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Guest Post: House Rules – Brooke Is Not There To Make Friends

I am forever grateful to Annajjj for sending in these cracker recaps on House Rules they are hilarious. It is interesting about Brooke is it chicken or the egg with reality TV? Is Brooke really like that or has she just been edited to look like a complete biatch?

Over to Annajjj:

Tonight is the last day before reveal, the teams race to the finish and Brooke secures her position as the most horrible person in the world. It’s 5am in Perth and there seems to be a lot of traffic on the road for this time of the morning. At the house Adam and Lisa are stressing about their screed. If it hasn’t dried they will be in trouble but the water-proofer guy finally declares that it’s dry enough. Hooray!

All the other teams arrive and get straight into it. There is a lot more pointless running of materials up the driveway and running of rubbish down the driveway and it’s so stupid not to at least have the skips nearby. In the bathroom Adam and Lisa have shattered glass feature tiles and they look good. I’m calling it now – these two will be close to the top of the leader board this week.

Crush and the Gos are having issues with their laundry. The cupboard drawer handles sticking out mean the big red feature door won’t work. Surprisingly we don’t cross to the Cappers reminding us they hate all things red. Over to Team Bomb and bee sting anaphylactic thing so Drink! I know it’s only a recap not a new illness but Bomber nearly died so it counts. Bomber did so well at the pub shops yesterday that he is off to the pub shops again today. Mel beams with pride as she tells us how versatile her bloke is. He’s a real prince.

Cross to the perpetually stressy Cappers now and Carole is such a mess she can’t even sleep but she has Gappy in her bed so frankly who would? Back at the house it is kitchen installation time and Grant takes over while Brooke watches him. She then decides she doesn’t like Grant taking over, even though it’s clear she doesn’t plan to do anything herself, so she has a nasty little dig at him. He is confused which infuriates her further and her arms are crossed so tightly she is in danger of crushing her own torso but she releases them long enough to flip Grant off. What the hell is this chick’s problem?

Out at the shops Bomber is in Dick Smiths and to absolutely no one’s surprise he buys the biggest TV he can find. He’s such an excellent shopper that Mel trusts him with buying a new outdoor setting when the one she has looks like it won’t fit. Back on site Maddi and Lloyd still have frosted glass issues and they really need clear glass and there’s an awful lot of talking about needing new glass but not a lot of ordering of new glass going on. In both bathrooms the champagne and chocolate theme seems to have morphed into a very dark smokey theme.

Lisa is hanging around outside waiting for McCrave who bounces up wearing a yellow muumuu and more string. Apparently string is the new black. She wants to chat about Lisa’s linen which is retro and she reminds Lisa that none of the 18 different and conflicting house style rules actually included retro. Lisa is devastated but for once McSmarmy is right. Lisa takes the retro linen back to the shops and she tells us she can’t make a decision to save her life and she can’t think straight either. Seems like this would be a bit of a handicap in this competition and wonder why they entered? I bet she initially applied on this website too.

Replacement ensuite glass arrives! It is quickly installed and now Carole will be able to see all of the view and passers-by will get to see all of Carole.

It is stupid prank time (sigh) and the schtick this time is that no one knows Lloyd is a firefighter – hang on he’s a firefighter? How did I miss that? Lloyd suddenly looks six times sexier. Anyway the prank is that he is going to pretend to be a psychologist and there’s an elaborate setting up of business cards and recorded messages but it takes a long time for anyone to notice. Finally Ryan picks up the carefully planted card and OMG Lloyd is a physiologist he says but he’s not one of those either Ryan. Both he and Adam think this discovery is hysterical and Mel reveals she quite fancies Lloyd now. Wonder what she’ll think when she finds out what he really does.

Back to Grant who looks fatter than he did last week and the skirting boards and architraves that Brooke painted have gone missing. Brooke fires up and stomps around looking for culprits; coming across Ryan she decides he’ll do and she demands he pull off his architraves. Ryan looks confused at this mad little muppet spitting at him and goes over to inspect the boards. Meanwhile Brooke takes off in search of Grant to back her up but he won’t so it’s tightly folded arms and sulking on the driveway time. This is one crazy bitch.

Night time and its Maddi’s birthday so everyone assembles to wish her happy birthday, sing hip hip hooray and present her with the freebie paint tin of jellybeans. Brooke still looks sour. It’s the final night before reveal so mandatory painting time and Crush doesn’t seem to be approaching it with much enthusiasm. Ryan Gosling sings a bit to cheer her up and Brooke scowls some more.

The butler’s pantry is coming along nicely though so that cheers Brooke up. She’s so very happy they decided not to go with the stupid waste of space sink and then we get the usual reminder that Carole’s dream butler’s pantry revolves around the sink. None of the kitchen appliances have turned up but its ok, Grant reassures us, Brooke is chasing it up. Brooke appears to be standing in the driveway having another tantrum but at least she’s out of his way.

Quick montage of Bomber alternately painting like the pro he is and yelling like the nutter he is, then over to the ensuite where there appears to be a built in toaster going in the vanity unit. The bath has to come out so the grouter guy can go in and it’s carefully lifted onto the bedroom deck.

With four hours to go Lisa has thoughtfully chosen wallpaper for Adam to hang. He makes a start and it looks very fiddly. As he finishes the last strip we do another cross to the Cappers where this time Iggy tells up he doesn’t like wallpaper but what makes you think any of this is about what you like Gapper? I think it looks great.

Team Bomb’s sideboard has arrived and it’s a tense moment waiting to see if it will fit. Brooke looks anxious and clearly has her fingers crossed but unfortunately for her it fits perfectly.  Bomber is stoked. The kitchen appliances have finally arrived, including a massive industrial Rangehood which seems overkill for a small two bedroomed cottage. At the other end of the house Maddi goes to check on the grouting and stumbles into the massive builder’s crack on display. She gets the giggles and so does the cameraman as this scene shakes around a bit.

More drama as there is a supporting beam right where the flue for the pot belly stove should go and fixing it will ruin the ceiling. Jo arrives looking great in hot pink and she quizzes Team Bomb about their disaster. There is no time to fix the plaster, let it dry and repaint and this will cost them points. I wouldn’t worry too much Team Bomb, there’s a stable door pantry that is going to take the heat right off you. Grant is still installing the enormous rangehood and did Brooke just tell him he has to get the wallpaper up?

Looking forward to the house reveal tomorrow. It doesn’t look like anyone can possibly finish in time but it always looks like that and the previews of the house look amazing. Can’t wait to see the living room and the kitchen and Carole’s reaction to the pantry….



1 Fiona { 05.12.14 at 10:09 am }

I’ve been checking all morning for the recap. Thanks Annajjj!!!
I can not wait to see Carols reaction tonight for that barn door. I hope team snow white comes last. Can you imagine all the great TV that will be made from Brooke sleeping in the tent. And yes Mr Snow white does look fatter, stress eating perhaps? I know I would be if I had to deal with Brooke.

2 Shellbot { 05.12.14 at 10:21 am }

Is it just me or does Candy’s painting techniques leave a LOT to be desired? haha I know little about how to paint but I can tell she is doing it wrong…

3 Fiona { 05.12.14 at 10:26 am }

@Shellbot Are you referring to when she was painting around the light switch? I thought she was not paying much attention to it, I would love to see a close up shot to see how bad it is.

4 Veronicali { 05.12.14 at 10:28 am }

Yeah Brooke while standing around arms folded complaining she had nothing to do mentioned that uber-busy Grant needed to get the wallpaper up – wallpapering must be man’s work.

Does this house not have flyscreens? Paintwork complete with embeddeded mozzie and moth bodies.

Hope the ensuite has blinds, remember Gapper is using it too !

Carole was wearing red and black on the beach, so not too averse to those colours!

5 all happening { 05.12.14 at 10:37 am }

Another ripper recap thanks annajjj. At least viewers and the other teams are not on the own in disliking Brooke. Seems Grant has as much ‘whatever’, who cares feelings for Brooke. If he wasn’t as big an arse, I might almost feel sorry for him. BUT I don’t.
I agree Shellbot, an interesting painting technique used by Candy.
I thought the idea of a butlers pantry was to get all the yucky bits of entertaining etc out of sight so the husb…I mean butler can do it.

6 Shellbot { 05.12.14 at 11:20 am }

Yeah, the light switch painting was one technique then another she clearly didn’t have enough paint on the roller cos it was going on very patchy and then in tonight’s preview she has so much paint on the brush she is catching all the drips in her hand so it doesn’t go on the carpet and then she wipes the handful of paint on her shorts! Mess. I wish I could get a screen grab of when she was rolling on the ladder, such an awkward grip.

7 Smythe { 05.12.14 at 12:10 pm }

Not impressed with these teams. Wrote this in another thread…the kitchen materials look cheap and the barn/stable door is horrific with the black handles making it look worse. Malificent Brady continues to be a “B” and appeared to be forcing a smile during Maddie’s birthday celebration. She accused Ryan of taking her architraves but later on the camera focused on some painted architraves tossed to the side and am assuming those were hers.

So far I like Mel the best. She can be cranky but she is a very hard worker and has to deal with Bomber. They seem to be doing better w/ Bomber doing the shopping and her doing the supervising.

8 Peter A. { 05.12.14 at 1:23 pm }

Smythe , I agree with you about Mel. I have a new found respect for her. With Bombers buggered knee and bee sting , she just got into it and did it. Bomber doesn’t know how lucky he having Mel as his partner. If Brooke keeps behavimg like she has , I can imagine her bitching about the way she was edited just like the WA girls in MKR.

9 Gidgitvonlarue { 05.12.14 at 2:16 pm }

Brook obviously despises Grant with every nasty bone in her hideous body so not sure why she – or he – insist on wearing the same colour and style tops as each other EVERY DAY! Seriously. Each day they have a same style but different colour matching tops on. It’s just creepy.

Another hilarious write up. I really look forward to these.

10 Andrea { 05.12.14 at 2:27 pm }

I cannot stand Brooke, she is never happy with anything or anyone.
Her husband isn’t much better. I wonder what they are thinking now as they watch themselves on tv?
Most people will kill for the chance to have a free reno done on their home, but that pair just act so ungrateful and mean, even to each other.
All that business with the business card prank was pointless too.
Just get on with the renos and don’t go down the path of The Block.
Veronicali, they did mention that a blind was going up in the ensuite thank goodness.
Hope Lisa and Adam do well tonight, they’ve been in the tent long enough.

11 annajjj { 05.12.14 at 6:31 pm }

Veronicalli good pick on the red and black beachwear, I didn’t notice that! Fiona I’m with you, there would be lots of fun to be had with team SW in tents. Intense. Thanks Gidgitvonlarue (spellcheck wants me to call you fidget) I have a lot of fun writing these. It’s great to get feedback as well as comments, always very interesting to see how others are reacting to the show.

12 Gabby { 05.12.14 at 6:32 pm }

Well I am another viewer that cannot stand Brooke. Doesn’t she realise as she is making enemies with all the other contestants that they have to go and renovate her home? If I was her I would be making friends, not enemies.
I also noticed her trying to force a smile out at the birthday party, it was so hard for her.
The barn doors look a mess.
Carole has a cheek asking for a sink in the butler’s pantry, as someone else said, the house is only a small two bedroom cottage. I think she should be thankful she gets a damn pantry!
I’m another fan of Mel, I think she is a cracker, gets stuck in.
Looking forward to tonight.
Thanks annajjj for recap.

13 all happening { 05.12.14 at 7:02 pm }

The main kitchen could have had a small sink and the main one in the pantry. That is how I have seen it done elsewhere. Takes up about the same amount of room. I could see someone getting clocked by that barn door.

14 Gabby { 05.12.14 at 7:36 pm }

All happening, I haven’t been in to anyone’s house that has a butler’s pantry. The only place I have seen them are on The Block. I must lead a very sheltered life.
I was just thinking they have such a small house surely they will be happy just to have the ‘butler’s’ pantry even if it doesn’t have a sink?
Any way doesn’t a ‘butler’s’ pantry have room for your fridge as well?
Because if it doesn’t have your fridge and all your appliances in there it just becomes a ‘walk-in’ pantry. It doesn’t look a very big pantry to me, be it a butler’s or walk-in.

15 Gabby { 05.12.14 at 8:10 pm }

It should have had a sink! Carole was right, I was wrong. It was still too small.
I don’t think Brooke is going to be happy with her score, what a shame.

16 all happening { 05.12.14 at 8:14 pm }

One of the kids has one Gabby and theirs has room for all small appliances, dishwasher and main sink plus usual pantry. It is quite a big room. The fridge and wine cooler etc are in the main part of kitchen.

17 all happening { 05.12.14 at 9:37 pm }


18 LB { 05.12.14 at 10:00 pm }

Stay classy Brooke! Blaming your husband for the design choices, hard one to come back from.
Hope that when they did the Tas reno the other teams didn’t give too much credence to the seven kids scenario as it’s pretty likely that the people who buy the house in the property division won’t have seven kids.

19 Andrea { 05.12.14 at 10:23 pm }

Lets hope its a rainy week for the couple in the tent.

20 Tuppence { 05.12.14 at 10:38 pm }

Agree. Couldn’t happen to a nicer couple!!!!!!

Great recaps Annajjj.

21 MonMon { 05.12.14 at 11:14 pm }

I just wanted to say thanks for being so entertaining annajjj! Your writing style is a breath of fresh air haha I do love the show but I haven’t laughed so hard in a long time as I did when reading these recaps! Please keep them coming :)

22 Smythe { 05.13.14 at 6:46 am }

Hope it’s not just raining but very windy during their week in the tent.

I do think that Mel & Bomber where scored too low by the male judge & Carol and Russell. Couldn’t believe that judge gave them the same score as Candy & Ryan especially w/ that red/black sliding door and the barely functional laundry area. I actually liked the deck. Thought it was impressive without a lot of unnecessary bling. Simple & elegant.

23 Chrissie { 05.13.14 at 7:36 am }

Totally agree Smythe. They definitely deserved more – C&K also had the chipboard bed head mistake as well.

I just don’t get the butler pantry – I get hiding the mess, but as the cook it’s bad enough being stuck away from the action – let alone having to be hidden all the way out the back! And her sink now has a lovely window with a view. Would much prefer that! I also wonder whether having wet areas near food storage might cause mould issues if they aren’t careful.

24 Veronicali { 05.13.14 at 8:53 am }

Looks like the entrance to the house is now through the kitchen, so I can see Carole wanting all the mess and clutter out of sight in the butler’s pantry.