Guest Post: When Love Comes to Town – There is a sale on in Sale!
Since the Wednesday night episode of When Love Comes To Town was so good Gidgit is here with a belated recap:
We are informed straight out of the gate five new sheila’s are joining the pack – nice twist! Numbers were getting low and the piss up on the bus was getting pathetic I hear! So off to Sale which I’ve never heard of but is a few clicks from Melbourne it appears. Seems pretty! Where is the remote dust bowl town from hell? Still waiting! Natalie Gruzzleduck hits the girls up in the bus as to what they are expecting. A bloke Nat, a damn bloke! That’s the whole reason for the show! Turns out the girls are onto the show’s ploy of ‘something happening’ as Jess fesses up ‘yeah, we know shit is going down’ or something along those lines. Oh, and god Australia is beautiful. We are so lucky!
Another ‘rent a crowd’ is rolled out for the girls stepping off the bus like it’s returned gold medallist Olympians on the bus. Time to ‘mix things up’ and bring out the next lot of single ladies – wham! Golf claps all around. Jennifer is pointed out as hot as hell (the others – eh) and turns out she’s there to meet a man – not take over driving the bus it seems. Shock! At this moment it’s like a short skirt hot girl face off – and don’t the residents of Sale love it! (Turns out there was not much else to do in Sale that day). Rubuccie is not happy and says ‘anyone that beautiful obviously has an ugly personality that counter acts that’. Paging pot calling kettle, pot calling kettle – there is a phone call for you.
Out comes Leigh and Reggie. Leigh is a rural hipster grubby musician type and Reggie is just rural. It turns out Leigh is a hairdresser which means he has a salary – and is in a band which means he makes no salary. Tash pips up with interest which seems to eventually work. Reggie is 25 and owns a gym & has a twin brother – threesome! Has anyone noticed ALL these guys have dogs? Reggie is REALLY ‘rural speaking’ so it’s going to all be ‘you’s’ and ‘fair dinkum’ crap. New girl Amy is ‘healthy’, Nikki is a personal trainer so there’s that, Caitlin doesn’t want a tosser so goes to the musician (?), Zoe has thighs that could crush a skull and Jennifer is….how is she single? She must be one mental case or just ultimately picky – seriously! Leigh is immediately smitten with Abbey so why waste all this time? He says ‘her’ – she says ‘him’ – cut this show down to half an hour and my review back to one paragraph! Please!
So being an avid gambler, Reggie takes his ladies to the Sale Turf Club & brings the girls out booze. That’s when Renee comes out with, about Nikki, ‘resting bitch face’. Brilliant! Reggie is meeting all the girls solo while the others howl and woot at the horse race. Reggie can see himself with new girl Zoe – but lets face it none of them have said ‘well I can’t see myself with them’. It’s just do you pick the chocolate éclair or chocolate sundae? Leigh takes his chicks to the local bowls club which scares the oldies who race inside out of fear. Girls are a tad dolled up for the local oldies bowls club – pair of jeans and a nice top would do but I’m guessing the producers of this show are all ‘dress up bitches’. I like to think they talk like that for my amusement. Rippikka every so often slips into a bad American accent – anyone else notice that? New girl Jennifer has an amazing body. She’s 24 and is studying something – who cares. She’s a fitness freak so that more eyes are on her body! Tash flashes her gash trying to compete and the old blokes have suddenly all emerged from the bowls club back on the greens! Tash is already smitten. Greasy hair styling muso’s are her type it seems.
Back at the race track and god this is a long episode. Jess REALLY likes Reggie who ends nearly everything he says with ‘aye’ and has a snaggle tooth. I just call it as I see it folks.
We see Amy is a property manager and wants to meet the man of her dreams (who doesn’t exist) and doesn’t want to be a crazy cat lady (start buying your first kitten honey). On her date with Reggie she’s really not enjoying it basically saying she’s sick of dating country boys so again not sure why she signed up for this show? She should have faked needing to poop to get out of it – but she hangs in there. Shelley is doing better by not hating Reggie which helps! ‘His’ horse was last and it was a ‘shockin’ ride’.
Over at the thrilling bowls club Leigh is cooking up a BBQ and Ainslie likes him because he looks like he’s 19 – and there are sausages on the grill. First in – first served! We don’t see anyone eating the BBQ because now it’s time for Leigh to call bingo with Abbey which is just weird, awkward and the mobile old people are now wishing they were locked up in a retirement home rather than put up with this rubbish! Leigh is smitten by Abbey and Abbey hates facial hair but seeing she’s single she better lower her standards regarding facial hair. Maybe he hates Halloween sexy secretary looks Abbey – ever thought about THAT!
Reggie’s women are about to be chosen and Jess has a real thing for him – unfortunately. Reggie is struggling saying ‘I can’s only pick two of yous’ – and picks Shelley (go girl – ok you asked me to be nice) and Zoe. Jess is crushed as she really thought ‘he was the one’ but plenty more rrrrural guys being carted out in your future!
Leigh has to choose and pretends it’s hard but Abbey has made him feel all funny in his fender Stratocaster so he picks her.
He also picks Tash who is honoured, but Ainslie is burnt yet again and has a bit of a cry and maybe she should put her attention back to city boys. The country boys suck! Just go hang out at some high schools! As long as they are 18 & over it’s all legal – I think?
It’s Leigh’s date with Abbey and he takes her to his hairdressing saloon where she is scared he is going to wet her hair as if he does she’ll melt ala Wicked Witch from The Wizard of Oz?? Seeing Abbey likes the ‘side hair’ style (I don’t get that look at all) he decides to be kind and just do corn rows – later they go to pick a bale of cotton and eat some watermelon. Abbey says ‘I’m worried about him washing and blow drying my hair and still being manly’ = ‘I hope he’s not a poof’. She does ask him that in a really awkward way. Why not just say ‘are you gay?’ If he turns and bitch slaps you and says ‘girl, I’m SO not’ – then yes he is. Problem solved. Abbey tells us she won’t be getting back on the bus because she doesn’t have to pay $450 to get her hair done anymore!
Reggie is showing off to Renee he can play tennis, which really is pointless and would be better showing off on a rug on the beach having a shag! It’s not try outs for the Grand Slam but it’s obviously show filler! Renee smartly injures herself to get out of playing tennis by smacking herself in the head so it’s all good! And why are there peacocks standing around the court – is this Downton Abbey? Are they in the botanical gardens? Where are they? Peacocks everywhere! And Renee you are being a bit bitchy hon – what do you want me to say? Send options to: What a bitch Renee is to 00985 731 or Renee has every right to be protective of the man she now loves to 00985 732. (These phone numbers don’t exist so don’t even try – I did – they didn’t work. I think they were a sex line for ‘I love grannies’)
Over at music central Leigh is showing off to Tash how cool he is. Male hair dresser that isn’t gay – isn’t that showing off enough? But no, he is in a band and plays electric guitar and is all cool and shit. Tip – musicians are great to have woo you and one night stand – but unless they are in AC/DC – yeah, one night stand girls. *although turns out being married to drummer in Silverchair has it’s pro’s!* Turns out Tash is falling for not-gay hairdresser as he does seem rather cool if he just washed HIS OWN HAIR! Brush would not hurt either. Leigh shows he can play guitar, Tash throws her hair around.
At new girl central Zoe is being taken for a drive by Reggie to a pub – because it’s the country & there are twenty pubs to each town (I did variety club bash – I know this for a fact!) So they get to the pub and have….coffee? What the? Then Reggie hits the piano and he can’t play for shit and Zoe has earrings on so she can communicate with aliens?
Over to Leigh and Tash the dancer is teaching him to dance and I’ve noticed even though I write this review they won’t put my tweets on screen. They are gold twitter picker – GOLD! Now Leigh is…singing? Stick to the hair and guitar dude. Tash also fesses up she won’t get on the bus so this should get interesting! First time this has happened so Leigh must have a huge dong.
Meanwhile we are over to Charlie and Jemma walking down a pier. Jemma fesses up she adores her son and again why leave him for so long? No single local blokes where you live? And why is it always the guys cooking? I’d be taking over that kitchen like Gordon Ramsay on speed! So Jemma and Charlie smooch but no doubt she’s kissing thinking about her 7 year old son – euwww.
Back to Leigh’s love pad where both girls adore him and don’t want to get back on the bus because they are sick of the movie ‘The Notebook’. At Reggie’s place he brings his ladies to his family home where he said he told his family to buzz off but of course they are all there because the show told them to be there. AWKWARD! Off to the caravan family. Turns out Reggie’s mum is happy with her son having a threesome. Reggie’s dad has a horn for both girls and thinks he’s in with a chance. Kinky family! Spa time in hot murky water (I don’t get the spa thing – would you get in a hot bath after someone else has bathed? Yeah, it’s the same thing!) Zoe makes her get away as she has an itch, leaving Renee with Reggie to bond and get infected. Reggie does have a lovely hairy chest – I like that.
At Leigh’s place he’s fucking around with the fire outside for no reason while Tash and Abbey sit inside trying to figure out who would win in a fist fight. Shit is getting complicated! Back from break and Leigh win’s me over simply by not wasting champagne while opening it. Good boy. Leigh dances which makes things more awkward it seems. It was pretty crap let’s be honest. Abbey makes a bee line to the loo (I guess) saying ‘may the best woman win’ which, well, I like her style. No one likes two people exactly the same – they are always going to fancy one more than the other – fact! He even admits he likes one more than the other. That’s life.
Over at Reggie’s place and AWE he has such a cute dog! Well enough of that, back at Leigh’s and he’s pretending to find both girls even because producers told him to say that to make it more tense. Leigh takes Abbey for a walk on the beach and literally says ‘stay – oh please stay’. And boy that’s a nasty rip but enough of Bondi Rescue! Another ‘lame’ kiss and where do the other girls go that are not picked? And what if all four girls choose to stay? Where does Natalie Gruzzpatch stay? Alright now over to who stays and who goes. Leigh has still not brushed his hair. Tash is up first and looks like she’s going to stay (awkward) but Tash is no dumb dumb and decides to get back on the bus. Can I say Tash is ROCKING that tight white dress! Yowza! I love how all these girls harp on about a sense of humour but show no sense of it what so ever! Abbey stays and has horrible back tattoo’s and next is Reggie. Thunder thighs decides to leave as well as she’s new and plenty more men out there to crush with her thighs – and amaze balls, ANOTHER girl stays! Renee stays with Reggie and turns out when the men are out bowling and gambling on horses – Abbey & Renee can go out for cocktails together! Sweet.
Next week the new girls take on the ‘old’ girls, Leigh is falling for Abbey and vice versa and there is a steam boat thingie. Bring it on!
Signing out (and sorry for the late read but better late than never) – Gidgit Von LaRue.