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Rachel Zoe – Meltdown

Previously, on the Rachel Zoe project: Rachel was thin; Rachel was worried about being thin in the press; Rachel modelled for Marie Claire; Taylor cracked the shits. What’s in store today?

Rachel announces that Taylor will help Rachel out on a Glamour shoot “using only the products from Piperlime“, and then Rachel will help Ashton out on a webisode of the Blah Girls. Brad can’t help, because he will be too distracted by AK’s hotness. Poor Brad. And Ashton.

Piperlime’s on the phone and Rachel’s talking jeans. She doesn’t like skinny and she keeps on and on about what jeans she likes, whilst Brad and Taylor mug in the background. Rather than show amusement at their antics, she seems cross that she gets no respect from her assistants. Once the phone call is over, Brad and Rachel try on clothes from the Piperlime boxes, which Taylor thinks is a habit that distracts from the actual work. Rachel acknowledges this, saying that she wants to work with Taylor on the Glamour shoot because “Brad and I are like Dumb and Dumber a lot of the time”.

At Katalyst films, Rachel embraces Ashton and admires an acolyte’s glasses. Jessica, the web consultant, is along for the ride. They all sit around at a boardroom table to discuss the plot: Rachel will be styling the Blah Girls for their prom. One of the characters is written to be looking at an 80s look, which Rachel thinks is great: “That’s totally on point”. They quickly decide that another character will be 60s and the last will be 70s. Not so “on point”, then. God, seriously – they are talking about animated characters that are even less detailed than the South Park kids and yet they seem excited that they have managed to “style” them.

Next morning, Rachel gets up and gives Rodger a bowl of fruit. “Thanks babe!” She tells him she’s not feeling well: tired and queasy. She’s a pro, though, so won’t pull out of the Blah Girls commitment. She presents Jason with the dresses for the characters, but she seems to have screwed up which girl is which. It’s all green screen, so Rachel’s trying to get her head around chatting with imaginary people. Jason, somewhat snarkily, implies that this should be easy for her. She actually seems to do quite well, although it might have taken several more takes than we’ve seen.

Taylor’s prepping the Glamour shoot and Jordan’s helping out. She interviews that fashion has always been her passion, but that her current role is so full on that she can’t get the brain space to think about what she really wants to be doing. It’s clear that this is not it.

Back at Katalyst, Rachel’s recording voiceovers, but she’s struggling to capture her own voice. That’s bananas! Jason’s trying to pull out all the catchphrases. If I were RZ, I’d be wanting a little less eye-rolling from him and a little more support.

Joey calls Rachel: “What’s up biatch?” He thinks she sounds like a crazy mess and she confirms this by taking half a dozen calls while she’s talking to him (oh, and driving the car). It’s Brad, then Taylor, then Parke. She assumes that Brad has “20 questions… Parke has more work and Taylor’s pissed about something”. Oh, she knows her people.

Piperlime Glamour shoot. Taylor checks the brief and interprets that there could be about a dozen shots, but Rachel – managing her client’s expectations – talks them down to three. The body language of the magazine staff indicates that they don’t necessarily agree with her call on hair and makeup, but will suffer it.

The shoot is on. For those of you taking fashion tips from this, the look for a weekend on a yacht is stratospheric platforms. How deliciously practical!

More Taylor interview: “After three years of grabbing dresses… for Rachel, I’m over it!”.

Looking for a “Boho for work” look? Knee length boots, leggings and a very 1995 Isaac Mizrahi-style vest.

Taylor phones Brad. She just wants to have a whinge about how long her actual work is taking. She asks what Brad is doing and he’s at the dog groomers. He looks overly dressed up for the tasks, but that’s Brad.

Why is it that when Brad makes a joke about Rachel talking to invisible people it’s cute, but when Jason did it, it crossed the line? That’s right – it’s because Brad’s cute. We see the webisode and it looks pretty unoriginal. There’s a scene where a character delivered a cow – as in gave birth to a cow – but it’s very “out to shock” with no real wit. Rachel is filled with even more admiration for how Cameron managed to act in Shrek. Of course, Princess Fiona was completely animated and Cameron’s an actress.

Ashton’s on the phone from Atlanta, cooing over Rachel. Brad interrupts to check on whether Ashton’s run into any of the Housewives. AK pretends he doesn’t watch, but Demi calls out in the background that he’s lying.

Taylor’s having lunch with Brooke. “I’ve been really loyal… I haven’t grown… I’ll always be a glorified assistant.” She feels that the promises of branching out aren’t being met. There’s a flashback to last season and… wow! Taylor looks so different now! Brooke counsels her to look at what else is out there. “You can be one of those people that complains… or you can do something about it.” Good advice – I think Taylor’s spent enough time complaining and not doing anything.

She returns to the studio fired up to have a chat with Rachel but Rachel’s “so sick”. Really sick, or just not wanting to have this conversation? She says she’s shaking and nauseous, but doesn’t want to go to the doctor. Taylor and Brad try to jolly Rachel into actually seeking some help, by telling her how they’ll style people for her funeral.

“I’m fucking falling apart,” says Rachel, as she staggers out with Taylor.

Taylor calls Rodger and tells him that they’re coming home. Once Rachel’s settled on the couch, Taylor calls somebody and asks if there’s anything they should do. Like, see a doctor? “I’ve never come home from work in my life!” Taylor offers a cold compress. Taylor’s got sunglasses on to hide that she’s feeling emotional. Rachel says that if she had kids, she’d leave them to Taylor, “because you’re my blessed jewel”. Awwww. Earlier, Rachel talked about managing client expectations. As far as managing viewer expectations go, I hope they realise that they’ve played this so hard that anything less than a serious illness will be a let-down.

And… that’s all folks! Talk about cliffhanger! What’s wrong with Rachel? I’d say that “we’ll find out next week” but I have no faith that we will.

1 comment

1 PinkPatentMaryJanes { 11.09.09 at 3:04 pm }

I’m pretty sure that Rachel’s suffering from a serious case of…hunger. Take two serves of carbs and call me in the morning.
Dr PinkPatentMaryJanes.