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Guest Post: Masterchef Australia – The Baking Challenge

Brain Dead Dave has done a great recap on the latest episode of Masterchef. A big thank you and over to BDD: 

It's an off site challenge tonight at Convent Bakery , a commercial bakery in Melbourne. We relive John's tilt at ammunity and the theme song fires up.

The contestants are woken at and we're treated to footage of them in bed attire. No problem for the dentist Matt with the early start,he's there with bells on while the younguns are slacking,he reckons. Just don't 
ask him to poach an egg at any time of the day,cos he can't.

The amatas are divided by "chance' into two groups~ it'd be a sin to call them "teams".

Ava is Captain of Blue with Billie, Rose, Ashleigh, Melita ,Stephen, Anna and Jacqui.

Sara is Captain of Red with Jessica,Matthew,John,Georgia,Reynold,Amy,
Kristina,Jessie and Jamie.

I've missed some names ~or some have been aliminated already but you get the picture. All apologies.The brief is to make a shitload of bread,pizza,pies and cakes. Feed the people,most money wins. Lose~ face the gourmet 
guillotine of alimination.

Dominic, boss cocky at the bakery cares for the joint's reputation for sourdough and many things but he must feel gutted when Gary asks the amatas whohas made bread before.

Hardly anyone in the group has. At this point, what is a viewer to watch? State Of Origin or State of Pandemonium. "We scoured the cooking schools" jabbered Jowl$y~ for people who've never cooked bread before. Amatas who haven't made bread before.These are extraordinary people indeed ,$hine.

Red decide to make 50 loaves. Wow. Amy has a tattoo on her arse the size of Texas. $hine don't mind getting a little behind in their 
work. Chicken and Bacon Pie and Reynold can make a flash choc/raspberry 
Swiss roll in his sleep.

Blue are pumped when Ava says to them "do one thing awesome" but Blue are soon bluing about the menu. Remember how too many cooks spoil the broth? What chance too many amatas who can't cook ?

Marco reminded us of the hare and the tortoise tale. The tortoise has got 
no fuckin' chance tonight,Marco.

Red get in front early and stay in front.There's a lot of sweating and wiping of brows all round. Oceans of unserved cusomers, some chanting to get their fill.

Gary tells the amatas at tools down that it's all about money in the till. ( Fingers in the till, too,Gazza)

Blue made $2,565
Red made $3,205

Nothing personal , it's just business. Donald Trump says this all the time.But this is Ma$terchef and someone's going home. Some sweaty ,crying 
bastard who can't cook.

The Thai Alimination looms large.I know one thing we won't see~ "Thai Hair Back"

May 28, 2015   166 Comments

Guest Post: Masterchef Australia – Georgia Goes For An Immunity Pin

Thanks to BDD for doing this recap on Masterchef. It is much appreciated. Over to BDD:

We begin with a reprise of Andrea’s culling before tonight’s ammunity challenge is
trumpeted.Billie,Georgia and Matt the dentist will compete against Josh Pelham ,a chef  from Estelle’s in Melbourne. An egg is involved and we learn that MPW has a pet hate~besides life itself.

I usually have the song muted but I’ll suffer the whole package tonight. Cos’ this is
Marco’s Apprentice Week and George holds the cherished ammunity pin like a Struggle Street dealer showing some strung out bogans a lump of ice.

Two round challenge, first the egg,then try and beat the real chef for ammunity. After an avalanche of average egg puns, the amatas are told they have 30 minutes to produce a dish that must feature the egg.

Marco reckons you can tell a lot about a person from the way they cook an egg.
Godfather of modern cooking or not ,he knows fuck all about psychiatry and
psychology to be saying stuff like that.

Buxom Billie will attempt soft boiled egg w/textures of mushroom and tomato.

Matt ‘s doing an everthing but the kitchen sink approach,proscuitto,scallops,asparagus all  upstaging the poached egg he’s chosen.

Georgia is as usual,”flustered”. She’ll attempt to fry an egg and serve it with tomato and black bean salad.

Be simple and creative is all Marco asks. Shannon intones that less is more. Sara up in the gallery knows all about boiling eggs. Just shut up.

Billie boils the egg for two minutes before she abandons logic for “feel”. The egg is
broken,so she settles for scrambled eggs and a new twist on bacon ‘n eggs. What a wank.

Georgia’s tilt is not much better. The pan ‘s too hot and the egg bubbles,looking like a hideously bad case of acne.Two down and one to go.

Matt’s poached egg is undercooked.All the bells and whistles he added were like
unnecessary dental work.

Three amatas ,three fails. I’ve watched Gary give Ma$terclasses on cooking an egg
before,this is not rocket science for viewers of this show.

(Ch 10 haven’t helped ‘cos they just broadcast a promo that practically gives away tonight’s result but let’s pretend that that didn’t happen, I didn’t write that and you didn’t read it)

Tasting time.Marco can’t detect Billie’s egg. He asks where it is. However, “the dish is tasty”~ but he could be talking about Billie there. Matt failed to poach his egg,he broke it and didn’t keep it simple. Yet he crowed that he was going to win Ma$terchef.

Marco death stares Georgia to the ad break,her pan was too hot.There’s more
staring after the ad break before we are told that the judges liked her egg.

Best of a bad bunch Georgia gets the apron ceremony before Jowl$y starts building up the “celeb chef”. He’s described as hot and talented, not that he’ll need talent to flog Georgia with two hands tied behind his back.

Georgia’s ‘advantage’ is the choice of two pantries to cook from~ ingredients from below the ground or below the sea. Jowl$y puts his foot in it by announcing of the below ground table:

“This table has some of Marco’s favourite roots”. You’d expect Billie to be sitting on it then, going on the amount of time MPW has spent perving at her.

Georgia has 75 minutes and Josh 60. $hine pretend that it’ll be down to the wire. A wire made of pure fantasy.

Shannon tries to help Georgia but he’s a chef, not a psychiatrist, so he repeats that less is more and suggests she cooks from the heart. Shannon’s doing okay mentoring but must feel like tearing his hair out ~ which wouldn’t be a bad idea, really. Georgia’s “confused” , “doesn’t know what she’s doing” and “making it up as she goes along”. So what’s new under the Ma$terchef sun?

Georgia “settles” on a seafood broth, w /scallops,crabs ,mussels,prawns,while
Josh goes for blanched marron,salmon caviar, vicchychoise(sic?) and a potato and
leek truffle.

Georgia tries to liven her bland broth up with some fennel.

Sara up in the gallery says the real chef might be over complicating it. Just shut up and get aliminated soon,please.

Ten minutes to go and Georgia is first to start plating up. She’s now happy and confident. A snowflake in hell has a better shot at ammunity,really.

Meantime the real chef thinks he’s stuffed up the potato and leek truffle but he doesn’t cry or call on dead relatives for help, he just uses his brain to thicken the stuff up.

(The give away promo is show again.My kingdom for some real suspense,$hine)

Judgement Time

The judges are okay with Georgia’s dish overall. But the prawns are undercooked.Goodbye ammunity pin.

The chef nails his dish ,aside from a minor bitch from Marco.

Georgia gets 7 from Gary, 8 from George,8 from MPW,8 from Jowl$y for 31 /40.

Josh Pelham gets 8 from Gary,9 from George before the mother of all ad beaks. MPW ‘s pet hat is salmon caviar so he marks Josh a 7 for insulting him by including it.

Last score is from an ashen faced Jowl$y who gloomily informs Georgia that he loved her dish but loved Josh’s more.Josh gets a 9 from him and “wins” 33/40.

As if we knew it was ever in doubt.

Thanks,readers. I watched it once,feel free to add bits I missed.

May 20, 2015   194 Comments

Masterchef – The Army Challenge Brought To You By The Army

In the ultimate in branding episode, it was Masterchef Australia sponsored by the Army and cooking  Puckapanal for them. However it was not the rank and file being fed it was the Officers mess.

The remaining 22 were split into two teams to cook a two course meal for 120 people. So it was 60 dishes each.

Matthew was captain for the red team and he never fully looked in control. The red team decided to make lamb with potato puree. Gary was in one of his bolshie moods and asked him if he had enough on the plate, which is code for you do not. He also toying with his mind when he doubted that all his lamb racks would be sous vide’d in time.  Matthew did not inspire a lot of confidence in his leadership role.

Stephen, the recruitment manager, was the captain of the blue team.   They were making a steak. He was a bit of a control freak and at one time told Fiona that they did not need beetroot. She told him it was pickled and that the plate was too rich without it.

The beetroot stayed. Gary also came up and asked why they were not getting Reynold’s advice on plating up considering he was the best one on the team to do this but he was busy making their dessert which was a Berry Melba which was a  twist on a Peach Melba. Everyone is losing their minds over Reynold’s brother being a judge on the Indonesian version of Masterchef, but personally I think it is more concerning that he might have underplayed his cooking experience. His cooking suggests that he did a lot more then kitchen hand work in his mothers pastry business.

The dishes were served and Gary was not convinced about the macadamia nut puree, but the beef was cooked perfectly. George said it was a smart dish and that the beetroot is the thing that pulls it together.

The red teams lamb dish was next to be judged and Gary immediately said it was undercooked. I think he is being over dramatic as I am sure I have seen rarer lamb dished up on this show and gushed over.

The red team’s dessert faired better with the judges and props should be given for it being so original. It was Golden Syrup Semi-Freddo with Anzac Crumble and Rhubarb. Matt said he had never seen anything like it on a menu before. He also told them their dessert was better then the blue teams which was high praise indeed as he had told the blue team that  their dessert was something they expected to see in the last few weeks of competition not in the first few weeks.

However the red team had also been told  they needed more on their main course plate and some of it was undercooked and that is why they were going through to elimination.

May 13, 2015   347 Comments

Masterchef Australia – The Beef And Mushroom Pressure

Interesting times in the ratings with the three big reality shows House Rules, Masterchef Australia and Reno Rumble.

TEN will be pleased that Masterchef is winning the three way battle and House Rules was caning it last week as well. But with these reno shows it appears to be all about the reveal with Reno Rules beating House Rules last night quite comprehensively.

Anyway to last night – well wasn’t Jamie an OH&S issue when he was cooking the fancy pants Beef and Mushroom set by the English Chef.

He forgot to put on the pressure cooker, broke a glass jar, burnt some material and appeared to have numerous cuts on his hands. Seriously he is a construction manager but I would not have him anywhere near a building sit as he was a disaster.

It was a pressure test of upmarket Beef and Mushroom which was beef cheeks with caramelised Shallot puree, onion oil, mushroom ketchup and pickled onion. It also had Steak Tartare on the plate. They had two and half hours to make it in.

It appears the peanut gallery is not being so helpful as they reluctantly called out to Jamie about him not putting the pressure cooker on.

Gary when he found out about his cock up got all hard arse with him (as he does with the guys), saying “is it on, it’s not on yet?”. He looked at him like he was a complete moron.

James looked like he was doing well as he was being very quick but he completely stuffed up his mushroom ketchup turning it into jelly. Gary also gave him your are dickhead look and he went and made it again.

Andrea, the 18 year old pizza shop worker, stuffed up her mushroom ketchup so badly she did not put it on the plate. It was a wise move.

Rose was also doing well but forgot to make her pickled onion and she did not appear to hear when someone from the gantry told her about it. To be honest I think the peanut gallery should not be yelling out much particularly later in the competition.

Rose did work out she was missing an element when she was plating up and got a bit teary. But she need not have worried as both her and Andrea’s dishes had far more depth of flavour then the boys and they were made safe from elimination. In fact Andrea’s was so good it was thought she got “the ethos of the dish”. I don’t know what that means but it sounds pretty positive.

The judges thought Jamie’s sauce had no depth to it and that it was never going to add anything to the dish. Gary said “I think he knows he is in trouble”. Matt did not get any cornichons in the tartare – I wonder why but he did think the pickled onions were very good. I note the guest chef was more articulate then the other three judges.


James dish was heavily criticised even though it looked good. They said the mushroom ketchup has not been blend properly and the sauce was really weak. Matt said “everything is a little bit out”.

However I was surprised when he was eliminated ahead of Jamie but maybe his pickled onions just kept him alive.

Jamie has done work experience in Gerard’s Bistro in Brisbane and will now probably go back to his former life.

May 12, 2015   107 Comments

Where Are They Now – Tracey Collins From Masterchef

Pablo Newton Farley is back with his weekly interview with reality TV stars and this week it is Tracey Collins from Masterchef Australia.

May 11, 2015   4 Comments