It’s been a while since I saw the last episode of Hell’s Kitchen, due to some technical issues (i.e. failure to read a TV program correctly) this end. As far as I remember, Marco hasn’t sacked anybody yet, and nor has anyone walked out in tears. Tonight, though, Claudia is promising that Marco will be asking somebody to leave.

Our celebrities get up to find that Marco has thoughtfully provided them with half a pair of support hose each. Before they have to make that decision we are all dreading – which leg for the varicose veins? – Niomi thinks to read the letter on the bench. Anthea’s initial thought, that they would have to strain something through the sock, is not even half right. Our celebs are to take their “net” and use it to catch an eel. As she completes the instructions (“take them to the kitchen where they’ll be dispatched. You must catch your own eel”) Danielle is retching with horror.

Niomi interviews that she didn’t know that “dispatched” meant finger-across-throat. I’m guessing she figured she was going to attach an address label and courier it to a larger waterway, where it could live out the rest of its life in peace.

To an ominous soundtrack, Marco tells us that “in this day and age, there’s too many people who don’t know where ingredients come from”. I get what he’s saying (we’ve been on this trip many times before, thanks to Hugh F-W, Jamie, Gordon… god, probably even Ainsley) but I think most people would know that eel comes from, well, eel. He mentions the neatly sliced, packaged products in the supermarket, and I’m reminded of the Great British Feast episode a couple of weeks ago where he was absolutely delighting in the discoveries of the wondrous markets-of-superness.

Anyway, back to this show, with no further expectation of narrative consistency…

The eels are in a glass tank in the courtyard and Danielle (bravely? probably because she wants to get it over with) goes first. Bruce makes the obvious observation that they are going to get wet. As Danielle starts to dip her hands into the water, she’s screaming and doing the little retchy thing at the same time. Linda tells her not to scare the eels and she eventually catches one. All the excitement is too much for Niomi, who takes off indoors. Today’s episode must be brought to us by Stating the Bleeding Obvious^TM, because Ade’s first comment of the day is that “the eels are slippery”. They’re all having a lot of fun, but it looks a little less lighthearted for the eels. Particularly Grant’s, which looks as though it narrowly escapes being strangled before it even makes it to the kitchen for dispatching.

Jody approaches the task with a gung ho attitude. Ade comments on his approach as being “enthusiastic”, but Danielle sees it as bloodthirstiness and Grant merely observes: “Jody, Jody, Jody. He’s slightly different to the rest of us”. Niomi reappears to tick Jody off for catching “her” eel.

All eels are stockinged up… what could possibly be in store for them? Let’s find out, after the jump…

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Tonight our celebs are getting some cooking lessons from Mario Batali, described by Marco as the “gastronomic king of America”. (Bill Buford’s book Heat gives further insight into Mario Batali and even his frightfully dull Spanish road-trip with Gwynnie hasn’t blemished the impression I got from reading that book.)  Mario is demonstrating pasta making in his masterclass and the contestants are having a few problems. Grant feels that Mario made it look too simple. Danielle can’t listen and watch at the same time.  I’m anticipating that I’ll have problems typing Mario and Marco correctly after a couple more minutes.

Find out how the contestants managed their own pasta making, after the jump…
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Following Marco’s evaluation of their performance in the first episode, Adrian Edmondson and Linda Evans will spend the second episode as waiters. Ade thinks it “could all go very wrong”. Linda adds “because I don’t know what I’m doing!”. Will there be comic shenanigans?

Let’s find out…

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Hell’s Kitchen UK is back on and I’m strangely unexcited.

For most Australian viewers, Hell’s Kitchen means Gordon Ramsay giving over-confident American chefs a bollocking, and spray-tanned women desperately flirting their way to screen time. Whoever survives until the end is given a job (or, at least, a flashy title and some publicity for a casino). The original Hell’s Kitchen, whilst it still featured Ramsay and some bollocking, was slightly different.

In 2004, ITV broadcast a short, snappy cooking competition that was broadcast every night for a couple of weeks. It featured eleven celebrities prepared to put themselves at the mercy of both the Ramsay “temper” and the public vote. Despite the fact that the British celebs were largely unknown to me, it was enjoyably entertaining. There were some dramatic meltdowns, quite a few of the contestants quit, sous-chefs Ange and Sarge played effective “good cops” to Ramsay’s “bad cop”, there was a sweet European hyphenated maitre d’ and Al Murray made a fish pie that made me fancy the idea of fish pie (although not enough to have ever tried making it). To add even more fun to the proceedings, Angus Deayton hosted as though he was paying homage to Douglas Adams by channelling a hybrid Arthur-Dent-Max-Quordlepleen, and one of the contestants was Edwina Currie. Who’s not going to enjoy seeing John Major’s former squeeze being screamed at by a bad-tempered Scot?

After the first season, the idea was picked up by Fox and Ramsay was whisked off to LA and the format changed to the “real” aspiring chefs/sacking/huge prize that’s still going strong after what seems like several thousand seasons.

I’ve never seen the second season of the UK and I’m not sure whether its change to a non-celebrity cast was inspired by the American version, but it wasn’t a format that lasted. After Gary Rhodes and Jean-Christophe Novelli had their time in charge for the second season, it seemed that the show might be over.

Not so. ITV revived it in 2007 having managed to entice Marco Pierre White out of retirement to step in as the ruthless chef. The celebrities were, again, not necessarily household names over here (although some had been, at one time or another – Kelly le Brock, Paul *80s sigh* Young): Lee Ryan (filling the Boy Band spot pioneered by Matt Goss) was the only quitter while Jim Davidson saved himself from the indignity of being voted out… by being removed by the producers for being a homophobic twat. It wasn’t really about the celebrities – more than enough drama was created by the calm menace of Marco to make it great viewing. The episodes featured snippets of interviews with Marco, sitting in a cosy study, sharing his philosophies (“mother nature is the artist”) and unsuccessfully trying to soften his fearsome reputation (his explanation that “I didn’t make Gordon [Ramsay] cry. Gordon chose to cry” heightened, rather than defused this). In the kitchen he promised to take his charges by the hand and guide them through service, which seemed pleasant enough. Somehow, though, even stating this intention calmly created an atmosphere of breaking-point tension and this was played off beautifully by Angus Deayton.

When I discovered that Hell’s Kitchen was coming to the Food channel – and that Marco was coming with it – I was very pleased. With only four fast-paced seasons in six years, HK UK hasn’t earned contempt via over-familiarity as the US version has, churning out six long-winded and increasingly repetitive seasons in a shorter time. It’s been almost two years since the last outing. In the interim, the US version of the Chopping Block attempted to capture the Marco magic but lasted only slightly longer than Dance Your Ass Off did here. Perhaps that’s part of the reason that the first episode (on Monday night) felt lacklustre, muted. I blamed the celebs, but then remembered that it’s never really about the wattage of the contestants. I held Claudia Winkelman responsible for some of the loss of energy; she is no Angus Deayton. Then I blamed the lack of screen time given to maitre d’ Nick. I blamed the structure: the first episode went from sandwich making to “the restaurant opens in an hour” to end of service and demotions to front of house, without ever explaining what the menu was and how the diner comments could be related to the performance of the chefs.

I will keep watching. Indeed, it’s only a half-hour or so, once a week, in an uncompetitive time-slot.

If I give up, I will miss Marco saying things such as: “Anyone who gets in my way… will not survive for long… trust me”; “They hold the gun. I just pull the trigger”; “Do not fear the stove. If you fear the stove, you’ll never cook anything”; “You’ve been watching all night and learned nothing”. I will miss seeing the how the new format – Marco sacking contestants up until the final four, which reverts to public vote – works out.

If I give up, I might miss Bruce Grobbelaar trying to negotiate a fee for throwing the competition. I might miss Adrian Edmondson reverting to Vyvyan. I might miss Linda Evans bursting her trout pout. I might miss Niomi “Miss Dynamite” learn not to sass Marco. I might miss Marco finally reach breaking point and start hacking at celebrities with a cleaver.

I will keep watching.

It appears Gordon Ramsay who was super hot for Channel 9 in 2007 is beginning to go the way of gladiator sandals and is on the way out.

Last week Hell’s Kitchen USA premiered on Channel 9 to very low ratings of 625,000 in the 9.30pm timeslot.  It is a wonder Channel 9 has not pulled it since they are the kings of the knee jerk reaction.

Here is what I see is wrong with the show:

They get on second rate chefs who have worked in cafeteria’s  and diners to ensure Gordon is able to humiliate them at every opportunity.

It is so obviously fake, and scripted, even Gordon’s “anger” is scripted especially when he closes the kitchen, and

It is Season 2, in the US they are showing Season 5, and Lifestyle showed Season 4 at the beginning of the year.

Personally I think Gordon is becoming a parody of himself, and obviously the stories of his infidelities has NOT helped his credibility. He needs to take some time out, refresh, and then return to television.

Hell’s Kitchen on Channel 9, Tuesday night at 9.30pm.

Julie Vidovic has been revealed as the mystery woman who allegedly shagged reality TV chef Gordon Ramsay in Sydney.

Gordon who recently got caught having an on and off mistress of seven years Sarah Symonds would appear to have a penchant for blondes. So all brunettes and redheads who would like a crack at Gordon (and these would be numerous in number) should head to a hair salon.

My theory of his blonde fetish may be confirmed next Friday night when the final episode of this series of Hell’s Kitchen airs with blonde Christina going head to head with Petrozza. We will have to see who will take out the title.

Source of story and photo SMH.

Being a vigilant Top Chef, and Hells Kitchen viewer the thing that amazes me is how many of the chefs smoke. It has got to be around 80% of the cast. Oh and they like a bit of a drink as well.

No wonder Gordan Ramsey yells at them, as smoking kills the taste buds it is a wonder they can taste the food they send out.

Gordon Ramsey has been all over our TV’s this year with Kitchen Nightmares, Boiling Point, Hell’s Kitchen, and probably about five other shows I have forgotten about.

Currently on Lifestyle one of the series of Hell’s Kitchen is screening. The premise of the show is two teams fight it out for kitchen supremacy and at the end of the series one of the cooks is the winner.

This show is not to be mistaken for the quality reality TV program Top Chef currently showing on Arena.

But Ramsey spends the whole of the show yelling at all the competitors, but you know that he has been told to be a total prick. It is like a boot camp sergeant in the kitchen. The diners in the restaurant must have to listen to his screaming all throughout dinner service. Even having to put up with that does not guarantee a meal as Gordon at any stage can just stop dinner service, all very dramatic.

Clearly he is just taking the money, as there is absolutely no substance to the show unless you consider debasing people is quality TV.