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Guest Post: When Love Comes To Town – All Roads Lead To Robe!

Gidgit VonLaRue is this sites reality dating show specialist and she continues to turn her acerbic wit to When Love Comes To Town.

Over to Gidgit:

The bus is off to Robe on South Australia’s lime stone coast.  It’s Ainslie’s 36th birthday and we are yet reminded again she’s the eldest girl on the bus (aside from Natalie Grizzledock I guess) and I hope they got Ainslie a walking frame and some depends. We are also reminded Tash has not been picked yet to go on a date so let’s all point and laugh? I’ve also noticed they are not really going to any remote dust patch middle of no-where end of the earth places. They all seem rather quite pleasant! Robe is populated by 1000 people who are carted out to greet the girls again looking confused, but hey the kids got free balloons!

We are told there are a lot of dogs…I’ll leave that one alone. Jemma reminds us YET again she has a son (quick someone give her a trophy) and I really hope she stays with one of the guys as I’m over hearing it. If you love him so much why trolly your booty on some show that keeps you away from him for so long?

Bill and Charlie are presented – eh. I’d be back on the bus asking the driver to put on The Notebook dvd. Charlie is a surf coach (and a bit wiry for a man) and owns/runs – hell I don’t know – some multi million dollar cow ranch set up.  He doesn’t like ‘showing that off’ but seeing he’s desperate enough to come on this show, he might want to use the ‘I’m rich’ as the first words out of his mouth! Bill is a balding 33 year old fisherman. He likes to sit on the beach on his own watching Charlie surf? (I’m seeing a pattern in these men) Natalie Grudgematch asks Bill about a life at sea and getting lonely, but you do know he goes out in the morning and comes back that same day Nat? It’s not Deadliest Catch!

Jessica goes with Bill saying about Charlie she ‘doesn’t like jeans with thongs’. Bet she’s regretting judging money bags on that. He could buy her all the magic tricks she wants! The girls again evenly spread their ‘love’ to either man. For Bill’s herd he takes them out on his fishing boat to go cray cray fishing. He’s the first to give all the girls individual roses which means he REALLY wants to make this work – hell these guys are rural – they all do!  Riibukka slides into the driving seat to get closer to the camera – I mean Bill – and I’m sure she’s familiar with a speed controller stick! She again acts all flirty & cheeky knowing full well she’s taking this damn bus to the end! But the attention is nice all the same! Prick tease.

Over on the beach Charlie is teaching his ladies how to surf. Renee fesses up she’s crap at sport but she’s not there to compete in the Olympics, she’s there to find a bloke! Renee comes from rural blood which impresses Charlie who not only has multi millions – but multi coloured teeth I’ve noticed. Renee doesn’t like a man too smart it turns out so she should really be hunting for guys on Bogan Hunters!

On the cray boat Abbey catches Bill’s eyes but she’s been picked before so producers would be in his ear telling him who to choose no doubt. Abbey is scared of lobsters because she’s a city girl and we don’t get lobsters in the city?? Has she never picked one from the tank in a Chinese restaurant? It’s the best fun! God I hate this ‘oooh I’m scared’ girls. Bucker up. It’s a lobster, not a tiger shark!

Back to the beach and Ainslie knows how to put a wet suit on and Renee doesn’t. Jemma is on the surf board screaming ‘I have a 7 year old son!’  Ainslie whisks Charlie away and it’s all going smoothly and really well and this could really – oh how old is she? 36? Sorry Ainslie, Charlie wants a prolific breeder plus he is really shallow seeing he looks like a muppet. Pssst Charlie – ‘older girls’ are better in bed dude. Your loss.

On the love boat Bill has cooked up some lobster and is serving it with champagne. Hell, I’LL marry you dude! Tash has never had lobster before but she has had crabs so there’s that! Tash finally gets ‘Bill time’ and is just down to earth and not phoney at all. All you guys that passed on her missed out!

Charlie takes the chicks back to his beach hut right on the beach. Ainslie can see herself raising rugrats there and Jemma gets some Charlie time. I thought she was an art teacher, but now she’s a yoga teacher and high school teacher – leaving off the ‘art’ bit. She reveals a big shock – she has a 7 year old son! Wha what?? Charlie scampers. Ok not really but the ‘kid card’ always shocks dudes that have not already had kids – just a tip! Still Charlie is feeling her vibe it seems. What’s with the ‘older’ chicks always picking the younger guys, and the younger chicks picking the older guys??

So time for Bill to pick and he picks ‘me me me’ Ruubukka and FINALLY Tash gets picked. Phoney Vs Genuine. Lets see who wins!? FIGHT! Abbey comments Bill will have his ‘hands full’ really meaning Ripukkia is high maintenance so good luck dude!  Back at Charlie Cove he picks Renee who really needs to buy some mascara  and ‘I have a 7 year old son’. Ainslie is upset as she really liked Charlie (not sure why – maybe she knew he was rich?)

Meanwhile we return to Minderella (bwahahahaha) with Andy the wine maker in the Barossa Pissup. Andy surprises Mindy with a hot air balloon ride, obviously hoping it will make her ride something hot later on. He says it’s cold and needs a cuddle and Mindy reacts like she’s being felt up by someone with leprosy! Back on the ground Andy pandy is trying to make Mindy poo’s drunk with wine while touching up her leg and again she can’t even look him in the eyes while faking ‘boy I’ll be sad to go’ while literally packing her bags in her mind.  She’s on the verge of saying ‘look bud, I got no television time, they told me to stay here as one girl ALWAYS has to stay behind – get your fucking hand off my leg you leech’.

Charlie is busy taking Jemma and Renee back to his cattle farm to do shit crap farming work because lets face it, he’s such a romantic! Charlie reveals he has lots of cows and lots of farms. Turns out the 1000 cows everywhere was no alert to Jemma as she asks what type of farm it is. It’s a walnut farm Jemma – the cows are wild! Next Renee drives the yute while Jemma climbs onto the back to ‘hand feed’ the cows the hay. This seriously cracked me up. Rather than push the bails off the back of the truck like anyone with a GOD DAMN BRAIN IN THEIR HEAD WOULD DO – she pulls off little bits of hay like she’s feeding a mouse. I had to watch this a few times as it did hit my funny bone! As I tweeted ‘I’m a city girl born and bred and even I know how to do all this farming stuff’! Have they never watched movies or TV shows or been to the country?? My dad took me to El Cabballo Blanco when I was 12 god damn it (yep that’s how old I am!) It never really DID feel like you were living in Spain – but the horses were nice.

Back in town Roobeeka gets taken four wheel driving by Bill who just does it to see her tit’s juggle up and down constantly and DUDE stop looking at them. You are on camera! We can ALL see. I’m amazed he didn’t crash he was perving so much. They get to the most beautiful bay I think I’ve seen and it reminds me Colonel and I must really eventually drive around Australia. Promise I’ll film it. Should be amusing!  On the beach Bill asks Rubbukka if she’d move for love and she pretty much replied ‘nope’. Then he calls it quits and she reveals she’s been fucked over before by a guy. Welcome to life honey! Now jiggle your way back to town because you are OUT! Over with Charlie Brown and he’s making ‘I have a son’ clean out a shitty cow drinking trough. Oh you smooth operator. Jemma gets sludgy cow shit all over her hand then it’s time for lunch! Jemma reminds us AGAIN she likes yoga yadda yadda and turns out her son is actually a hobby of hers – like painting or collecting fingernail cuttings? That’s just weird.  10 more years and he’ll be dropping you like a turd from giraffe’s ass to run off with some girl called Mindy (or boy called Mike – lets face it – single mum – no other kids!)  And why do none of the girls play with the dogs? I love dogs. I’d be spending more time with them than the guy!

Back from break and I’ve run out of my favourite wine so have to drink the slosh someone gave me for Christmas that tastes like cow piss. Eh, it’s booze.  Tash is duding herself up to go out on a solo date. Bill is taking Tash for a ‘stroll’ – where’s the jiggle mobile Bill? Bill and Tash grab some fish and chips and just feed the damn seagulls already! It’s turning into Hitchcock’s The Birds!  Tash fesses she could and would move (unlike Roopukka) & Bill is stoked!

Charlie is still working his girls and I’m starting to think some of these guys just need some farm work done for free! Charlie & Renee have a water fight which should have been sexy but was more like 6 year olds playing with hoses in the back yard. Charlie soaks Renee with his love hose.  Over at Bill’s place and he’s taken the girls to some faux Mexican cantina to meet family & friends. Tash fits in like she’s the bell of the ball while Bill’s friends stare at Roobukka’s tits. Ribbukka is not comfortable at this get-together as there are now too many people stealing her spotlight. And I’m not sure what she was doing with that curly blonde headed toddler but he’s running away from her pretty damn quick!

Charlie is having dinner with his girls. Yeah that’s about it really. Let’s get back to the action at Bill’s place and turns out Bill paints like a kinky kid! Now it gets good – Bill is all over Tash and Ribukka is ‘just not used to not having everyone’s attention on her all the damn time’ – oh plus she’s vegetarian so the dish of abalone is not making her happy, oh and the shit painting Bill painted looks like Tash he thinks (poor Tash). Reminder Bukka – you clearly told Billy boy you would NOT move to be with any man away from home. You were OUT the minute you said that, no matter how much you jiggle your fun bags! He wants a keeper, not a teaser!

Meanwhile Charlie is on the beach with Jemma sitting in front of an open fire and where can you keep doing this? I know you can’t go light an open fire on NSW beaches!! I can’t even light a fire in my damn backyard!

Over at drama central and Bill’s attention to Tash is freaking Roopuka out because she’s not being drooled all over. She’s literally having an ego melt down. It’s not water she needs Bill – it’s more air time and a mirror. Reepugga ends up going to bed and crying and we just see a door handle crying which is weird.  In the Barossa Drunk Hub Mindy is being driven around in a sporty convertible by Andy. Mindy does have her hand on his leg but I think she just wants to keep it close to the hand break because he’s driving like a tool.  So Mindy is off – cue awkward closed mouth, not even really on each other’s lips – kiss.  Seriously don’t bother Andy. Move on dude. She’s a no go.

FINALLY decision day!!  One girl stays – guessing it now. Natalie Grossplonk shows up to go through the ritual.  Bill’s left holding the crayfish when both girls turn him down. I’m pissed they didn’t show Roopukas face while Bill was basically saying ‘I want Tash’. Bad editor – very bad editor! We swim in the misery of others – didn’t you watch Australian Story the other night? Sheesh.

I will say Tash really had to think about whether to plonk herself back on the bus or not, but Bill’s bald so bus city it is! Next is Charlie and guessing Jemma will stay but they ‘threw me’ a bit as she was 3rd girl to decide, and she does stay. Leaving Renee to – well say she’s off because why would she stay? Like she’s going to be the third wheel? And yes you do need to get over being picky Renee. If you saw the chart of guys I’ve dated etc, none of them looked the same! It’s about finding your best friend you want to fuck. *Quote from the bible.*

Tonight the show brings in some more slappers and it’s old bus girls Vs new bus girls and some long haired hippie dude. This is going to get good! See you then.

Gidget Von Larue signing off.

 

36 comments

1 Neeno - Sew Me Love { 06.04.14 at 10:38 am }

Ha!! Bill and his balding head. I tweeted:

(Rebecca to Bill) “‘…so why are you still single..?’

I think it’s the hair.”

And that’s being KIND!! and some Twitter twat had a go at me for JUDGING. LOL. GTFO.

2 daisy { 06.04.14 at 11:48 am }

And ‘I love my kid so much I never want another ever’ is going to now tell Charlie he needs the snip. Looks like she wisely waited this time because it went down like a lead balloon last time. Rebekka also promises to go down, but hasn’t yet.

3 Eliza { 06.04.14 at 1:59 pm }

What I said last night.. why go on a DATING show.. to MOVE AWAY.. if your kid means everything to you?! Sure, Jemma wants to find ‘love’ but she is only 30 (going on 40) and surely spending precious time with your kid would be more important.

I LOL-ed so much when Renae said that a guy she is with doesn’t necessarily have to be smart……………. ah huh….. maybe that was why she turned Moshe down.. lawyers are just too darn smart.

In me and Daisy’s premature discussions last night, I noted too that the older girls keep picking the younger guy.. they always say “age is just a number” but surely they would think that going with someone closer to your age would give you a better shot at finding luuuurrrvvee. Rebekah clearly has daddy/self-esteem issues so thrives on flirting with father figures. Loved her sideways answer to whether she would move for ‘love’. Might have well yelled “hell no”.

Gidgit, I’m with you on the dogs.. they have been more interesting than the guys! Whenever I see a kelpie on TV I want to steal it :'(

4 Veronicali { 06.04.14 at 3:48 pm }

Oh yes, wait’ll Jemma tells Scrawny her son is her hobby and she doesn’t want more. He’d be wanting 7 kids to pass on those 7 farms of his to. Also, didn’t she say she couldn’t move away because she shares custody of her hobby with her ex? Bit hard to move 7 farms.

I laughed at Renae driving the hay ute and practically rolling her eyes at Jemma’s hay sprinkling efforts – “Why should I help out this bonehead?”

Tash is quite lovely. I think that painting skeered her.

“jiggle mobile” heh.

5 daisy { 06.04.14 at 6:55 pm }

V, totally agree, Tash is quite a sweetie.
And well noted, JR junior will want at least one son and heir to Southfork.

I hope we get to see her drop the “no babies” bomb on him next week.

6 daisy { 06.04.14 at 11:13 pm }

Oooh, oooh. I go for Lee. He’s passable looking, at first glance not a dag, can play music, has hair and CAN DO MY HAIR. What a package.

BTW both guys have hair tonight and no sneaky bald patches either.

7 daisy { 06.04.14 at 11:20 pm }

Reggie looks cute in a suit. And I like his name.

Reggimite. He’s doable. You can take him home to meet mum and dad.

Best two guys so far IMO.

8 daisy { 06.04.14 at 11:23 pm }

Twirking Tash. So adorable.

Think she looks like Jen???

Some dental straightening and Reggie would be hot, hot.

9 daisy { 06.04.14 at 11:35 pm }

Oh no. Reggie lost me on “Two of Yez”.

Leigh better not shave off his mo and beard.

10 Eliza { 06.04.14 at 11:59 pm }

Having fun there, Daisy?? 😛

Well wasn’t that a cracker.. I was on the edge of my seat! Actually, you’re 2 hours behind me so I won’t say much quite yet!

The guys tonight were better, yes. You know what, Daisy? I knew that you’d like Leigh. I thought of you when I saw him and that you’d give him the tick of approval! He looked like he had a decent face under there but he was too cool for me.

I loved when Abbey asked Leigh why he grew the facial hair.. haha! Reminded me of a night I was out with a group of people and this guy was there.. skinny like Leigh, tattoos, long-ish hair and facial hair. I did my best to convince him how much hotter he would be if he cut the hair and went to the gym but he wasn’t convinced..

I was in two minds about Reggie.. cute one minute, too bogan the next. I guess if you convinced yourself enough he could be hot. Liked he was a PT but he didn’t look all that fit? Looked like I could dead lift more than him.

Tell you what though, didn’t Shelley flick her bitch switch on tonight with all that sass.. sheesh.

I forgot I hadn’t set the show to record so missed the first half hr with the intro of the new girls. All quite plain besides Abbey’s better looking twin sister.. phwooahh I would be screaming “HOW CAN I COMPETE WITH THIS???”

11 daisy { 06.05.14 at 12:23 am }

Yeah, well swinging Reggie ended up swinging to geek for me. He was cute at times, then he was a dag. I think dag won out.

But Leigh was hot without being so hot that he wasn’t hot. Does that make sense. I don’t like pretty boys. I dated a guy very like him for a few years, but in the days when guys had hair on both sides of their head.

OMG how sexy would it be having the man of your dreams washing your hair.
On competition, you never know. One night a super hot, hot guy was chatting with a gorgeous, beautiful friend of mine and me at Caves House in Yallingup. She was adorable, pretty, sexy, really beautiful with natural blond, blond, blond wavy long hair. I thought she had it in the bag. He picked me. So Eliza, you never know. People have their own taste.

I won’t comment on the choices until tomorrow.

12 daisy { 06.05.14 at 12:28 am }

PS, how did you know I would like Leigh?
And he def must keep the face hair.

13 Mimi { 06.05.14 at 12:45 am }

Like the recap

14 Eliza { 06.05.14 at 12:48 am }

Don’t you miss those days when guys had hair on both sides of their head.. sigh..

You are right re competition. Mostly back when I was 19/20 and was out with very pretty friends I would be surprised at often being the one harassed.. yes, harassed would be the best word haha. The hobbit held her own underneath all the towering beauties. Actually, recently I was out and spotted this guy numerous times who was your typical very hot guy.. thought I had zero chance. He and a friend came up to me and he just stood there. No joke, stood there, and said nothing! I was like “soo.. yada yah” and we conversed briefly, with each word he got less and less attractive, ranging from how the band were “losers” and how his ex girlfriend came from where I live.. it was odd.. then I slowly started to move away.. Goes to show how personality can make someone go from hot to “get me out of here!!”. Sorry.. that rambled a bit.

I am not sure.. for some reason I just thought of you when I saw him.. Guess I have brilliant intuition.

15 daisy { 06.05.14 at 12:59 am }

Yeah, like poor Mosh couldn’t get a girl.

And heeeeey! Who said, the hot guy was going for my personality???? I don’t think so. BTW, the other girl had a good personality. Just saying everyone has different types.
That’s what is fun about WLCTT.
As the guy said on The Bach once, “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.
Anyway, I could only score a date with an old grandad now, and that’s one town I won’t get off the bus for.
I’d be like Sylvia(don’t really know her name) on Burning Love. How funny would that be.
Stop the bus, I need to wee, again!

16 daisy { 06.05.14 at 1:02 am }

Oh and Rebekka is a hobbit and she doesn’t let it cramp her game.

17 Eliza { 06.05.14 at 1:25 am }

Ohhh, sorry.. that wasn’t the point to my story! I was re-affirming your different types point.. I didn’t think I had a chance but the ‘hot’ guy actually came over. Similar to you thinking the guy was going to be into your friend. It just happened to blend in to how some people, who are very attractive on the outside, can be not so much on the inside re how they are painting the new hot girl rubbing the girls the wrong way on the show.

No snide comments from me!

Aww poor Agnes.. Somehow I doubt you’re like Agnes!

If Rebekah is a hobbit then I must be a dwarf!

18 daisy { 06.05.14 at 1:33 am }

He he, for all you know, I might be exactly like Agnes….or Ballerina.

No offense taken btw, on being accused of having the personality.
I was just being cheeky. We didn’t end up exchanging ‘personalities’.

Definitely relying on inner beauty now. 😉

19 Eliza { 06.05.14 at 1:47 am }

To clear things up.. I don’t handle it well when people think I am offending them! Jokingly or not 😉

You stated you thought the guy would like your friend, but he liked you. My point was, I thought that this guy wouldn’t like me, but he did approach me. No personalities involved, we’re talking based on looks here. Separate point was how bad personalities can make someone who is physically hot then look ugly. No relation to you, but my joking jealous yelling about how to compete with the hot girl on the show.

So yeah, I wasn’t saying that the guy liked you coz you had da perrssonalliitty. I wouldn’t be rude to you, Daisy!

You could be just like Agnes.. or you could even be a transvestite called Ballerina.. who knows. I do have my doubts though. Or you could look like this:

http://mario.wikia.com/wiki/File:Daisy_-_MP8_2.png

20 Eliza { 06.05.14 at 1:49 am }
21 Eliza { 06.05.14 at 1:49 am }
22 daisy { 06.05.14 at 1:52 am }

One thing you know is I am a ratbag.

Glad we have Agnes and Ballerina as a reference point now that you have put me onto Burning Love.

I have 7 grandkids, but no I don’t have Agnes’s grey bouffant,
or Ballerina’s charm. 😆

Bad daisy. 😉

23 daisy { 06.05.14 at 1:58 am }

OK Eliza. From now on I will picture you as Elizabeth Thornberry and yoh can picture me as Princess. Deal?
For those who don’t know…google Burning Love.

I didn’t mean yoh! Like a rapper. You.

24 Eliza { 06.05.14 at 2:13 am }

You’re one ratbag grandma, that’s fo shizzle, yoh! My grandma has sass too.. If she could be bothered to learn how to use a computer/the internet she would be all over twitter tweeting all the afl and tennis players… “BREAK A LEG!”. She is sports mad. I have told you before that you must be one cool grandma.

Ok, sounds fair. Then, for some reason if I am ever reported in the media and you find out the mystery of the face behind the name, you can be pleasantly surprised? Better to under sell than over sell?

Let me know when you finish the 1st season of BL.. I am watching Julie’s season at the moment then onto Bachelor Pad. Oh my gosh the ceremonies get me every time.. Julie asks the guys “will you hold my box?”. Then you’ll get to meet Blaze, too 😉

25 daisy { 06.05.14 at 2:19 am }

No no. Let’s over sell. I look like Jessica Alba and you look like a young Grace Kelly.
Smythe looks like a young Brigitte Bardot cause she loves dogs too.
BDD looks like Leigh. Georgie looks like a yound Charlize Theron and Dr T looks like a young Paul Newman.

And on that fantasy we can all have sweet dreams.

See you tomorrow to discuss who got the guys.

Sweet dreams.

26 daisy { 06.05.14 at 2:21 am }

Oh and I am sports mad too ever since seeing the snowboarders in the Winter Olympics. They melted ice with their hotness.

27 Eliza { 06.05.14 at 2:36 am }

That really is a fantasy, I actually had to google Grace Kelly :/ oops.. Total opposite to me. Is that the point?

Yep, anticipation for GVL’s recap is high!

Good night!

28 daisy { 06.05.14 at 2:40 am }

Just say yep. That’s what I look like. Why not?
You are young Grace Kelly.

29 daisy { 06.05.14 at 3:52 pm }

I guess we can talk about it now.
I wanted Tash to win Leigh.
Do you think it wou!ld help if she halved the make up? It’s so thick and heavy. How sooky was Jess? when she didn’t get the date. Did she think he was the Magic Man?

30 Eliza { 06.05.14 at 4:16 pm }

I guess so too.. I think we are the only ones besides GVL watching… chances of having someone crack the sh*ts at us is low.

I wanted Tash to ‘win’ too.. I really felt for her when she was deciding not to stay. You could tell that she wanted to but could tell that he liked Abbey more. I could relate to her feeling ‘inadequate’ to the tall, leggy, confident Abbey. I hope that Abbey does really does like Leigh as he seems to be really into her.

I think Tash could definitely turn down the make up. Abbey wears a lot too as her skin doesn’t look good in close up but Tash’s is more OTT with the false lashes, lots of foundation and red lips.

Interesting that the show went off formula last night with two girls staying.. wonder how Shelley will go with Reggie. I wasn’t a fan of her bitchy remarks last night about the new girl.

Jess was a bit whiny wasn’t she. Guess she is used to being top dog with Abbey. She really looks like Michelle Bridges in the face to me.

31 daisy { 06.05.14 at 5:02 pm }

You sabotage yourself when you feel inadequate.
I’m a big believer in being cocky. 😉
Look how it worked for Ballerina munching on her carrot.

32 Eliza { 06.05.14 at 5:14 pm }

Ballerina is my idol. Doesn’t let anything get in her way…

33 Jay { 06.05.14 at 7:35 pm }

I caught part of last nights episode mainly because I enjoyed GVL’s recap so much. I thought Shelley was absolutely appalling and came across as somewhat lacking in both brains and social skills. I too felt for Tash but she’s better off moving on if he’s that into the other girl. I also agree with the less is more re Tash’s make up but maybe it gives her confidence.

34 daisy { 06.05.14 at 10:17 pm }

That’s what I reckon re Tash’s make up, Jay. I think she is insecure about her looks.

Yeah, Shelley was pretty scatty. Loved her tennis trick, though.
She said she was good at tricks, and I have to agree. It was very funny.

Do that again, Shelley.

35 Eliza { 06.06.14 at 1:33 am }

One of my cats is called Shelley.. she can be a b*tch too..

I was never a fan of Shelley.. she looked ‘westy’ and true, she certainly got catty last night. Hopefully, for Reggie’s sake, the producers told her to ramp up the them vs us hostilities with the new girls.

Nawww:
http://www.jump-in.com.au/show/whenlovecomestotown/latest/season-1/episode-05/unseen-tashs-heartbreaking-confession/

36 electronic cigarettes during pregnancy { 06.07.14 at 2:46 am }

I really like reading through a post that will make people think.

Also, thanks for permitting me to comment!