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Guest Post: The Hot Plate – So The Restaurants Get A Renovation

Now I think we can all agree that Auntie Rosie did herself a wee bit too much swearing in the recap of last night’s show. Okay, way too much swearing. But here’s the deal: tonight there will be NO SWEARING at all. None. I swear. Bother, I just swore, although that sort of swearing should be okay, shouldn’t it? I’m confused. On with the show!

Tonight we are at Aron and Vanessa’s. They have 72 hours to renovate the restaurant. Tom says there were a few things that looked a bit tattered. Scott thinks the light coloured seats were a mistake.

So we see Aron and Vanessa talking about paint and wallpaper – yeah that’s great and all, but I don’t watch reno shows for a reason. I find them boring. Isn’t this supposed to be a bloody cooking show? Get on with the fucking cooking! Oops, that didn’t last long. Slaps self – hard. Sigh.

Scott says the first time they came to Aron and Vanessa’s restaurant, they gave them fairly beige food. He visits them with the food for Round 2.

For entreé he expects a sophisticated version of the classic Aussie meat pie, but made with chicken.

For the main course, surf and turf, using bugs and fillet.

And for dessert, they will need to jazz up the lamington.

Aron immediately decides to makes single chicken pies with Asian flavours, and his main will be Italian style. He will deconstruct the lamington making a chocolate panna cotta, a coconut sorbet, a sponge and some strawberry jam.

They have 90 minutes to prepare the meal.

Vanessa says she’s gotta change her stress to productive excitement. She asks Aron should she leave the hairy bits on the spring onions, making me giggle insanely.

Aron has some sort of cramp. Who the fuck cares. Now that’s not worthy of a slap, is it? I ask the world and the world says no. Thank you, world.

Christina says Aron’s a threat. Yeah, everyone a threat to you, bitch.

Scott says he has grown up on lamingtons and they are iconic.

Aron is making little pies that he admits look like boobs.

The judges arrive.  They think the place now looks fantastic. The soul of the old restaurant is here but it’s more modern and more contemporary. They note that the leopard skin barstool covers have gone. They joke about where the leopard skin has gone to. Cue shot of Christina and Tania walking along the footpath, with Tania wearing a lowcut animal print top. Christina says the makeover is to her palate. I do not vomit. Feel free to applaud.

Aron is worried that he put raw chicken into the pie, so cuts one open a few minutes before they are ready. It is only a wee bit pink so he puts them back in the oven until full time.

The chicken and shiitake pies are served with tamarind sauce.

Lauren is used to pies. But with tomato sauce.

Christina says Aron looks worried. She sounds pretty happy to say so.

Nola says it’s a dry pie. So put some sauce on it, ya berk.

Philippe says it looks like a small boob.

Christina, being another ten year old also mentions the small boob, but does say her palate liked it. Her palate likes small boobs?

Emi liked it. Lauren says that pie is not a pretty enough word.

Scott says the pastry is perfectly cooked and the tamarind sauce is packed full of flavour. Tom says you nailed the three “Ts”: taste, technique and something else that starts with T that escapes my imperfect memory.

They cook, cook, cook the mains.

Nola expects more than just steak and a bug on the plate.

Oh, he’s overcooking some of the steak for Nola. He’s covering it in gravy. That’s actually nice of him.

It does all look a bit boring though. Just steak, bug and polenta with some jus poured around the side, or over the steak if you are Nola. I suppose the polenta makes it Italian? Hmm.

Emi is not sure ½ bug is enough.

Pascal says it’s very safe.

Tom tells them they were instructed to take it up a notch. The steak was good but what was the jus doing on the plate? The garlic butter went well with the bug, but the jus overpowered it all. It was a bit of a come down. Scott asks where was the wow factor. He expected perfect steak and they did that. But he tells them this shows a chink in their armour and the table agreed.

Philippe tells the table he has never had a lamington in his life. Much surprise.

Christina isn’t into deconstructive…deconstrict… deconst… she can’t even say it. Idiot.

Vanessa doesn’t even know if the panna cottas will be set. If they are not, she will be going home. Sorry, thought I was back on Masterchef for a minute there. No, she says they will be fucked, I mean rooted, I mean screwed. Oh dear. Smacked meself again, on the other side of the poor old face. Maybe the smacking is good for the circulation and will do something about these pesky wrinkles that I am pretending don’t exist? And of course they are fine. (The panna cottas, not my wrinkles.) As Aron says, they liked the tits for their entreé, so he hopes they’ll like ’em for their dessert too. He makes the sponges in the microwave.

They serve the dessert.

Christina says it’s a big mess  all over the plate. She gets it, but she was hoping for more of a lamington. Oh fuck off. No smacks for that.

Tania thinks the idea was amazing. And it’s not often Tania gets to have an opinion of her own.

Philippe says his first lamington experience was amazing.

Tom says it looked attractive, but he could have done without the smear. If you can’t eat it, don’t put it on the plate. The panna cotta is great. He wanted more sponge, but the jam is great and the whole thing was full of wit and imagination. Scott says that when he found out the lamington would be deconstructed, alarm bells began to ring. But he would come back to Rocksalt again and again for this.

Time to score. There will be no secret scoring. Their scores will be given direct to the host team. Ha ha ha ha. It should be ever thus. The teams will each score out of 10, and the judges out of 30.

Philippe and Pascal – 7/10

Emi and Marie – 7/10

Christina and Tania – 7/10

Lauren and Nola – 9/10

Total – 30/40

Tom – 24/30

Scott – 23/30

Grand total – 77/100

Aron thinks they have a 100% chance of winning this. Can my eyes roll any further around?

Lauren and Nola are next.

I’d apologize for breaking my word on the swearing, but I’m just not sorry. 😆



1 Gabby { 09.08.15 at 12:47 pm }

Cheers Techhater, great news.

Thanks everyone who has offered to do recaps for us, very much appreciated the hard work you put in to help Emma and keep all of us commenters happy.

Al the best Emma.

2 Rosie { 09.08.15 at 1:13 pm }

Thanks, Techhater.

And thanks in advance for stepping up to the plate (chock full of food 😆 ) to recap TBL, Dave. That’s one show I certainly can’t bring myself to watch. I watched it for the first few years, then just couldn’t manage it anymore.

3 brain dead dave { 09.08.15 at 1:27 pm }

I deserve the worst ~ or should I say the wurst.

The show’s been going downhill….but then so have the contestants.

Cosi’s still in radio here.

4 Rosie { 09.08.15 at 1:34 pm }

Oh God. I hate to think what he looks like now.

5 brain dead dave { 09.08.15 at 1:38 pm }

Okay,then. The car probably makes him look slimmer than he really is. Another triumph for The Biggest Loser juggernaut.

A lot has changed since he did the Kokoda Trail….

6 Pandy { 09.08.15 at 1:44 pm }

I’ll give The Biggest Loser a go, glutton for punishment.

7 Techhater { 09.08.15 at 2:02 pm }

I’m watching the block after refusing to watch last season with dirty d’s. Have never watched TBL but will follw BDD’s recaps with eagerness. Also can’t wait for Survivor to start. I’m hard back at the books 2nd year of bachelors so if I disappear ir’s a time factor nothing else but will try to keep in touch as much as possible. Love you all 😛

8 Amanda { 09.08.15 at 5:01 pm }

Thanks Techhater for the message but it isn’t enough. I appreciate she may have things going on but neither myself nor Rosie has received one email reply from her. To me saying you will put up open posts (which hasn’t happened I note) means she still wants the supporters without the work.

I feel she has given up on this site and all of us who has supported and been part of a wonderfully community. Yes I am annoyed but mostly disappointed.

9 Techhater { 09.08.15 at 5:14 pm }

Amanda please give her the space she needs. I’m not at liberty to discuss her personal life but I know if it was me my family comes first. She hasn’t abandoned us she’s got her priorities right. Please have a little patience.

I love this site and everybody here and as a great community that we’ve become we can and do support each other and that includes Emma.

10 daisy { 09.09.15 at 7:17 am }

Bella, did you get the nails done? Are they glam?
Dawni, how’s the hubby recovering?
Smythe, any good shows coming up for me?
Bolders, we are in the Dordogne region now and everyone is fully clothed.
Rosie and Amanda, great work.
Ali-oops :)
Congratulations to Gabby.
Happy belated birthday to Pandy.
BDD, loved that show, The Royals??? Royles???
Poor Woolif got a conk on the head today. And he took out the side window of our leased car on a 15th century laneway. He is laying beside me asleep and not even snoring. I hope he’s not concussed
And Manu would have spat in my eye tonight. I ordered the duck, medium and it came in a pool of blood. I tried soaking the blood up with all the bread they give you, but it just looked like a (I won’t say)and then I really couldn’t eat it. So I left it untouched except for the pieces I threw to a passing cat.

11 all happening { 09.09.15 at 7:39 am }

Oh Daisy, I hope Woolif didn’t damage the 15th century laneway. We are missing your witty comments.

12 daisy { 09.09.15 at 7:45 am }

He’s out of his coma, all happening. I can hear him snoring.
It will be my job to stand on a chair and dab that wound with betadine tomorrow.

13 Gabby { 09.09.15 at 8:41 am }

Daisy thank you for your congrats. Sounds like you are having a wonderful holiday, creating many happy memories. Continue to enjoy and travel safe.

14 daisy { 09.09.15 at 8:50 am }

Thanks. So far, it’s been great.

I look fd to watching some RTV when I get home.

15 Smythe { 09.09.15 at 10:00 am }

Daisy, sorry that Woolif was injured but hope the rest of your holiday goes well.
Upcoming shows: hmmmm….I’ve been watching some sci-fi on the internet: “Dark Matter” and “Killjoys”. Also been watching US show “Whispers” which was OK and also “The Strain”. “Transparent” is supposed to be interesting but I haven’t watched it yet.

16 Pandy { 09.09.15 at 1:58 pm }

Thanks Daisy, hope Woolif is okay.
That duck you ordered sounds disgusting, I would have felt sick seeing all that blood, yuck!
At least the cat got a good meal!

17 Izobel2 { 09.09.15 at 3:36 pm }

Hey Daisy Duke my nails look fab but I wasn’t prepared for the modern touch screen stuff, aaggh it’s slowing me down!!
Happy travels x

18 daisy { 09.09.15 at 3:47 pm }

Thanks everyone. Woolif is up and running about.
Smythe, thanks for the shows.

Off to see a Toulouse Lautrec museum today. Then drive to the next village on Woolif’s list.

Have fun. I bet you are all starting to enjoy some warmer weather now.
Bella, no dish washing for you now with those claws.

19 Bolders { 09.11.15 at 11:17 am }

I saw the finale last night but not sure I am happy that Adelaide won. They all came across and arrogant and dismissive of the other competitors. No graciousness.
When was this filmed anyway because there is no follow up on the contestants in the press from what I can see.

20 Rosie { 09.11.15 at 2:38 pm }

Bolders the recap is up over on the Rest. Rev. thread. 😉

21 Juz { 01.25.16 at 7:59 pm }

Hi, in case someone is subscribed to this thread who doesn’t already know, we are continuing general TV chat over at
Please drop by – Juz