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Category — Eurovision

Guest Post: Gidgit’s Definitive Recap Of The 2014 Eurovision Song Contest

Eurovision guru Gidgit gives the definitive wrap up for the Eurovision Song Contest.

Over to Gidgit Von La Rue:

Firstly I’m going to start with NOT calling Conchita Wurst, the Austrian winner of Eurovision 2014, a ‘bearded lady’. It’s an old timey freak show name and if Iceland with No Predjudice showed us is ‘you don’t need to call me freak’. Conchita is a drag queen with a beard (and really lovely eyes) and sang Rise like a Phoenix for the win. Yes Conchita tore that song up like it was a book on how to shave, but let’s give credit also to the AMAZING fire phoenix wings effects behind her on the giant cube. It certainly added to the drama of the entire number so well done Eurovision effect’s people (I’m sure you are reading this!)


Oh there ARE huge giant fire wings behind Conchita!

Now I have watched Eurovision since I can remember (and I have a terrible memory so might have only just started watching last year!) but I can say it was one of the best shows I’ve seen. Denmark and the people responsible knew not to take it all too seriously and get on with the acts rather than eat up time. It is a shame SBS (due to time no doubt) cut out quite a funny skit on the fake ‘Eurovision Museum’ but I am glad they cut out the weirdo’s singing on the top of white ladders. That was just creepy!

I will say there were two/three acts from the semi finals I was rather sad didn’t get through to Sunday night’s final. There were also some acts I was a bit shocked got through but I’ll refrain from naming names (looking at you San Marino). From semi final 1 I had Hersi with One’s Night Anger from Albania as a BIG favourite of mine. Great song, great vocals and I have no idea why she didn’t get more votes aside from the fact everyone in Europe hates Helen Bonham Carter?? From semi final 2 Ireland and especially Mei Finegold from Israel not getting through really ground my goat – but as with every year you win some, you lose some!

girl in leotars

Sorry Mei – I tried, oh I tried.

Grand Final Eurovision started off with a James Bond style opening with, what I think were ninja’s, racing to the show on bikes & waverunners & helicopters – oh my! Once a bit of flag waving was done with they got on with the show. It’s a long night so best to hop to it. For any of us that did watch the two semi-finals it’s like an hour of déjà vu with a wee bit of variety from the Big Five thrown in so we don’t think we are going insane. And it’s not like the acts can ‘change it up’ – oh no. Every single movement (I hear even every blink) has to be exactly the same every time. It’s not like the blonde chick from the Common Linnets could just break away the 2nd time and start grinding on the piano player like a stripper. Nope. Even those tarts with the big racks from Poland doing washing and grinding butter had each head tilt and titty flash exactly the same every single time. Even with the boobs the cameramen were probably bored stiff by the grand final. Well stiff anyway.

girls heidi

Can you blame them?

I’m not going to bore you with going through every performance as there are 26 of them! I’m just going to reveal my personal highlights and disappointments and ‘what the ….’ moments. Tic tok is first, sung by Catherine Zeta Jones (and was that Michael Douglas in the hamster wheel?) Actually it’s Ukraine & not strange that they got a lot of votes. She’s hot, he’s exhausted and there is that whole Russia being bullies to Ukraine business so yeah, there’s that.  Next is cheeky Teo from Belarus with Cheesecake. Yes it was cheesy but damn catchy and it was definitely in my top ten. He copped a bit of flack being a knock off of Alan Thicke but I have no doubt Alan Thicke has ripped off someone else so not sure what is the big deal?! Iceland’s entry is another catchy likeable song with Polaponk belting out No Prejudice. (Was anyone else over the Wiggles comparison in twitter by the end of their song? I was.)

euro wiggles

We would eat the Wiggles for breakfast! No prejudice!!

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May 14, 2014   5 Comments

Guest Post: Eurovision – Wonderful wonderful Copenhagen, friendly old girl of the town! It’s Semi Final 2 time!

Gidgit Von La Rue gives us her unique take on Eurovision:

So last review I got the order all mixed up! To be fair that was the original order that was on the Eurovision site before they bent me over and had their way with me, so sorry about that! This time I have it all correct and won’t be struck down by the Eurovision gods (they exist – they wear glitter jumpsuits and capes I hear)

So before I rattle off my review of the semi final 2, make sure to follow me (at least for the 3 nights Eurovision Contest on SBS) @gidgitvonlarue & my partner #colonelkickhead for some sarcastic Euro tweets! Remember Friday 9th, Saturday 10th and Sunday 11th on SBS this week will be airing the best talent show on earth! (I’m still waiting for that cheque SBS!) Take that The Voice and X-Factor and Bathurst Best Singer & Juggler Show!

1st Malta – Coming Home by Firelight. The music clip is very heart felt as they show clips of a war and a man returning from combat. But alas they can’t do the music clip on stage (shame).  Coming Home is actually very perky folky type song which is quite catchy . I like their chances of getting through to finals. Oh & hey to all the Maltese folks reading this. Yeah I know you are out there!

irish band

Malta rules….’n stuff.


2nd is Mel with Same Heart from Israel. Israel has only won three times – last was Dana International, the transvestite, with Diva. I seriously thought their song last year was awesome and should have got through but obviously Mel Gibson was head of voting? Strange the entries name is Mel. Bad time to make a joke I guess. But Israel’s Mel is a hot sexy little number to be sure and the song is a good club song.

oh girl

*insert open mouth joke here* (Calm down Colonel!)

7 ½ /10

3rd entry to take the stage will be Carl Espen from Norway with Silent Storm. I LOVE this guys voice. It’s a very lovely ballad as well. Carl beat out other hopefuls to represent Norway at this year’s Eurovision. And by beat out he beat them all up. No not really, but that would a novel way to win I  guess!

prayer guy

‘What – I don’t have to punch the other contestants – awesome’


4th is probably the weirdest song of all the entries. Make sure to also check out their music clip on Youtube! Do it! It’s Three Minutes to Earth sung by quirky folky folks The Shin & Mariko from Georgia. There’s chanting, bongo drums and ummm – yeah. I will say I like the curly haired girls voice. It’s going to be one of those songs you either love or hate. There is no middle ground on this one, trust me.

weird group

Not sure who is The Shin and who is Mariko!


5th is a saucy number (well the music clip is anyway – BOOBS!) FROM Donatan & Cleo from Poland with We Are Slavic (and saucy it seems!) It’s a REALLY catchy upbeat song…BOOBS…and lyrics like ‘we are Slavic girls we know how to use our charming beauty now shake what your mumma gave you!’ BOOBS! I still can’t figure out why my partner insists on watching this music clip so often. Maybe, oh I don’t know…BOOBS!

clevage chick

This is neither Donatan OR Cleo. It’s some mutt from their music clip.

7 ½ /10 (boobs)

6th from Austria is drag singing sensation Tom…I mean Conchita Wurst singing Rise like a Phoenix. It’s a grand big splendid song – kind of like the theme to a Bond film…if Bond was a drag queen! Conchita has a lovely voice, lovely eyes, beautiful long luscious hair, gorgeous dress…and a beard? Yep. It’s truly a unique look. I think even Ru Paul would be all ‘huh’?!

guy with a beard

This is what Conchita wears to change the oil in the car.


7th is Attention from Lithuania sung by Vilija Mataci unait (good luck pronouncing that commentators). I’ll fess up now I’m not a fan of this song. I find it a bit annoying. I don’t mind the ‘dddddown down’ bit but that’s where it ends. Hope she wears the big tutu on the night like she does in her clip. Nothing more stylish than a grown woman in a ballerina tutu when they aren’t doing ballet!

girl weeping

I’m so embarrassed – my mum dressed me. She still thinks I’m five.


8th entry is Finland with Something Better by Soft Engine. Every band member is old enough to be my children. Yep they are all between 17 & 19 years old. Bless. Something Better is a nice soft rock kind of tune (with a bit of hard core yelling near the end) and no doubt the boys will have the young girls and a few pervy old women, loving them. I am NOT a pervy old woman so I don’t love them. I just think they are nice young chaps.


Isn’t it past your bedtime boys?


9th is Kasey Smith from Ireland with Heartbeat. This is my partner’s favourite song out of both semi finals so I better talk it up or he won’t take me to the zoo. Seriously this is a pretty kick ass song from Ireland -certainly one of the better entries from them for a while. Plus Kasey looks like a young hotter Cher. Pretty much how Cher would have LIKED to have looked! Song has a great beat and is VERY catchy. I like it’s chances of making it the final for sure!

girl in front of mic

Cher can kiss my ……

8 ½ /10

10th entry and one of MY absolute favourites is Teo from Belarus singing Cheesecake! This song is SO damn catchy and hip. He reminds me of a Belarusian Robin Thicke in Blurred Lines  – both in behaviour and the song. He’s also VERY active on twitter so track him down and send him your well wishes. He’ll probably tweet back! He’s cute too so that helps! I wouldn’t mind being HIS cheesecake!

Where’s the sky Teo? Up there? Good boy


11th place is Tijana Dapcevic with To the Sky from F.Y.R Macedonia. It’s a pacey club number by what looks like a very tall blonde Tijana. It’s hard to tell if she’s a good singer as she’s not actually singing live in her music clip. The song is really ‘eh’. It doesn’t really stay with you. It’s kind of just ‘there it is’. Not sure if Amazon woman is going to get through. I’d be surprised. Sorry Macedonaians!

blond with mic

Ok fine – but I can reach the top of the highest tree!


12th Switzerland are next with the whistle song – sorry I mean Hunter of the Stars by Sebalter! Another song I really like. The lead singer comes across as very cheeky. Hope he can keep his lips nice and moist for the big night – there is quite a lot of cool whistling in this song, plus a violin solo (rock it) and clapping. This song could combine with Poland’s song which also has lots of clapping! Clap happy!

guys with violins

Whistling AND doing a violin solo. His talents are limitless!

13th (we are getting there, I promise) is the always great entry of Greece. Seriously do they ever send a bad song? It’s Rise up by Freaky Fortune feat Risky Kidd. Yep it’s a pretty lively fast paced song with some rapping in it (about time – massive lack of rapping this year) It starts off a bit like a Russian funeral song but then walla – after Risky Kiddy finishes his rap, it really gets going! I hear this playing in clubs everywhere – including Australia! Plus Freaky Fortune is freaky hot. Either that or I’m just horny tonight!


They perform once they finish their photo shoot for GQ magazine.

8 ½ /10

14th is Round and Round from Slovenia performed by Tinkara Kovac. Tinkara not only sings but plays the flute and is one of the very few countries performing in both her native language of Slovenian and also English (yes you can do that) The song is a nice mix of ballad and more up beat and turns out she is going to teach us how to live. That’s good because I’ve forgotten!

Watch me play this flute bitches!


15th song is from Romania called Miracle by Paula Seling and Ovi. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen Ovi before at Eurovision – just going to check – yep, he came third in 2010 (pretty impressive) Turns out Ovi was raised in Norway but went back to Romania because ummm Norway is too cold?? This year Ovi returns with his duet partner Paula to sing an ok song I guess.  I will say Ovi should buy some Tom Cruise shoes as he looks tiny next to Paula (who is rather gorgeous) Oh, and remember to ‘DRINK’ on the standard key change!

girl and boy

He’s like my little hairy teddy bear!


So there is the semi final 2 wrap for you all. Hope it helps while watching or just gives you some extra tid bits about this year’s Eurovision!

Now in case many of you are saying ‘sure fine but where is Turkey’ – well like a few countries they are not participating in this year’s Eurovision all for various reasons. I’ve always loved Turkey’s entries so it’s a bit sad they will not be performing. Other countries that usually take place that are not attending this year are Croatia, Serbia, Bosnia & Herzegovina & Slovakia (off the top of my head). Many due to finances, a few due to the ‘that’s not fair’ argument and others who just think Denmark sucks. (not really)

Before the big grand final I’ll do a short write up of the ‘big five’s entries and songs. The ‘big five’ are the countries that pretty much put the most money into Eurovision. They are UK, Germany, Spain, Italy, France and last years winning country which is obviously Denmark.

See you all for next review. Now I have to get onto writing up Survivor. It was a ripper!


May 9, 2014   34 Comments

Guest Post: Eurovision Everything You Wanted To Know About This Year’s Eurovision, But Were Too Afraid To Ask!

Eurovision may not be reality TV but I know there are readers that are fans. Gidgit Von La Rue is an uber fan in fact she confesses to have actually attending TWO Eurovisions live. So she is guest posting on the show here.

Here she goes:

Everything you wanted to know about this year’s Eurovision, but were too afraid to ask!

Part 1:

I love Eurovision. Yes I’ve attended twice – Latvia and Turkey when both those countries had won the previous year. I got to meet the entries, see the rehearsals, watch the show, go to the parties – it was awesome!  I admit I kind of thought it was a camp joke until I experienced it. These people have great songs. They can sing – like really sing. Remember these entries are the best singers of that country. Surprise the best singers are not all limited to America. Shock horror!


Yeah cop that Beyonce!

A few things I learnt from having press coverage and being at two Eurovisions – firstly the Germans have a fantastic sense of humour, all entries will sing the minute you ask them to and finally a free trip to Eurovision with all access is AWESOME!

Last year’s winning country Denmark hosts this year’s Eurovision in wonderful wonderful Copenhagen (or so I hear it’s wonderful. I’ve never been). It will be aired in Australia on SBS and your hosts yet again are the very funny Julia Zemiro and Sam Pang who will be live in Denmark chatting to the acts as well as hosting during both semi finals and final.

So I’ve studied this year’s entries and I’m here to give you a rundown on what to expect. *If you are a Eurovision virgin make sure to go to Eurovision TV site to read up about the rules and procedure etc* I will give you a rough break down of the basics. Each entry can only have six people on stage during the performance. You can have less but not more. Tough titties if you are the seventh band member! Also no Kylie Minoguing –meaning you MUST sing live. Also you can sing in your native tongue, English or even a made up language (it has happened in the past!) Urban Trad – Sanomi at Eurovision 2003 sang in a made up language: 

(try and guess which of the two women people considered ‘the hot one’)

Now due to there being 3 shows – 2 semi finals then the final, I’ll break up these write up’s to suit each show.

Semi final 1: Friday 9th

First up (which is always a tricky spot to be in the order) is the lovely Sanna Neilson from Sweden singing Undo. Sanna has a truly beautiful voice and I do really like this song. It’s actually second favourite according to the bookies (yep, this is serious business in Europe let me tell you!) Plus she REALLY looks Swedish!

swedish girl


2nd is Helen Bonham Carter – I mean Hersi – from Albania singing One Nights Anger. Hersi has a truly unique voice and personally I love her voice and this song (even if the video clip for it is a tad weird) I don’t think Albania has the finances for big old fancy music clips!


‘Hold on – is that more money for my lame video?’


3rd is the first ‘quirky’ entry (there are always a few) with the wacky guys from Iceland, Pollaponk. They are actually a bit like The Wiggles back in Iceland. They’ll be singing No Prejudice (and I’m thinking they are having a wee bit of a go at Russia. I like to think they are). The song is BEYOND catchy, especially the mid song ‘porno’ type guitar riff.

euro wiggles

I’m guessing they have beards to keep their chins warm!


4th is Russia. They are sending adorable blonde twins the Tolmachevy Sisters, who at age 9 won the Junior Eurovision Song Contest 2006 so they are no strangers to Eurovision. They are singing Shine. I hear they opted for that song over the other song offered to them by Putin ‘Up yours Ukraine’.

twins euro

It’s not our fault – we are just sweet innocent singers!


5th are my mates from Latvia, Aarzemniki with Cake to Bake. I call them ‘my mates’ as they’ve tweeted me twice so that’s enough for us all to be besties! Plus I’ve been to Latvia so there’s that! This is a very perky happy song with lyrics like “I talked to a unicorn the other night, took me up on a lonely star” but just TRY not to tap your feet during this one! I dare you! Feel free to tweet them your support from Australia. They are mighty friendly!   @aarzemnieki

euro trots

Yo Gidgit, we like your style!


It’s ok folks – only 11 more countries to go for first semi final. It is Europe you know, not The Tahiti Song Contest! There are a LOT of countries participating.

6th entry is Dilara Kazimova from Azerbaijan singing ballad Start a Fire. Dilara is a singer/actress and aside from performing in Eurovision this year, she is also part of the Azerbaijan version of the TV show The Voice. Lucky for her one of the judges did spin their seat for her! Phew!

az euro

Turns out she doesn’t need to shave her armpits because her head hair hides them!


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May 6, 2014   9 Comments