Guest Post: House Rules – Bomber And Mel’s House Reno Starts
The last house reno! Exciting times and Annajjj has it covered:
Ta-noight! It’s the last reno and we’re in SA at Mel and Bomber’s huge unfinished 103 year old house. Mel tells us it smells like cat wee and Bomber is just insulted by the terrible paint job. Team Bomb and kids have been living together for just 10 weeks with a $400K mortgage.
The red utes arrive and Carole is back in white overalls and Jo has donned her usual bright pink and is out the front to welcome everyone. You’ve done 6 renos in 6 weeks she tells them although they haven’t really.
The final instructions from Mel and Bomber include the words salvage, recycle, refurb and reuse. There are possible hidden meanings in their junk. Any cupboards we can chop up and turn into doors?
Teams move in to poke around and are all stunned by the size and the condition of the house. Mel has written on the wall that sometimes she believes in 6 impossible things before breakfast. On another wall Bomber has written that he can always find 6 things to complain about before breakfast.
Jo calls everyone together and tonight teams have again been ‘randomly’ selected zones.
Snow Whites get the family room, toilet (just the toilet?!) and 12 year old Jordan’s room while Mads and Lloyd finally get a kitchen as well as the dining room and 16 year old Kaitlyn’s room. Ryandy get the lounge, laundry and 14 year old Ethan’s room and Lisadz get the entry, master bedroom, WIR and ensuite. The Cappers are left with the hallway, bathroom, linen and Mel’s daughter Abby’s room.
Again there are notes explaining what each kid is into, which only serves to confuse and upset the teams. They’re just kids right? They should be happy enough with princess themes for girls and pirate themes for boys.
House Rules are uncovered and there are no surprises here:
Style us junk shop chic (probably with emphasis on the chic and not the junk part but teams will ignore this.)
A warehouse feel for the family room.
Creativity in the kid’s rooms and clearly these rules were submitted well prior to the Tassie reno.
A whisky cigar vibe in the lounge – this was obviously Mel’s idea because she wants Bomber to be a bit more classy and Bomber has gone along with it because he thinks he is already classy.
Up-cycle everything in the shed. WTF is upcycle? A new wanker way of saying recycle?
After the break we head into the scary shed where Team Bomb store their rubbish. There are tyres and stools and dead rats and assorted piles of crap and everything must be upcycled. There is that ridiculous word again.
Lisa is worried about painting a house for a professional painter but really if Bomber was that fussy he’d have done it himself by now. Carole calls in tradies to simultaneously sand back the floors and exorcise the ghosts. She gets mad at Gapper who ‘isn’t being a team’, until while shopping, he stumbles across a genuine claw foot cast iron bath tub. It’s really beautiful he says but to my mind it’s more scruffy than chic. But with that find, the Gapper is back in Team Capper.
Team Capper now head off to meet angry Brooke and long-suffering Grant at the tile shop. Carole throws a spanner in Brooke’s works by changing her mind on the mutual tile decision and Brooke spits and hisses as she stomps out of the shop. Carole then throws another spanner at Brooke’s head.
Lisa and Candy go shopping for pressed aluminium ceiling panels. My neighbours in Brisbane have this in just one room and it looks great. Gapper is also seeking the same look for his space and, like Michelle and Kel’s kitchen from Season 1, they are in danger of turning this house into a giant aluminium toolbox without some restraint.
Gapper picks a pattern then rings Carole for a bit of abuse and also the measurements and she acts like giving him this is a huge inconvenience. Chester! appears in his new role of divorce counsellor to encourage her to hassle poor Gapper some more. In another part of the house McAnnoying pops up to ask the Snow Whites about their zone. Well we wanted real bricks, explains Brooke, but we might have to go with brick veneer or weird stripey wallpaper instead. McUseless nods sympathetically and then simply leaves! Thanks for McNothing.
Carole hasn’t finished torturing poor Gapper and decides a ‘prank’ is in order. She tells him the demolition isn’t finished. Sucked in! she screeches in delight as Gapper flies into a frenzy and then drives home in a panic, running red lights, breaking the speed limit and getting himself killed on the way. Sucked in Carole.
BTW love all your comments gice. I don’t get home until it is nearly time for the next episode so I haven’t been commenting on the comments but it’s great to see there is interest on this show. I watch and write so fast I don’t notice half the things that happen so really enjoy reading your observations. Keep ’em coming.