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When Love Comes to Town – Attack of Quokka Island

Gidgit Von La Rue is back guest blogging When Love Comes To Town – Over To Gidgit:

So tonight the bus of broads is off to Kangaroo Island. Why? Does this beautiful place harbour hoards of single men hiding around the island? We are reminded about what happened last night (which I really don’t need as it’s etched in my mind) and that JJ opted to stay in Margaret River with Adam who is chuffed to bits! And good thing for those ladies that are purely on this show to be on TV – they still get air time even if they do stay with the bloke.  Bonus!

We see the ladies pulling a ‘king of the world’ on the ferry ride over to Kangaroo Island and it’s a pity they didn’t do the FULL re-enactment of Titanic – plus we see clips of just how gorgeous Kangaroo Island is and yes I’d really like to go there please! And I don’t know about you, but I still think Renee should have stayed behind with Mosh pit. Just saying! We are also reminded about how Jessica still wants to find this illusive ‘magic man’ and I suggest she heads to Las Vegas because there are a shit load of them there! Jemma bangs on about how she’s a mum and lives for her kid (stay far away gents – she’s one of ‘those’- and it’s awesome to love your kid but kids grow up and drop you like a hot scone eventually & you are left holding the framed photo of them when they were 7!) Next we meet Monica who is looking for her very own Mr Darcy who is into bondage? (Her favourite novel is 50 Shades of Crap – sorry Grey) Seriously the first bloke she dates is going to let her down big time by not being a character from some romance novel.

The bus again pulls up to a cheering crowd (oh I’m sorry, did they just win a grand final?) and I’m not sure if they are purposely doing it but I still have no idea who the Indian girl is?  Our next two single men are Gav and Tom.  Gav looks about 19 and Tom looks about 40 but I’m probably way off on that. Renee reveals that she knows if she’s attracted to a guy if she throws up or something like that and Roobucka reveals that she stands out because the other girls are absolute woofers and she’s gorgeous so she doesn’t have to work hard. After the girls are CONVIENENTLY evenly dispursed between both fellas (again what if they all pick the same guy?), Tom takes his stable of sheilas off cray fishing to see if they are willing to get dirty. I have a feeling that’s not really the type of ‘dirty’ Tom had in mind, but the show is insisting they do this shit so what ev’s.  Ruubukka is the first to jump at the chance to flash her boo – I mean bait the cray net & instantly Tom is in love (I think he’s pretty open to ANY female – Tom man – Tom want woman!) Due to Riibucca being a woman and able to do something Tom is blown away and wisks her off for some one on one time where Rybeecca puts in a stella acting performance (100% sure she’s just on this to be on TV) & Tom goes all goo goo because she has big tits.

Over with Gav and his chicks and Gav’s job of being a stone mason has confused the living hell out of the girls because…ummmmm…the title of his job is confusing??? And have they even spoken to the Indian girl or they are just going to keep ignoring her? Abbey is worried about breaking a nail because we know those things don’t grow back and Gav shows that being a stone mason means working with stone!  Oh hold the phone they just spoke to the Indian girl. Her name is Tash & she’s not happy about having to chop rocks. Personally I would SO do this as a job so if there are any stone mason companies looking for someone in the Blue Mountains region – call me! Gav is quite taken by Jemma as she’s not being all ‘look at me’ but I don’t really see any of the girls doing that probably because Riiibucka is not in this pack. Straight off Jemma informs Gav she has a son and how he’d love to live on this island with its wide open spaces but refrains from telling him the ‘important stuff’ – but I guess that can wait until her picks her to stuff up his game plan eh Jemma!

Over at cray pond central the girls are catching HUGE cray’s (yum) and Renee informs us her nanna would so bone Tom (ew) & we meet Ainsele who is the eldest of the group at 35 which means she already has her wedding dress picked out. Oh, and Tom’s dog is adorable! Monica is the youngest at 12 (not really) and declares she’s the ‘biggest reader’ but I’m not sure only reading romance novels makes you a bibliophile honey. Turns out pretty much all the girls really like Tom so they decide to mud wrestle to see who gets picked – well that’s what Tom wanted anyway.

Back to Gav and Tash just won me while shovelling mud into a wheel barrow & saying to him ‘maybe this is why you are single because you make girls do this!’ Quote of the season so far! Gav reveals he wants to marry Kangaroo Island he loves it that much and maybe if you want to meet someone that loves it as much as you Gav go for a woman already LIVING ON THE ISLAND?? There has to be a few single strays mulling around somewhere surely? Gav likes Jess but he can’t pull a rabbit out of a hat or cut a woman in half so he’s just not magic enough for Jess. Get the hint Gav – no one wants to move there, as pretty as it is.

Meanwhile over at Margaret River it seriously looks like JJ & Adam are actually connecting and suit each other! Turns out JJ is as bossy as hell and Adam is loving every minute of it! I will say watching JJ I’m not surprised she’s had bad luck with blokes but turns out this one’s la desperado so it’s all good!

At Uncle Tom’s cabin he is having a one on one with Kelly who is the first girl to really say she could move to Kangaroo Island because Tom has horses and eh, why the hell not. Tom is chuffed! Over at Gav & his one on one is with Shelley & they talk about her love for snow while stacking milk crates for absolutely no reason what so ever. Turns out Shelley is a real adventure chick (even though cracking rocks seemed a bit too far for her).  Its now time for both blokes to pick and Tommy boy picks Rubuka and nanny Kelly and GROUP HUG! Gav chooses action Shelley & I have a son Jemma and the other three girls could really car less & are enjoying the party pack of mini pies and sausage rolls more!

Back to Margaret River cruises and JJ is riding on Adam’s back through a vineyard. Then turns out Adam’s mum works at the vineyard and HE’S A KEEPER JJ – MARRY HIM! Adam’s mum likes JJ because she likes her son and wine.

Over at Kangaroo Island its date time and Gav is taking Shelley fishing. Turns out Shelley doesn’t like romance as it creeps her out which is good because she’s about to be attacked by pelicans! Hang on didn’t Shelley say she loves adventure and danger and being scared so why is she packing her nickers over a few big birds?

Meanwhile Tom is taking Kelly out on a mates boat to eat fresh oysters to try and make her all randy. Sadly Kelly thinks oysters are little parcels of snot – way to go Tom! Just get her drunk – works better than oysters!  Gav is taking Jemma to his mates awesome art studio where we find out even though Jemma is an art teacher turns out she’s not very good at art! Not only that we find out Jemma drops a mega bomb by literally telling Gav he wasted his time picking her as she literally can’t move to the island because of joint custody with her son’s father and her son is her world and not only that she doesn’t want to have any more kids and WHY THE HELL DID SHE EVEN GET OF THE BUS? You can even see Gav thinking ‘why didn’t I literally pick anyone else?’

So basically Jemma’s break down for a man is 1) Must not live too far from her son’s father 2)Must be comfortable with coming second to her son 3)Must not want to have their own kids with her. Yeah good luck with that Jemma!

Back with Tom and he’s now on a date with Rubukakaka. Turns out she’s not impressed with Tom’s late father’s beautiful old home that is now a museum so he bustles her off to the pub where she’s more phoney than a phone factory but Tom is looking at her boobs & trying to get her drunk so he can motorboat them – but it’s not going to plan. Over at Margaret River Adam really wants JJ to stay & they finally pash by the seaside.

We return to Uncle Tom’s cabin (literally) where Reepuckka and Kelly are making dinner and the fact Ribiikka is a vegetarian and Kelly eats meat means Tom wisks Kelly outside for some more one on one while Boobs is left making her vego meal in the kitchen. (Turns out rural chaps like chicks who eat meat – no surprises there) Tom discovers by the fire that he’s falling for Kelly & she seems to be falling for him and meanwhile the ratings for this show fell last night because Ch9 insisted on putting it on at an earlier time which really backfired (It’s an 8.30pm show Ch9!) Live and learn.

Over at Gav’s place he’s showing the girls his wallaby – literally. Of course a man who loves and cares for animals melts both the women’s hearts and just because Shelley can hold a baby wallaby assures Gav she will be an awesome mum? Ok I guess.  It’s now time for the ladies to decide if they’ll stay or if they’ll go. Jemma is looking like a Swiss school principle and host Natalie Grizzdick is wearing MC Hammer pants. Poor Gav is rejected by both his women but he still has his wallaby and rocks so it’s all good. Rubukka of course high tails it back to the bus because she’s in it for the long haul and Tom isn’t rich enough for her & plus he tried to steal her chair. The nice surprise is Kelly opts to stay with Tom as long as he doesn’t force her to eat any more oysters.

Next time the ladies are off the Barossa Valley for a piss up and turns out one of the girls does the dash because she’s sick of riding on the bus I’m guessing or she is more of a beer type of girl?

See you all next week!

33 comments

1 daisy { 05.22.14 at 11:12 pm }

When Jemma got back on the bus, Gav dodged the vasectomy bullet. I think I heard him go “Phew”.

2 daisy { 05.22.14 at 11:14 pm }

BTW, “I don’t want any more kids because the first one is perfect and how can you improve on perfection”, is not a convincing reason for not having kids. Bulldust.
The real reason is usually, “Bloody Hell, I’m not going through that again”.

3 Eliza { 05.22.14 at 11:51 pm }

Haha I LOL-ed at Monica and her Mr Darcy/50 Shades of Grey comments too.. good luck with those. Was she trying to let us know she is kinky or something with 50 Shades being her favourite book? :/

I question why Jemma is there.. oh hang on, to be on TV! Having a kid is ahhh a pretty big deal, especially when you say to young guys who don’t have their own family that you don’t want to have more kids. Plus, when she was talking about moving her kid away.. ahhh well… that is the premise of the show, right?! To move to the country to be with the guy? Thanks ch9, I just love the drama of having a single mum on the show.

Ok, so, if I were one of the girls with those guys I would be asking if I could get back on the bus now. No thanks. I was SHOCKED.. gasp.. horror.. that Tom was only 31! NO WAY! More like 45! Was I the only one.. (sorry, got distracted by my cat touching the rug like it was alive.. yes.. she thinks EVERYTHING is alive.. oh no, she wants to sit on the computer again) who thought Tom looked more like he could be the dad of most of the girls? I felt awkward watching him with Rebekah like a pervy old man.. ughhh. I lost all respect for him when he didn’t pick Ainsele for the date who actually seemed to like him, and not just want her rack to get more air time.

I am great with animals having grown up with them my whole life.. I am not the best with kids though so this is definitely not a great test of motherhood potential. Lil’ Gav certainly dodged the bullet with Jemma though but shame he wasted a spot on her. Will Tom and Kelly live happily ever after like JJ and Adam?

Ooohhhh I am watching Survivor finally right now.. I won’t say anything but I am so nervous for Spencey-boy! COOOMMEE OONNNNN!!

4 daisy { 05.23.14 at 12:27 am }

Gotta agree with you on those guys on Kanga Island Emma.
Scraping lowish in the barrel. But it might not get any better. Farmer didn’t really have hotties either.

5 daisy { 05.23.14 at 1:34 am }

Sorry Eliza, I called you Emma. I had Emma on the brain.

6 Eliza { 05.23.14 at 1:54 am }

Haha, I was wondering if you were talking to RR Emma for some reason!

The guys on the next episode look ok.. If it doesn’t get better though I would be going back to MR if I were those girls.

7 daisy { 05.23.14 at 1:58 am }

You might want to go there anyway. Nice plays. Probably a good ratio of hot guys from Dunsborough through to MR.

8 jec { 05.23.14 at 10:50 am }

I’m not watching this show any more (after seeing the first episode) but will enjoy catching up on the shenanigans through your recaps, Gidget. Thanks!
Though I’m wondering why the heading says “Quokka Island”. It’s Rottnest Island that has the quokkas and Kangaroo Island that has the, umm, kangaroos, isn’t it?!!

9 Ali { 05.23.14 at 12:58 pm }

Thanks for a great recap Gidgit!

# The girls slap on so much pancake makeup, it must’ve been filmed on Shrove Tuesday.

# Rebekah is copping lots of stick for being too “upfront”, but it’s not her fault if that ample bosom enters the room five seconds before she does. In fact, Rebekah is just an entourage for her massive boobs. She must shop at Target because all the buttons on her shirt fell off, inadvertently revealing huge cleavage.

# When will the girls wise up that this is actually a rural work experience program masquerading as a dating show. They aren’t choosing a husband, they are sampling different sectors of Primary Industry Production.

# Was anyone else distracted by Rudolph, I mean Gav’s honker glowing a brilliant bright red? Maybe that’s why Jemma womb blocked Rudolph by turning Chairman Mao and reciting China’s One Child Policy. She said “you can’t improve on perfection” but I’m sure if Brad Pitt’s sperm was involved, she’d give it a red hot go.

# I don’t know why they were whinging so much about being treated like penal convicts doing hard labour – he did provide them with proper safety gear. Who needs a guy to give you a ring when you can hew your own “rocks” from the ground.

# “When Tash said ‘maybe this is why you are single because you make girls do this!’” Rudolph deadpanned “No, it’s because I forgot to secure the leg irons”.

# I instantly sussed that Tom is a down-to-earth country bloke with a “genuine smile” because he’s the only person on the entire show who hasn’t had his teeth whitened.

# Kelly hates oysters because it’s like eating snot. Since I don’t eat snot, I will defer to her personal experience in this area. Definitely a spitter and not a swallower.

# Not surprised Shelley is relieved to be paroled from Alcatraz (sorry, wrong island).

10 Gidgitvonlarue { 05.23.14 at 2:47 pm }

Ooops did a boo boo re quokka’s!!! Haha! I honestly thought they lived with the kangaroos/wallabys etc on Kangaroo Island as well as Rottnest!!

11 daisy { 05.23.14 at 3:00 pm }

Yes, Ali. The red honker was upstaging the girls’ hooters.

12 Gidgitvonlarue { 05.24.14 at 1:17 am }

@Jec – thanks – I’ll try to keep them entertaining but I’m over watching it live too. Will watch it the next day to do review. UNLESS they put it back to 8.30pm then they have me!

13 Ali { 05.24.14 at 12:22 pm }

I think the reason the girls were so good at breaking rocks is that they were visualising Gav’s balls as they were doing it.

14 daisy { 05.24.14 at 2:23 pm }

I wonder if the next stop is Hootersville.

Old Greenacres viewers will recall Hootersville.

15 Ali { 05.24.14 at 2:39 pm }

But what will be their job there – Milking cows?

Or is that the producers’ job with the onscreen talent.

16 daisy { 05.24.14 at 2:49 pm }

Now that would be good. A shot of the girls leaning fd to milk a cow……uddlerly (en)grossing.

Udder overload.

What about cleaning up some bullshit?

17 Ali { 05.24.14 at 2:57 pm }

“What about cleaning up some bullshit?”

If they did that, you’d only have 5 mins of viewing left.

18 daisy { 05.24.14 at 3:32 pm }

Ha ha.

Sorry for the delayed laugh. Maybe I was taking that long to get it.

Na, I was elsewhere.

19 daisy { 05.24.14 at 3:40 pm }

And what about some sheep crotching.

(It is probably spelt crutching, but let’s run with crotching). And there are probably going to be plenty of dags on the show. Wow, look at my extensive knowledge of sheep farming.

20 Ali { 05.24.14 at 4:10 pm }

Yeah, there’s no pulling the wool over your eyes.

I’m hanging out for the ep where the girls chase after some turkeys.

Oh, wait – that’s every episode.

21 daisy { 05.24.14 at 5:25 pm }

I can see we are in some some gaw dawn fun, Jethro….or Ali May.

22 Ali { 05.25.14 at 2:11 pm }

daisy @19

Before we started digging big holes, that’s what Australia’s wealth was built on: riding on the sheep’s crotch.

23 Ali { 05.25.14 at 2:18 pm }

What I like about this series is how it demonstrates the contrast between rural life and living in a major capital city.

Such as when we see Moshe, the country lawyer, dressed in business shirt and pants, manbag slung across his shoulder, stopping off for a pre-work house-blend latte from his local barista, before using his swipe card to enter his large air conditioned office building.

So nothing like living in the Big Smoke at all.

24 Sandii { 05.25.14 at 3:10 pm }

Sheep crotching… Silliness. Haha

25 daisy { 05.25.14 at 3:19 pm }

Ali, MR is chokka with man bag toting, barefoot execs and a few ethnically woven man bag toting artist and surfers.
It’s where the rich play $Hootersville and where $Doctors play wine growing. And then you have the hot surfers.
Perhaps like Byron Bay???? It’s definitely for the groovy.
Yet they found Mosh and Adam.

Mind you I exaggerate, there would be a few regular farmer types and dags thrown in.

26 daisy { 05.25.14 at 3:21 pm }

Sandii, you should have invited them to come check out the dags on your sheep farm.

27 Sandii { 05.25.14 at 3:46 pm }

Plenty of dags here, I could name a couple :)

28 daisy { 05.25.14 at 3:52 pm }

Too borrow from Benny Hill, looking fd to them getting to the tree fellers. (And the girls say, “I thought we only get 2 fellers”.)

And the girls help the lumberjacks carry their wood.

29 daisy { 06.04.14 at 1:21 am }

I enjoyed tonight’s ep at Robe. It looked like a nice place, but cold.

I don’t know why some of those girls, like Rebecca don’t step back and give another girl a chance when they are not interested. Looks like Rebecca just wants the guy to want her regardless of how she feels. Bit sad for her really.
I thought Renae seemed like a good match for Charlie.

30 Eliza { 06.04.14 at 1:52 am }

Rebekah is terribly irritating. Her ‘flirting’ is so awkward to watch! I yelled “HOW DO THEY FALL FOR THIS?!” and mum replies, “they’re men”. Ugh, no wonder why I am still single if this is how you have to act.. haha The only man to think WTF to her antics so far has been the moshpit. Seriously though, I think she has daddy issues as she seems to pick the older man and yeah, just wants them to want her regardless. I sense low self-esteem.

Again, what is with the guys looking so old! Bill looked 33 going on 45.. Pass on both, again. Do you think Ainslie purposely chooses the younger guy each time then wonders why they go with the younger girl?

I wasn’t a fan of Charlie’s date/s.. bit boring and I would have been really annoyed if someone just hosed me down.

31 daisy { 06.04.14 at 2:01 am }

Charlie’s car wash was lame. As was cleaning out the cattle troughs. I still haven’t seen a hot guy in this serious. Mosh was the closest if so far with the other MR guys body.
Mindy’s guy is a dag.
I wonder what’s going on with the MR couple.

32 Eliza { 06.04.14 at 2:07 am }

Lame for sure.

I was wondering too whether they will follow up once the girl goes back home. Maybe they will at the end of the season? Wasn’t feeling it between Mindy and her guy.

33 daisy { 06.04.14 at 3:23 am }

Na, a hand on the knee but no kissing. I think she can’t wait to get out of there.
All the hot air balloon rides under the sun can’t hide the fact this guy is a dag.

A gentlemanly dag.