Guest Post: When Love Comes…All Over A Reunion! Awkward!
So the girls are finally back where they feel most comfortable – in the big smoke! Leaving 60% of single fellas standing around playing with their livestock or grapes! Never the mind, the girls are in the hotel bathroom duding themselves up for TV. Natalie Grizzledick warms herself up for some ‘hard core’ pawning over the girls and guys like some match maker guru. Where are the tough questions like on the American shows? You are not their mother! And time for a fringe Nat, just saying!
The girls all meet each other again over some bubblies and I’m guessing – down at the docks near Pyrmont Sydney. I know my city bi-atches! All the girls are beyond happy from meeting each other again more than meeting the guys aside from a few. Hey, free holiday! Plus like all reality shows they get paid. Hell I did jury duty and got paid more than my salary! I was only too happy it was dragged on for 6 months! I was Henry Fonda in 12 Angry Men god damn it!
First interview is Zoe and she thinks she’s in love with Doug because he looks like he could be her brother…and how is staying or going SUCH a ‘hard decision’? Hell back in my 20’s I’d hang around anyone anywhere for a new experience! Oh Kangaroo Island, Airlie Beach etc – yes please! So Zoe’s caveman shows up meaning they are still a thing? Nat makes sure to kiss the guys on the cheek so she doesn’t seem like a slut wench – smart move. Turns out, on the shows budget, Ugg has been taking Zoe out on romantic thingies around the Barrier Reef. Back to the studio and Nattie is all a gush (what’s new?) and predicts they’ll ‘go the distance’ – that obviously arouses them and bring on uncomfortable kiss. I stand by my twitter statement – chicks kissing each other is SO much sexier!
Next is Shelley – sorry Renee – who got REALLY lucky with Mitch! Renee is picky, a lot pickier than she really should be (what’s with that??). Know your limits ladies. So Mitch shows up and it’s all kind of awkward and weird. The more he compliments Renee the more she does stink face. Tip – ALL the guys mention sense of humour girls! Time to start watching Monty Python movies! Really – test their ‘sense of humour’ scale. ANOTHER awkward kiss….STOP IT! It’s now 4.42am (seriously) & my bitch of a cat is freaking out over the wind but I’ll continue like a soldier in the ditches! Sail/Sale in Victoria turned out to one of the more successful ‘scrag drop offs’ leaving two scrags behind which I think is BINGO! Renee hit herself in the face then had Reggie make her sick – so romantical! Then which I think is the best connection Abbey falls for Leigh the not gay hairdresser. They will make gorgeous babies. Take it from me ladies, everyone has faults, even you (shock horror) so stick with it, work it out! Abbey is all ‘he’s hot, love him’. Renee is all ‘yeah ok, he’s fine I guess’. Who will last – I wonder? So both guys of course are there. In comes Leigh and Reggie. Leigh is Abbey’s ‘smitten kitten fitten for some rootin’ and Reggie is….there. Leigh and Abbey live on opposite sides of the country so guess it’s time for both of them to move to Alice Springs! Nat Guzzlefuck asks Leigh to tell Abbey he loves her, but he doesn’t so there is that.
Reggie is a sweet guy and really quite sexy in that quaint way. Renee can’t see that really and doesn’t seem happy! Nat tries to talk this up but really doesn’t get the hint that Renee is really insulting Reggie in a round-about way!
Robukka/Repucca/Rycucca/Raapukka time! Last time I’ll have to think up crazy ways of spelling her name thank god! Rypukka tried to seduce all the guys because she’s a mega prick tease (oh get over it – did you see the footage of her in the ‘hope she shaved’ short skirt ‘going to work’ – oh please) even saying to one guy ‘I’m REALLY open to affection’ meaning ‘I’m up for anything for attention’. So she decided the girls that ‘stay’ get as much air time so stayed with Sam in Orange, the P.E teacher. No surprises Roobukkas news is a big shock (more air time) saying the evil Sam has pissed off overseas and dropped her like a hot scone to be somewhere else on a text message. Now this whole thing was set up (as it all was) as Nat gets to see this horrible text, Roopukka reads it out – and if you have ever seen Nicole Kidman in To Die For – that is Rubekka. She plays the victim when she has really probably killed Sam and buried him in his backyard. Yes, when one cries, tears come next. Just weeping and putting your hands up over your eyes while sobbing is not crying. This whole thing is bullshit and I had people have a go at me on Twitter for saying that. Say what you will. I’ve been around long enough to know what it bullshit! Can we maybe hear from HIM? Yes every story has two sides (although seems depending on what that is about in Australia that goal post gets moved) so let’s hear from him?!? Bring on fake crying and drama – turns out the show knew she’d be perfect for that dramatic moment in the show! Well picked. Nat cannot even act well in this whole scene. Did they really need to do this?? And why was Nat not comfortable reading it out. Not like it said ‘piss off slut, you stink like poo – plus I just slept with your grandmother’. None of this made any sense. Does anyone know Sam? Contact me if you do. Hell, I live close to Orange. Might go and do my own research. If you want me to stop Ch 9, send me ten thousand dollars in unmarked bills (not sure why that is required but sounds cool).
In Port Macquarie Shahid and Nikki go to Steph Walkers place for a party – ok not really. Nikki stayed with Shahid who was really quite hot and Nikki is…fit. Everyone has good teeth so there is that! When Love Comes to the Dentist! So that is it for the match ups. The rest of the failures – sorry singles – are hanging out in the Pyrmont bar while the couples kiss in front of them just to rub it in! Awe bless. And no I don’t want to see more of Roopukkieaaas heart breaking tale online. I’ll skip that thanks. And this new season of The Block Glasshouse looks SO pretentious and phoney – might have to review that if RR is ok with it! *If you want me to stop Ch 9 – employ me – it’s your only hope!*
See you on twitter!