully for their sake it’s hammed up for the cameras but she seems really intent on knocking him down. Possibly the producers have told them all to be really competitive toward one another.. who knows after all the scripting of MKR, and the “bitter rivals” not actually hating each other at all..

I too questioned how Bomber and Mel had a house together after being together for only 8 months.. hmmm.. also, that wardrobe is so hideously ugly. I would get rid of it and ask them to thank me.

I am not convinced about the layout of the house, either. Of course you can always change it around, however the 2nd bedroom being that pokey hole of a room out back? If they really do want this house to be a long term home they’d have to switch the study with the 2nd bed if they had a kid or 2! Also, seems a lot of living spaces for what they are turning into a 2 bed house. Not sure anyone could live full time in that tiny back room! Guess we’ll see when it’s revealed.

23 daisy { 05.02.14 at 6:26 am }

Yeah, but I’ll bet Warrick Capper doesn’t have the same Frank Zappa shirts as you.

24 Twinkle { 05.16.14 at 7:27 pm }

Mel reminds me of (a broader, older) Kate Peck from MTV.
Bomber is a meathead bogan – an angry one at that! We call him Bogan in our house.
I don’t get the Gosling vibe with Ryan, but I do get a bit of a mean girl vibe from Candy just three episodes in … she has mean little thin lips, too. Ryan looks heaps older than her – and indeed his ‘real’ (or given) age.
I’m finding the skinny blondes really annoying.
Has anyone else noticed that the sour old blonde has her front top teeth whitened only, meaning that when they show her with a full grin (not often), you can see the ones they missed? Must’ve been due to budget constraints or something.

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