Guest Post: House Rules – Bomber Is A Medic’s Nightmare And Brooke Is Not Going To Win A Popularity Contest
And over to Annajjj who is keeping us updated with her hilarious guest post on House Rules:
2nd episode of the WA reno and tonight it’s Bomber’s turn to play the sickie card and the whole world starts to really hate Brooke.
We’re at the halfway mark on this renovation and we kick off with Adam destroying the shower tent by pulling it down on himself. This is upsetting for Lisa who is starting to smell and has dirty feet. Agree with fellow commenters that this girl should just pin up her hair and get on with it. Everyone else arrives and Voice Over tells us Team Bomb is literally on the back foot as Bomber has a bum knee. That doesn’t mean they are literally on the back foot VO but meh. Semantics.
And Drink! Wow that didn’t take long but then again this entire episode is devoted to making Australia hate Team Snow White (sorry gice I can’t call them the Bradys; it’s too obvious). We are told that they deserve to win more than anyone. Why is that? Does breeding make you more deserving? We get a bit of dwarf skype then it’s off to the Cappers to watch Carole not relaxing and fretting about possibly hating the transformation. Carole let me remind you that in the promos you were the one saying renovate or detonate so clearly you’re not that thrilled with the current status quo. Gapper is quite relaxed about the whole thing but he knows better than to admit this to Carole.
Back to the house and Grant is rearranging walls to suit himself then Chester! arrives to yell at everyone to down tools and waste more time carrying plasterboard up the driveway. Seriously we’re doing this shit again? This is more infuriating than The Block contestants having to stop work to play silly Shelley Croft games. Nine people obediently comply but Brooke refuses and just quietly I don’t really blame her; I wish they’d all refuse but when everyone else is pitching in you’re a complete prat if you don’t help out. Maddi tries to cajole Brooke into helping but she’s having none of it. She’s conserving her strength, pacing herself and she doesn’t want to get exhausted this early in the day. Shades of lazy Jane from last year with neither of them doing much to enhance the reputation of Tassie girls. Candy and Lisa are outraged but Brooke sits firm. It’s a competition she declares.
Grant grins weakly at camera and then explains that the pretty girls are ganging up on Brooke and Brooke is outraged at this remark as she clearly considers herself to be a pretty girl and that whistling noise Grant? That’s her point whooshing over your head.
Bomber is struggling with the plasterboard challenge and Chester! tells him to stop and he’s going to go shopping to the pub instead but not before warning Mel to stay away from the power tools because she’s a girl. Finally back inside the house and Grant has built his wall so now Adam’s measurements are all out and his wall causes a void. Adam questions Grant, who goes into his trademark belligerent mode, then in scurries McCravey to stage an intervention. You need to sort it out she advises and thanks so much for your valuable input McObvious.
After digging their heels in again, Brooke and Grant remind us they are here to win and I’m pretty sure the viewer vote will count somewhere Snow White and you just lost it. And you’ve also ensured your kids will be embarrassed to turn up to school tomorrow. Plus can we remind you these people you are royally pissing off are going to be renovating your house at some point? #prawnsinthecurtainrails
McAnnoying is back, with a string of string around her neck, to quiz poor Adam on what he is planning to do with his extra unwanted space. Um build a seat in the shower? Excellent! Old people like to sit down in the shower. Cross over to Ryan who is completely smitten with his own gyprock installation skills and Candy is shopping for vintage luxe without having any idea of what vintage luxe is.
The ensuite window goes in and it’s frosted glass which completely obscures the fabulous view. Yes yes Carole we KNOW you’ll be furious if anyone ruins your fabulous bathroom view. Smarmy comment to camera from Brooke who is very quick to point out other people’s stuff ups and btw Carole has excellent legs for a woman in her fifties.
Over to Snow White who are now having issues with their own window, well Grant is, Brooke is standing around pacing herself and keeping hydrated. We’ve stuffed it up says Grant and Australia cheers! Meanwhile Mel is being all super chick and someone suggested earlier she reminds them of Pink and she totally is. She’s all kinds of girl power without the power tools. Back at Snow White and they are still having issues and hooray. Brooke is now acting so completely obnoxious it’s hard to believe she isn’t putting this on.
Maddi and Lloyd have chosen grey/black tiles for their ensuite and Lisa sneaks a peek and freaks out at how organised the other teams are. Meanwhile Ryan has found some vintage chic artwork which is actually crazy colour artwork but he’s convinced this will meet the house rules. Candy goes to measure and fetch it but then has second thoughts and decides to lie to Ryan about not being able to get the art. Good move Cands, he’ll probably never even watch this episode so you won’t be sprung and honesty is highly overrated in a relationship anyway. She buys an atlas print which fits in with exactly none of the house rules styles and I bet Ryan doesn’t want to marry Candy today.
Someone plays a joke with a loo paper tail on Ryan (Lloyd?) and then Bomber gets stung by a bee and his throat starts closing up so it’s off to the hospital. There doesn’t seem to be any sense of urgency to this scene given that some people actually die minutes after being stung by bees.
Back to the Snow Whites again and it is time to deconstruct the bedhead and reconstruct it as a butler’s pantry door. The Cappers immediately tells us they passionately hate the bedhead and never want to see it again and they really can’t wait to see their brand new barn door. Well of course. Carole explains the point of the butler’s pantry to the 98% of us who don’t actually know what this thing is. Apparently you go into this cupboard, make a mess then come out and then simply shut the door on the mess. Presumably little elves come along in the night to clean it all up but this bit is left unsaid. Later McDoom turns up pretending she hasn’t just been googling ‘butler’s pantry’ and tells Snow White that there should be a sink in there otherwise it is just a walk in pantry. With bedhead doors.
Team Bomb are reunited and Bomber immediately tries to take over. Back off Bomb. Adam and Lisa’s bathroom has come to a standstill so Lisa makes a call to the waterproofing guy to try and persuade him to fit into their schedule. He can’t possibly do it tomorrow until she promises to do anything and Sold! He’ll be there first thing in the morning.
The micro spa turns up and between that and the frosted glass we can pretty much predict the next couple going camping next week. Thoughtful Adam has organised a hot shower for Lisa 30 minutes down the road which is lovely but when they return they discover to their horror that their heater has run out of gas and there’s a danger the bathroom screed won’t be dry in time…..
I’m warming to Maddi and Lloyd as they seem quite sweet and although I was seriously thinking about defecting to MC now I really want to see the Tassie renovation. In my fantasy, the other teams collectively down tools and simply retire to their hotels for the entire seven days. Please please let me be right.