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Posts from — July 2014

Guest Post: The Block Glasshouse – Ep 5 The Beat Goes On…

Gidgit back, less angry and ranty  I promise! Firstly I’d like to apologise to the Block and everyone on it – yes even Keith – for my last write up. It was pretty harsh. I blame it on my passion for the show – and booze!

So with a calmer head and much better grammar and spelling I’ll keep it short and sweet! (well I’ll try)

Looks like we are in for yet another bumpy night! Dee doesn’t want us to see her without makeup but that won’t last and we’ll see you clear faced eventually Dee – rest assured! Seems most of them have finally pulled the obligatory ‘The Block all nighter’ painting – about time. Darren informs us everything is painted but if I’m not seeing things – one wall looks very UNPAINTED. All the teams tell us of all the stuff they have to do and get and cry me a river. You know you are all going to make at least some $$$ on sales day! Cheer up!

Chris is given Chris the plasterer and told he can do with him what he wants – so Chris sends him to get Macca’s! (not really)  Max & Kar Kar seem pretty laid back while Dee & Darren have had cross wires about which wall is having panelling so they do that ‘babe’ ‘babe’ ‘babe’ bit which is what one does so they don’t call each other ‘bitch’ ‘asshole’ ‘bitch’ ‘asshole’. Darren does the smart thing when in a barney with a woman and walks away. Umm, does Dee have make up on now – because I can’t tell?

Michael gives us some advice to a good relationship and yeah, you come brattle that crap to me when you’ve been together for longer 20 years – oh and it may help, as you’ve said ‘we’ve hardly seen each other. We are like ships in the night’. That also helps. Hard to have a tif when you are not remotely near each other! Carlene is off looking for more art after Scotty ragged on her $1800 splats on canvas (let’s face it – it was pretty ‘kiddie splatty’)

Oh look it’s raining in Melbourne!!

Shannon has gone on a paint run to the local hardware and not sure why he felt he needed to reverse SO far back (bad driver?) but he reverses into the trolley bollards! Hope he left an apology note on the bollard – they have feelings too!  Back at the block and Dee is in a huffy. Darren nails it ‘well YOU go put the tools on and put it up’. Yeah go on Dee! Shannon is over his crash and shopping for bedding at Myer (cha ching $$) Michael ‘we never argue’ is having an argument with his misses about lighting. Chris is using his plasterer to paint and to be fair, Keith did say ‘use him for ANYTHING’. Well he is – painting!  I’ll admit if I was buying any of the properties I would PREFER a pro to do the painting. I know what a half arsed shabby non professional paint job looks like – I look at it in my hallway every day!  While Chris is being scolded at by Keith, Jenna is making good old chicken sandwiches with mayo, tomato and lettuce and she knows how to win everyone over! That’s a crowd pleaser for sure. Hope she gave some to the crew! She does kinda hint she spat in them, but I might be reading that wrong.

Dee is STILL shitty and it is coming across that Darren is a bit of a stubborn dick.  Daz finally gives in and puts the damn panelling up because his wife is crying and he’s looking like a tool. Relationships are hard  – renovations are harder!  Max and Kar Kar’s people forgot to pick up their blinds (free delivery then I think!) Jenna is feeling in the dumps as she ran out of stuff to make sandwiches. Hits 4.30am and they are all whinging about being up so late. Bah – lightweights. I just get started at that time. Max’s art is – interesting… and we are on the final stretch for room reveals – yaaaayyyyyy! Shaynna, Neil and Darren finally! Up now is The Block Behind the Green Door but I’ll be seeing you all again Sunday night for the big room reveals. I have Village Vets to watch!

 

July 31, 2014   8 Comments

Reality Tidbits Thursday Evening

Sad news for Manu Feildel as his new restaurant has closed down due to lack of customers. He took a break from filming MKR to tell the staff himself. (Source: Good Food)

It takes The Bachelorettes 90 minutes to get ready for the show. (Source: News.com.au)

The winner of The Voice Australia says the show is not rigged. Well it is not surprising that she would say that. (Source: News.com.au)

Carly and Leighton, the winners of House Rules series one, have bought a million dollar house in Sydney. It is not even renovated. (Source: Daily Mail)

The US Bachelorette Andi Dorfmann was not happy when the runner up, Nick Viallis revealed he had “made love to her”. (Source: Daily Mail)

Of course an old dude on Fox news then calls Andi a slut. (Source: Daily Mail)

 

Gordon Ramsay’s daughter Tilly will be hosting her own cooking show. There will be no swearing. (Source: Digital Spy)

The Block and The X Factor producers discuss casting of reality shows and how you can’t always predict which of the contestants will resonate with the viewers. (Source: SMH)

There has been a brouhaha over in the USA on how badly people working on reality shows are treated, here are some more stories from the reality TV coalface. It is an interesting read. (Source: Gawker)

If you live in Perth and are fans of The X Factor on Saturday Reigan Derry and Sydnee will be performing at Westfield Carousel. (Source: West Australian)

Shanina Sheik has been hanging with Justin Beiber on a yacht off Ibiza. There were others on board. (Source: Daily Telegraph)

Want to get into reality TV writing, well here is a course that might be able to help. (Source: Writers Store)

Interesting article about the nominations for Emmy’s Outstanding Reality Host Award. (Source: Hollywood Reporter)

July 31, 2014   22 Comments

Reality Check – The Preview For The New ABC Panel Show

Here is an advertisment for the new reality TV panel show Reality Check which will start on the ABC on Wednesday 13 of August. The host Tom Ballard on the ad says ” But we don’t even do reality tv on the ABC”.

Clearly he has never watched ABC2 as it is full of reality shows.

July 31, 2014   2 Comments

Guest Post : The Bachelor Australia Series 2 Kicks Off

Annajjj has had a break from House Rules and is back to
turn her talents on The Bachelor. Here is the recap: Introduction
night and first up previews of what to expect over the coming
weeks. The ridiculously named Osher with an equally ridiculous
Charlie Pickering hairstyle welcomes us to this season’s The
Bachelor. Then we’re introduced to the hero of the piece; Blake
Garvey, a 31 year old auctioneer from Perth. He’s just the right
mix of sexy, sensitive, career minded and family oriented as
demonstrated by the four gratuitous topless shots, followed by
competent salesman demo, followed by obligatory
pushing-around-gran-in-a-wheelchair plus holding-someone’s-baby
shots. Blake has brown eyes with very long eyelashes and a vocal
range in the low Cs. Blake arrives at the Bachelor McMansion where
OshKosh greets him on tippy-toe. (I’ve seen Osh in real life and
he’s really only about 4 foot tall) Meanwhile 24 limos, or possibly
2 limos doing laps, are on their way as preview-cam introduces us
to a few of the lucky bachelorettes. Holly is a netball athlete and
there are a few alone shots to show Holly has no boyfriend and
absolutely no friends. We briefly meet Anita who grooms dogs (and
boils rabbits as we later discover) and then over to Sam who, by
her own admission, has dated a lot of douche bags. Diana is a
princess and, like most five year old girls, is desperately in love
with all things Disney. She’d also make an excellent ventriloquist
as her mouth barely moves when she talks. Chantal is an interior
designer and my pick for the win until she shows up later in a
dress with a horrible swimsuit style top. Blake is waiting
patiently out the front of the Bachelor house and Holly is first to
arrive. She totters out on 6 inch heels exclaiming that Blake is
‘as tall as me!” Those shoes are forcing her to pitch forward
meaning Blake gets a good behind view as she moves off. It’s a
great first bum impression. Next up is Sam who stumbles a bit then
Emma who gets lost on the five metre walk from the limo to Blake.
She has short hair and a short dress and clearly her milkshake
brings all the boys to the yard but our bachelor Blake isn’t so
easily impressed. He’s got Barry Manilow styling Emma tells us but
she probably means Barry White. Next Canadian Amber and we quickly
rush past her and then it’s Chantal in her horrible dress and she’s
made Blake a present. It’s a keyring and is that a rabbit’s foot
dangling from it? We speed through several women named Jessica,
Bridget, Tiarna, Kara, and past some chick on rollerblades, and
slow down when lovely Louise appears with a cocktail she has
carefully nursed on the drive over. She presents it to Blake and he
sips it cautiously as though it might be spiked with Rohypnol.
Anita arrives, stumbles, hitches her strapless dress up and tells
Blake he has a small mouth. That’s not a fabulous first impression
but this chick has so much more up her metaphorical sleeves. She
starts to sing and to his credit Blake doesn’t bolt although he
does look like he’d rather be anywhere else. We quickly whizz
through several more women who don’t rate a proper introduction
then it’s Diana expressing her outer child and she makes Blake
kneel while she crowns him and that’s not a euphemism. Samantha has
a weird mouth and a fluffy toy which she presents to Blake who
quickly tosses it in the bushes before greeting Katrina who is
toting her guitar and forcing him to stand there while she sings
him a song. It’s country and lame but gentlemanly Blake pretends to
like it. Finally we meet Laurina Ballerina who briefly introduces
herself then rushes off in a cunning plan to pique Blake’s
interest. This might actually work. OshKosh comes back on set and
tells everyone it’s lovely to meet them, even though he hasn’t, and
then explains the rose concept. There is a surprise twist of the
white rose which guarantees safe passage through the first two
eliminations and immediately everyone covets the white rose. So
with 1 guy, 24 bunny boilers and 1 short disappearing wingman, we
set about creating the world’s most awkward cocktail party. Holly,
who looks like a cross between Christina Aguilera and Roxy Jacenko,
is first to get one-on-one time with Blake. Her moment of glory is
stolen by two other ‘ladies’ who decide she’s had quite enough
Blake-time and crash her party. Meanwhile Anita hitches up her
dress again and sets about stalking our leading man. No guts no
glory. She tries several times to secure her prey but annoyingly he
keeps choosing other women to get to know. Finally, finally it’s
Anita’s turn for alone time and Samantha unwisely decides to crash
their conversation. But it takes more than a chick with a strange
mouth hovering nearby to deter Anita. She instantly dismisses
Samantha who, rather than graciously admit defeat and wander off,
continues to stand there sipping her drink and looking like the
world’s biggest knob. I bet she cringed tonight when she watched
that footage. Laurina’s plan to play hard-to-get results in her
rather rudely leaving Blake mid-sentence much to Jessica’s delight.
Louise and Katrina both get roses which throws the other girls into
a dating frenzy apart from Laurina who simply goes into a cleaning
frenzy. The cunning plan HAS to work she mutters under her breath
as she roams around inside alone dusting and vacuuming. Finally
Blake takes the white rose and presents it to…Holly! Hands up who
saw that coming? “We’re goin’ frew this jurney togevar!” Holly
simpers while 23 pairs of eyes glower at her. Out comes OshKosh to
wind this party up and Blake is sent off for some alone time. He
sits by the fire swiping left and right while the ladies gather
patiently on the stairs. It is time for the rose ceremony and will
even one of the women come forward and say “It was great meeting
you but look no thanks”? Sadly no although Laurina looks like she
might be tempted to if she has to wait much longer while these less
worthy bitches get roses. Then there is only one rose left and
Anita, awkward Emma and even more awkward Samantha are left
standing with two other women I don’t think we’ve even seen before
now. Anita is given the final rose and how much of this is Blake’s
choice and how much of it is the producers wanting to keep the
drama component high? Anita is thrilled, the other girls leave
stiffly and we have our ‘top’ 20. Tomorrow night is date
night.

July 31, 2014   116 Comments

The Block Glasshouse – Damn You The Bachelor

Gidgit Von La Rue is back talking all things The Block:

We cannot ignore the elephant in the room. The Bachelor on Ch 10 was the number one twitter show tonight and aside from the ACTUAL Block people tweeting, I saw no tweets about The Block. May I suggest they start REALLY start flooding the screen with onscreen tweets – help me Obi-Wan Tweetobi – you’re my only hope! Listen The Block. People have ego’s, they like their tweets on screen. The Bachelor isn’t going to do it because, well, they are all mean and nasty – but cheer up! You post up tweets A LOT MORE (and no not mine necessarily) you might be able to reign people in on these two nights of desperate skanks seeking muscle bound boy with sassy grandma! Just maybe? So I’m watching it now at midnight which seems much later than this lot of ‘renovators’ seem willing to stay up till! I’m dedicated god damn it!

For some reason they play the opening ‘African’ song from Lion King and not sure what that is all about unless a herd of buffalo are going to storm the glasshouse and Scott Cam is pushed to his death by Keith?? Now can I say I don’t ‘object’ to anyone really that has the dare and stupidity to go on a reality show, but seriously casting agents – three teams seem to morph into each other like the creature in the movie The Thing! Is that the best you could get? Where’s the over-the-top gay couple or tough talking lesbians? Where is the older couple with knowledge but broken hips? Where am I? I’d kill this! I removed my brains from my butt around 32 so I’m all good to go! Oh fuck – it hasn’t even really started….still on the credits! Chop chop!

Turns out everyone is asleep – even though two couples have young kids?? Did they think this was a vacation? Then we see one brother gently touching his brothers back like some late home coming lover – and these are the guys that complained about sleeping on a queen blow up mattress together??? They look pretty ‘close’ to me.

So enough with the fluff of what the poor producers, cameramen, sound guys etc have to go through to wake them up – they are up! Into the action and boy Blake has lots of very hot wo…..oh sorry. Wrong show.  It’s gyprock time and time to plug up those empty walls. Things are happening – action – stuff (they should have aired this at 6.30 – fuck ACA – it’s all beat up crap anyway) and Jenna loses her credit card which will be terrible with ‘no signing’ coming in! I see lots of people with codes ‘1,2,3,4’.  For me seems easier to copy than forging a signature! I did that all the time at high school!  Oh….hi mum!

Scott Cam let me stop you there. Ok two teams have ‘big windows with views to the city’. First – the views are crap. Next, the windows are crap. Old factory windows are not heritage so not sure why wasting time sanding them back and restoring them? Like restoring a 1980’s beta player! (yes I’m old).  Seriously would save more money replacing the rusted old crap than ‘restoring’ them! Oh and everyone might think Karsten is hot – I don’t. He’s a dick. And not a big one. Universal Studio’s and dancer want a sky light because the place is like the vampire theatre dungeon in Interview with a Vampire and who could blame them?  I can tell now whoever has the most windows – wins! No one wants their bedroom or bathroom as a jail cell! Think about it. Sure we might have one or two rooms with minimal light – but apartment or house or semi – most rooms have windows right? All mine do! Seriously the architect or Keith or both – are killjoys but on the bright side – THAT’S WHAT LIGHTS ARE FOR! Put up a god damn poster of a scene of mountains in Switzerland – walla!

The Voss brothers send off the beardy one to shop while blonde surfy dude one stays behind to ‘do stuff’? Beardy finds two overpriced lights (have these guys even heard of Fantastic Furniture or The Reject Shop?) and the two blondes out of the 3 blondes, blah blah and bogus are shopping for overpriced sheets (like the buyers are going to keep sheets????) The things I do on MY sheets even the cat would not sleep on them – but I digress….

*How many of you are reading this seriously – I’m doing this up against The Bachelor. Ok bright side – none of you watched this so there is that!*

You know where you can buy cheap sheets… at K-Mart, Big W and Target – also pillows, cushions etc? These ‘exclusive’ places charge through the nose. Get over the posh thing, no one knows the difference if styled well with class! Who looks at the design tag of sheets when buying a property? ‘Oh god Reginald, they are Target – not Egyptian Cotton from Wanks are Us – fuck this property, we’ll buy somewhere else!’ And tip girls, you do NOT have to use ‘every colour in the art’ in your room! That ends up tacky! You are very welcome.

Architect hipster rocks in with mochafrappuccino lemon coffee fest and tells Michael he can only have a small sky light. At this point you can tell the dear editor (my brother is one so my sympathies dude!) is trying to get his ‘bang bang’ Nancy Sinatra song up but they keep talking so damn them! Next weather forecast and huge storm is coming in – but not as big as The Bachelor! Oh bam! I shot him down then Mr Editor! Ok that was lame. I’m doing the best I can here people. Off for a toot break – back soon. Oh crap, thought I was on twitter. My bad.

The Colonel just read this for me and said ‘the funniest parts are you not talking about The Block’. Oh god, I’m stuffed! Oh and can I say another thing, The Bachelor had VERY short ad breaks. I didn’t even have time to top up my booze. The Block – I can have a shower, walk the cat and create the Statue of David with toilet paper and glag clue in their ad breaks! Bit ambitious there advertisers!  I know, you are sad too. But what can we do? THE VENGA BUS IS COMING, AND EVERYBODIE’S JUMPING, NEW YORK TO SAN    ….ok that’s not working. Michael gets his sky light in while still no girls around the work site. Miss Newcastle and phone call dick get Keith to help them out – what the? Is Keith on meds or E?  Max and Ka-Kar need to find a bed. This is not hard. Colonel and I found ours in all of 5 seconds. You like what you like.  Boy this lot are a stuggle. But I’ll battle on as my dad in WW2 and grandfather in WW1 – only I’m just writing a Block blog post! Ah well. Bearded brother needs timber for his walls and wants ‘beachy’ even though they are not in cooee of the water. ‘Back at the block’ and AFL Darren (I’m NSW so have no idea who this guy is or was) is doing all the work himself (BIG mistake) Even the best tradies on earth have help! Keith is detecting Darren is having his periods and throwing things around like a child but that’s maybe because he DIDN’T marry a wag and married some feral old broad? Yeah that’s mean – what of it? He’s being a dick. Just because you smile as you stab someone in the face – doesn’t make you adorable. Just a tip!

This is just not ‘The Block’ – what is going on? It seems weird to me. Maybe I’ve just had a few too many boxed Semi Chards!

Back to the action and I’ll try to sum it up because, yeah…. Love you Shaynna! Back from break & poor Jenna is TRYING to sing in the car but doesn’t know the word, the show even has a go at her lack of knowing the lyrics! Well YOU make them sing in the car – dicks. I’m only half way through and nattered on for too long now. Will take a break for a bit! Keith – window – AFL all arrogant (what a surprise). WHY ARE THEY FIXING THE FUCKING WINDOWS? They are shit. Replace them with some nice wood frames!  At apartment 3 & Maxi pad and Karty Pasty need good service, but turns out the best is in SYDNEY! Never mind, they’ll make do and, well, they do! The assholes are appearing which suits more with American reality shows – they have them day one! Don’t see any of the girls doing hard yackka yet again, and are whinging about shopping? Really? Fuck me, shopping with someone else’s money would be a god damn dream. Hell doing it with my own money was fun! What are they whinging about? The girls ‘job’ on this show is easy! Shower, makeup, whinge at husband/boyfriend – go shopping. That’s what all the Real Housewives of Melbourne do – with botox & facelifts!

I’m rattling on because I’ll be honest. I’ve always loved The Block. I’ve watched it from day one. I have no doubt this show got KILLED by The Bachelor tonight – at least on twitter! We’ll see. Scott Cam is doing his best to narrate.  The tradies look kind of lost and oh god just over half way through. I know you think I’m being mean The Block – but one sometimes some need a good smack to see they are doing something wrong. I got them in school, at home – I knew ‘oh, I’m doing something wrong’! The car cams, the same old same old – plus so many are like previous contestants – it’s all now a bit weird and not natural. The only ‘ah cool’ bits are with Jenna and Chris to be honest. Jenna reminds us of most of us – us normal people and we can relate to her. They are the guiding light in this show. The others are all Eastern Suburbs Sydney ‘refuse to live anywhere else’ people because of the cafes blah blah. This show goes to all of Australia. Yeah – most do not relate to three of your five couples. Anyone else miss houses or semi’s? Yep me too!

Oh it’s Shelley. She’s taken time to stop pimping hippie vitamin crap to come show her face. Good on you Shelly. Not like you have anything else going on! THAT is the painting – oh god girlfriend, I have much better abstract art than that – hell I commission!  (bit of a promotion there) Shelley is next to the Voss brothers and they get out ‘black butt’ and I know we are adults but still makes me giggle.

Apartment 3 and Max and Dipshit are the ‘supermodels’ because they are attractive and stuff! Oh, and I had all my plans with what rooms and colours and styles were going to happen BEFORE we even bought our house! Not hard. I bought our white goods before even seeing one house to buy! Stupid maybe – but it worked. (thank god) Oh and Scott Cam – I need a shed from Mitre Ten – can you get me a discount?

We are ALL questioning if the rooms will be done in time! This was a massive project, we saw a massive project earlier in the year. Why not change it up – block – houses – block – houses? Fuck, I’ll enter if it’s homes next season!! This is all a mess! No wonder Keith is all ‘I don’t care’ attitude! Tradies are awesome, Michael puts things into action – but don’t stand around for god’s sake! Get in there, grab the tradies! Turns out the brothers though this was going to be ‘fun’ – but yeah, you have to organise things and do work. It’s part of the whole damn show you surfie twats!  *Can I get my art into these exclusive galleries perhaps?*

There is trouble with steel thingies – Jenna and Chris are out shopping – Jenna is a cool customer to be sure. Keith is freaking out because he’s a professional builder and knows stuff. It’s still going. Glad I got wine!

I’m not going to sum up the rest but try and pin point what is wrong with this season:

  1. Bad casting. Same old aside from one couple.
  2. It’s more fun to watch people ‘rusty’ with renovation than tradies just doing tradie stuff!
  3. Another fucking building – a big one. I miss the houses all aside each other personally.
  4. It’s Melbourne again! Nothing wrong with Melbourne. I love it. But over it to be honest. Hell do Queensland! I don’t care. But somewhere new. Perth? Yeah – Sydney is the big market isn’t it!? Do that!
  5. The editing is weird…nothing against you Mr or Miss Editor – but it’s just ….well….weird.
  6. There doesn’t seem  the connection or fun as had with previous seasons?
  7. IT’S A HUGE STUPID GLASS 80’S BUILDING!
  8. End of the day due to the work, the workmen/tradies have to do most of the work and the five teams are just fluffing around because this is SO hard! Even Keith probably feels like quitting!
  9. This whole thing is a god damn disaster and it’s not fun or not fun to watch!

See you tomorrow night kiddies (at The Bachelor) but I’ll channel surf over to The Block! Promise to keep that one short!

 

July 31, 2014   15 Comments