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Guest Post: Eurovision – Wonderful wonderful Copenhagen, friendly old girl of the town! It’s Semi Final 2 time!

Gidgit Von La Rue gives us her unique take on Eurovision:

So last review I got the order all mixed up! To be fair that was the original order that was on the Eurovision site before they bent me over and had their way with me, so sorry about that! This time I have it all correct and won’t be struck down by the Eurovision gods (they exist – they wear glitter jumpsuits and capes I hear)

So before I rattle off my review of the semi final 2, make sure to follow me (at least for the 3 nights Eurovision Contest on SBS) @gidgitvonlarue & my partner #colonelkickhead for some sarcastic Euro tweets! Remember Friday 9th, Saturday 10th and Sunday 11th on SBS this week will be airing the best talent show on earth! (I’m still waiting for that cheque SBS!) Take that The Voice and X-Factor and Bathurst Best Singer & Juggler Show!

1st Malta – Coming Home by Firelight. The music clip is very heart felt as they show clips of a war and a man returning from combat. But alas they can’t do the music clip on stage (shame).  Coming Home is actually very perky folky type song which is quite catchy . I like their chances of getting through to finals. Oh & hey to all the Maltese folks reading this. Yeah I know you are out there!

irish band

Malta rules….’n stuff.

8/10

2nd is Mel with Same Heart from Israel. Israel has only won three times – last was Dana International, the transvestite, with Diva. I seriously thought their song last year was awesome and should have got through but obviously Mel Gibson was head of voting? Strange the entries name is Mel. Bad time to make a joke I guess. But Israel’s Mel is a hot sexy little number to be sure and the song is a good club song.

oh girl

*insert open mouth joke here* (Calm down Colonel!)

7 ½ /10

3rd entry to take the stage will be Carl Espen from Norway with Silent Storm. I LOVE this guys voice. It’s a very lovely ballad as well. Carl beat out other hopefuls to represent Norway at this year’s Eurovision. And by beat out he beat them all up. No not really, but that would a novel way to win I  guess!

prayer guy

‘What – I don’t have to punch the other contestants – awesome’

8/10

4th is probably the weirdest song of all the entries. Make sure to also check out their music clip on Youtube! Do it! It’s Three Minutes to Earth sung by quirky folky folks The Shin & Mariko from Georgia. There’s chanting, bongo drums and ummm – yeah. I will say I like the curly haired girls voice. It’s going to be one of those songs you either love or hate. There is no middle ground on this one, trust me.

weird group

Not sure who is The Shin and who is Mariko!

Umm/10

5th is a saucy number (well the music clip is anyway – BOOBS!) FROM Donatan & Cleo from Poland with We Are Slavic (and saucy it seems!) It’s a REALLY catchy upbeat song…BOOBS…and lyrics like ‘we are Slavic girls we know how to use our charming beauty now shake what your mumma gave you!’ BOOBS! I still can’t figure out why my partner insists on watching this music clip so often. Maybe, oh I don’t know…BOOBS!

clevage chick

This is neither Donatan OR Cleo. It’s some mutt from their music clip.

7 ½ /10 (boobs)

6th from Austria is drag singing sensation Tom…I mean Conchita Wurst singing Rise like a Phoenix. It’s a grand big splendid song – kind of like the theme to a Bond film…if Bond was a drag queen! Conchita has a lovely voice, lovely eyes, beautiful long luscious hair, gorgeous dress…and a beard? Yep. It’s truly a unique look. I think even Ru Paul would be all ‘huh’?!

guy with a beard

This is what Conchita wears to change the oil in the car.

7/10

7th is Attention from Lithuania sung by Vilija Mataci unait (good luck pronouncing that commentators). I’ll fess up now I’m not a fan of this song. I find it a bit annoying. I don’t mind the ‘dddddown down’ bit but that’s where it ends. Hope she wears the big tutu on the night like she does in her clip. Nothing more stylish than a grown woman in a ballerina tutu when they aren’t doing ballet!

girl weeping

I’m so embarrassed – my mum dressed me. She still thinks I’m five.

4/10

8th entry is Finland with Something Better by Soft Engine. Every band member is old enough to be my children. Yep they are all between 17 & 19 years old. Bless. Something Better is a nice soft rock kind of tune (with a bit of hard core yelling near the end) and no doubt the boys will have the young girls and a few pervy old women, loving them. I am NOT a pervy old woman so I don’t love them. I just think they are nice young chaps.

finland

Isn’t it past your bedtime boys?

5/10

9th is Kasey Smith from Ireland with Heartbeat. This is my partner’s favourite song out of both semi finals so I better talk it up or he won’t take me to the zoo. Seriously this is a pretty kick ass song from Ireland -certainly one of the better entries from them for a while. Plus Kasey looks like a young hotter Cher. Pretty much how Cher would have LIKED to have looked! Song has a great beat and is VERY catchy. I like it’s chances of making it the final for sure!

girl in front of mic

Cher can kiss my ……

8 ½ /10

10th entry and one of MY absolute favourites is Teo from Belarus singing Cheesecake! This song is SO damn catchy and hip. He reminds me of a Belarusian Robin Thicke in Blurred Lines  – both in behaviour and the song. He’s also VERY active on twitter so track him down and send him your well wishes. He’ll probably tweet back! He’s cute too so that helps! I wouldn’t mind being HIS cheesecake!

http://imgur.com/soPKeGz

Where’s the sky Teo? Up there? Good boy

9/10

11th place is Tijana Dapcevic with To the Sky from F.Y.R Macedonia. It’s a pacey club number by what looks like a very tall blonde Tijana. It’s hard to tell if she’s a good singer as she’s not actually singing live in her music clip. The song is really ‘eh’. It doesn’t really stay with you. It’s kind of just ‘there it is’. Not sure if Amazon woman is going to get through. I’d be surprised. Sorry Macedonaians!


blond with mic

Ok fine – but I can reach the top of the highest tree!

4/10

12th Switzerland are next with the whistle song – sorry I mean Hunter of the Stars by Sebalter! Another song I really like. The lead singer comes across as very cheeky. Hope he can keep his lips nice and moist for the big night – there is quite a lot of cool whistling in this song, plus a violin solo (rock it) and clapping. This song could combine with Poland’s song which also has lots of clapping! Clap happy!

guys with violins

Whistling AND doing a violin solo. His talents are limitless!

13th (we are getting there, I promise) is the always great entry of Greece. Seriously do they ever send a bad song? It’s Rise up by Freaky Fortune feat Risky Kidd. Yep it’s a pretty lively fast paced song with some rapping in it (about time – massive lack of rapping this year) It starts off a bit like a Russian funeral song but then walla – after Risky Kiddy finishes his rap, it really gets going! I hear this playing in clubs everywhere – including Australia! Plus Freaky Fortune is freaky hot. Either that or I’m just horny tonight!

dudes

They perform once they finish their photo shoot for GQ magazine.

8 ½ /10

14th is Round and Round from Slovenia performed by Tinkara Kovac. Tinkara not only sings but plays the flute and is one of the very few countries performing in both her native language of Slovenian and also English (yes you can do that) The song is a nice mix of ballad and more up beat and turns out she is going to teach us how to live. That’s good because I’ve forgotten!

Watch me play this flute bitches!

6/10

15th song is from Romania called Miracle by Paula Seling and Ovi. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen Ovi before at Eurovision – just going to check – yep, he came third in 2010 (pretty impressive) Turns out Ovi was raised in Norway but went back to Romania because ummm Norway is too cold?? This year Ovi returns with his duet partner Paula to sing an ok song I guess.  I will say Ovi should buy some Tom Cruise shoes as he looks tiny next to Paula (who is rather gorgeous) Oh, and remember to ‘DRINK’ on the standard key change!

girl and boy

He’s like my little hairy teddy bear!

4/10

So there is the semi final 2 wrap for you all. Hope it helps while watching or just gives you some extra tid bits about this year’s Eurovision!

Now in case many of you are saying ‘sure fine but where is Turkey’ – well like a few countries they are not participating in this year’s Eurovision all for various reasons. I’ve always loved Turkey’s entries so it’s a bit sad they will not be performing. Other countries that usually take place that are not attending this year are Croatia, Serbia, Bosnia & Herzegovina & Slovakia (off the top of my head). Many due to finances, a few due to the ‘that’s not fair’ argument and others who just think Denmark sucks. (not really)

Before the big grand final I’ll do a short write up of the ‘big five’s entries and songs. The ‘big five’ are the countries that pretty much put the most money into Eurovision. They are UK, Germany, Spain, Italy, France and last years winning country which is obviously Denmark.

See you all for next review. Now I have to get onto writing up Survivor. It was a ripper!

 

34 comments

1 daisy { 05.09.14 at 8:29 pm }

Eurovision: a world of joke fodder.

Sorry I missed it.

2 Sandii { 05.10.14 at 2:26 pm }

GVL I haven’t had a chance to read the above yet but how did Jess Mauboy go. They put so much pressure on her young shoulders.

3 Georgie { 05.10.14 at 10:06 pm }

Just watched Jessica sing her heart out – fantastic and no gimmicks required.

4 daisy { 05.10.14 at 10:12 pm }

I recd but haven’t watched yet. Worth watching?

5 Georgie { 05.10.14 at 10:20 pm }

Jessica was worth watching and the intro for Australia’s inclusion this year was funny and enjoyable. Personally, I find a lot of the acts have too many bells and whistles, which detracts from the singing.

On another note, there seems to be a plague infestation of ‘rodent on head’ hairstyles similar to Manu’s marsupial cut.

6 daisy { 05.10.14 at 10:23 pm }

Oh I know the acts are dreadful. I just wondered if there was still some entertainment value.

I will ff to Jess then. But I didn’t rec the first night. I suppose Jess got through to the second round.

7 daisy { 05.10.14 at 10:26 pm }

There are so many rodent heads I think we can expect another outbreak of the plague.

8 Georgie { 05.10.14 at 10:28 pm }

I don’t think Aus is in the competition daisy – from what I understand, we were the interval entertainment.

9 daisy { 05.10.14 at 10:37 pm }

Thanks, Georgie. I think our Aussie commentator girl from Rockwiz does a good job on EV.

10 daisy { 05.10.14 at 10:38 pm }

Oh, of course Australia isn’t in the comp. Thilly me.

11 Georgie { 05.10.14 at 10:52 pm }

I don’t think Aus is showy and hyper-emotional enough for them daisy – too laid back.

12 daisy { 05.10.14 at 10:57 pm }

Yeah, when we wear thongs, they are on our feet not our bums.

13 Georgie { 05.10.14 at 11:14 pm }

I thought thongs were what they thing at Eurovision? Thilly me! 😳

14 daisy { 05.10.14 at 11:27 pm }

Oh Georgie. You are such good value. Alwayth. 😆

I am watching my Judge Judy marathon atm. She is making America a better place. 😆

15 Georgie { 05.10.14 at 11:35 pm }

Thanks daithy. I hope JJ comes to Aus then – there’s a few heads need kicking over here at the mo.

16 daisy { 05.10.14 at 11:44 pm }

:)

17 LW { 05.10.14 at 11:49 pm }

We have a saying at work, WWJJD, what would Judge Judy do. Comes in handy for those important decisions!

18 brain dead dave { 05.10.14 at 11:50 pm }

I’m watching some House Rules encores until 48hrs comes on a midnight.

I’ve read a book called What Would Keith Richards Do?

Love Judge Judy.The people are real, the cases are real. The parties have been sworn in,Judge. You may be seated.

19 LW { 05.10.14 at 11:56 pm }

Surely the answer to what Keith would do is always “snort coke off a supermodel’s minge”?
I love Burt so much. He always has a wry smile and a copy of the Blue Book handy.

20 LW { 05.11.14 at 12:07 am }

Crikey, just googled Burt and his name’s Petri Hawkins-Byrd! So it’s ‘Byrd’ she calls him… Learn something new every day.

21 daisy { 05.11.14 at 12:08 am }

Oooh. 48hrs. Thanks.

LW wwjjd. Love it.

Georgie, I think JJ prefers kicking butt, than heads. Anyway most of the heads she has to deal with are too thick.

JJ could have sorted Packer and Gyngell.

Lots of gems in this JJ marathon.

22 Zhee { 05.11.14 at 8:34 am }

And there wins the second transgender. 😉 History repeating, first one was Dana International.
Thankfully we zeh Germans got the place we deserved (no. 18^^). Also history repeating. Tomorrow the media will cry about how bad the German act was rated and that it was foulplay. QQ.

23 Ryan { 05.11.14 at 10:43 am }

Thanks for the spoiler Zhee, the final hasn’t played in Australia yet and this article is just for the second semi. Thanks for that. Much appreciated.

24 LW { 05.11.14 at 11:33 am }

Bad Zhee!

25 daisy { 05.11.14 at 11:35 am }

Poor Zhee. 😳

26 daisy { 05.11.14 at 11:36 am }

Poor Zhee. 😳

Poor Ryan.

27 Ali { 05.11.14 at 11:55 am }

On the plus side, Ryan, since we’ve been given the heads up in advance, you can place a bet on the winner and clean up. I’m off to do mine now ….

I’m more fascinated by someone naming themself after a body part: The Shin. (Does that mean he’s only half as good as The Shins?). So in the Eurovision drinking game, every time his name is called can you clink your glasses and say “Shin, Shin”. If he had won, would he get Legless? Or better yet, would he get his Leg Over?

28 Andrea { 05.11.14 at 11:57 am }

I think the winner was shown on Sunrise this morning, I guess its hard to keep these things a secret anymore.

29 daisy { 05.11.14 at 12:03 pm }

There you go Zhee.

I think I can only manage Eurovision once a decade and I watched a bit the year before last, or so. I don’t understand; why is it so bad?
Is it compulsory?

30 Georgie { 05.11.14 at 7:28 pm }

And the winner is….
all over the news today.

Might have a good voice but looks conflicted?

31 Zhee { 05.11.14 at 8:48 pm }

Sorry, I didn’t know that it’s not shown at the same time in Australia. The show is live here in Europe so you actually cannot miss it. As we get the announcement usually around midnight, it should be morning in Australia, so I thought it’s known. Same with the Oscars… Or Olympics. Or soccer championships….

32 Ryan { 05.12.14 at 9:18 am }

I know it was a simple mistake, but the headline was clearly talking about the semi final so I thought I’d be safe reading about a show I’d already watched. Oh well, Facebook spoiled it too in their ‘trending’ feed (which is stupid, it’s Facebook not Twitter).

I always try and avoid spoilers on the TV and this year succeeded, but yeah, read it on here instead. Lesson learned. Perhaps I should go on an entire media ban next year?

33 Zhee { 05.12.14 at 9:05 pm }

As the article had been from Friday and the finale aired on Saturday evening, I assumed that it is already known… Sorry. :/

34 Ryan { 05.13.14 at 1:10 pm }

That’s cool, I’ve just gotta ban all media next year to protect myself.