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Posts from — May 2012

The Amazing Race Australia – Courgarlicious?

The Amazing Race Australia has kicked off series two showing that again it not only matches the US version of the show but trumps it. The casting and challenges are both top notch and it was a fast paced and entertaining episode.

Speaking of casting it was obvious why they had cast ‘Cougar’ Sarah as the first thing we see of her is the close up of her cleavage before it even pans to her face! I kid you not. Hopefully she will stay in the show for awhile as she was the gift that keeps on giving from her high heel runners (move over Vic Beckham) to her not only wearing a mini skirt for the race but also wearing a g-string underneath it.

The teams set off from Sydney Botanic Gardens to head across to the docks for a car puzzle challenge, where by only moving the cars back and forward you had to get your car out. Like just about all the challenges on this show first in does not necessarily mean you are first out.

The plain clothes coppers were there first but realised they needed more teams to arrive to make it easier for them, but unfortunately they ended up being seventh out.

Alpha males in their own minds, Paul and Steve were first out, but props must be given to the cheerleaders who were out second.

Then it was off to Sydney airport with some getting there quicker than others. Sticky and Sam went via the Harbour Bridge which was the opposite direction, and the kumbaya hairdressers kept on expecting to see signs showing the way to airport from the middle of the city. Hellooo this is Sydney.

Not that it mattered as they were all on the same flight to Manila. After arriving it was straight to the night markets for an eating challenge. Now these are never pretty, but any Survivor fan would have known exactly what they were. They were Balot which is duck egg embryo, they are just as hideous as the cow lips eating challenge seen on a series in US version of The Amazing Race. 

The teams had to eat eight each. The cheerleaders were first to arrived, but struggled badly and were last to get to the bus station.

Alpha males go there knocked them back and got out of there. Kym from the rockabilly team had to eat all eight as his girlfriend is allergic to eggs but he just knocked them back.

Also you Grace from the sibling team did not flinch and knocked back five.

Dane from the indigenous team, said “I eat witchity grubs but I can’t do that.” But then had a crack at the cheerleaders that they were struggling, but he only ate one! Now these boys are cute, and for equal opportunity close ups their abs need as much attention as Sarah’s cleavage and butt.

However a close up they should not of done as TV Tonight pointed that was of the naked toddler in the crowd, this kid is clearly vulnerable he did not need to be shown, and there are no way shots of naked toddlers frolicking on the beach are shown on Bondi Vet . I also I note they pixelated Sarah’s butt later in the episode.

At this stage Teresa was a basket case sobbing “I only donate to animal and green charities” Not sure what THAT has to do with eating a balot.

Sticky and Sam ran out of cash after getting done over by the dodgy taxi driver with the dodgy odometre. After asking Cougar and Kid for $20 loan and being turned down they caught public transport to the station. The taxi driver is always the culprit as the coppers found out when they got taken on a short cut aka long cut to the bus terminal. Since it was first in to get on the first bus out this was costly for them as it meant they were on the second charter bus out.

First out were Alpha males, Kym and Donna, and Adam and Dane for an overnight trip to Daragar.

And it was a Detour – Pig or Jig

Pig was the teams had to catch four pigs in the mud or Jig was to learn an intricate, traditional dance.

Most did the pigs, with Paul and Steve out of there first closely followed by Dane and Adam. However Dane lost time washing himself before going to the next destination. And that was not a negative thing.

Props to Sticky who did better then most grabbing a pig with one arm. The teams that did the pig challenge later did have it easier as the pigs were exhausted and barely walking.

The cheerleaders were pretty quick at picking up the dance routine, however because they were doing something wrong performance wise they switched. Their tackling technique was not great considering they sit on footy sidelines every weekend.

The hairdresser’s stuck with the dance and finally made it through with the help of their aura spray out. Do they have plans to market that after the show finishes?

Next the teams had to build a raft and row it out to the pit stop. Dane and Andrew were first in and were in sight of the pit stop but it collapsed a 100 metres and they had to shipwreck themselves to finish it.

The Alpha males also had the same problem, but once on the beach the ultra competitive Paul had a meltdown and wanted to quit or take the time penalty. Steve did not want to and they ended going back to the start of the challenge.

Father daughter team of Ross and Tarryn built a good raft and with their fitness got to the pit stop first. They won $10,000, however they also received the first ever salvage pass. They could get an hour head start on the next leg or decide to say the last arriving team from elimination.

Unfortunately for Kym and Donna their raft was solid but as they said it was like a brick and and was hard to row.

The Italian girls were having a bad time. Lucy said she could not stand sand, and thought you should either put slate or tiles down. Must be a genetic thing. they were struggling with their raft as they were last on the beach until the boys came back.

In the end they asked for help, and the boys also got help to get their raft built. In  a close race Paul and Steve overtook them and the Italian girls arrived last. Tarryn and Ross decided to save them saying they knew how much they had wanted to be on the race. Also it is clear these girls will not win.

It would have been interesting to know what they would have done if the Alpha Males had arrived last.

Order of arrivals:

1. Tarryn and Ross

2. Kym and Donna

3. Sarah and James (how did that happen?)

4. Sue and Teresa – very impressive raft

5. Stickey and Sam

6. Joseph and Grace

7. Michelle and Jo aka the cheerleaders

8. Shane and Andrew – the policemen

9. Dane and Andrew

10. Paul and Steve

11. Lucy and Emilia

 

May 31, 2012   17 Comments

Guest Post: Survivor: One World – Strategy Strikes Back

Thank you JStar for writing this fabulous recap on Survivor: One World – Now over to you:

“Previously, on Survivor (Island of Cooties),” intones Dimples, “Pied-Piper Colton gaily led his band of lemurs towards the nadir of stupidity by threatening convincing the boys to give up immunity so that the Queen can get his wish and vote out one of his subjects through bullying and humiliating means.”  Next time you play Pictionary with friends and you have to draw something that represents STUPID, please visualise the Manono tribe.

Day 12 rolls up.  What?  No losing tribe skulking back to camp at night to discuss what happened?  That’s strange.  What are the editors up to?  The women grill Troyzan to find out who was the dumb ass that insisted on giving up immunity.  Troyzan is too shy to admit he was in favour of being stupid so instead, he intones the Queen’s name.  “What a bunch of morons,” Sabrina says to the camera.  “We have to stick together.”  “Yes,” agrees Christina, “we have to stick together.”  (And in case you haven’t got it already at home), lippy Alicia intones the importance of the seven-strong women “sticking together” all the way.  Regular readers of the previous posts I made would remember that I said Mr Mark Burnett LOVES to drop very unsubtle hints early on in the show about the likely winner and game-changing moments.  The fact that we were shown this “Thelma and Louise” sticking-till-the-end moment makes me illegally download “Run the World (Girls)” by Beyoncé onto my computer and have it on repeat as I type this post.

The Survivor medical crew descend upon the contestants and Dimples inform them that before the Reward challenge can commence, it is time to switch things up.  It is Cooties vaccination time.  Sleeves are rolled up and injections given and now the contestants are medically allowed to mix with one another without fear of the dreaded “boy germs” or “girl germs.”  To randomly sort the teams, he’ll be handing out eggs with coloured dyes inside them.  After advising Kat that these eggs weren’t for eating, the contestants smash their eggs to reveal which tribe they will be on.

Tribal swap reveals the new Salani tribe now consisting of Athletic Kim, Athletic Barbie Chelsea, Dumb Kat, Smart Sabrina, Abs Michael, Abs Jay, and Old Abs Troyzan.  The new Manono tribe consists of Man Boobs Colton, Flabby Tarzan, Jiggly Jonas, Little Leif, “Shut the F-Up Alicia” Christina, “No!  You Shut the F-Up Christina or I’ll punch you in the face” Alicia, and Cougar Mommy.  When Jeff asked Colton what he thought of the other tribe, he said they looked like Greek Gods.  His summation of his new tribe was that they were like the “Village People.”  That immediately brings out a smile in Colton and he advocates for costume changes for his tribe.  He wants to be Leather Man (naturally), whilst Jonas can be the Native American, and Tarzan can be the Construction Worker.

Back to the game and it is clear that new Manono suck physically.  In fact, I’m going to do an Edna and volunteer to eat Coach’s “leavings” if new Manono actually win any challenge from now on till the merge.  The prize for winning the reward challenge was a college student’s diet of coffee, sugar, and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.  Plus, the losing tribe is banished to another part of the island to build a new camp.  The challenge involves using a bucket with holes to fill water and dumping it into another bucket at the end of an obstacle course.  Very “It’s a Knockout.”  Challenge begins and it is actually close until the very end when the babies at new Manono decide not to listen to their Cougar Mommy’s sensible suggestion in waiting till their bucket was full before moving on.  New Salani eke out a win.

The sucky losers head over to the location of their new camp site.  Doing anything possible in avoiding helping his tribemates build a new camp, Colton whores it up in front of the camera.  (Guess it is going to be a Colton-centric episode tonight).  He was annoyed with who ended up on his new tribe because they all suck.  (Gee Colton, regretting voting out strong members like Ken-Doll Matt and Stoner Bill whilst still a TEAM-BASED game already?)  Alicia chimes in and says that everyone knew that new Manono would suck.  Thank you Alicia.  Half-full kind of gal aren’t you?

Back on new Salani, the tribe bonds by outraging vegans around the world by spearing crabs through their heads and catching yet another one of Shambo’s chickens.  (Kimmy from Season 2 – “Don’t you wave your finger at me!” yells with outrage from her home after seeing the fate of that chicken).  But this episode is about strategy.  So whilst Abs Michael and Barbie Chelsea complete the gratuitous sexy shots quota for the episode by bathing in the ocean together, Really, Really Good-Looking Jay, Savvy Kim, and New Top Cock Troyzan agree on a secret alliance.  Because Kim seems to have brains, she points out that unlike Ken-Doll Matt, she knows her maths and three is not a controlling alliance in a team of seven.  She volunteers Barbie as the fourth member of this new alliance.  Kim is happy as she confesses that she now will have two alliances she can choose from depending on how events unfold.  She can choose to remain a Spice Girl through and through or shack up with her new ABs and Barbie Alliance (ABBA for short).  Kim is so excited, she promises the viewers that she will sex things up after the ad break so as to dispel all notions that she is a boring person to watch on TV.

Cut to Manono and Colton is also showing that he has girl power in him and he can strategise  with the worst of them.  Utilising his secret gangland-style handshakes, he pinky-finger promises with Cougar Mommy, Christina, and Alicia that he is indeed 100% with the girls forever.  But we know how devious this Queen is.  After being confronted by Jonas about his laziness, Colton swears he won’t bat for the other team and that he is still one of the boys.  To prove it, he limp-fist bumps his commitment to bringing down the girls with Jonas.  Colton approaches Alicia and asks her if she is prepared to do a Ginger Spice and leave the girl power alliance.  Alicia isn’t too convinced only because she was reminded by the off-camera producer about her whole “Thelma-and-Louise speech” this morning.  However the sight of Christina helping build their new camp was enough to ignite the Judas in her.  Ad break time.

We return to find out that nothing of note happened on Day 13 to show the viewers.  Here I was thinking that maybe we would get a repeat of that infamous  Jenna, Heidi, and Shauna topless bathing in the Amazon River scene (Season 6 – now out on DVD).  But what we get instead is even better IMHO.  Day 14 and Kim decide to keep her promise and try to cultivate a more exciting persona for us viewers.  She comes to the realisation that after two weeks, she should probably look for the immunity idol instead of just being a background character.  So she follows the carefully laid out directions that the off-camera producer so kindly gave her and hey presto!  She has the immunity idol.  Chuffed by this find, Kim promptly stuffs the idol down her crotch and saunters over to a sun-bathing Chelsea to have a surprisingly MA+ conversation with her.

Kim:  “Guess who’s got morning wood today?”

Chelsea:  “Jay?”

Kim:  “No.  Try again.”

Chelsea:  “Michael?”

Kim:  “Another go.”

Chelsea:  “Matt?”

Kim:  “He’s already gone.”

Chelsea:  “Not Tarzan?”

Kim:  “No silly.  Me!  Check out my lady parts now.”

Unfortunately, the lens on the camera fog up at this point and we the viewers don’t get to see the big reveal.  Such teases!  After all that build-up, the following few minutes are naturally a disappointment.  Something about Kim and Chelsea promising never to tell anyone about the idol and we yet again see how sucky the Manono tribe is because Queen Colton says so.  Christina and Cougar thought they caught one of Shambo’s chickens but did not realise that the coup they used only had three sides to it!

So with that, we head to the Immunity Challenge that involves a hybrid game of water-gridiron/netball in groups of three.  Manono are so overmatched.  In the first round, Jay, Mike, and Troyzan easily throw Jonas and Colton in the water and shoot the winning goal before Tarzan could even waddle his way to the middle of the water field.  Second round was even less fair as it was shot during high-tide and poor Leif almost gets swept out by the currents.  However, in the third round, the only athletic member of their tribe, Cougar Mommy, uses her coconuts to tackle Dumb Kat into the water and score an important goal for Manono.  Will this be the comeback that all underdogs will gain strength from when they study their Survivor History – much like that infamous mutiny during Survivor 13: Race Wars?  Fourth round and Colton shows surprising dexterity in bolting towards the ball.  He gets it first and looks around.  No back up!  Jonas is being tackled by Troyzan whilst Tarzan is still trying to figure out how to move his “crusty old ass” in the water.  Like a (bad?) dream for Colton, Abs Michael and Abs Jay tackle him into the water.  This elicits high-pitched screams of “Help me!” from the Queen but Tarzan is still ten metres away.  Colton is determined to hold on to the ball.  Fed-up, Michael proceeds to drown Colton to the sounds of universal applause from all the viewers’ watching at home.  In the end, Salani score the final point and new Manono slink back to camp dejected.

At Manono, Geri Halliwell Alicia gives the viewers at home another lesson in stupidity when she announces that Colton and she had agreed that Monica is going home tonight.  Yes, Cougar Mommy who is the strongest member in this tribe and actually scored a point in that immunity challenge, is apparently a target because she is a strong and nice individual and will be difficult to vote off after a merge.  What the…?  Alicia confidently declares that her and Colton’s Oscar winning performance will produce the best blindside this series thus far (um…there hasn’t been one yet Alicia).  As the wolves circle, Colton hatches his plan.  Telling Jonas that he is secretly a Rice Queen, Jonas agrees to prove his loyalty to Colton by becoming his bitch and vote out Cougar Mommy.  Monica and Christina are on the outs and think the target will be Tarzan because he offended humanity by bending over in his wet blue briefs under the gaze of a high definition camera lens.

The only hitch to this plan of blindsiding Monica is, ironically, Tarzan himself (and Leif).  Colton says it is so mentally tiring to be a leader of a bunch of idiots who look to him for every decision.  Fearing that Leif will have another honesty meltdown, Colton take Leif and Tarzan aside and explain the plan to them.  He tells them Monica has to go as she is too nice and her bosoms may accidently smother Leif at night.  He also said that Monica told Colton that her boob job was done by a plastic surgeon rival of Tarzan’s.  This gets Tarzan angry and he starts beating his chest.  “Tarzan mad!  Tarzan kill…..who?”  As Colton so sensitively puts it in his confessional, Tarzan suffers from Alzheimer’s as he has to be told things 87 times.  Cue scenes of Colton reminding Tarzan to vote for Monica.   (Who?)  Monica.  (Okay, who?)  Monica.  As in Monica Lewinsky.  The girl with the blue dress that was the same shade of your briefs you insist on parading around with.  (Okay, which one is Monica?)  Pink bikini – kind of like Pamela Anderson in Baywatch?  (Oh, okay.  Who is Pamela?)  Colton is worried that Tarzan’s forgetfulness may make him write down “Melons” during Tribal Council tonight.

And with that, we are magically transported to Tribal Council.  Monica is screwed.  Dimples first question is to Jonas as to what he thought of the tribes after the swap.  He notes that the odds weren’t in their favour in terms of physicality – (and yet you’re about to vote out Monica?!).   Monica tries to give her best pep-talk and emphasise that there are positive aspects of the swap and it isn’t all bad.  (Wait a few minutes Monica, and then answer that question again).  Colton pulls off his Oscar-winning performance by declaring the team needs Monica.  But can Geri Halliwell claim the Best Supporting Actress Oscar as well?  Sadly no.  Alicia practically telegraphs that she is about to stab Monica in the back – causing quite a few panicked looks from Jonas and Colton.  Luckily for her, Tarzan distracts everyone by etching his name in the Best Supporting Eccentric in a Reality TV Show Genre.  Mindful of how he gave the game away to Matt in Episode III’s Tribal Council, Tarzan “shan’t” be revealing too much information as “the game is afoot.”  When giving his views on his fellow tribemates, he spouts off adjectives with multiple syllables that forces me to visit the dictionary.com website.  He also reveals that he suffers a mild form of aphasia which affects his ability to remember names.  Dimples, ever the sensitive individual when it comes to disabilities, insist on testing the veracity of Tarzan’s assertion, lest the proliferation of further untruths  continue to permeate the sanctity of Tribal Council  😛    Sure enough, Tarzan struggled with naming his tribemates: Tarzan, Colton, Alicia, Munchkin, Asian Woman, Melons, and Jason.  After this tortuous handling of one’s mild deficiency is aired on national television, it is time to vote.  We only get to see Monica’s vote for Tarzan because we know she is screwed.

Time to reveal the votes.  Tarzan, Tarzan, Monica, Monica (puzzled looks from Christina and Monica are exchanged), Monica (Julie Bishop death stares given to Colton by both Monica and Christina), and Monica (smirks all round from Alicia, Jonas, and Colton).  With that, Monica expels a “wow” and goes up to Jeff to get her torch snuffed.  Consoling a shell-shocked Monica, Jeff informs her to not worry as “All Cougars go to Heaven.”  Monica is sent on her way and in her Final Words explains that as a wife of a professional footballer, she had attended many games of her husband and was hoping to last long enough for the family-visit episode.  Dimples conclude the episode by again questioning why the tribe was so willing to get rid of their only co-ordinated member whilst still a TEAM-BASED game heavily reliant on numbers.

Was the right person sent home?  Will Tarzan ever remember Christina’s name?  If Kim has to play the idol in the future, will she do it as memorably as Sandra (Heroes vs Villains) when she whipped it out of her bra?

I promise to get something written up later tonight regarding Episode VI: Return of Karma.  Damn late-night double screenings.  I know everyone wants to talk about what happened in that second episode and I’m not planning to disappoint “y’all.”  A major shout-out of respect to RR because after writing this post, I have no idea how she has the strength to balance her life with all these reality TV shows and STILL manage to consistently post on her site!

 

 

 

 

 

May 31, 2012   23 Comments

Masterchef Australia – One Person Had The Casting Vote

For the first time in four years the restaurant in the Masterchef warehouse was used. Twenty five critics came to judge the contestants in the Oz Harvest challenge. However it was packed to capacity with some of them relegated to a table just outside the room where they had to sit on the floor. This is not the table service they would normally get for a fine dining experience.

Not sure why they needed so many critics when it was one, the Commonwealth Bank attendee, who determined who won with a $20,000 donation. In a sense the other critics opinions were irrelevant.

It was a good episode with the blue and red team having to travel around to restaurants  with Oz Harvest vans to collect food from them that would otherwise be thrown out.

The red team headed by captain Amina said it was sabotage when the blue team had arrived at the Darrell Lea shop first. She thought by the red team ringing to ask them to save the chocolate meant this was fair play. If teams were just going to reserve food via phone it took the tension out of The Amazing Race type challenge.

What was amusing was the Darrell Lea shop both teams were going to was literally around the corner from the Hilton Hotel where they were allegedly coming from. But somehow the Red team went their via Wynyard which is an extremely round about way.

Both team got some great food, however the issue was having enough of something to make 25 dishes of it.

I suspect some of the restaurants gave food that was not going to be thrown out. The chef from the Four Seasons gave the red team a great looking salmon. However if the fish was going to turn would you be making Salmon Tartare?

The same could be said for the barramundi that the blue team scored. They were going to do tartare until Matt Moran suggested to team captain Ben they use their other fish as well and make fish pie.

However Andy queried whether they would have enough eggs to do the pastry but Audra who always steps up said she could do a rough puff which does not require them.

The two captains were pretty good, however the chaos came in when it was plating up time and it was touch and go whether the fish pie would be cooked in time.

The red team had to serve first to the critics who included Myffy Rigby from Time Out, Terry Durack from SMH, and his wife Jill Dupliex. Also there were chefs from Sydney restaurants including Mark Best.

They served Salmon Tartare with Wasabi Mayonnaise and Ponzu Dressing.  Myffy Rigby said she would have liked more seasoning and texture differentiation.  However Jill Dupliex thought it was good.

The Blue team served up the fish pie for entree which did not get the thumbs up for presentation but received good feed back for flavour.

The main for the red team was Beef Kofta with Cous Cous. Gary had told them to steer clear of their fancy plating up and go for something more rustic.

Mark Best and Matt Preston were not happy with the size of the serve they received and would have like one more piece of Kofta. Neither saw the irony that they were on a challenge that was promoting the fact there are some people in our society that do not have enough to eat!

Again the blue team were under the pump when it came to plating up their Pumpkin and Sweet Potato Raviolo. At four minutes to go it appeared they still had quite a few to cook. It was crazy. Ben had a Gordan Ramsay moment at the pass yelling at his team mates to stop plating up and listen to him.  Somehow they got them out…

Again the red team received some advice on plating up for dessert which was oversighted by the Julia. What was meant to be a stacked meringue dessert turned into a more up market Eton Mess but it was described as a Duo of Mousse with Plum Compote with meringue shards.

Even though the mousse looked like it was melting it did look better then Kylie’s dessert of Chocolate Fig Harvest, as it did look like a dog turd on a plate.   However probably not helped that Matt Preston pointed this out to Sally Feldman from Masterchef Magazine when it looked like this had not crossed her mind.

The judges then had to distribute the money they had to the dishes giving more to the plates they liked more.

In total $32012 was raised for Oz Harvest. However one dish was worth $20,000 donated from the Commonwealth Bank. As usual one of the big four banks wanted to control the market…

The red team received  $3056.50 in donations and the blue team $8955.50. Lucky for the blue team the $20,000 went to them for the fish pie, otherwise it would have been a tad unfair that one person could have had that much power to change what the majority of the critics thought.

The red team up for elimination and it looks like the first part of the challenge is to identify different types of poultry. Mario must be in danger of going.

 

May 31, 2012   59 Comments

Altiyan Child’s Goes Back To Driving A Forklift

Regular commenter Brain Dead Dave, take a bow. Two years ago he predicted from The X Factor winner Altiyan Childs would be back driving a fork lift, and the latest news suggests he is in fact doing just that.

The Daily Telegraph reports:

Having dumped his management and record company last year after a spate of controversies, the cave-dwelling ARIA winner is said to be jumping back in the truck in Sydney’s western suburbs to make ends meet.

“He’s in a very dark, unsettling place,” a Childs confidante toldConfidential.

“He’s going back to work because he has to. There’s no other choice. Maybe he’ll go back to music one day but right now he’s quit. The thing with (forklift driving) is that there are plenty of jobs.”

His fans on Facebook are not going to be happy when they hear this news.

May 31, 2012   27 Comments

Full Metal Jousting Starts Tonight On A&E

The other night my partner came home and saw my pile of preview discs from A&E and his eyes lit up.

A&E is a Foxtel channel that aims at the the male viewer and it is mainly reality TV and since it started in March this year the ratings for some shows have been pretty good. Basically it is the males version of Lifestyle You.

One prize the channel could take out would be the station with the best named program names on TV.

Lady Hoggers, Swamp People, Deals From The Dark Side, World’s Toughest Trucker, Swamp People, Pawn Stars and Dog The Bounty Hunter are just some of the shows that will be screening this month on the channel. Also Storage Wars is popular with some people I follow on Twitter.

However one show that really piqued my partners interest was Full Metal Jousting, which starts tonight on A&E at 8.30pm.

The shows spiel states:

A maverick group of Americans compete for top honours in the most dangerous sport in history. This is not a Renaissance Fair. This is Ultimate Fighter for Jousting. In the 1980s, a group of Americans began jousting just like they did 500 years ago. It’s full contact. Two men and two horses charge at each other and collide at 30 miles an hour. They will bring this competition into the 21st century. Gone is the goofy armor, replaced by high tech iron-man like suits. Competitors are knocked off the horses, often breaking bones. In fact, it’s so dangerous jousters in other parts of the world won’t attempt Ultimate Jousting. In this series, a group of amateurs are trained by veteran jousters.

Also tonight after the show team coach Rod Walker will be online on the A&E website.

Now my partner has discovered this channel exists I am expecting an increase viewing of it in my future.

Full Metal Jousting starts tonight and screens every Wednesday on A&E.

May 30, 2012   8 Comments