Guest Post: House Rules – Too Much Wallpaper And Bling?
Annajjj again nails it with a witty recap of House Rules:
It’s the last night before reveal; there are some interesting fashion choices going on and the teams are all in a wallpapering frenzy. I blame McBum-Steer who spent much of last week encouraging teams to follow the ‘vital’ house rules of pops of pattern and wallpaper so everyone is shoving patterned wallpaper everywhere.
Teams arrive and Carole is back in her clean white overalls today and then Drink! for the parents of seven in fetching orange and gingham. You can sort of see why the other teams are worried about Team Snow White’s style.
We’re told that Iggy Gapper is on his fourth build day on the little pointless deck. Carole is hassling him about going too slow. Can’t you do something? asks Gapper plaintively. Something other than nag me? No retorts Carole, asking you pointless questions is far more important than actually working.
Several muscle shots from the young guys then we crash into a shot of Bomber’s belly and he is critically surveying Mel’s work. Can’t you do something? asks Annajjj plaintively but no not yet. Bomber does pubbing, shopping and painting and that’s about it. Meanwhile Ryan is getting upset at people using his study for a storage area and then Grant does the weirdest facial expression I’ve ever seen. Does anyone else know what that was about?
Team Bomb go shopping together for a wow statement and find a huge frilly mirror which Lisa will love. Today Bomber is wearing a hoodie, a beanie, short shorts and boots, sucking casually on a lollypop and not endearing himself to anyone.
In the ensuite Fireman is 10 floor tiles short and sends Mads on a two hour round trip to get them. Where did they order these tiles from? Bendigo? Candy and Ryan swap awful wallpaper design ideas with Carole and how is anyone keeping a straight face at this point?
Bomber heads off shopping for cheap lingerie. He buys a nasty black nylon lace number and when he is done using it as a ‘tool of the trade’ he can give it to Mel as a present. Win win. Mel says it’s not really her style and she presents Bomber with a silk slip she bought for $7 from the Salvos and she didn’t spend half the day out avoiding work. I’m disliking Bomber more each episode.
Grant is wondering why he is the only one under the pump *cough*Brooke*cough* and his stonemasons have arrived. That’s a real job title? I did not know that. Elsewhere Candy has bought guitar and maracas accessories and Ryan Gosling is delighted. He’s quite good at maracas.
We get a shot of the awful flowery bathroom tiles which Grant hates and you’re not the only one Grant, then over to the equally horrible bottle caps wallpaper being installed. Gapper tries to help Carole by offering helpful hints while she tries to line it up. She gets stroppy and walks out but it’s all good, she returns and the wall is completed. I love it declares Carole but would she love it in her own home?
Night time and Drink! for several reasons to motivate Grant as he heads off to the tent leaving Bomber on his own. Bomber is doing the first bit of work we’ve seen this entire reno but he milks this by singing All By Myself which is what he should be if Mel ever Comes To Her Senses.
One day to go and Carole is in yellow overalls that she bought in bulk on eBay, then over to Adam and Lisa window shopping and if they had any idea what was happening back home they’d be shopping for wallpaper stripper. Mads and the Fireman are busy draping fabric in the bedroom like a strange sort of wedding marquee and Grant thinks it looks like a Halloween set. It’s a Boood-waah Grant.
The Snow Whites are out of money and Drink! again for lots of kids = no money. Back to the horrible bathroom tiles then we follow Carole to the horrible bottle top wallpaper then back to the horrible bathroom tiles. If Carole gets a low score this week I’ll bet she blames it on Gapper spending all his time on his tiny deck. Mel meets the mirror men then Jeff the security guard who is looking quite the part with his goatee and Blues Brother’s sunglasses.
Carole fails to carry her giant mirror and breaks the corner off. Unfortunately it is repairable and then mounted on the wall next to the bottle tops so we get double the reflected horror.
In case anyone has forgotten or just joined us, one of the House Rules is wallpaper every fucking surface that isn’t already mirrored or something like that. So Mad and Firey put wallpaper on the bedroom side tables, Brooke intends to wallpaper the guest room with nasty pops of green flowers and Ryandy are busy putting up their own horrible wallpaper. Ryan is pretty chuffed with his wallpapering skills; one thing Ryan doesn’t suffer from is a lack of self-confidence. He’s good at so many things he reminds us, including wallpapering, galvanising glaziers, plastering, acting, pranking…..he’s the Dick Van Dyke of home renovation.
Thank god for Mel. She takes one look at all the awful wallpaper going up everywhere and abandons her own plans for wallpapering. She goes with the easy removal option of a picture. I love Mel.
House reveal tomorrow night.