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Guest Post: House Rules – Bomber Is A Medic’s Nightmare And Brooke Is Not Going To Win A Popularity Contest

And over to Annajjj who is keeping us updated with her hilarious guest post on House Rules:

2nd episode of the WA reno and tonight it’s Bomber’s turn to play the sickie card and the whole world starts to really hate Brooke.

We’re at the halfway mark on this renovation and we kick off with Adam destroying the shower tent by pulling it down on himself. This is upsetting for Lisa who is starting to smell and has dirty feet. Agree with fellow commenters that this girl should just pin up her hair and get on with it. Everyone else arrives and Voice Over tells us Team Bomb is literally on the back foot as Bomber has a bum knee. That doesn’t mean they are literally on the back foot VO but meh. Semantics.

And Drink! Wow that didn’t take long but then again this entire episode is devoted to making Australia hate Team Snow White (sorry gice I can’t call them the Bradys; it’s too obvious). We are told that they deserve to win more than anyone. Why is that? Does breeding make you more deserving? We get a bit of dwarf skype then it’s off to the Cappers to watch Carole not relaxing and fretting about possibly hating the transformation. Carole let me remind you that in the promos you were the one saying renovate or detonate so clearly you’re not that thrilled with the current status quo. Gapper is quite relaxed about the whole thing but he knows better than to admit this to Carole.

Back to the house and Grant is rearranging walls to suit himself then Chester! arrives to yell at everyone to down tools and waste more time carrying plasterboard up the driveway. Seriously we’re doing this shit again? This is more infuriating than The Block contestants having to stop work to play silly Shelley Croft games. Nine people obediently comply but Brooke refuses and just quietly I don’t really blame her; I wish they’d all refuse but when everyone else is pitching in you’re a complete prat if you don’t help out. Maddi tries to cajole Brooke into helping but she’s having none of it. She’s conserving her strength, pacing herself and she doesn’t want to get exhausted this early in the day. Shades of lazy Jane from last year with neither of them doing much to enhance the reputation of Tassie girls. Candy and Lisa are outraged but Brooke sits firm. It’s a competition she declares.

Grant grins weakly at camera and then explains that the pretty girls are ganging up on Brooke and Brooke is outraged at this remark as she clearly considers herself to be a pretty girl and that whistling noise Grant? That’s her point whooshing over your head.

Bomber is struggling with the plasterboard challenge and Chester! tells him to stop and he’s going to go shopping to the pub instead but not before warning Mel to stay away from the power tools because she’s a girl. Finally back inside the house and Grant has built his wall so now Adam’s measurements are all out and his wall causes a void. Adam questions Grant, who goes into his trademark belligerent mode, then in scurries McCravey to stage an intervention. You need to sort it out she advises and thanks so much for your valuable input McObvious.

After digging their heels in again, Brooke and Grant remind us they are here to win and I’m pretty sure the viewer vote will count somewhere Snow White and you just lost it. And you’ve also ensured your kids will be embarrassed to turn up to school tomorrow. Plus can we remind you these people you are royally pissing off are going to be renovating your house at some point? #prawnsinthecurtainrails

McAnnoying is back, with a string of string around her neck, to quiz poor Adam on what he is planning to do with his extra unwanted space. Um build a seat in the shower? Excellent! Old people like to sit down in the shower. Cross over to Ryan who is completely smitten with his own gyprock installation skills and Candy is shopping for vintage luxe without having any idea of what vintage luxe is.

The ensuite window goes in and it’s frosted glass which completely obscures the fabulous view. Yes yes Carole we KNOW you’ll be furious if anyone ruins your fabulous bathroom view. Smarmy comment to camera from Brooke who is very quick to point out other people’s stuff ups and btw Carole has excellent legs for a woman in her fifties.

Over to Snow White who are now having issues with their own window, well Grant is, Brooke is standing around pacing herself and keeping hydrated. We’ve stuffed it up says Grant and Australia cheers! Meanwhile Mel is being all super chick and someone suggested earlier she reminds them of Pink and she totally is. She’s all kinds of girl power without the power tools. Back at Snow White and they are still having issues and hooray. Brooke is now acting so completely obnoxious it’s hard to believe she isn’t putting this on.

Maddi and Lloyd have chosen grey/black tiles for their ensuite and Lisa sneaks a peek and freaks out at how organised the other teams are. Meanwhile Ryan has found some vintage chic artwork which is actually crazy colour artwork but he’s convinced this will meet the house rules. Candy goes to measure and fetch it but then has second thoughts and decides to lie to Ryan about not being able to get the art. Good move Cands, he’ll probably never even watch this episode so you won’t be sprung and honesty is highly overrated in a relationship anyway. She buys an atlas print which fits in with exactly none of the house rules styles and I bet Ryan doesn’t want to marry Candy today.

Someone plays a joke with a loo paper tail on Ryan (Lloyd?) and then Bomber gets stung by a bee and his throat starts closing up so it’s off to the hospital. There doesn’t seem to be any sense of urgency to this scene given that some people actually die minutes after being stung by bees.

Back to the Snow Whites again and it is time to deconstruct the bedhead and reconstruct it as a butler’s pantry door. The Cappers immediately tells us they passionately hate the bedhead and never want to see it again and they really can’t wait to see their brand new barn door. Well of course. Carole explains the point of the butler’s pantry to the 98% of us who don’t actually know what this thing is. Apparently you go into this cupboard, make a mess then come out and then simply shut the door on the mess. Presumably little elves come along in the night to clean it all up but this bit is left unsaid. Later McDoom turns up pretending she hasn’t just been googling ‘butler’s pantry’ and tells Snow White that there should be a sink in there otherwise it is just a walk in pantry. With bedhead doors.

Team Bomb are reunited and Bomber immediately tries to take over. Back off Bomb. Adam and Lisa’s bathroom has come to a standstill so Lisa makes a call to the waterproofing guy to try and persuade him to fit into their schedule. He can’t possibly do it tomorrow until she promises to do anything and Sold! He’ll be there first thing in the morning.

The micro spa turns up and between that and the frosted glass we can pretty much predict the next couple going camping next week. Thoughtful Adam has organised a hot shower for Lisa 30 minutes down the road which is lovely but when they return they discover to their horror that their heater has run out of gas and there’s a danger the bathroom screed won’t be dry in time…..

I’m warming to Maddi and Lloyd as they seem quite sweet and although I was seriously thinking about defecting to MC now I really want to see the Tassie renovation. In my fantasy, the other teams collectively down tools and simply retire to their hotels for the entire seven days. Please please let me be right.


1 brain dead dave { 05.08.14 at 10:26 am }

When it’s time to do the Bradys’ reno , the other contestants should just supply a kennel in the back yard for Brooke to live in~ because she is a total bitch.

Can’t wait for the Tassie reno either, and some bush justice being meted out to gormless Grant and his freeloading frump.

Prawns in the curtain rails. Tick.Liberating a box full of cockroaches.Tick. Dead rat in the mail never fails. Cling wrap across the toilet bowl. Bring it on,gice.

2 Veronicali { 05.08.14 at 10:54 am }

New drinking game: every time the Bomster needs a medic, Drink!

Brook is so childish. Primary school mindset.

Yes, Carole has great pins! But does she really want to bathe in view of passing traffic, that looks to be quite the busy road the house is on.

McPointless woman appeared to have accessorized with some detritus that fell from the ceiling?

3 LB { 05.08.14 at 11:00 am }

Can only imagine that Brookes first husband is high fiving himself & calling all his friends & family saying “see, I told you so!”.
She is an absolute piece of work – even her husband was throwing her side eye. The seven dwarves must be so proud.

What new health issue will Bomber have next that can only be cured by a cheeky visit to the pub and a selfie with a barmaid? Mel is proving to be a champion – hard worker and problem solver. Maybe its time she hops onto OKCupid again and trades up.

4 Andrea { 05.08.14 at 11:16 am }

The Tassie couple most likely only have 4 kids at once in their house anyway as Grant’s ex wife could have his 3 kids stay with her most of the time I would imagine.
I wanted to like the Tassie couple so much but they are just getting worse and worse buy not helping, and not being team players.
That’s a good idea Gidgit, when its their turn, the other contestants should go on strike , down tools and stay in their hotel all week.

5 MV { 05.08.14 at 11:42 am }

haha excellent recap – I so look forward to these. Anyone else reckon McPointless is the Vicar of Dibley? Shes about to eat Adam.
Love Mel, she’s one awesome lady however was disappointed she didn’t send Bomber off camping after his pub scenario. She’s just tooooo good for him and everyone knows it hence all the guys helping out – nothing to do with her pie offerings.

6 annajjj { 05.08.14 at 12:12 pm }

Spot on bdd – a kennel would be perfect! Veronicalli I’m up for that suggestion – any excuse for a drink and that’s a good one. Bombs away! Thanks MV – I was worried I wasn’t quite hitting the mark with these recaps; it’s good to get the feedback (needy me!)

7 Wheeze { 05.08.14 at 12:29 pm }

It fascinates me that people still go on TV and behave like Brooke. Surely by now they know how it looks to the audience and the consequences in real life to you (and your 7 children!)
She must be the worst of the worst if you can’t curb your behaviour for the sake of TV cameras.

8 Aubergine { 05.08.14 at 12:56 pm }

Yet another brilliant recap, annajjj. McDoom, McAnnoying, Chester!, Snow Whites, Caaaaaapers. Love it! Dare I say, Pink might beg to differ about her likeness to Mel. Just sayin’.

9 katmac { 05.08.14 at 2:03 pm }

Hi ya’ll, long time lurker, occasional poster. annajjj I am hoooked on these recaps, they make my snide comments to an empty room seem not quite as crazy.
I wasn’t too enamoured with the casting this year, particularly because last year was so perfect (Plinth! Seamy! Kel!) but I’m starting to warm. I freaking loathe the Tassie team, and you just know that they are going to score everyone under 5 to up their own standing, shady dogs, like the Vic bro’s last year.

10 Colleen { 05.08.14 at 2:13 pm }

Tassie team didn’t even flinch when McChicken told them they were basically building a big cupboard not a butlers pantry. Arrogant. The bedhead doors look stupid. Carole seems the type to score what she thinks so lets hope she gives them a low score for not following the house rules.

Unfortunately she will also score Maddi and Lloyd low for the teeny tiny not luxurious at all bathtub spa. They are still my favourites.

11 Gidgitvonlarue { 05.08.14 at 2:22 pm }

HAHAHAHAHA. I was meant to rush to the post office but actually HAD to read this before going or my day is not complete. You are one very funny sheila!

12 PoRk ChOp { 05.08.14 at 2:33 pm }

Thx annajjj. I remember you from the Monty years. HR is most preferable to MC, in my opinion.

LOL BDD…that horrid person should definitely be provided with a kennel, made of leftover wood etc from the job. Someone needs to make it feel just like home, and leave a steaming pile of crap in it. The other teams should twig that they will be given low scores, by the “We Deserve to Win” team, and simply f-up their house. Brooke is very lucky I’m not on the building site; I would have kicked her up the arse for sitting on hers, while everyone else carted stuff up the driveway!

13 Fiona { 05.08.14 at 2:41 pm }

I’m a little confused about the wall between the pantry and bathroom. So Grant built his wall first right? then Adam built his wall to his measurements which then left a gap between the two walls. Then neither Adam or Grant wanted to take the time to pull down their wall and get that extra space between the walls? Am I getting this right.

I’ve been reading a lot of comments about team snow white on FB and Whirlpool and it seems that 99.9% of people HATE them. Good they are idiots. Did they not watch last years show? the public decides the winner, they have no chance of winning.

14 annajjj { 05.08.14 at 3:07 pm }

@Fiona yeah it was a bit confusing. You are right, think Grant moved his wall inwards (actually giving Adam more space) but Adam wasn’t aware of this and had already measured his wall and when it went in (following the original markings) he realised what Grant had done and didn’t want to change it even though it would give him more space. McCrave racing in to intervene was so annoying. She provided nothing of any value and Grant was being a stubborn arse so of course Adam had to give in.

15 Smythe { 05.08.14 at 3:50 pm }

Tired of Brooke’s and Grant’s “We have 7 children and need the win and deserve to win.” Those 2 deserve to win nothing except a kick in their rears. Brooke obviously doesn’t care how she behaves because she thinks too highly of herself. They both seem to be selfish people. Yes, it’s a competition but you still have to work together. When it comes to the Bitchy Brady’s home the teams should forget about points, break all of the house rules and continue with their poor design choices.
As for using “Snow White” that’s a much too nice description for Brooke/Grant even though they have 7 “dwarves”. However, Ms. biiooootchy Brady could easily step into the role of Maleficent.

16 Agent 86 { 05.08.14 at 4:00 pm }

Thanks Annajjj.

I’m starting to enjoy the show more now that the “personalities” of the participants are being developed. They’re flying under the radar and often hard to distinguish from the other Ken and Barbie team, but Maddi and Lloyd are growing on me, as are Ryan and Candy. Adam seems likeable enough, but Lisa is incredibly ineffective at everything she tries to do.

Mel is also a winner, although Bomber is near intolerable. Snow White are clearly establishing themselves as the “villains” which doesn’t seem to fit their “doing it for the kids” mantra since I’m sure their kids are now seeking emancipation.

I wish Channel 7 would provide a bit more background information about the plans, rules and budgets. The teams must approve the new plans, otherwise Carol wouldn’t have known to ask for a spa bath with views. But, if they do approve the plans, why do they consistently agree to lose a bedroom? That seems insane, even if the remainder of the house is renovated.

The house rules also appear to be deliberately contradictory, so I have to wonder whether the producers compile them based on some sort of open-ended interview with the teams. Who would really ask for “modern industrial” and “luxury vintage” in the same house? Even Carol would have to know that such a request would confuse teams. It has to be deliberate to prevent everyone asking for neutral, minimalist, contemporary and modern designs.

And as noted, I’d really like to know the budgets for each of the “zones” and who is responsible for finishing and fixing the renovations. Were Ryan and Candy really left with that terrible paint job from last week? Not to mention the completely useless mirror in the ensuite?

17 jec { 05.08.14 at 5:09 pm }

I just knew I could come on here and find another excellent review by annajjj (thanks!) and that there would be mention of McUseless’ necklace that looked like it was made of a plastic beer can holder with cable ties joined on.

I wondered why Adam & Lisa couldn’t approach a neighbour to ask if they could use their shower (instead of going 30 minutes away to find one!) but with how much the local traffic was being held up and inconvenienced by the reno the neighbours would most likely slam the door in their pretty faces.
I was super impressed with not only Mel during the waste of time carrying the supplies up the driveway but with Maddi. She was shown to be continually lugging the gyprock and bags of plaster.
I’ve got the same tiles that Maddi & Lloyd have in the ensuite as the splashback in my kitchen! They are varying shades of earthy browns with a metallic streak through them … they are lovely but I think they may be “too much” all over the ensuite walls.
That painting that Ryan picked out was modern – I wondered how he could confuse it with Vintage Luxe (if you take that to mean “Vintage” & “Luxury”).

18 Gabby { 05.08.14 at 7:35 pm }

Jec I was wondering about that painting as well, no way was that vintage. Just as well they didn’t get it.
Cannot wait to see the Brady’s get their pay back, nasty piece of work Brooke is.
Bomber is lucky to have Mel, what a trooper she has turned out to be.
Carole and Gapper’s house was a falling down dump, I think they should just be happy to get a good, solid, standing house and not complain about anything.

19 Fijane { 05.09.14 at 8:38 am }

I think snow white have each been so damaged by their previous relationships that they have built a castle around themselves and everything is us versus them. Guarenteed to make you very unpopular.
Surprised to see the split door on the pantry. My perception of a barn door is what Steve and Chantelle did in the first week of the block, ie a big sliding door of wood with diagonal bracing. It seems to me that that is what Carol is describing, too.
Seeing the spa bath was a prize for winning the previous week, I imagine that it would have been pre-chosen by the producers, or at least a maximum price set.
Why on earth was Adam upset about getting more space? And why would he go to all the effort of building his wall when Grant’s was already up and it was obvious that they would be in different places?
Very clever of the producers to make snow white initally look like the nice team, and the princesses as the baddies, and then turn that all around.

20 Veronicali { 05.09.14 at 11:15 am }

Fijane I was wondering what a barn door was supposed to be, I think you’re right! My initial thought was stable doors like they’re going with, then I wondered if ‘barn doors’ meant saloon doors, like in a western movie lol.
Agent86, yeah the producers must seek ‘unique’ rules for each house or everyone would get the same neutral makeover you typically see on Homes under the Hammer (Brit show).

21 Gabby { 05.09.14 at 8:31 pm }

Brooke’s husband shot himself in the foot when he referred to the other girls as “the pretty girls,” I don’t think that would have been the last he would have heard about that. She wasn’t a happy wifey after that comment. If looks could kill!

22 CAM { 05.10.14 at 7:57 pm }

I have missed the last few eps and just tried to watch them on the Channel Seven site. I tried two different eps and both were block – “you do not have permission to view this content”. WTF? Anyone having this issue?
I might not be able to watch the eps but these fabulous re-caps are keeping me up to date. Love your work annajjj

23 Dawn1004 { 05.11.14 at 6:58 pm }

Loving this show, my favs are Carol and RUSSELL and Adam amd his princess (who has improved immensely this week).

Detest the Tassies, just horrid people.

Think Adam’s wall – the issue wasn’t the space, it was that he had purchased the tiling already and would have to buy additional wasn’t it.

Carol said she didn’t want Brooke and Grant working on her kitchen – look who she got the gruesome twosome, what a pity she didn’t blow up when she caused the gas leak.

Can’t wait for the reveal.

24 Smythe { 05.12.14 at 1:17 am }

Does the range hood that Grant installed look too low? Maybe he will raise it up because sure seemed too low to me. I think that the kitchen materials look cheap and that barn door with those huge black handles just looks awful. BUT then it’s not my house. There are several things that have been done that Carol and Russell have stated they don’t like (such as red and black and wallpaper) so will be interesting to see the final product and how they react.

Brooke continues being a b*tch. Even during the birthday celebration for Maddie it appeared that she was forcing a smile as she stood around with her arms crossed in a defensive type posture. Maybe she needs to lie down on a couch and talk to Dr. Wright (haha) for a few hours. :-)