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Guest Post: House Rules – Garden Time!

Over to Annajjj to her funny recap of the latest House Rules episode:
Tonight it’s the gardens and in NSW the Cappers and Madllo (sorry but it’s the best I can do) assemble in front of Ryandy’s house. All teams have just 3 and a half days to completely makeover the gardens and exteriors. The first lot of House Rules are:
Sleek and modern
Animate (not anime) our entry with lights and water
Shades of green but no flowers
Timber, stone and metal accents
Choose either front or back zone – as if there was a danger that one team might try and hog both zones.

There is a box in the front yard that looks a lot like the one in Seven but instead of Gwyneth’s head it contains a fishbowl. Madllo look like they would have preferred the head. In the backyard there is a coffin which contains sleepers that the Cappers now have to use in their zone.

In WA Ryandy and Lisadz arrive at the Cappers and the House Rules are:
Bali inspired bush haven
Safe for the grandkids
Tranquil setting
Light up nights with a tropical vibe
Choose one zone each

Lisadz choose the front which has a big crate containing Stonehenge and Ryandy find a massive crate which contains…Grandpa’s Chair! Good to see you again Grandpa’s chair, although it seems you’ve had a Balinese makeover. You’re going to get your own tranquil setting thereby smashing two rules with one chair. Back in the front Lisa and Adam steal my Stonehenge line.

There is a quick team meeting about the WA house colour where everyone happily overrules Ryan just for the sake of it and back in NSW the two teams have decided to bag the house. Once more three people are happy with the colour but this time Gapper is not. The Cappers can’t decide on anything ever, Lloyd tells us. The Cappers are to teamwork what the iceberg was to the Titanic.

Gapper then floods the lawnmower prompting Carole to snigger at him. ‘Have we got an axe?’ asks Gapper under his breath. Go for it Gapper, there’s not a court in the land who won’t think you’ve been unreasonably provoked.

Over in WA Lisa giggles that she is pretty much useless (and this chick then wonders why she gets slammed on social media). Adam is rolling huge rocks around which is good for the female viewers but probably not good for his back. His excavator hits the sewage pipe and does this warrant an F-Bomb? No apparently not although he is looking a bit hot and bothered.

Several teams take a break to go shopping and Candy tells us she hates shopping with Ryan and whatever you think of Candy you’d have to agree with her here. Meanwhile Madllo think a fish water feature is a terrible idea so they are shopping for a pond with about as much enthusiasm as a teenaged boy shopping for his mother’s tampons.

Back in NSW the railway sleepers are being installed…..vertically. Oh come on. That’s ridiculous. Gapper agrees. It looks like sticks stuck in the ground he says but we are quickly overruled by the artistic director who insists they are fabulous. I’ll use one as a spear in a minute threatens Gapper but as we’ve seen before, sadly these are empty threats.

Heeeeres McFlurry! Of course you’d prefer not to have a sunken deck and a low ceiling she rudely informs the Cappers, brushing aside their excuses of budget constraints. Carole stands firm for about 3 seconds and then seems to change her mind purely to fuck with Gapper’s. She changes her mind about six times this episode simply because she can. Pass me a spear.

Ryandy head out shopping for massive Balinese heads for the Cappers. So yeah the backyard might technically be safe for the grandkids but I’m betting these monstrosities will scare the living shit out of them.

Chester! turns up to pull a McFlurry, inspecting and criticizing Lloyd’s entrance. ‘I see you’ve had a good crack at having a go’ he tells him. Whatever the hell that means.

Then McTiresome comes back and this time she has Candy in her sights. She hassles her about the house colour. ‘Does that house colour make you think bush retreat?’ she asks and ‘ooh ooh pick me!’ cries Ryan because he knows the answer. It’s beachy! ‘Exactly’ states Dawn French* and for some reason Candy thinks that means she must change it all. No. No. No. How about bugger off McFrenchy and Ryan. Go take a long dive into a shallow fish pond.

Ryan can hardly keep the told-ya-so! smirk off his face and bad news dickhead, you just lost the viewer vote.

In NSW they are having Subway for dinner accompanied by the sounds of the Cappers bitching at each other. In WA Ryan is busy building a man-cave. He’s never done one before but he’s bound to be extremely good at it.

It’s football night again tomorrow so no House Rules. We’ll be back on Sunday for the first of the reveals.

*Kudos to the poster whose name I’ve forgotten who came up with this!

31 comments

1 mm#8 { 06.18.14 at 8:49 am }

love your work annajjj… esp the manslaughter reference !

it’s nice to move outside … cept for Carole .. it exposes her a little … heavy on artistic management but light on actually doing anything at all..

.. but methinks with Mel Brookes (!) relegated, I wonder if she has to step up to the plate again as the bad girl ?

2 annajjj { 06.18.14 at 9:23 am }

Thanks mm#8 it’s great to get feedback. Yes I think Carole is the new ‘villain’ now and when/if she goes it will fall to Candy.
I know we had a few ‘villainous’ types last season but it didn’t seem as manipulated as this season does. Last years contestants were great and shocking in pretty equal measures (maybe apart from Leighton) but this lot seem divided into the nice guys and the nasty guys. It’s a shame really as I don’t think they are all bad at all.
McFlurry though…she’s a different story! 😉

3 Veronicali { 06.18.14 at 9:27 am }

Bagging the red brick house? I’ll bag it alright – why would you want a house to look like it’s made of drab grey concrete, yuk.

Those Balinese heads made me think of the Simpsons episode with The Head in their living room.

Poor Randy and Cyan are probably no more – ranchu/lionhead goldfish aren’t suited to ponds as they need a higher temperature than common goldies, and are slow swimmers, vulnerable to bird predators.

Not sure why they were allowed to construct a wall over the septic tank, causing access problems.

It’s Woodhenge at Ryandy’s and Stonehenge – or Seven Stones Place according to Lisa – at the Gappers.

4 Agent 86 { 06.18.14 at 9:39 am }

Thanks Annajjj.

What a mess this episode was. I don’t understand Carole’s “vision” at all. The vertical sleepers are surely the “graveyard” that Candy is referring to in the preview. And I can’t believe that Carole removed the roof! Surely the convenience of having a covered outdoor area is worth the inconvenience of having to walk down to steps? I would not be happy if I was Candy and Ryan.

Dawn French and Chester appeared to be especially useless this episode. I can’t believe that French encouraged Carole to remove the roof! And I don’t see how cream wouldn’t fit the “Bali inspired”, “tropical vibe” and “tranquil” House Rules. Surely cream is better than grey or whatever colour Ryan wanted to paint the house? And instead of simply criticising Lloyd’s work, couldn’t Chester have actually shown him how to do it?

I’m looking forward to the reveals on Sunday and seeing whether Adam can find any more pipes to burst! Don’t they have “Dial before you Dig” in WA?

5 Juz { 06.18.14 at 10:29 am }

I feel for the teams who got the short straw of Carol and Russell’s place. The slope, rocks and general shabbiness of what is there makes it so much harder than the other house.

6 ziii { 06.18.14 at 11:05 am }

I did laugh at Candy complaining that 34C was hot, that’s not hot for Perth

I don’t like the grey concrete look on a house. I know its popular, but it looks a bit dull to me.

Carole and Russell’s house would be a nightmare with the clay soil. I don’t mind the Bali theme.

I agree with Maddi, not a fan of ponds etc as they’re too much upkeep. Maybe it’ll give something for Ryan to do.

7 Bruiser Brody { 06.18.14 at 11:20 am }

Had to laugh at Maddi’s comments about Grappers – ie ‘me and Lloyd will never be like that – arguing all the time’….
riiiiiightt…..
maybe get back to us after 30+ years of marriage!
reality is, they’re a perfect example of a well oiled married couple – things get done when you listen to The Boss :)

8 Twinkle { 06.18.14 at 11:59 am }

Have said it once but will say it again (and will more than likely repeat again at some stage) – the “Designer” is a pain in the Rs! Get rid of her and the show will be a little better. Why can’t they get a host who doubles as the designer? So yeah, get rid of Joh too (talking of whom, I hate what they do with her make-up – it’s so thickly applied it looks dreadful and must take her a fair while to scrape it off). And then the host/designer person could also do the voiceovers instead of that guy who sounds like he’s going to fall asleep.

Oh, how could I forget – definitely get rid of Wendy too. That woman is just awful. I have to mute her when she comes on as her voice is very irritating.

9 Gabby { 06.18.14 at 12:12 pm }

Would hate to do Carole’s block, what a nightmare. Love the way Carole said we will sit in the front and admire the view, what, a busy, noisy road. I do not know what is beyond the road.
Stupid idea I think to take down the roof of outside area, most people like a roof on their entertaining area.
I am so not going for a Carole and Russ win.
I hope the winners are Adam and Lisa or Maddi and Lloyd.
R and C can go any time before the end too.

10 all happening { 06.18.14 at 1:17 pm }

WA’s block needs all new soil for anything to grow and heaps of water. Bali type plants won’t grow in those conditions I am sure.
Russ was in fine form with comments last night but then Carol deserved everything she got. Really don’t like her.
I agree Gabby , A&L or M&L for the win.

11 Agent 86 { 06.18.14 at 1:45 pm }

@ all happening

I was wondering the same thing. It seemed a bit rich of Carole and Russell to ask for a “Bali inspired” garden when their block seems to consist of rocks and sand. A Santa Fe or New Mexico inspired garden would seem much more achievable.

12 brain dead dave { 06.18.14 at 2:00 pm }

A to scale replica of Kerokoban Prison in the back yard would suit.

Finding Carole and Ryan now really up themselves and annoying. So many creative things can be done with sleepers~ Carole’s gone for Stonehenge but ended up with Unhinge.

The local cormorants will be rapt with the vulnerable goldfish on offer.

13 all happening { 06.18.14 at 2:01 pm }

I live in the tropics but there are sloped parts of our garden that Bali style plants would not grow and that is with multiple meters of rain.

I wonder how much removing the roof on the patio will devalue C&R’s place. Totally stupid. If money wasn’t an object yes raise it but none????

That septic being covered is very dodgy especially if it needs emptying. Where was Chester, letting that through?

I have seen the sleepers used on BHG but they were cleaned up. Jason uses them in some of his designs. I suspect they are what Candy is referring to with graves. They were good value for comedy props for Russ.

14 cuisinaire { 06.18.14 at 2:06 pm }

@ 4, yes they have “Dial before you dig” in WA.

Carole & Russell’s house is in Boya in the Perth hills. It is in good ol’ Aussie bushland with gums aplenty. That particular block would be a nightmare for anyone and is unfair time and budget wise for the two teams vis a vis those working on Candy & Ryan’s ordinary suburban block.

Given the nature of rainfall in Sydney even in Summer, why on earth would Carole insist on removing the roof at Candy and Ryan’s? You could only entertain when it’s guaranteed to be dry. That graveyard for sleepers is neither arty nor edgy. I thought that Carole had already “pranked” them back for their mischief in Tassie. And then asking M&L to do shopping for her…

15 all happening { 06.18.14 at 2:22 pm }

I think Carole was just being a user and M&L too weak or just too nice to say NO. Who does she think she is?

16 Andrea { 06.18.14 at 2:54 pm }

Annajjj, I like the bit about Grandpa’s chair, hah hah as if we could forget, and the designer whats her name is just a nuisance, flitting in and out with her advice.
I’m with everyone, Adam and Lisa or Maddie and LLoyd to win!

17 Sue { 06.18.14 at 3:05 pm }

I’m a huge Carole fan, but she really annoyed me in this ep. I used to live not too far from them, and I do pity anyone having to do over that block.

Has anyone ever seen Adam lose his cool? I can’t recall him ever getting angry with Lisa or any of the contestants. I really like him, he seems like a nice guy.

18 Eliza { 06.18.14 at 3:21 pm }

I get why they are removing the awning roof as it does look drab and encloses the space but practicality wise, not a good move. This is a silly TV show though so practicality goes straight out the window! I do agree with McCrave though that if the judges came out with the awning as it was, they would pick at it endlessly (they are meant to think they can create a Chelsea winning garden in 3 days on a tight budget). It’s damned if you do, damned if you don’t scenario that is only an issue bc of the show. Of course they don’t have the time or money to actually build a new one which would make so much sense.. the 3.5 days thing is stupid!

I like Carole and Russell. I am not sure why. I hope that Adam and Lisa win.. they have improved a lot in their skills and design unlike Maddi and Lloyd who don’t seem to have improved much at all.

Sue, they have shown Adam get cranky a couple of times but that seems about it. He seems to have a very good temperament. I loved when they showed Lisa being all cranky and saying mean things to him and he just laughed and thought it was ‘cute’.

19 daisy { 06.18.14 at 3:27 pm }

Hey little night owl. How are you even up.

My excuse for my late hours is that I am in the west.
You are doing well with the stamina.

Hey there is a guy in Mt Isa who might be up for a phone call. Catch him while he’s feeling ugly. 😆

20 Eliza { 06.18.14 at 3:29 pm }

I woke up approximately 3 hours ago! Haha it is terrible. I probably should finish off what I am meant to be doing so my lovely mum can sneakily print some docs off at work for me 😉

LOL

21 brain dead dave { 06.18.14 at 3:33 pm }

Adam did lose his cool with Lisa way back when she was painting some skirting boards the wrong colour if I recall correctly. More recently, she called him a dumbar$e.

22 jec { 06.18.14 at 3:48 pm }

Cuisinaire, I totally agree with you that the two yards are not equal, that time & budget restraints would make the WA front yard near impossible. I do not know how Adam & Lisa are going to get it done in time. Actually, whatever each team does will be more useless than a quick house renovation. A little bit of topsoil here & there won’t help the WA yard.
Adam is a workhorse, truly! Moving & placing those rocks was a huge effort. And he hardly seems to get cross about it – I would be super annoyed to have to work on that front yard.
Once again I do not know how they will get the houses finished in time. They could have saved travel time to & from the accommodation by staying in the house where they are working!
The promos for Sunday night show all teams seeing the new exterior & yards, yet we have only seen NSW & WA houses being worked on. When are the other two houses getting done? Sunday and then Monday for a reveal of all of them?

23 Fijane { 06.18.14 at 3:52 pm }

I agree about the drabness of the ‘concrete colour’, and it seems that a Bali house would have some warm colour – most pics on google show the houses in timber colours – all shades of warm brown, even salmon.
My vote goes for Maddi and Lloyd (Lloddi??) now. Adz’s beautiful personality still can’t make me like Lisa, never liked either Candy and Ryan or their colourful style. Carole and Russell, I don’t know yet. I don’t want them turned into the villians all of a sudden.

24 all happening { 06.18.14 at 4:15 pm }

I just got an ad for a DIY Bali Hut at the bottom of this page. Perhaps R&C should put a grass hut over grandpa’s chair instead of all those heads.

25 PollyB { 06.18.14 at 4:54 pm }

Adam was ripped when they were shopping for plants. Slits for eyes, just cruising round trying to pronounce plant names and cracking up. It was funny.

26 mm#8 { 06.18.14 at 5:09 pm }

Eliza, I like Russell & Carole too.. if I was going camping with friends I’d be comfortable with those two… wouldn’t need radio or much entertainment planned .. it would be enough just to have them within earshot. !!

27 jillybean { 06.18.14 at 5:23 pm }

Pots. That’s the answer to the WA gardening woes. Put all the new plants in pots. No need to worry about treating the soil.
Raised garden beds would probably work too.
Doubt that pots would be acceptable to Dawn French though :(

loving the recaps!

28 kes { 06.18.14 at 7:18 pm }

Do you get that strong feeling that each team are sooo over it all. I would be and having to tackle the WA home in a town that is known for it’s granite! Not going to be an easy task or keeping the garden alive unless Russ is good with putting in sprinkler systems. Out of all of them, R&C have kept the same relationship all the way through, as interesting as it is.Others have not and the cracks can be seen particularly with Ryan & Candy

29 Sue { 06.19.14 at 12:03 am }

Thanks Eliza and BDD – I do remember Adam getting a little upset about the skirting boards now. But overall, I think he and Lloyd are pretty laid back.

30 Eliza { 06.19.14 at 12:07 am }

I love the way Maddi perves on Lloyd and lets everyone know what she is doing.

31 Ruth { 06.24.14 at 11:25 pm }

Only just discovered this site.. Fuckin funny shit lmao