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Guest Post: Eurovision Everything You Wanted To Know About This Year’s Eurovision, But Were Too Afraid To Ask!

Eurovision may not be reality TV but I know there are readers that are fans. Gidgit Von La Rue is an uber fan in fact she confesses to have actually attending TWO Eurovisions live. So she is guest posting on the show here.

Here she goes:

Everything you wanted to know about this year’s Eurovision, but were too afraid to ask!

Part 1:

I love Eurovision. Yes I’ve attended twice – Latvia and Turkey when both those countries had won the previous year. I got to meet the entries, see the rehearsals, watch the show, go to the parties – it was awesome!  I admit I kind of thought it was a camp joke until I experienced it. These people have great songs. They can sing – like really sing. Remember these entries are the best singers of that country. Surprise the best singers are not all limited to America. Shock horror!

beyonce

Yeah cop that Beyonce!

A few things I learnt from having press coverage and being at two Eurovisions – firstly the Germans have a fantastic sense of humour, all entries will sing the minute you ask them to and finally a free trip to Eurovision with all access is AWESOME!

Last year’s winning country Denmark hosts this year’s Eurovision in wonderful wonderful Copenhagen (or so I hear it’s wonderful. I’ve never been). It will be aired in Australia on SBS and your hosts yet again are the very funny Julia Zemiro and Sam Pang who will be live in Denmark chatting to the acts as well as hosting during both semi finals and final.

So I’ve studied this year’s entries and I’m here to give you a rundown on what to expect. *If you are a Eurovision virgin make sure to go to Eurovision TV site to read up about the rules and procedure etc* I will give you a rough break down of the basics. Each entry can only have six people on stage during the performance. You can have less but not more. Tough titties if you are the seventh band member! Also no Kylie Minoguing –meaning you MUST sing live. Also you can sing in your native tongue, English or even a made up language (it has happened in the past!) Urban Trad – Sanomi at Eurovision 2003 sang in a made up language: 

(try and guess which of the two women people considered ‘the hot one’)

Now due to there being 3 shows – 2 semi finals then the final, I’ll break up these write up’s to suit each show.

Semi final 1: Friday 9th

First up (which is always a tricky spot to be in the order) is the lovely Sanna Neilson from Sweden singing Undo. Sanna has a truly beautiful voice and I do really like this song. It’s actually second favourite according to the bookies (yep, this is serious business in Europe let me tell you!) Plus she REALLY looks Swedish!

swedish girl

9/10

2nd is Helen Bonham Carter – I mean Hersi – from Albania singing One Nights Anger. Hersi has a truly unique voice and personally I love her voice and this song (even if the video clip for it is a tad weird) I don’t think Albania has the finances for big old fancy music clips!

albanian

‘Hold on – is that more money for my lame video?’

8/10

3rd is the first ‘quirky’ entry (there are always a few) with the wacky guys from Iceland, Pollaponk. They are actually a bit like The Wiggles back in Iceland. They’ll be singing No Prejudice (and I’m thinking they are having a wee bit of a go at Russia. I like to think they are). The song is BEYOND catchy, especially the mid song ‘porno’ type guitar riff.

euro wiggles

I’m guessing they have beards to keep their chins warm!

9/10

4th is Russia. They are sending adorable blonde twins the Tolmachevy Sisters, who at age 9 won the Junior Eurovision Song Contest 2006 so they are no strangers to Eurovision. They are singing Shine. I hear they opted for that song over the other song offered to them by Putin ‘Up yours Ukraine’.

twins euro

It’s not our fault – we are just sweet innocent singers!

7/10

5th are my mates from Latvia, Aarzemniki with Cake to Bake. I call them ‘my mates’ as they’ve tweeted me twice so that’s enough for us all to be besties! Plus I’ve been to Latvia so there’s that! This is a very perky happy song with lyrics like “I talked to a unicorn the other night, took me up on a lonely star” but just TRY not to tap your feet during this one! I dare you! Feel free to tweet them your support from Australia. They are mighty friendly!   @aarzemnieki

euro trots

Yo Gidgit, we like your style!

7/10

It’s ok folks – only 11 more countries to go for first semi final. It is Europe you know, not The Tahiti Song Contest! There are a LOT of countries participating.

6th entry is Dilara Kazimova from Azerbaijan singing ballad Start a Fire. Dilara is a singer/actress and aside from performing in Eurovision this year, she is also part of the Azerbaijan version of the TV show The Voice. Lucky for her one of the judges did spin their seat for her! Phew!

az euro

Turns out she doesn’t need to shave her armpits because her head hair hides them!

6/10

7th is the big favourite to win this whole thing – Aram MP3 from Armenia with Not Alone. Aram has a bit of a Michael Buble sound, and although this song starts off like a ballad, it REALLY kicks off into a blow your socks off tune about half way through. And turns out yep, you’re not alone. Aram is also a comedian in his native Armenia. Hope he does the squirting lapel flower routine while he’s singing!

CPqhaPy

I’m not alone – I have all these shards of light to keep me company!

9 ½ /10

8th Tanja from Estonia with Amazing is next. Tanja loves having a bit of a contemporary dance while she sings. Not sure how well she is going to sing while jigging around with Ragnor Lothbrok’s eldest son Bjorn (Vikings TV show reference for us fans of that series)

estonia euro

esto Got

Aside from raping and pillaging –I love to have a wee dance!

5/10

9th entry is Belgium artist Axel Hirsaux with Mother. Axel got discovered on a singing show. Axel can also play the trumpet and can eat 15 hot dogs in 1 minute (one of these facts I made up). This is probably one of my least favourite songs. Not the ‘worst’ – that is in semi final 2, but sorry Axel – boooriiiiing.

euro fat

Nice of his mother to be his backing dancer for his song Mother!?

3/10

10th The ‘beat a kid’ song – well according to the music video (google it) Kallay Saunders from Hungary sings Running. It’s actually a good tune and song, he’s a good singer, but damn the music video is depressing for this number. I wonder if he’s going to have a five yr old girl having the crap beaten out of her by a grown man on stage?  One just has to wait to know!

euro hottie

You are welcome ladies and gays – and those not too sure.

7 ½ /10

11th Moldova enters Cristina Scarlat with Wild Soul. I’ve listened to this song a few times and it just has not captured me. Now don’t get me wrong – Cristina has lovely hair and a love for cheeseburgers. Turns out her clip is so awesome it has actual credits at the beginning (I shit you not) It’s all very gothic and grand, but she can certainly sing (hell they all can) I’m still on the fence over this song.

euro bonnie

I’m a biggish lass too so these type of photo’s work like a treat!

6/10

12th  Is Sergej Ćetković – Moj Svijet from Montenegro (font went weird because I can’t to those thingies on top of names) This is a really charming song but maybe due to the lovely music clip. On stage it might bore people (which I think it will). Now music clips are released I find half of the things I love in the song is the music clip. But on stage in Denmark, no charming clip – this might struggle. Oh, Moj Svijet means ‘my love’. You’re wecome!

euro cheesey  smile

‘Hey – how YOU doin’?’

6/10

13th is San Marino. This chick was sent last year with a crap song. Turns out they are doing the same this time! Now San Marino is a part of Italy that has only 30,000 people population! Seriously, look it up! So I’m guessing Valetina Moretta is the only person in all of San Marino that can carry a tune? Oh I’m being harsh? Yep. Welcome to the roller coaster kiddies. This ain’t no Eurovision merry –go-round! Watch her music video – it sucks. Her clothes suck, she has NO x-factor and her singing is not that great! So there!

euro chick on beach

So they don’t sell bra’s – or talent – in San Marino?

2/10

14th is finally Ukraine (which my partner Colonel Kickhead would say needs to be the ONLY entry this year) Ok Maria Yumenchuk is hot. She looks like a young Catherine Zeta Jones. She has a hot body and can sing really well and the song Tick Tock is catchy as hell so – f*ck her

ukraine hottie

Bet you smell like off cheese – oh and sorry what’s happening in your country – but still, f you!

15th turns out to be Portugal with Quero Ser Tua sung by Suzie. Suzie is singing for Portugal but lives now in Dubai (why??) It’s all very lively and ‘hooray’ type of thing but it just doesn’t get my interest (even though I love Portugese chicken) I don’t like its chances. Plus Suzie looks a bit like a drag queen from RuPaul’s Drag Race. *not as much as an entry from semi-final 2 though!*

euro sjp

Sashay – away.

16th and last entry for the night (you exhausted? I am!) is The Common Linnets from The Netherlands with Calm after the Storm. They were singers in their own right before joining together not too long ago. Seriously think ‘every breath you take’ when this song starts. They both have lovely voices but I think it may come across as dull on stage. Still I like their sound and the song. It’s the type of song you play in the car when you feel tense and want to ram someone that just cut you off! Plus what is with those people from The Netherlands. Are they Dutch, are they from Holland – or The Netherlands? No wonder Austin Powers had so many issues with them! Still a lovely folky kind of song with great vocals.

euro couple

We are just cool looking don’t you think?

7/10

Well that is it for first semi final. I will come out with next rundown before semi final 2 but use this as a guideline and play the Eurovision game! Score the songs as you watch them and see how you go!  And if you are more curious before the first semi final, look up the songs on YouTube. They are all there. See what you think! This is Gidgit Von Larue signing off – and don’t be shy to contact me if you have some Eurovision chat! Also make sure to follow:   @dbtsauce  He’s a Eurovision fan boy!

9 comments

1 Sioux Denim { 05.06.14 at 4:08 pm }

Thanks so much Gidgit, i do get hooked in every year so great to have a reference on who the hell the acts are!

Love Bern Lathbrock, altho a picture of Ragnar would have been better!

Skol!

2 Gidgitvonlarue { 05.06.14 at 4:28 pm }

Cheers Sioux. Haha – was very tempted to put a photo of Ragnar up. Might do it next review – just for the hell of it! Yummy!

3 Culinary Boner { 05.06.14 at 5:23 pm }

Lordi, Lordi, Lordi, I also luvs Eurovision.
Wot?!
No Nordic Black or Death Metal???

4 brain dead dave { 05.06.14 at 5:30 pm }

Those sweet,innocent Tolmachevy Sisters make me think about food~ having a sandwich with them. Bring on the Pussy Riot,comrades.

5 Zhee { 05.06.14 at 9:05 pm }

My guess is that the Russian girls might get some beating thanks to Putin and the crisis in the Ukraine. Ukraine might get a lot of sympathy votes this year around. We Europeans are clearly not happy with what is going on in the Ukraine and Russians this days receive a lot of hate. Even if they are Pussy Riot-sympethizers… :( The ESC has always been driven by “politics”, each and every year the media in Europe is complaining about it. A la X Files people assume that especially the Balkan states give the maximum points to other Balkan states. QQ. They don’t even realize that most winners are still from central Europe… The French and Germans are the worst ones in the blame game. Oh, sucks to not realize their songs sucked…
When I was a girl we watched the ESC formerly known as the Grand Prix Eurovision de la Chanson (my granny still calls it like that) every year. I found it really boring until 1998, when Stefan Raab entered the stage and brought some fun to the German entries. In 2010 he finally had a winner on his ends with cute Lena. But to be honest, I lost interest in the last few years and I only read the articles in the press and listen to the songs.

Btw, the San Marino entry sucks hard, because that girl simply can’t sing and the composer is Ralph Siegel who is only famous because he won the ESC in 1982 with “Ein bisschen Friede” (damn, when I was a child that song was everywhere, even it was years after it won…horrible song, horrible…).

Fun fact: Celine Dion won the ESC in 1988 for Switzerland. 😉

Edit: If you want to listen to the first semifinal songs, click here:
http://www.spiegel.de/kultur/musik/eurovision-song-contest-in-kopenhagen-esc-soundcheck-halbfinale-a-967547.html
It’s a German article but you can translate it in Google Chrome.

6 Aaron { 05.06.14 at 11:35 pm }

Sanna FTW.
She took part in Melodifestivalen (the Swedish selection to pick their song) 7 times now. Never won. Always a favorite.

Weird on this time, the only time she won, she’s a favorite to take the whole competition.

7 Culinary Boner { 05.07.14 at 11:11 am }
8 Veronicali { 05.07.14 at 11:25 am }

Last year was my first – loved it! The falsetto vampire guy, the hot guy singing with the hot guy trapped in the glass box, tin whistles, Sam Pang – looking forward to what this year brings.

9 Gidgitvonlarue { 05.07.14 at 6:37 pm }

** Correction – they changed the order of the entries so what I’ve listed is NOT the official order of Semi Final 1. I’ll get it correct next review!