Guest Post: When Love Comes To Town – Port Macquarie: J.J Returns (Why?
Apologies to Gidgit VonLaRue she sent this to me yesterday and I cut and paste it but forgot to press publish! For those who are still watching When Love Comes To Town you are going to love this recap:
This might be all over the place as my recording failed and just got the last end of the Big Bang Theory – the most confusingly unfunny show that continues to be really successful! Each to their own! So I’m watching it online, but hey, I’m doing it!
So the flange bus is off to beautiful Port Maquarie and Nat Gruzzwacker chats to Nikki who says she is pumped which is convenient seeing she’s a personal trainer. We also see that some past chick has escaped her capture and is now hitch hiking on the very road the bus is travelling on. To be honest I thought it was going to be Rupucka but it’s J.J – the loud mouthed harlot from the very first episode. Not surprised the original girls are ok with her return while the new girls are all stink face. Turns out J.J. got sick of building chook sheds and riding on tractors….and Adam!
Seems the show has now disposed of the cheering locals as the girls get off the bus because lets face it – it was lame. The fresh meat are Stu, a keen golfer, and Shahid, a keen vet. I did like him saying ‘my day often revolves around animals’. Umm, you are a vet dude, I would HOPE that’s the case! Shahid is probably the most handsome guy they’ve had so far which is good because he’s a bit of a short arse. Stu is actually a restaurant manager with aspirations of being a professional golfer. Yeah good luck with that. I want to be Miss Universe personally! Stu loves golf so much I suggest he put a dress on his 9 iron and marry that!
Shahid’s mob are taken to the beach for a camel ride and self confessed ‘animal lover’ J.J is the most terrified of the camels. So in other words when she says ‘animal lover’ she means dogs and cats – but anything else is just useless and scary? Why is she back again? But turns out the VET likes the girl that is the most scared of animals. *Note: the girls look like absolute nuffies with those spaz helmets on* Shahid takes drink driver – sorry Jennifer – off for a walk for about 2 minutes thus resulting in her gushing over having the best date ever (was that even a date??) Next he wanders off to kick a ball around with J.J and turns out guys like girls with fun personalities (I’ve relied on that fact since I was 17 & it’s served me well)
Tash and Ainslie I think pretty much have tapped out so just hang on the beach looking at the waves. Nikki manages to get Shahid to take his shirt off & go for a swim so it’s looking like a 3 girl race. Over at Port Macquarie golf course and Stu is drooling over any woman who has a great golf swing. If that’s the case plenty of blue haired oldies looking for love here at Blackheath Golf Course, Stu! You’re welcome! Stu already had his peepers set on Caitlin from the get go so she’s a shoe in! Also turns out Amy doesn’t want to be a cat lady (which I would think is an expression getting very tired by women that own cats!) Back at the beach and Shahid picks Nikki and J.J – much to the ‘what the’ of the other rejected girls – well Jennifer anyway. Tash & Ainslie just want to kick back at the hotel drinking cocktails and cracking onto the hot young bar tender.
Stu ends up picking Caitlin and Amy. Meanwhile in Orange Mitch and RENEE are still bonding even though he liked both his choices (awkward) then they pash in a vineyard and it’s over to Rybucca & Sam & Rupukka is amazed at the fact Orange isn’t just 3 pubs and a petrol station. Sam takes her to see his mum & his little step sister and I just can’t get around the fact Ruubikka just seems like she’s constantly putting on an ‘act’. It seems to work as Sam’s mum approves (cute looking grandkids she’s thinking – plus look at those breeder hips) & his step sister is covered in sand.
Back to PM and Amy thinks a romantic date is water – so Stu could have saved some dosh on renting the Chinese junk boat & just sat her next to a full bathtub. They do a ‘king of the world’ on the front of the boat and the solo dolphin rolls its eyes. Meanwhile Nikki is jogging with Caitlin then over to Nikki’s date with Shahid where they go paddle boarding. He pushes her off because men never grow up then back on shore she makes him do push-ups to get a kiss when really he should be making HER do the push-ups in order to get a kiss from him! I’m really starting to see why so many of these sheila’s are single! Over at Stu city and he’s taken Caitlin to his family property of…trees? Also what is with Caitlin and her desire to wear clothes the same colour as safety uniforms for road night workers?? They then go 4-wheel-driving in a converted golf cart and Stu has a stiffy. Then off swimming in a lake and I do like Caitlin’s swim suit. It’s sweet & nice not seeing ‘sexy bikini’ yet again. They both seem to be hitting it off and turns out Stu likes getting big ugly body tattoos.
In Orange Mitch and Renee head up to a field where some half rate opera singer appears like Jason in the Halloween movies to serenade Mitch, and scare the shit out of Renee. Mitch thinks its romantic and it sure is – if Renee was 70. After the scary opera encounter Renee still seems ‘eh’ about Mitch where I think she really needs to stop being so picky – seriously! She is so rude about the opera chick. Did your parents not teach you manners young lady? (yeah I know, pot calling kettle but I’m doing a review – she was there in front of the opera singer with the guy that organised it!)
Back in Port Dolphin and it’s back to Shahid’s pad and he fesses up he tongue snogged Nikki thus throwing fickle J.J into a spin where she just quits because how dare someone have a better date than her! At Stu’s pad he’s confused because neither Amy or Caitlin are golf clubs. AGAIN the man cooks and are mum’s not teaching their daughters to cook anymore?? I’m fast forwarding this because well, there is another hour to review – which I’ll do in my 2nd part separate from this so reality ravings can beef out her blog! So J.J had piked (not on the show though obviously) and Natalie Grzzzzzzzzzzz shows up on the edge of a cliff to ask who wants to stay with who. Only two towns to go so these bitches better be staying! Result! Nikki stays with Vet boy and Caitlin stays with Tiger Macquarie. Next town, same bitches, new boys…. See you there!