Guest Post: House Rules – And The WA House Is Started
Annajjj writes another fabulous recap of House Rules. Over to her:
One down five to go! This time we are in Perth at the Cappers and they will be sent away so it will be nice not to have to watch Carole berating Iggy every ten minutes.
First up a review of the past week just on the off-chance we’ve picked up any new viewers. Jo appears again delivering her ‘mortgage paid off….for good’ line and then we get a preview of the coming weeks which includes everyone hating Brooke.
Let’s get into it. We see the Cappers with their family who look very nice then a few scenes where Carole gets emotional and wants to tell the teams that they mustn’t fight in her home as it will disturb the serenity of the place. They haven’t a hope of paying off their mortgage and they love this house and want to grow old in it. If these guys had been first up we might be buying into this but having seen the cow and the eunuch in action the past week no one’s fooled into offering up the sympathy vote.
Teams arrive and hike up the steep driveway. Out come the owners and Carole is experiencing absolute terror which seems like an inappropriate reaction to me. Sure you’d be a bit nervous but you are getting a whole house make over….for free. This is not a situation for sheer terror. She sobs a bit about not wanting people in her tranquil home but rallies quickly when asked what they would like as a luxury item which is their prize for coming top of the leader board. Gappy starts to think about what he’d like but too late, Carole has decided in a flash she wants a spa on the deck. So that’s that. They drive off with Carole still stressing and moaning about how much she hates this bit and next year can we have people who might be the smallest bit excited/grateful about being on the program?
Teams race into the house to paw through the Capper’s stuff and discover Carole’s massive shoe collection, no wonder they can’t afford their mortgage, then its zone allocation time. All the interior walls are being removed and the whole interior redesigned. This will make the before and after pictures a bit tricky. Zone allocation is random again, apart from the allocation of the kitchen to Team Snow White because one of the many things Carole is stressing about is the possible allocation of the kitchen to Team Snow White. Team Bomb get the living room, linen cupboard and large deck, Adam and Lisa get the guest bedroom and bathroom, first timers Candy and Ryan Gosling get the Master room, laundry and small deck and Maddi and Lloyd get their second small space with a strange little combination of the ensuite and WIR.
Adam and Lisa’s ‘surprise’ is that they are camping. Hands up who didn’t guess that one.
Back to the House Rules and the teams strongly suspect that Carole had the upper hand in designing these.
Style me industrial chic
Vintage luxe my bedroom
Create me a butler’s pantry with a barn door
Give me a stunning al fresco dining room
Champagne and chocolate in my bathroom
So industrial, vintage, slight old western with brown and bubbles. That shouldn’t be too hard. Note the lack of ‘give us splashy crazy colours’ but I’ll bet this lot can’t resist throwing in a few bright spots.
Arguments start in the kitchen where Snow White can’t agree on the colour and in the living room Team Bomb eye off the enormous sideboard with trepidation. They’ve been burned by large wooden pieces before. They decide they can’t risk keeping it then decide they can and really at this point we should cross to the Cappers telling us they hate Granddad’s sideboard and hope someone has the good sense to get rid of it. Snow White have moved into the bedroom and decide to recycle the headboard to make a barn door.
After the furniture has been removed it’s suddenly night time and the teams retire to the hotel/tent and there is a fair bit of google image searching going on. No one wants to risk misinterpreting the ‘styles’. The next morning teams arrive full of enthusiasm to get into it except for Lisa who is busy curling her hair and if this girl spent half as much time on styling the house as she does on herself their team might not be at the bottom.
Candy Crush and the Gosling have to negotiate with Adam for more space which he gives them then they negotiate with Maddi and Lloyd for more space which they give them and this is all a bit boring. Maddi and Lloyd go shopping for a spa bath – I thought the Cappers were getting a spa pool on their deck. Nope and the smallest model available is chosen which sort of flies in the face of the whole ‘luxe’ theme. Knees up Carole.
Candy and Ryan are tossing up between a red door and a black door for their laundry (cross to the Cappers who tell us their hate for black is only surpassed by their hate for red) and then Chester! arrives to call a team meeting and tell everyone they have to help bring in the scaffolding. Really was this necessary? There are no people we could have hired for this? The next few minutes is devoted to watching people drag poles up the steep driveway in the hot sun apart from Brooke who gives herself a little rest. Producers shoot this from several angles suggesting she sat down for about four hours.
Demolition begins finally and the teams throw themselves into this bit. Pink shirts again for Team Snow White and Brooke should have chosen a snow white bra, she starts hacking at the stove top but hasn’t turned off the gas. Suddenly Chester! appears again to yell Get Out Get Out at everyone. You can just tell he lives for these moments – Asbestos! Gas Leak! Possums in the walls! Get Out!
Brooke looks shamefaced at her mistake but there is no apology forthcoming so the teams decide to go shopping. Ryan and Candy, who owns one of those bitchy resting faces, call Adam from the car to ask for yet more space for their laundry. Adam says we’ll have to work something out which Ryan interprets as a firm yes. Back into the house and Mel is melting in the heat. Neither she or Bomber seem particularly resilient do they? Meanwhile Lisa is still shopping and her curls have fallen out.
Lloyd has sneakily moved the wardrobe line and Ryan notices and calls him on it. Candy starts to cry while Ryan dummy spits and they’re starting to realise how stressful this whole thing is. Ryan tells camera he is proud of Candy and would have happily married her today. But not yesterday? Not any other day? Candy looks crushed.
Next day and Dwarfs Drink! But only one tonight which is good because I’m still seedy from last night. The demolition continues with Grant making a mistake with his calculations in the kitchen and Brooke smugly points out the old military adage of 6 P’s but where was that when you were letting off gas yesterday Brooke?
Ryan is scrounging the skip for industrial chic and Mel is out shopping for industrial chic and how I hope she buys that awful owl cushion. Then Ryan and Grant have a fight about boundaries and Ryan just needs 30cm from Grant’s massive kitchen area but Grant won’t budge and it’s back to the amenable Adam to offer up yet more space to help Ryan out. Adam’s a nice guy says Grant who is not. Adam helps Ryan get started on his area and I bet Ryan is wishing he hadn’t scored Adam so harshly in his reno.
We finish with Ryan ‘pranking’ Lloyd by moving the wall back into his area and we are told this is going to be great. Lloyd will be devastated! Lloyd actually gets pretty stressed and the ‘joke’ stretches well past the point where it might have been funny but Lloyd gamely pretends it was. That’ll teach him snarls Ryan.
Chester! yell some more, Lloyd nail gunning gets Maddi hot, TMI, and tools down we’re done for another night.
So last season the contestants were all annoying in various ways but apart from Leighton they were all rather endearing too. Five episodes in and although Adam seems wonderful and Mel is sweet, if completely fucked up in the boyfriend picking stakes, the others are failing to appeal. Does anyone else have any favourites? Is anyone else still here?