Rachel Zoe – a wardrobe full of clothes and not a thing to wear
The Rachel Zoe show is one I figured I’d watch once and give up on in disgust. What possible enjoyment could be had from watching a woman whose job it is to gather horrendously expensive outfits and put celebrities in them? As it turns out, lots, so I was pleased to discover that it was back.
This season kicks of with Rachel giving us a quick recap of the first season’s highlights. “I die”, Brad cry, Taylor… pisses and moans at Brad. And then we’re thrust straight into the madness of awards season.
Rachel explains how frantic awards time is to (husband and spaniel lookalike) Rodger, who should know by now. He is on the verge of agreeing to a late dinner, but sensibly checks what “late” might mean. He deems 10 to be too late.
Taylor has stripped her hair of even more colour for this season, and there seems to be an additional assitant, Jordan. I wonder whether Taylor’ll treat Jordan as badly as she treated Brad when he first joined the Zoe Show?
Speaking of Brad – he makes his first appearance and acknowledges that he does whatever Taylor says. As he says this, though, he’s messing about in a sequined top, bemoaning the lack of awards-worthy gowns, so I don’t think he’s exactly lamenting his lot.
Rachel has moved into a new studio space since last we saw them and it is already too small for her collection and the team. To solve the space crisis, she decides that Taylor and Brad should work upstairs with her assistant, Marisa, who must be a total bitch, judging by Tay and Brad’s responses. “New studio, new attitude!” says Rachel, laying down the law and insisting on the move.
Screw the geopolitics, which celebs are being dressed for the Globes? Debra Messing and Demi Moore are already sorted, but Anne Hathaway, Cameron Diaz and Eva Mendes might just have to go naked or dressed in something out of “Granny’s closet” if things don’t turn out. Casting my mind back to this year’s red carpet, I think she might just pull something together.
“It’s never ‘is there a dress?’ it’s ‘which dress?'” Why the shortage this year, then? It’s apparently “the economy”, stupid. In other news, Taylor despises award shows because “it’s not about fashion, it’s about pleasing the masses”. She doesn’t look as though she’s earned the right to be quite so condescending.
Taylor and Brad are now bonding over the fact that Rachel “doesn’t know what (they) do”. Despite watching and enjoying this show, I still don’t really know what ANY of them do. Brad’s desperately sucking serious arse, telling her that her hair is pretty. They ignore Rachel’s self-proclaimed “bizzotch” order to move upstairs, and move their desks downstairs.
Three days until the Golden Globes! Rachel’s trying to tell Rodger about her troubles, but he can’t focus on anything more important than the leak in his coffee cup.
Rachel arrives at the studio – Brad and Taylor do some last minute solidarity checking. There’s brattiness and some more barely disguised, but unexplained, contempt for Marisa. I’m not sure how the situation is resolved.
According to Brad, not having dresses to clothe actresses in is like being a doctor with no prescription pad. He’s sure to be signing up for stylists without borders as soon as this season ends.
Here come some dresses! And it seems that beggars can indeed be choosers. Rachel discards quite a few frocks out of hand before finding one that looks perfect for Anne. She needs someone to try it on and Brad explains why this job must go to the new kid on the block: “Taylor has a perfect body and Jordan has little mosquito bite boobies”. People uncomfortable with crossing the boundaries meant to contain appropriate work conversations should probably stop watching now. Rachel congratulates Jordan on being “such a team player” for putting on a gorgeous dress. Taylor looks understandably peeved.
Brad and Rachel hit the town, searching for jewels and gasping over glittery things. Taylor has the somewhat less glamorous job of tracking down a dress that’s somehow gone missing. She feels that this task doesn’t quite live up to the “expanded role in the organisation” she was promised.
Rachel’s still on the hunt for the Chanel dress, she fell in love with on the runway but she wants to hack off the sleeve. There are audible gasps from the team as she sketches her ideas. She’s suggesting slashing a Chanel because “the American public won’t understand it” in it’s designed form. I struggle to see how her changes will resolve that.
The huge collection of shoes Rachel has is not big enough. Brad offers to mug some “trannies” on Hollywood Boulevard, and it seems as though it really might come to that. 7 inch platforms are, apparently, essential. “Everyone looks better with an extra 7 inches” deadpans Rachel. “Everywhere!” adds Brad, unnecessarily.
“Editing” bags would be a great job, particularly if it involved doing it the Rachel way, which is to look at the hundreds of bags you have before you and decide you can’t lose any of them.
Taylor has managed to find the “perfect” dress for Eva, but of course Jordan has to try it on. Poor Taylor has to stand by and watch while Rachel and Brad coo over her as though she created the garment out of the downy hair of her firstborn. Shits are, inevitably, cracked.
Discussions move on to what the Zoe team will wear for the after party. Brad has selected a couple of extraordinarily large bow ties and Rachel’s not sure that they are “LA”.
Karl has agreed to adjust the Chanel dress for Rachel, but it might not arrive in time for the Globes.
Demi’s “peachy blush” dress needs a “fistful of diamonds”, which Brad is sourcing at Cartier. A bracelet from London, dated 1394, is deemed appropriate.
We skip forwards to the day before the Globes and the team is putting together the total look for each client. Everything is coming together and Debra’s bracelet is pronounced “Ba-nanas”.
The Chanel dress has arrived and Rachel is nervous that her suggested alteration will not only screw up the dress, but her relationship with Karl. The Chanel seamstress will be on hand when Cameron tries on the dress.
Our trusty stylists are driving around LA trying to fit the clients. Brad’s flipping out over cellphone dropouts. Fortunately Cameron has agreed to wear the Chanel dress, which has been appropriately dumbed down for the American public. Rachel hopes they appreciate it. I’m not sure whether they’ll appreciate it, knowing that their tastes have been proclaimed “simple”.
Taylor’s flipping out because Eva’s dress has a spot on it. There are lots of getting into and out of cars shots and then it turns out that the spot isn’t a big deal. So much for dramatic tension. Or divas who freak out over a small pen spot on fabric.
After the week Taylor’s had, she’s decided not to join the team for the traditional red carpet viewing. Rachel is disappointed for a second, but is over it really quickly as the Zoe clients hit the red carpet. It seems that she’s realised that her usual rhetoric leaves her a little bit short when it comes to describing truly momentous events. Anne Hathaway’s appearance has Rachel adding even longer pauses to her trademark “I. Can’t. Breathe” .
Cameron Diaz appears in her hacked up Chanel gown and… meh. I’m not sure whether it’s the dress that doesn’t seem to fit very well, or the hair that looks like she forgot to get the colour touched up and then figured that she might as well not wash it, either.
The next day, Rachel is thrilled to have a handwritten note from Karl saying that Cameron looked great. That’s going straight to the pool room, for sure.
Well, lots of car shots but not many celeb shots OR frock shots tonight, so let’s hope that changes in the upcoming episodes.