Guest Post: House Rules – Is Candy Really Gone Or Was It Cleverly Crafted Publicity Stunt?
Annajjj’s recaps continue to be brilliant day after day and hopefully she managed to catch Offspring!
Over to Annajjj:
Day two and tonight we see Bomber shopping, Gapper digging and Candy and Ryan breaking up…or do we? Voice Over hints at what Shellbot predicted which is that this is all a big set up.
We start off with Drinks! as Snow White remind us of their 7 reasons to win and elsewhere Bomber is embracing his inner shopper. Mel can be the foreman, as far as Bomber is concerned, he’s all about the easy option. Meanwhile Adam and Lisa are enjoying their free holiday and Give Me a Cliff Spa just made it to the top of my list of potential house rules.
McResident-Designer makes several appearances tonight and the first is with Mads and the Fireman to quiz them on their bedroom vision. Bugger off it’s none of your business Maddi tells her, but only in my dreams. We’ve got a bed-head she mumbles and McPushy says well the rules are glam, feminine, indulgent and a bed head won’t be enough. I want more than you are giving me, she spits at them viciously before flouncing off in search of her next victim.
We then cross to the ‘expert renovators’ Carole and Gapper, and there’s not been a lot of evidence of their expertise so far, least of all when it comes to the deck Gapper is trying to build. He’s still working on the footing holes he was struggling with last night. Several other teams pop up to support Carole in hassling him and Gapper tells the peanut gallery to STFU. Good for him.
Mads creates a time capsule to go into the fireplace and Candy is getting annoyed with Ryan and has anyone else noticed Ryan and Candy have matching noses? Back over to Stoner Adam and Lisa who think the Snow Whites might struggle with the House Rules. In other words we don’t think the daggy country folk are going to get it right and that seems harsh until we get a shot of Brooke wandering around in too short pants pulled up very high and teamed with blundstones.
Gapper is still digging holes for deck footings and Bomber is still shopping, and McStill-Here advises that this is not the time to be playing it safe and everyone is missing the vital rule of pops of pattern except for Carole who has florally patterned feature tiles. They don’t need to line up, Carole tells the tiler, just whack them anywhere. We are so far up the leader board it doesn’t matter what we get scored.
Ryan has to stop repairing walls and go and repair his relationship with Candy. I love you, he says but he really should put a ring on it if he’s serious about making her happy. Perhaps he’s saving that for the finale. Actually maybe they all are. The three younger girls have made no secret of the fact that they want to be married and clearly Mel and Brooke are up for round two. Perhaps the finale could be five weddings and a divorce. It’s a great promo line.
Broke has found a chair that is about 80 metres wide and Grant says that will not fit in any room ever. Well you go shopping then says Brooke. Little Britain would LOVE to go shopping but he’s not allowed off the leash for that long.
Back to Iggy still trying to dig those holes for his deck and Ryan stirs him up by throwing planks into his hole. Gapper throws them back in disgust. What’s he expect they’re gonna say when there’s wood in me hole? asks Iggy and I’m leaving that one well alone.
Mad is realising she can’t combine every single house rule without creating a giant fuck-up so, sticking with moody female theme, she decides on sheer ceiling curtains. It’s all about soft focus. Bomber is still out looking for pops and earthy tones and wows and luckily he finds feature tiles that incorporate all these themes.
Carole wants bottle tops wallpaper and it’s hideous says Gapper and it’s wow insists Carole and Gapper says do we want to give them “wow I don’t really like that” and yes says Carole because the important thing is not whether the owners like it but whether it meets the house rules. That’ll stand up in court.
Next up we are promised the Candy walk out scene but now VO makes it clear that Shellbot was right when s/he picked this one early on…it’s an elaborate prank to get back at Fireman for his earlier prank about being a psychologist/physiologist which was set up to get back at Ryan for the wall moving prank and do we really have time for this nonsense?
We’re back from the ad break and with less than three days left there are seizure-triggering tiles forming a feature wall in the Capper’s bathroom. It’s totally horrible but Carole thinks it is fantastic and are you insane? It’s truly awful. Yes it’s wow but it’s WTF wow which is probably not what the house owners were hoping for.
Self levelling concrete is going down (I really miss the Greek boys!) and McSnout makes her third appearance to stick her nose in to the lounge room. Candy wastes valuable time patiently explaining they have picked similar lounges to the ones picked last week and is told that using sofas we’ve already seen is not on. The same stupid hairstyle every week is ok though is it McFringe? Little Britain has decided to save time and money by using existing windows but his chisel slips, shatters the glass and is that his blood all over the corner of it?
Big mirrors are the plan in the kitchen for Mel, meanwhile Bomber is still out shopping. Mel says how about stop shopping and be here to actually help but Bomber is enjoying the shopping gig and gets pissy with Mel for suggesting he is slacking off. Don’t have a go at me about shopping he snarls. We find out poor Mel is missing her daughter but she only has one kid not seven so she can’t use that for sympathy points. Doesn’t matter, she doesn’t need them, Mel is winning hearts and does anyone have a great single male friend we can set her up with?
Voice Over says Gapper is still working on deck from hell and he’s gone back to the jack hammer and concrete is finally being poured. Carole is out of the way shopping. Brooke has found something she can actually be bothered doing and is taping up the old lady windows. They need fixing so Brooke asks the boys to call the glaziers as Brooke has made quite enough calls to no avail thanks very much. One call from Ryan and it’s sorted. What does that tell you?
Gapper is nealy done on his beloved deck says Voice Over but I’m betting there’s no love left there. Carole comes back and it’s done and she’s impressed. Gapper is well beyond caring what anyone thinks at this point.
We’re finally at the payback prank and although most people are turning to Offspring and I’m desperate to join you, over here we are watching the ‘fun’ begin.
Carole prods Mads into admitting that Fireman is not a psychologist and then she immediately goes and tells Ryan he’s been had. She acts all serious like this was a dark secret instead of a prank and Ryan thinks Fireman must be a labourer and ashamed of his job and decides to prank him back.
There’s something slightly vicious in the way Ryan pulls off his pranks. Anyway he goes to Doc Lloyd with his relationship issues and asks for his help. He lies down on the dusty floor couch immediately losing any credibility but Fireman is so rattled by Ryan coming to him for help he doesn’t notice.
We interrupt the prank to watch Snow White Drink! on the way into Masters to buy wallpaper. I’ve never been to masters but they don’t seem to have a good selection. After rejecting several horrible choices they go for a floral mess with pops of colour (ha!). Bomber finally returns with some lame excuse of being stuck in traffic to find Mel had done everything. If we win, he says, it’s because of her. You’d better believe it Bomber.
Ryan goes back to the Doc for more counselling and Candy spoils the prank by showing up all cheerful and happy. Ryan adds acting to the growing list of things he loves about himself and begs the fireman to tell him what his job is. Lloyd refuses and just tell him already and stop with the stupid secrecy, it doesn’t make you mysterious just very annoying.