Guest Post: Survivor Cagayan – Tonight we’ve lost the battle, we have not lost the war!
Gidget Von La Rue is back with another hilarious Survivor Cagayan recap:
It’s auction time where, even though there are limited things to bid on and they are given $500, always 2 thirds of the tribe end up returning to camp with POINTLESS money (not like there is a local milk bar to go buy a bag of lollies!)
…besides, it’s closed!
So Jeff brings up the usual bamboo platter with a cover. Turns out they cannot share food OR pull money together to get something (it has happened in the past) Tony straight off is going to save up all his dosh to buy the advantage. Spencer and Tasha are thinking the same thing as they are on the ‘outter’. So first auction Skeletor (Trish) is right in there with her bid & wins a bowl of lollies, popcorn and a glass of coke for $80 (about the same price you pay for those same things at a night out at the movies in Sydney!) She’s stoked and starving. *Can I just say I’d bid my ass off for everything! Now even though Tony has made his mind up to wait for the advantage, he still seems really really pissed. Nothing worse than an hungry middle aged man! (I know!)
The Colonel when dinner is late to the table.
Jeffra ends up winning the next covered platter which turns out to be a Mexican platter with a margarita. She is over the moon as she reminds us that is pretty much what she wanted. Turns out Woo probably wanted it to as she returns to the bench to eat it, he lears at Jeffra moaning out like in a porno ‘oh yeeeah, get a fat dip of that quak’. Stop drooling Woo. It’s unbecoming. Next item Cass bids at $20 (they can only bid at $20 bids at a time) No one else bids! What the?? Trish is the only smart one encouraging Tony to bid but nope! Then Cass gets an option of blue cover or red cover. She goes blue & gets a steak sandwich and iced tea. For twenty bucks. You idiots!
Now just a reminder – they all have $500 to spend and it is of no use keeping any of it to take back to camp. Yep, just reminding you. Now back to the action!
So the platter Cass didn’t go with is up and even though Woo makes one pathetic bid, Trish is the only one thinking ‘just spend your damn money’. Sadly she ends up with rice and water but she already has lollies and that’s all one needs in life! Next is BBQ ribs with a cold beer and even I was bidding from my couch in my lounge room in Australia!
Woo is right in there. He wants those ribs. He’s going to get those ribs. Woo gets the ribs! Forty bucks! God Woo is SO Keanu Reeves in Bill & Teds Excellent Adventure. I will give credit to the editor for playing seductive sexy music as Woo is biting into the luscious ribs.
Now this gets good. I’m not a Cop, Spencer and Tasha all want the advantage. Now none of them have spent a cent. Jeff lines out rules for the 3 of them bidding which went over my head because I’m thick – then wait for it – Tasha doesn’t bid!?!?!?! This is what she was holding out for wasn’t it? What the f*ck is she doing? Even Spencer looks at her like she just got booted off the short bus for being too stupid! So it’s between I’m not a cop and Spencer – they have to pick rocks. Black rock wins and GOD DAMMIT I’m not a Cop gets the clue. Spencer’s pissed, I’m pissed and Woo has rib sauce all over his chin. It’s a mess!
The show puts up #drawingrocks like that twitter address was going to take off. Nice try. Tasha actually says ‘I was thinking Jeff would offer up another advantage that’s why I held off’. What?? Really??? Tony tries to ummm, justify I guess, things to Spencer. ‘I may have an advantage, but we are starving so we don’t have the energy compared to Woo who just ate a plate of ribs’. Psssst Tony – you are nuts. So now all the girls (and Woo) just kick back in the shelter while Tony tries to make himself a martyr by cutting up a coconut?! He then has a tissy about getting water and keeping the fire going. Umm if the fire is so fragile who was ‘keeping it going’ while you were ALL at the auction? Never mind. Things actually start to look good for Spencer (I hope) as Tony gets pissed off at all the women (what about Woo, he was kicking back too!) not doing anything. I guess because Woo has long hair Tony forgets he’s a dude?
Tony heads off to look for a big white tree that is hiding another idol while all the women on his alliance INCLUDING Tasha are all wallowing in the water chit chatting about how Tasha has never been in the ocean WHILE making Tony paranoid about an all-girl alliance. This is brilliant. Even better Spencer is back at camp feeding Tony the whole ‘aren’t you worried about an all-girl alliance’ business then tells Tony about how Jeffra wanted him out (not a lie, let’s face it) Spencer is one smart guy. He knows how paranoid Tony is.
I’m amazed the women on Tony’s alliance are not thinking hanging out with Tasha is making Tony suspicious?! So in the water the women talk about how nice Spencer is then Trish – the human skeleton – says ‘he’s so thin. He really needs to put weight on’. Trish, you are the size of one of Spencer’s legs! Then Tony finds a dead crab and doesn’t know what to do with it then gets pissed when the women tell him to just cook it. Stuff that, Tony’s back looking for the recent immunity idol. Of course he finds it as he has the Immunity Idol power of Russell Hantz. So now Tony has two idols and it’s the 3rd he’s found on the island. He decides to reveal his latest idol to his alliance. Of course he offers it to them if they need it (as he has another for himself but doesn’t tell them that!). Jeffra is not a happy camper. Either that or she just broke a nail. Not sure.
Next is immunity challenge and they must race to dig up bags in the sand which contain balls then they must do that balance puzzle maze ball thingie. No way Tasha can win for a third time – oh wait she does. Turns out doing these things in a group she was hopeless, but on her own she is Ozzy! *Ozzy was one of the greatest challenge machines ever!*
…and he was kind of adorable to boot!
Back at camp Tony’s paranoia is growing thanks to Tasha getting more chummy with the women and Spencer still stoking the ‘look Tony – the chicks are getting together – four of them, three of us’ business which seems to be working. So as far as the women are concerned Spencer is a goner then next is Tasha if she doesn’t win the next immunity challenge. But little do they know their ‘leader’ Tony is now freaking out to the point he goes to Woo and tells him about the boy Vs girl thing and they should get rid of Jeffra. Woo does his stoner face then is on board because Woo pretty much goes along for the ride – dude! Honestly by this stage I’m thinking if Spencer can actually pull this off he truly deserves to win this whole damn thing. His head has been on the chopping block even back in his crap house brains tribe! Now I’m pretty sure this is editing to throw us viewers off so we have some doubt as to how Tony is going to vote because we then see Spencer run off to look for an immunity idol causing Tony to get paranoid again about how much he can trust Spencer. I personally think this happened when they returned to camp BEFORE Spencer started working on Tony about boys Vs girls (but I’m just guessing so don’t quote me on that!)
Now where Tony is going so very wrong on every level is he’s forgetting the end game. All those people you have betrayed, lied to etc – yeah they are the ones that decide if you get the million dollars! So far Tony does not have ONE person on the jury that even remotely likes him. It’s no good getting to the end & you have everyone hating you! If Tony votes with Spencer, he’s not telling Cass or Trish – and rest assured they’ll blame Tony as he is their leader, not Woo or Spencer or Tasha.
At tribal council they bring in the jury. Now I’m nervous for Spencer. This could go either way. The genius is Tony points out how he was told Jeffra wanted him out. Rather than deflect it Jeffra actually pretty much admits to wanting him out. Sigh. Jeff gives Spencer final say and I will say Spencer really is great at saying his piece at tribal council. If he gets to final three I have full confidence he’ll give the best answers to the jury! Tony wears his immunity idol but does not play it. First vote Spencer, then Jeffra, then Spencer, Jeffra. Oh god I’m nervous. Next, Spencer. Ah, then comes up that 3rd Jeffra vote! She’s a goner. Trish and Cass are PISSED! Now Tony has lost Jeffra’s vote, Trish’s vote and Cass’s vote. Spencer is safe again and it’s just going to get more interesting next week! But let’s face it – even if they ALL turn on Tony they can’t really get him out. He’s still got two immunity idols! Who do you think will be in final three?
Final 3 – you bet!