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Category — The Bachelor

Guest Post: The Bachelor Australia – Eliminations Have Started

Amanda is back with a cracker recap of episode of The Bachelor Australia and the first girls are gone! Over to Amanda:

Well the first episode of The Bachelor has certainly promised us an interesting season – with some of the bachelorettes not making the cover of “Sanity Fair” anytime soon. I suppose they have to do something to counteract just how bland Sam is. I hate to be mean, but there is no denying that he is just…beige. A nice pale beige with beige border and beige letting. I think the producers have decided to play it “safe” since they copped a LOT of negative publicity from last year. But have they done the right thing? I note the US Bachelor, and the one when Pablo (or whatever his name was) was it. He was an absolute b’stard who used it as ongoing booty call, but he was *interesting*.

The news sites seem to be reporting rumours that Sandra was drunk during the first cocktail party – which she denied (while loving the publicity I can bet). I wouldn’t blame her really, if I was there I would want to have a vodka martini IV attached to keep me drunk the entire time. But anyway, on to episode 2!

We start at the house and the commentary is about there is a “weird” environment from the shenanigans of the previous cocktail party (We are looking at you Sandra). Osher saunters in to pass on a message from Bach – that he had a great time (ookay) and with all the panache of a Las Vegas magician flicks out a single date card. Never to miss a cameras moment, Sandra declares that she hopes to get this date or she will go crazy. Yeah – I think that ship has sailed.

The speculation is that Sarah will get the first date, and she does. The date is on the Ragamuffin (which if I remember correctly was in the Sydney to Hobart). Majestically the yacht with Bach sails towards the house and the women all hang out of the balcony to gawk as Sarah sashays to the yacht for her date.

So I understand that this Is a first date – and they can be a little awkward – but this one is awkward x 1000. Sarah is scared shitless as the yacht rises up on its keel – but whenever she turns around to San she puts on the “this is so much fun!” face. Meanwhile back at the mansion, a group date card appears for Rescheal, Madeline, Heather, Snezana, Bec, Crystal, Tessa, Jasmin, Emily, Jacinda and predictably – Sandra.

Back at the yacht they settle on a beanbag on deck to get sozzled on champagne – and we are treated with more of their repartee. And she reminds us of her crazy dream about the bachelor – at this point we do see a range of emotion from him, because while his words say “that is cool”, his face is saying “That is batsh*t cray” Eventually the date ends and she comes back to boast about it and her rose to the others – cue stares of jealousy.

Next up is the group date – a photoshoot for one of the sponsors. And suddenly this recapper makes a realisation.

Are they just copying the challenges from last year? If I remember they had a wedding photo shoot and a boat trip – but I could just be so doped up on flu medications that I am imagining things.

So it is time for Woody (giggle) to make his appearance ad in Bachelor move #3 he rolls up in a supercar. Two points – 1) I bet you two body parts he doesn’t own this and 2) I hope they make sure he has a licence this time.

The roles are

Snezana and Madeline – bond girls (Funnily Madeline is clueless as she apparently has never seen any bond movies or even know about it), Heather, Crystal and Bec – Great Gatsby, Jasmin, Jacinda, Tessa, Sandra and Rescheal – dirty dancing – at that announcement Sandra goes into hysterics. If anyone can explain to me why please feel free. And lastly Emily and Sam feature in the pottery wheel scene from ghost. If you all don’t mind I am going to go and throw up just a bit.

First up is the bond shoot, Snezana looks like a drag queen – in one scene the girls had to drape over the car – which confused Madeline who didn’t know what “drape” means. Next is the Great Gatsby show, and I have to say I LOVE the dress that Heather is wearing, and some bitching is already happening towards Heather. I think there is some jealousy going on.

Next up is the dirty dancing shoot – and Sandra is once again doing an assault on everyone’s eardrums. As they start the shoot, Sandra completely overtakes the scene – while wearing what I think is a racoon on her head. One of the women is holding a watermelon and I am hoping she throws it at Sandra’s head – but no dice. Oh well, lets go and see what is happening at the Ghost scene (Otherwise known as the most awkward thing to watch ever). Emily and Sam take up position at the clay wheel with a voiceover reminding us how old fashioned she is, how she thinks a man should approach a woman, etc.

You know what – I call bulldust. You can’t say all that while you have entered yourself on a dating show/competition. But they do the shoot, more talk about the connection, etc etc. I must have slipped in a awkward induced stupor, because it is suddenly cocktail party time! Right away Sam gets dragged away to talk to Sarah – and for some weird reason, Jacinda goes into emotional meltdown.

Was she watching Georgia in MasterChef also? Meranwhile, Sam gets the jealousy flowing by taking Heather off for a chat – and in a act pof desperation, the others say that Heather is just going to be his friend. That is some spectacular cognitive dissonance right there.

Back at planet Jacinda, the meltdown continues – and manages to get Sam’s attention. She then worries that he will be scared off because she cried. We are about to find out because it is time to hand out the roses – and tonight three will be going home.

Some look worried, others look confident – some look like they are figuring out the maths.

After a faux moment of contemplation, roses are handed out and Tessa, Reshael and Krystal are booted out to search for their connection on Tinder just the way nature intended.

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July 31, 2015   261 Comments

Guest Post: The Bachelor Is Back

Amanda after doing Masterchef is stumping up for The Bachelor and it is going to be a great season by the looks of it. Now over to Amanda:

Welcome one and all for the much anticipated start of – The Bachelor!

Yes it has been a long 12 months since that whole train wreck of last season. Now we can get those burning questions answered – will Bach find true love? If he does, will he decide on another one in about 3 days? Will Laurina in a fit of dirty street pie induced psychosis descend upon the dates and demand a recount?

In a bit of an awkward but amusing moment, they do a quick montage of the last two seasons. I find it kind of interesting that they fit in both Samantha and Louise with Blake – because let’s all forget just how ridiculous the situation was and think of the romance! But anyway on to the new one!

We get the usual sappy “will he meet his destiny”, blah blah, and what is I think the most stupid use of air time – pretty much summarising the entire season (oops sorry – Summarising the “Journey”) in 15 minutes.

Ok we get to “meet” the new Bach, cue the numerous camera shots of his naked torso. He is the founder of Gecko sports and runs sports and fitness programs for kids and is looking at international expansion – if I was the cynical type I would suggest he is doing this for publicity for his business, rather than any actual desire to find “true lurve”.

Anyhow, that is for discussion later – right now we have to talk about a serious issue.

What the hell is he wearing? Can someone please send a memo to Channel 10 wardrobe and tell them there is no way, no chance, no how does any guy look macho in a scoop neck top. It just doesn’t happen.

Ok, with the Bachelor worldwide there is a bit of a tick off list that seems to always be covered –

  • Hot
  • Wealthy
  • Sensitive
  • Loves kids
  • Close family

Most of these are ticked off within 2 ½ minutes of his introduction package. He doesn’t seem to have a lot of personality – ok I will come right out and say it – he seems like one of those people that if you were out with him you would need a “do not operate heavy machinery after talking to” warning.

He is a Tassie boy at heart, but lives in Melbourne – and of course has a close family.

Is it done yet? C’mon people, we don’t care about his intro – you all know we just want to see how bitchy the women will be.

Oh look it is Oshkerooni! (or whatever name he chooses to call himself this year), nice to see that he has decided to skip the hair care aisle of the local shops and let it look like hair, rather than a dead possum on his head. And finally – we get started on introductions

Nina (27) from Brisbane who is a wedding planner and who has clearly seen the movie one too many times – because her “I spend my life with love and what

Sarah (25) from Melbourne – event manager. Who apparently had a crazy dream about a connection with the bachelor (alright people, getting a bit of a nutbar vibe). She is apparently career focussed but genuinely wants to find love

And just as the last intro package ends we get a strange sense of foreboding. That prickling on the skin to herald the arrival of…

Sandra (27) PE teacher and already pegged to be a level 3 nutbar. Apparently females find her intimidating because she is extremely loud (um no sweet cheeks, maybe it is because you are a nitwit. She states that she is hoping to be noticed by the Bach (Ok, she is going to be – interesting)

Heather (29) from NSW, she is working in the film industry (aka she is doing this for publicity). Love is apparently awkward, uncomfortable, etc. And while she is talking for some odd reason we get multiple shots of her in various yoga poses.

And cut to Oshkammadeon who promises that we are in for an extraordinary night..and introduces the bachelor. Dear lord, can that hype this up anymore? They all but have him carried in a little by four buff guys and a bard singing his arrival. And time is for the witty repartee between the two and we are reminded yet again that he is successful and ready for love

He just said his nickname is “woody” – And my brain explodes from all the comments in my head just wanting to come out. After some discussion, which frankly has me wanting to fire a nerf round at the TV in desperation, we finally get to the good part – the introductions! As he waits he says he has a million thoughts running through his brain (I find that difficult to believe)

And the first limo pulls up and we meet Snezana in a gown that I can only describe as being something that evil-barbie would wear. She helps Bachie with her name by using a cheese analogy. Yeah it is going to be one of *those* seasons. And then – shock horror, she forgets to ask his name!

Just call him Bachie – all the cool kids are. Next up is event manager Sarah who seems intent on reminding bach-guy that she can do yoga. Because – flexibility!

Anyhoo next is English lass Laura – a veterinarian. We get to some semi awkward small talk and in desperation bachie asks for her funniest pet story – and we get..

Anal glands.

Already this season wins – because if anything is going to wipe #dirtystreetpie off the discussion boards, this will do it.

Next up is Rachel who decides to set herself apart by making him a balloon rose – and in an act that really requires no comment by myself, he smells it.

Heather seems pretty cool and is into superheroes, which straight away gets my geek vote. She is clearly the one that is the “cool chick that is one of the guys but nothing more” and has a personality and wit – which means she will need to go, because I don’t think they will allow anyone to out-personality bachie-dude.

Jacinda (33 from Sydney) who is talking to herself while in the limo. Probably the last decent conversation she has. Eventually she tiptoes to her spot and decides to take a selfie with Sam. While they seem to have some things on common, she seems to like to dominate a conversation – and took a photo of his patoosh.

Way to keep it classy, Jacinda – I peg her to be the one to give the commentary during the season.

We flit through the women that producers don’t want us to notice as yet, although points to Crystal for bringing him a beer. And then we meet Zilda – who thinks he may worry because she is wearing a white dress and it may give wedding associations.

Umm..I think he may be more concerned that she looks like she is waiting for her Ralph magazine cover. And we have Sandra.

Sandra prances down like a possessed oompa loompa – big on the hand gestures. Note to Sandra – please give the improv acting classes a miss. Just trust me on this. As she interacts with the others, you already know she is going to be the stirring stick of the big overdone cocktail that is this show.

Emily – 31 advertising executive is last and clearly the producers favourite. She doesn’t walk in, as much as sashays – and I note during all the ads leading up to this it was hinted that she would be making a “connection”. But who cares – time to go to the cocktail party – otherwise known as desperation in a champagne glass. And already Sandra is making her presence known.

Oh look, it is Oshkan to officially announce this is the start of the journayyy towards love (or magazine covers). And if that wasn’t enough to get bitch fight 2015 going – he reminds them that someone is going home. And as if the drama is already sky high, we see the return of the white rose – the lady who makes the best impression on him, but whoever receives it gets to ask La Bach on a date at any time they like.

Yeah bitches – its game on!

The Bach sashays in and that all do the obligatory fawning over him – I wonder if that is contracted? After a little while and with Bachie still trying to make a decision, Jacinda with all the precision of a tiger stalking an impala grabs him for a private conversation.

And this begins the start of the festivities (otherwise known as Catfight 2015). Sandra starts bitching about the other girls and tries to get everyone else to do it – they clearly are not taking to her and I get the impression that Sandra is really overacting in order to gain air time. But she will stay around for a while as she clearly is the one to get the viewers.

Eventually Sam decides to make a decision and takes Heather aside to chat. Meanwhile the women are eyeing him off, some intent on approaching him, others waiting for him to come to her. Their discussion is – odd. OK is that what happens on a date? It has been a while, and now I know why. Ok I adore Heather already, she has some flavour to her – and she loves wonder woman.

I LOVE WONDER WOMAN! I am not even kidding – I have always wanted my own invisible jet – but this isn’t about me, is it? So they get into a discussion about super heroes, bach likes He-Man.

Meanwhile Sandra is badmouthing someone else to the others – one of those she is bitching to is incidentally one of those she was bitching about. Sandra seems more intent on causing drama, then getting to know the guy. In one of the more weird moments, Sandra decides to address a non-existent issue and call out Rescheal to everyone else – but rather than discuss it individually, she makes it to a soap opera. We have the entertaining commentary of Joni – she of the inflated helmet hair. Funnily enough as soon as Resheal was about to out Sandra’s bitching about others, she decided to “be a bigger person and walk away”

Meanwhile Snezana and Sam got to have a conversation and it gets on to the subject of children – giving Bach the chance to once again go on about how he loves kids – giving her the chance to let out that she has a daughter. The look on his face says it all really.

I have to say, I kind of like her – she seems like a nice person, but we shall see. Meanwhile Tessa is freaking out about not getting any attention and decides it is because she isn’t comfortable in what she is wearing. Lets address that after we see –

Yoga on the lawn! Sam has been dragged on the grass to do yoga with Sarah – while wearing a super tight gown. Seems a bit weird, but apparently it worked because he seems to like women who don’t take themselves too seriously – and girlfriend gets a rose.

Anyhow, back to Tessa, who in one of the stranger actions of the evening decides to change into a singlet, jeans, with the added awesome of a flannie around the waist. What a beautifully bogan moment – and to up the ante even more, she cuts in on one of his private conversations. We all may be amused, but not so much the woman who he was talking to as she stalks off for a pout.

Meanwhile – Sam pulls Sandra aside for a chat and she decides to bring her personality down to a normalish zone – which completely pisses some off as it is viewed as her being a bit fake – but I will suggest her medication is kicking in. As the night goes on, he realises he needs to give someone the white rose.

Who can it be???

Drumroll please – it is Laurina!

Ok no it isn’t, but got you going didn’t I? He pulls Heather aside to give her the white rose – and the other women don’t understand why (which is a real insight to their intellectual capacity, even my cat knew why she got the rose).

She comes back to the others and some fake congratulate her, and others just eye her. And somehow Sandra manages to turn this on to herself to say it is good for her because Sam likes his girls loud. Wow that rationalising has not been witnessed since the time when Louise was trying to justify why she took on the last bach even though he proposed to another girl 10 minutes prior.

We move on to the rose ceremony – and in no surprise Sandra is one of those given the rose. I suspect she will be around for a while – and it is adieu to Zilda and Jessica.

Should make for an interesting season, looking forward to sharing the journey with you all!

Ciao!

 

July 30, 2015   27 Comments

The Bachelor Is Back – Sneak Peek And Bachelorettes Revealed

The Bachelor Australia is coming soon and the Bachelorette’s who will be vying for Sam Wood’s heart have been revealed.

The bachelorettes

 

Bachelorettes (L-R) Bec, Sandra, Heather, Laura, Rachel, Reshael, Snezana, Ebru, Madeleine, Bachelor Sam Wood, Tessa, Sarah, Jacinda, Krystal, Jasmin, Emily, Nina, Jess, Joni, Zilda.

Also if you want to see a sneak peek go to news.com.au and see the 34 year old personal trainer in action. He doesn’t do anything for me but then none of the former bachelors did either.

One thing he won’t be doing is proposing….

July 6, 2015   33 Comments

The Bachelor Auditions Sound A Tad Demeaning

An anonymous female has spoken to The Fix about her audition for The Bachelor. If only half of what she says is true it sounds pretty humiliating.

The Fix writes:

“They made us do the most ridiculous things,” she told us. “It was one of the most humiliating experiences of my life.

“They asked us to line ourselves up in order of who we thought was best looking to worst. Then asked us some odd questions about our views on politics and the like.

“Then they asked us to line ourselves up from most intelligent to least intelligent. In the end, I just quit because I didn’t want to do any of it.”

But the humiliation didn’t end there for the girls. We’re told they also had to test their rose-grabbing reflexes, at the Melbourne auditions which took place earlier this year.

She added: “The worst was roses being thrown on the ground and we had to scramble to see who could get to them first.

“Basically clawing each other out of the way to get to the rose. Some of the girls were going really hard. It was scary.”

I wonder if this audition process would put a lot of younger women off going on the show?

March 18, 2015   26 Comments

The New Bachelor Is Sam Wood And He Is Quite The Looker

The Bachelor S3 Sam Wood

Now that I’m A Celebrity has finished it is time to get excited about another trashy show on TEN. This time The Bachelor and they have announced the new guy is Tasmanian Sam Wood. TEN are claiming he is the complete package (aren’t they always?)  saying he is physically striking, charismatic and successful.

Sam, 34, runs his own Melbourne-based children’s health and fitness company, which has 35 locations across the country.

Starting his career as a fitness trainer, Sam began working with junior athletes while he completed his Bachelor of Applied Science. Passionate about the positive effects of an active lifestyle on children, Sam was inspired to found his company Gecko Sports. Eight years on, Gecko Sports now reaches thousands of children each week via after-school programs, parties and excursions.

God I hope he is not Paleo. Anyhow he says the thing missing now is there perfect woman. And chances are he might find her on The Bachelor as at the moment the Australian version of the show has a 100 per cent success rate in finding love with season one and two winners, Tim Robards and Blake Garvey loved up.

With business flourishing, a close-knit family and supportive friends behind him, Sam feels the only element missing in his life is the perfect woman.

The host of The Bachelor Australia, Osher Günsberg, seems to be a fan saying “Sam’s the kind of guy any man would want to be mates with. His down-to-earth approach to life and charming smile conceal a driven businessman, someone who has worked hard to build a great life for himself.

The Bachelor Australia coming soon to TEN.

March 16, 2015   37 Comments