Guest Post: Finale – When Love Comes – then goes – then comes again. Airlie Beach Qld. Part 1:
Australia’s answer to the Millionaire Matchmaker Gidgit Von La Rue is back with a guest post about the finale of When Love Comes To Town:
So it’s the final kiddies. I’ve committed myself to doing the whole show because I should – and Masterchef predictably brought Sarah back so stuff them!
We have a lovely little recap of all the original singles on a bus and all the desperate male ruuuuural singles out there in the non-city areas of Australia. All the blokes want a sheila, and all the girls – well mixed reviews on why some of them got on the bus! We see for many romance has blossomed (eh they’ll do) and for most of the blokes who were crazy enough to sign up for this they were left in the dust of the bus, and many girls just went ‘nuh’ (pretty sure that’s what they said) and got back on the bus not happy with any of the options. Guessing it will come out that many of them DID like the guy but were not picked by him – lets see shall we?
Oh, and then there is a reunion! Sweet! It’s where Natalie Gruzzyerduds can put her top journalistic skills – oh, I mean asking the bleedin’ obvious and patronising every couple that stuck it out – in a thrilling interview of obvious questions, reactions and her ‘oh poor you’ and ‘goodness that’s sexy’ face – way. Look out Liz Hayes!
So there is still one final destination to Airlie Beach. I’ve been there. It’s hot, humid and I got my bag stolen from a Barrier Reef cruise – so it can get stuffed! On the bus Nat asks Tash are men still a mystery. Actually no they are not. Men are simple, women are hard. Women don’t seem to get this. And yes, I’m a woman – well last time I checked. You want to understand men, here you go. Tone down the analysing, tone down the complex thinking and reactions to everything – and just live, love, have fun and stop over thinking things. He’s not, trust me! (you are all welcome by the way!) Next Natty talks to Jen the drink driver and talking of drivers they just showed the bus driver and pretty sure I saw him wearing ear plugs & rolling his eyes. Can we blame him?
Jen the drunk wants a ‘hairless gorilla’ which turns out spot on as in the next town there are two of them! Funny that. And funny how all the girls get a date – not like every guy in every town has picked the same girl over and over. Well done show – well done! Next Rat Nat talks to Ainslie who has left her job to do a study on ‘what it’s like being on a bus’ for her media course. Turns out all the girls love Airlie Beach because yet again it’s a gorgeous spot and I kinda miss the harshness of Farmer Wants a Wife. This was all a bit too plush and posh. Where are the dead cow bones & dust bowl remoteness?
We meet Kendell and Doug. Jen Sloshy tells us Doug better not have any hair on his chest or it’s a deal breaker (shallow) – but forgets about the hair on her top lip she has to wax religiously every day! That could be a ‘deal breaker’ for him? Amy tells us something about hips but no worries there Amy – your hips are wide enough! Kendell gave up life as a chef to be an electrician in Airlie Beach. He likes to jet ski and fix wires. Doug has a bit of a cave man vibe about him and likes to fish and weld things. Is every ‘country’ guy blokey? Where are all the rural IT nerdy movie addict non-sporty types?? Oh that’s right, I’m dating one!
J.J makes a rather unsuitable sexual reference about pipes being unclean (we believe you) and all the girls choose either guy for the last time. Let me take some time here to remember – yes, I remember in my early 20’s when muscles and eye colour and how he dressed all really seemed to matter. Funny now, knowing it’s all so not important and that being attracted to your lover and best friend is vital. Why do all these famous guys play around on women like Beyonce, Elizabeth Hurley, Heidi Klum etc? You know why. Because that shit all gets tired after a while. Like a view of the ocean. One day you wake up and say ‘eh, it’s just water – I’d like a snow capped mountain view now’.
For their group date Kendell is taking his chicks around the Whitsundays on a ship type thing. He fills them with some booze first and Tash is falling for the area (who wouldn’t?). Ainslie bonds with Kendell over age but Ainslie likes dating 15 year olds so doubt she’s going to stay. Next after the break Doug is taking his ladies out to feed them to man eating crocodiles! Should be good fun for us viewers, eh!
So Chardonnay Jen gets a seat next to Ugg on the crocodile feeding boat while Zoe from behind is pulling in her best moves about mud crabs (can’t blame her – I love them) and they are all pissed there are only small croc’s (sadly half the girls though they were going shoe shopping). Doug’s a dag & makes a joke about god being spelt backwards or some shit but moron doesn’t bother Drunky Jen as he has muscles and tanned skin so that will do!
Back on a much nicer boat in much nicer water, Tash is wearing earrings that she could put her legs into so that appeals to Kendell as he takes her on a one on one (what do the other girls do when this goes on? Guess I’ll know once their TV contracts run out!) So Kendell and Tash are hitting it off, they high five (weird) and Kendell reveals he’s read a lot of relationship books which is where I’d throw myself overboard and take my chances with the reef sharks! But for Tash this turns her on. Ok I guess.
Back at croc city and Doug is feeding the girls food which is going down well. Urgh, just salad – I’d throw myself overboa…oh, not on the boat anymore. Zoe bonds with Doug over footy which works well. The other girls are pissed but not necessarily because Zoe is doing well with Doug – but salad!?!
Over on the reef and Kendell has done a runner in an outboard boat with the most popular girl with the boys even though she’s a picky bitch, wants some kind of magician type fella and just has a fetish for bus rides – Jess. I think a few of these girls are just in it for the experience for sure. Funny – all the guys go for the hot blonde – she knows it, we know it – damn prick tease. Next is Caitlin with Doug and he likes Princess Leia (tip Doug – she’s not looking so hot these days dude). I think if this show has proved anything is – whether natural, older, younger, glammed up – if you have a vagina they want you!
And we are back and it’s decision time for Kendell (still don’t think I’m spelling his name correctly) and seriously these guys would take all the girls if they could! Are these guys told who to choose? I have so many questions! Kendell harps on about magic man again and no wonder she’s single. At least J.J is a bit more down to earth about finding a guy! Tash and Ainslie are chosen. Over to Doug and he decides to hit a woman on the head with a log and drag her off to his cave. Ok not really. He chooses Jen and Zoe without giving any compliment to Amy. Alright maybe it was editing – but if he didn’t – what a goose! Girls – there is no ‘Mr Right’ – there are Mr Righte O’s. Date a lot. Be adventurous. Try the whole buffet before just saying you are only going to eat the satay meat skewers!
I think I missed my calling…
Over with Kendell and its overcast which is a bummer and they are on wave runners which are a heap of fun! Tash rocks onto the beach taking off her floaty vest looking all ‘bond girl’, while Ainslie is naked??? Tradie Doug is off to Whitehaven beach with Zoe and Piss pot. Sadly there is a huge storm because, well it IS the tropics and all those gorgeous photos of sunshine and clear water are taken at a certain time of the year! They all play frisbee for some reason and Jen’s not happy with Doug not being built like Wolverine and Doug is not happy about Jen having a REALLY bad boob job (ok he didn’t really say that – but I think they are awful) and god these guys are pushovers! Zoe is now just sitting and seething watching them draw in the sand like children but at least her tits don’t look like Candy Spellings!
Back to Ains, Tash & Ken doll and I think Ainslie is just in love with Airlie Beach, not the guy. (sorry Ainslie – I call it as I see it) Tip Ainslie – I’m 43 and probably more immature and childish then you! Don’t think age matures people honey! It must be a looks thing. My tradie was 23 and more mature than most guys my age are now! I’m here to help!
At Doug city he’s chatting to Zoe on the beach while Tipsy Jen is playing with a stick in the ocean because….. ummmm….the producers told her to? Either that or she just lost her contact? I will say Zoe and Doug could be brother and sister – no insult, just saying I can see EXACTLEY what their kids will look like! Sheesh pisspot – get out of the ocean. The salt water is melting your implants!
Kendell and Tash walk upon the beach past boob and nipple island (I shit you not, if you recorded it go back and look) Tash has been a few dates and reminds us that if she is going to stay it’s ‘carefully considered’ which means the producers tell the girls whether it’s worth staying or not – hey it’s the final – lets call a spade a spade! It’s all worked out a bit too ‘controlled’ (well it is channel 9) and lets break this down now as to what could go ‘wrong’ ok. What if:
2 girls end up staying with the one guy?
No girls want either guy and get back on the bus?
The guys find all the girls repulsive and don’t want any of them?
The guy just wants one girl and refuses to pick another?
One guy actually likes a girl that went with the other guy and says ‘can I have her instead?’
One of the guy roots one of the girls on the first night?
What if all the girls fancy just one of the guys and go to him, leaving the other with no one?
The list could go on as to the ‘natural’ things that could happen but as we all know it’s carefully controlled so they have a show and some girls stay, some go, there is drama, and both guys get nearly equal girls that go with them!
Back to the action! Kendell thinks he’s in like Flynn with Tash but I think Tash wanted Abby’s guy, plus she fesses up she loves her job, doesn’t want to move and WHY AGAIN DID THESE GIRLS GET ON THIS BUS??? It’s a holiday right? Someone uses the word ‘romantical’ (sigh) and Kendell takes Tash and Ainslie out to sit at a table while the tide is moving in. Romantical! Kendell has a pretty nice damn house (best one so far) and STILL not sure why some of these guys AND girls (ok just the guys) are single??? Over at Spa city (euw) Doug is bathing Zoe and Sloshy. Douggells is hot on Zoe as Jen is out of his league and less chance of Jen staying over Zoe (yeah I know you guys). Coming up final decision then re-union which I’m going to break up to another article! Kendell tells Tash she is the one as she cuts the hell out of capsicum. She seems less than thrilled to be honest. I’m seriously starting to think these poor guys are being f*cked over a LOT more than the girls who knew what they were in for. Choice time and Ainslie and Tash leave Kendell in the mud and Jen rejects Doug – Zoe stays because she has to. Ainslie and Tash were not willing to ‘play ball’ it seems! Girls – it’s an extended holiday in that area with a personal tour guide. Not like you have to root them! Roobukka got it! J.J got it! Seriously can Ch 9 do a show with all the ‘rejected guys’ to find them a girl? Do it! I’d watch! We know them now. We are invested. Make me program manager! At least program developer! I worked for Prime – it’s not THAT hard!
So the girls are on their way to the city for the reunion. Check up next article. I’ll leave RR to choose when to post them. Bring on The Bachelor! Meeoowwww.